What Classic Movie Are You?
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What Famous Leader Are You?
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Big Five Test Results

Extroversion (82%) high which suggests you are very talkative, optimistic, sociable and affectionate but possibly not very internally grounded. Friendliness (64%) moderately high which suggests you are good natured, trusting, and helpful but possibly too agreeable Orderliness (64%) moderately high which suggests you are organized, reliable, neat, and ambitious but possibly not very spontaneous and fun. Emotional Stability (80%) high which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, unemotional but possibly too unobservant of your feelings. Openmindedness (36%) moderately low which suggests you tend to be closeminded, uncreative, and conventional.

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ESTJ - "Administrator". Much in touch with the external environment. Very responsible. Pillar of strength. 8.7% of total population.

Free Myers-Briggs Word Choice Test
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Extroverted (E) 60.53% Introverted (I) 39.47% Realistic (S) 60.61% Imaginative (N) 39.39% Intellectual (T) 54.55% Emotional (F) 45.45% Organized (J) 54.05% Easygoing (P) 45.95% Your type is: ESTJ You are an Administrator, possible professions include - government employee, pharmaceutical sales, auditor, computer analyst, technical trainer, project manager, officer manager, factory supervisor, credit analyst, electrical engineer, stockbroker, regulatory compliance officer, chief information officer, construction worker, general contractor, paralegal, industrial engineer, budget analyst, data base manager, funeral director, cook, security guard, dentist.

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Interesting... it's pretty accurate. This site below has more info on my type, and then the other two thousand types. or like, 20 types. but you know.

http://www.typelogic.com/estj.html

anyway... it's cool though because i got the same results twice, which must say something about accuracy (you answer a LOT of questions). I try to be honest about myself, so it's all good.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/167466 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=167479 hereinthelight 2004-06-03T04:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=167479

Conscious self	Overall self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

this one is interesting because both my overall self and conscious self are the same... i dunno what that means exactly, but... cool... and the weird thing is it's REALLY accurate. that sort of weirded me out.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/167479 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/even_more_quizzes.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-03T10:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/even_more_quizzes.mws because i am narcissistic (a quiz proved that today... lol) here are even more! honestly... i am never surprised by the results except for when Becky gets to be the Lord of the Rings movies and i can't even make myself them by changing answers... but i always post the first real answer, i just wanted to try to be the LOTR movie... what am i talking about? honestly... anyway, these two are simply not surprising...


Well your Happy, yes thats right your so happy, so
pretty and witty and if i go on any more i will
have to pay for the rights of this song so,
great jop your one of the lucky ones.


What Emotion Dominates you?
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You're Skittles!!! You have a very interesting
personality, you're so unique. You're the kind
of person who always thinks outside of the box.
You're also a very accepting individual, and
believe in inner beauty.


Which kind of candy are you?
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]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/even_more_quizzes.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=168341 hereinthelight 2004-06-03T10:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=168341 ooh, a quiz i actually liked... well, sort of liked.


You are Psalms.


Which book of the Bible are you?
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]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/168341 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=168360 hereinthelight 2004-06-03T11:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=168360 this is just funny... though i have never seen any Monty Python movies.


Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who!


What Monty Python Character are you?
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]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/168360 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=168404 hereinthelight 2004-06-04T12:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=168404 uh... i think this says it all... sad day!


Magister Mundi sum!
"I am the Master of the Universe!"
You are full of yourself, but you're so cool you
probably deserve to be. Rock on.


Which Weird Latin Phrase Are You?
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]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/168404 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/yet_its_comforting_to_me.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-04T12:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/yet_its_comforting_to_me.mws Well, hows' about a real entry about my days. I forgot to say that last night i totally got to talk to both Jenny Lee and Sho... it was a blessing! I love those girls... there is a possibility that Melanie and Rach might be able to move in with Jenny and I in mid-December... that is SO exciting! I am almost jealous of myself, because a house with Rach, Mel, Jenny and I would be SO fun, especially because none of us will be in school anymore except for Jenny, and we'll have lots of time to do fun stuff!

anyway, today... To start... well, i actually slept for the first time in days. I am in the horrible cycle where i can't sleep til like 2 in the morning and then i wake up at like 8 am and have really restless sleep after that. I know, poor me. But still... so yeah, i was happily awoken from a deep sleep at 8:23 am with awesome news- the temp agency that Kathy (the secretary at church) recommended called me and wanted to schedule an interview (it's Wednesday at 9am). I hope that's a good sign, bc i just filled out the on-line stuff last night. And i know a friend applied but they haven't called her... so maybe this is the job God has for me! I don't know yet though. We shall see :) But then i went back to sleep and slept in good, deep sleep again and i didn't wake up til 12:30... i figure i might as well sleep while i can, before i get a job. But my room is STILL a pigsty. Sick. But if i go to bed when i finish this i can get up at 9 or 10 tomorrow and actually get something done. Perhaps :) So after that i showered and had a quiet time and ate eggs and toast for breakfast... at 2:30 pm, lol. Then somehow i managed to waste two hours and then went to deposit some money in the bank (all the money i got for graduation i am putting towards going to SE Asia, be it in January or next summer or both) and then picked up Lori, and we went to dinner at Rach's apmt (Mel was out with friends) and watched the Lizzie Maguire movie. It's so cheesy... lol... if i were as cute as her maybe i could be famous too... she can't act or sing very well, yet she was marketed just right and the world loves her. Hilary Duff that is. I am not really jealous though. I wouldn't want to be famous. Too complex. I just want opportunities to share Christ, and that doesn't require fame.

I am totally rambling about nothing... such is life. But i want to post the lyrics to a great song...

Passion by Kutless

Passion .:.

Within my mind's eye
Flickering from the past
Come images that terrify and calm
A paradox in me

Nail pierced hands they run with blood
A splitting brow forced by the thorns
His face is writhing with the pain yet it's comforting to me

He chose to give it all
Jesus endured the pain
Paying a debt I owed and created a paradox in me

Nail pierced hands they run with blood
A splitting brow forced by the thorns
His face is writhing with the pain yet it's comforting to me

And in my heart I know that you're the only one
Who could of came and died, a sacrifice
As your God's only son

Nail pierced hands they run with blood
A splitting brow forced by the thorns
His face is writhing with the pain yet it's comforting to me

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/yet_its_comforting_to_me.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=168827 hereinthelight 2004-06-04T11:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=168827 i didn't want to be Cleveland so i tried to take the quiz again and remained as such. that's what i get for trying to be cool.

Take the quiz: "Which American City Are You?"

Cleveland
You are blue collar and Rock n Roll. You Work hard and party harder.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/168827 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=168843 hereinthelight 2004-06-04T11:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=168843 Well, i only actually know like two people on here, but i thought i'd do it anyway... plus, if you do mine i'll do yours... always the logical choice ;) oh, and i deleted some stupid ones like "how hot am i?" and "would you make out with me?"... so stupid. anyway, there ya go...

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
29. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. Are you going to put this on your Mindsay and see what I say about you?

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/168843 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/desire_for_obligation.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-04T12:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/desire_for_obligation.mws hmm... so i took this again, because last time i didn't get the table results, and it's a little different, but still pretty accurate. I am most likely somewhere in between a 9w1 and a 9w8... but the interesting thing is that yet again my overall and conscious selves are both the same. i wonder if that's of any significance. but it's very true that i could sleep my life away. easily. sadly. meh.

as for the bottom part, i have gotten the ESTJ personality type like 4 times now, and it makes sense, so i suppose that's accurate.

at any rate, these similarminds tests always kind of make me feel like a jerk, because i have to be honest and admit that i favor reason over compassion. i'd rather share the facts with someone than be a shoulder to cry on. blast. man. i need to work on being more merciful. anyway, here's my results... i need to eat some breakfast/lunch...

Conscious self	Overall self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
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Enneagram Test Results Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||||| 70% Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||||| 60% Type 3 Image Awareness |||||||||||||||| 63% Type 4 Sensitivity |||| 13% Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||| 43% Type 6 Anxiety |||||| 30% Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||||||| 56% Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||||||||||||| 63% Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||||||||||| 86% Your Conscious-Surface type is 9w1 Your Unconscious-Overall type is 9w1

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
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ESTJ - "Administrator". Much in touch with the external environment. Very responsible. Pillar of strength. 8.7% of total population.

Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/desire_for_obligation.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/you_graciously_had_to.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-05T12:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/you_graciously_had_to.mws well, today was a good day... i feel like i got a lot done. Sort of :) I feel better than i have in ages, though still far from 100%. But Bible study was really good. What a praise... somehow i was able to sing at like 75% of my normal range. That was God because the hollow sound when i talk was hard to hear when i was worhsiping. God is just good like that!

Scott's Bible study was really good... God is being faithful to grab my attention. I have really slacked off in some crucial areas. The fact is... in my quiet times i don't come expecting God to speak to me and when i pray it's just... rhetoric. routine. empty words. And the root of that is... i don't really expect God to work in and change lives. I have somewhere become far too critical and self-focused. And the truth is, i have been too stubborn to admit it. I really think i need some alone time to just think through and make some choices about what matters and what doesn't. As in, who i want to be. Do i really want to be the girl that yells and gets mad at people when i lose at Mario Kart? Honestly... because when i take a step back i really don't care if i lose as much as i love the people i am playing with. But my competitive side takes over and i get loud, mean, rude, and obnoxious.. I don't want to be that person. and i know i don't have to be... but still.

to set my mind on a different course i shall now compose a haiku.
i sure like haikus
so much fun they always are
now it's time to snooze

i think tomorrow when my judgment is clear i will read what wrote and be like "what in the world? i am a loser!" and maybe erase stuff. but for now, it shall remain.

good night world.

*~_tAmI_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/you_graciously_had_to.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/and_i_will_give_you_my_life_for_its_all_i_have_to_give.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-05T02:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/and_i_will_give_you_my_life_for_its_all_i_have_to_give.mws ok, truth time...

i don't want a boyfriend, ever. and i have no way to know what i'll be like, but when i do get into a relationship with my man (the one i will marry, whom i have most likely never met) then i hope i don't become obsessed with him and spend every possible waking moment with him. i actually get bored with people really easily. actually, coming back from Vancouver in our 12 year marathon talk (we had to keep talking, otherwise we would hear the intense conversation between yet another very attached (not physically, but emotionally and time wise) couple in the backseat) i asked Nathan if he would want to go home and have some alone time after basically 36 hours of constantly being around people (that's what i knew i was needing) and he said "nah... i just need to be around different people". At first i thought i should be offended... but the truth is, i am the same way. I mean, my circle is limited to about fifteen or so people in the college group, but if i saw anyone every day i would get really tired of them, even the ones i love a ton. Sharon, Rachael... i adore them, and they don't frustrate me the way some people do... but i would need shake-up, change. So i wonder how i will be. I mean, obviously a romantic relationship is different for many reasons, the main two being the hormones (i know, i have no tact, but i'm honest!) and then the fact that romantically (when done right) the one person is the only person you are involved with so you can't just go be romantic with someone else when you need change (unless you want to ruin your relationship and hate yourself. meh.). The point here is... i just don't know. I am afraid i will be distant and push away more than i will try to consume. Scott has told me on many an occasion i will marry someone more needy than me. Needy people... bug me. And then i end up being a jerk and hurting them. Ugh. I really need to get my act together... tonight, for example, i knew i was hurting Melanie's feelings but did it anyway not because she has a problem but because i have a problem with her insecurity and the way she acts on it.

All that to say i am less worried about being consumed with a guy when we are engaged/courting/en route to marriage and more concerned that i will hurt him. i am scared that i will get bored with my husband... i have a hard time envisioning that i will still be in love with someone after only 5 years. It sounds shallow... but let's be honest- you wash his clothes (guy underwear is nasty... i have a dad and a brother, i know), you know how bad he stinks up the bathroom (how does the male body manage to make the same meal so... toxic when waste?), you have to clean up after him, he sometimes gets annoyed with you, and, probably the scariest part to me- he is intimately acquainted with your weaknesses... i have so many, and i can hardly stand me, let alone another person.

then i remind myself of two things. Number one, my future husband is amazing. He is (or will be) in love with Jesus, he'll have a passion for (and probably be vocationally in) ministry, he'll have a lifestyle of evangelism, he'll be a wonderful father, he'll be fun, he'll love to talk to and listen to me, he'll encourage and inspire me, and there will be times when i step back and am amazed that God loves me so much that he chose to allow me to spend my married life (til death do us part, either mine or his or both, or the rapture) with this incredible man that leads me to and is exemplary of Jesus Christ.

Then, part 2... he is human. He will make mistakes. He will hurt me. I will hurt him. He will annoy me. I will annoy him. He will know my weaknesses,and experience the brunt of them; and vice versa. He will see my dirty laundry too... he will have to pick up after me... yada yada yada. The little annoyances of how selfishness affects marriages, all that... we will experience it together. Which is why love is a choice. My love for my husband cannot be based on emotions (not too hard for me), the way he treats me, hormones (hard for me...), my love with the idea of love, etc. My love has to be based on a choice to die to myself and put the needs of someone else before my own... which is hard for me. But when we both do this, through Jesus Christ, then we will have a solid, good, fun (seriously... how can life with me not be fun? exhausting, but fun!), intimate (both ways! emotionally and... other...) marriage. It will be good... and even when i get kind of bored with him, i will remind myself that he has chosen to spend his life with me, ergo i am by far getting the better end of the deal. I also will remind myself that he is God's chosen for me and the problem lies with me, not with him. I will just be careful not to let him consume my life... i will have friends, ladies at church, etc., whom i can spend time with.

To tie it all together, i guess that's what is hardest for me with these relationships of people i care about. I adore Cameron and Bekah and the other afore-mentioned couple. But they all are in one way or another alienating their friends, and not just a little. Some is natural and right, because a husband and wife are to be one another's best friend other than Jesus. But these couples are not yet husband and wife. I am, as a result of the combination of my gifts of discernment, wisdom, and some prophecy, concerned for them for that day, be it next year or in ten, when they tire of one another and have nowhere to turn. Plus, i have seen so many botched relationships... i am pretty gun shy. but... i am a precious treasure, meant for one man, and i can trust Jesus that when He gives that man permission to do so he will pursue and win me. All other guys need to back off. And i need to save my heart.

Huh. I am not sure where all that came from, but i feel better having it said. I did some external processing there and now i realize that i am not frustrated for these two couples as much as i am concerned for them. and it's not personal; i don't feel personally rejected. I know it has nothing to do with me. For all my narcissism, i know the world doesn't revolve around me. At any rate, i think i hear birds chirping. i sure have a softball game at 9 am and 1 pm, and i am still sick. it appears that i am setting myself up for relapse #2... awesome.

i shall end with a song that... gets me. It means a lot to me.

Third Day ~ Offering

Magnificent Holy Father
I stand in awe of all I see
Of all the things You have created
But still You choose to think of me

Who am I that You should suffer
Your very life to set me free
The only thing that I can give You
Is the life You gave to me

This is my offering, dear Lord
This is my offering to You, God
And I will give You my life
For it’s all I have to give
Because You gave Your life for me

I stand before You at this altar
So many have given You more
I may not have much I can offer
Yet what I have is truly Yours

This is my offering

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/and_i_will_give_you_my_life_for_its_all_i_have_to_give.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/meh.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-05T08:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/meh.mws here are yet more quizzes. well, the first one is a quiz, the second is just a thing where you put in your name and see what it tells you. so... yeah. rock on.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	Low
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

T	Technological
A	Astonishing
M	Mesmerizing
I	Intense

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/meh.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/can_i_be_somebody_else_for_all_the_times_i_hate_myself.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-05T09:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/can_i_be_somebody_else_for_all_the_times_i_hate_myself.mws So today was a... breaking day. When i blow it, i tend to blow it big. Last night in Bible study i was so convicted, and determined to follow through on what God said to me. I then proceeded to have friends over a pretty much be public jerk #1. To start, i have a friend who struggles with insecurity. I knew i was hurting her feelings and pouring salt on an open wound but i did it anyway because I have a problem with insecurity in others. Then i really don't care about this much, honestly, but i made a big deal about how much i hate it that a friend of mine said he'd pay me for something and never did, and that he told me he would use a certain amount of something but then actually used a lot more without asking nor offering to replace or pay for it. In all honesty, i don't care that much... i can go buy more eggs, and they don't cost that much. Yet i was a creep about it and laid on a guilt trip 3 feet deep. Then i made some really asinine (definition: marked by inexcusable failure to exercise intelligence or sound judgment) commments about my roommate, who just happened to be downstairs. She also happened to hear everything i said. I am such a creep... but i am really glad it happened- not glad i am such a jerk, but glad that today she asked me about it.

i thought a lot about it today... and i realized this. She and i got really close when i first moved in a few months ago... it's really hard for me to trust people deeply. I tend to let people think they know me really well but deep down i don't truly let them in, or make myself truly vulnerable. With her i did... and then suddenly she met the boyfriend, and is never home... when she is home she doesn't have time to talk because she's either getting ready to leave or he's on his way over, or she has to get work done before he comes. The truth is, they haven't necessarily done anything wrong... but i made the (also asinine) decision to shut down... so instead of saying something to her about her never being around (and my actual concern for her) i have made comments about it to other people but said nothing to her. Had last night not happened i don't know what it would have taken for me to stop.

I feel sick to my stomach. I mean, i have felt sick to my stomach all day, but i mean i feel like such a jerk... i hate that i have done this. i know it doesn't define me, but i want to be a good friend to people, not an untrustworthy jerk. But i know i don't have to stay this way, and i am making the choice not to. I just hate it when i do such horrible things... when will i accept that i am not nor ever will be perfect? at the same time, i haven't done anything so stupid in terms of treating friends that way in years... i always thought that when i stopped having stupid crushes on boys i wouldn't have to have times like this where i hate what i have done so deeply. I was wrong. At the same time, i should hate ALL sin this much.

i don't like hurting other people. The thing is, i know Bek will forgive me and let go and still love me. I am not so concerned that she will never forgive me. I am, however, starkly aware of the fact that it will take me a long, long time to forgive myself. I ended a long period of sin in January and it took me... nearly 3 months to finally believe God that He still loves me and forgive myself. How grateful i am for Jesus... that He loves me too much to let me remain this way. I need a kleenex, not to blow my nose for the 12,937th time in the last two weeks, but rather to dry my tears.

Praise God for His mercy. He is characterized and defined by love. Love that knows when to speak and when to hold it's tongue; love that endures all things; love that suffers; love that is pure; love that crucified His only Son to the Cross. Just yesterday i was reading in Romans in my Quiet Time that if God was willing to sacrifice His only Son on the cross, is He not willing to give all things to us as His children? I am a daughter of the King.

and i will give You my life, for it's all i have to
give, because you gave Your life for me

*~_tami_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/can_i_be_somebody_else_for_all_the_times_i_hate_myself.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/well_this_kind_of_rings_true.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-05T09:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/well_this_kind_of_rings_true.mws
What Finding Nemo Character are You?
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]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/well_this_kind_of_rings_true.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=171833 hereinthelight 2004-06-06T03:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=171833 ok, God is so good... this morning at church the message was about having a clear conscience before God and how to judge ourselves, careful to deal with it when we offend others or are offended, and when we offend God or feel as though He has offended us. It was as though it were perfectly taylored to fit my life needs. Well, it WAS perfectly taylored to me! It was exactly what i needed to hear... i went to the altar with my roommate and asked her forgiveness and got reconciled both to her and to God. What a praise... Praise God for His Word. But honestly... i have no doubt God exists... it is not mere coincidence that Friday's events, yesterday's events, and today's sermon happened in the order that they did. Blessed be the name of the Lord. i tell ya... and my favorite part is this isn't just some emotional, feel good high. God spoke His rhema into my life and i want to respond to Him in obedience, and i am making the choice to disobey my flesh's commands and to obey God... a much wiser decision.

anyway... i feel like it's time for another haiku. in fact, i shall start posting a haiku with every real post in here. so...

i like my pillows
especially the long one
to hug when i sleep


have a great day!
*~_tami_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/171833 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/blog_title_inspiration.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-07T12:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/blog_title_inspiration.mws This here is my current favorite song (though Offering by Third Day is right up there) and it's also the inspiration of my blog title...

Stay by Jeremy Camp

I can feel that in your soul the more you reason
The more you're shown He's there
You can see the only way you're falling down
Is when you're looking everywhere
So far from this you can't live
So far from this

.:.chorus.:.
Stay right here in the light
So you won't walk away
Stay right here in the light
Throw your burdens all away

The thought of wandering down on this place of open road
You speak the very part but your actions always show
How easily you sway but easily he takes
all those heartfelt cries and broken pride
and walks along this hill not far away
So far from this you can't live
So far from this

Come on now stay right here in the light
So you won't walk away
Stay right here in the light
Throw your burdens all away

Can you feel those arms around you
Can you see this place surround you
Can you hear the people calling
I can see your fear come on now

Stay right here in the light
So you won't walk away
Stay right here in the light
Throw your burdens all away

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/blog_title_inspiration.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=172628 hereinthelight 2004-06-07T12:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=172628 so, Becky inspired me to take some more loon quizzes... so here goes the ivy plant...


innocent kiss - you're cute and sweet and like it
that way


What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Take the quiz: "What Disney Princess Are You?"

Belle
You love you family (what's left) dearly, and you're a bookworm. Get your head into the world darlin'



Just remember that the creepy beast turns into a hottie at the end. Uh, also... i think by family it's referring to my church fam, because my fam and i aren't supa close. I took it like six times and kept getting her and Show White and Sleeping Beauty so i finally just conceded.




Take the quiz: "Which Random Irish Gaelic Phrase Are You? "

Ta mo bhriste tri thine
Ta mo bhriste tri thine - 'My trousers are on fire.'You're a few bricks short of a load, aren't you? You're probably not allowed to use sharp objects and you should be locked in a rubber room. With Rubber rats. Rubber rats? I hate rubber rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They put me in a rubber room. With rubber rats. Rubber rats? I hate rubber rats...

ok this one is just really funny!!!





You have a free soul! As all the souls go, yours is
the most free-spirited and adventurous. You
like camping, hiking, or interaction with other
people. Your a social butterfly, but not
because of your style, but because of your
willingness to communicate with everyone. You
probably have close friends who can rely on you
because you always seem to know whats going on
in the world. You love music and are
free-spirited and someone fun to be around. A
born leader and great explorer-dont ever
change-the world needs more people like you.


What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla

ok weird... this one seems pretty accurate. i guess i am destined to become anime. uh, a hot practically naked anime mermaid. then i will be truly free... (kidding!)

UCAUTION

IN THE INTEREST OF SAFETY IT IS ADVISABLE TO KEEP SIMPLY ME AWAY FROM FIRE AND FLAMES.

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

ha ha ha ha.... this coincides with the gaelic one.

now for a haiku, and then i must sleep...

banana eating
monkeys raging at those with
low potassium


yeah, i really do make these things up off the top of my head. i like it.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/172628 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/expressions_of_your_gloryexpressions_of_your_heartyou_speak_to_us_expressions_of.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-07T02:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/expressions_of_your_gloryexpressions_of_your_heartyou_speak_to_us_expressions_of.mws so this morning was so good! i had an awesome quiet time... i woke up wanting to hear from God, and i had my quiet time before anything else (even before i showered... only now i still haven't showered... i am just cool like that) But i was reading in Romans again (12-14 today) and in 14 it talked about how if a Christian is weaker in their faith and has a belief that doesn't coincide with your own to just... let it rest. Don't worry about it, don't try to fix it.

"1Accept Christians who are weak in faith, and don't argue with them about what they think is right or wrong...4Who are you to condemn God's servants? They are responsible to the Lord, so let him tell them whether they are right or wrong. The Lord's power will help them do as they should." Romans 14:1&4

This is really good for me because i am easily overzealous. I am also extremely black and white, and i can alienate people who don't do what i expect of them, assuming it is what God expects of them also. It's hard to realize these things about myself, but also very good that God is refining me and speaking to me about them. So that's my day so far...

now for a haiku...

is haiku a word
with Japanese origin?
and what does it mean?

*~_tAmI_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/expressions_of_your_gloryexpressions_of_your_heartyou_speak_to_us_expressions_of.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/yummy.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-07T03:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/yummy.mws

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/yummy.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/uh_i_guess_this_could_be_true.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-07T05:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/uh_i_guess_this_could_be_true.mws
You're My Little Pony!! Sweet and innocent and
happy, you make people want to spew burrito
chunks. Even a Care Bear could kick your...uh, tail.


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/uh_i_guess_this_could_be_true.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=173746 hereinthelight 2004-06-07T05:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=173746 so this is kinda true... but i don't hate boundaries or rules... just today i read Romans 13 about obeying the government and the law and stuff and it's one of my favorite passages of scripture. i have a deep sense of justice and i HATE it when the rules aren't followed or when things aren't fair. i get a little riled up just thinking about it!


Barefoot- free, rebellious, and wild, you hate
boundries and rules. You tend to be on the
crazy side and often sweep people up along with
you. You are most likely the leader of your
group of friends. [please vote! thank you! :)]


What Kind of Shoe Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/173746 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/hey_this_is_better_than_i_thought.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-07T06:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/hey_this_is_better_than_i_thought.mws

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/hey_this_is_better_than_i_thought.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=173920 hereinthelight 2004-06-07T06:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=173920 so... there's a million of these... but i need to take a cleaning break...

[ x ] Name: tAmI
[ x ] Birthdate: 10-16-1981
[ x ] Sign: doesn't matter... it means nothing
[ x ] Age: 22
[ x ] Gender: female
[ x ] Location: at my desk... in my room... in my home... in spokangeles...
[ x ] Hair Color: medium brown
[ x ] The story behind my user name: i really like the song "Stay" by Jeremy Camp... it's about God beckoning His child to stay "here in the light" with Him. God is light and in Him there is no darkness at all... i want to be in the light just as God is, and stay there with Him.


xxPREFERENCESxx
[ x ] Cuddle or Kiss: when i get married i will find that out
[ x ] Chocolate Milk or Hot Chocolate: chocolate milk
[ x ] McDonalds or Burger King: Arby's or Carl's Jr.! but... i guess... burger king burgers with mcdonald's fries
[ x ] Coke or Pepsi: eh... i dunno.
[ x ] Root Beer or Dr Pepper: ooh! both!
[ x ] Cats or Dogs: dogs... i don't like cats
[ x ] Mud or Jello Wrestling: Jello. how fun would that be?
[ x ] Sunny or Rainy: i love the rain! but... only if it comes after a lot of sun
[ x ] Winter, Summer, Fall, or Spring: Summer! but i also love love love the fall... i bet i will love it more when i don't have school... that's the reason i like summer so much... more time for fun!
[ x ] Vanilla or Chocolate: depends... i've always been a chocolate girl but vanilla is growing on me more 'n more
[ x ] Punk or Pop: punk
[ x ] Metal or Rap: metal
[ x ] Lights On or Off: Off
[ x ] Truth Or Dare: truth
[ x ] Ocean or Pool: hmmm... to be at, the Ocean. to actually swim in... a pool. i am afraid of drowning and a pool just feels safer.
[ x ] Love or Lust: Love
[ x ] Silver or Gold: silver
[ x ] Sunset or Sunrise: hmmm... i love both. i am never awake for sunrises though
[ x ] Showers or Bubble Baths: showers
[ x ] Lace or Satin: satin
[ x ] Vogue or Material Girl: uh, what? i dunno.
[ x ] Jeans or Cords: Jeans
[ x ] Sweater or Sweatshirt: Sweatshirt.
[ x ] T shirt or Tank Top: t-shirt
[ x ] Skirt or Dress: Skirt
[ x ] Wool or Cotton: Cotton
[ x ] Rose or Lily: Roses
[ x ] Internet or TV: Internet


xxFAVORITESxx
[ x ] Colors: blue... and... well... pink. weird.
[ x ] Number: 16, 21, 7... and also 12,3,and 4.
[ x ] Movie: LOTR trilogy
[ x ] Actress: uh... meh, i don't like celebrities very much
[ x ] Actor: i dunno. i like Legolas because he's mysterious and a save the day type but Orlando Bloom seems sort of... wussy. so i can't say hm... so... i dunno.
[ x ] Song: currently... "Stay" by Jeremy Camp, "Everything About You" by Sanctus Real and "Offering" by Third Day... of all time... "I Will Find You" by Seven Day Jesus, "You're Everywhere" by Third Day and "Know You Better" by Reality Check.
[ x ] Sport To Play: Frisbee, volleyball, basketball or badminton
[ x ] Sport To Watch: baseball, football, and basketball
[ x ] Favorite Drink: milk
[ x ] Shampoo: whatever Kathy gives me
[ x ] Toothpaste: uh... i dunno. whatever i have at the time, always Crest or Colgate though
[ x ] Soap: hmm... Irish Spring smells good. i have Dove body wash that smells nice... my bro-friend Clinton has Old Spice Pure Sport soap that smells SOOOO good on boys. that's nice.
[ x ] Instrument: electric and acoustic guitar, drums, bass, cool keyboards


xxDESCRIBE YOURxx
[ x ] Wallet: brown, long enough for my check book... full of random cards even though i only keep the necessary ones.
[ x ] Toothbrush: uh... i have two. a blue electric oral-b, and then... a crest one maybe? it's all funky with the rubber bristles and angled neck, but i think it came free with toothpaste.
[ x ] Jewelry worn daily: i always have two posts in each ear, usually just a silver ball. and my watch. that's it.
[ x ] What you are wearing now: gray terry capris with black stripes downt the side and an olive green tank
[ x ] Hair: uh, well... half french braided and pulled back.
[ x ] Makeup: none... i haven't gone anywhere today. and, well, i don't wear it every day.
[ x ] CD in stereo right now: MP3's from my cd's ripped onto my comp... "In Love With the 80's (Pink Tux to the Prom)" by Relient K just ended...ooh, and now "Bittersweet" by Falling Up is playing...


xxWHO or WHATxx
[ x ] In my mouth: uh... my tongue?
[ x ] In my head: my brain
[ x ] Talking to: no one... Becky's studying chem for a final and i don't want to talk bc i am only taking a break from cleaning my room
[ x ] Eating: nothing
[ x ] Fetishes: uh... milk?
[ x ] Is next to you: nothing... the arm rests on my chair
[ x ] The last thing you ate: uh... it was a long time ago... oh, yeah- chicken noodle soup with rice and a grilled cheese sandwich
[ x ] Something that you are deathly afraid of: nothing really

xxIN THE LAST 24 HOURS HAVE YOUxx
[ x ] Cried: yeah... yesterday at the altar with my roommate... God is good to bring forgiveness and reconciliation
[ x ] Helped Someone: i don't know
[ x ] Bought Something: uh... gas for mi coche
[ x ] Gotten Sick: no but i woke up feeling like i'd throw up... i never did though
[ x ] Said "I Love You": i don't think so... oh, wait, i felt bad for two friends who were losing a game pretty bad so i said something along the lines of loving them as friends even though they were losing
[ x ] Written A Real Letter: sure haven't
[ x ] Moved On: uh... i guess, past some sin and stuff that was bogging me down
[ x ] Talked To An Ex: i don't have any
[ x ] Missing an ex: see above
[ x ] Written In A Journal: here in mindsay, yeah
[ x ] Had A Serious Talk: not that i can think of
[ x ] Missed Someone: uh, i was thinking about Sharon and missing her yesterday
[ x ] Hugged Someone: my roommate
[ x ] Fought With Your Parents: no
[ x ] Fought with a friend: no


xxDO YOU... ARE YOU...xx
[ x ] Put On A "Front": i try not to
[ x ] Kiss On The First Date: i don't date and i don't plan on kissing until the altar when i get married
[ x ] Eat With Your Mouth Open: no... but sometimes i talk with my mouth full... i don't mean to though, because i hate it.
[ x ] If You Got A Tattoo, Where Would You Get It, And What Would It Be: i wouldn't
[ x ] What Was The Last CD You Bought: uh... i got Warren Barfield and Third Day at their concert the other week
[ x ] Tired: not really
[ x ] Lonely: nope
[ x ] Happy: i'm usually happy. unless i am PMS'ing, which explains the last week. meh.
[ x ] Wearing Pajamas: not right now... but i recently realized i have a hard time sleeping if am not wearing a certain blue Whitworth sweatshirt... i don't know what i'll do when it falls apart someday. blast.
[ x ] Talking To Someone Online: uh, i was asked this already, and no.
[ x ] What Is The Name Of Your Crush: i don't have one
[ x ] How Long Have You Liked Him For: see above
[ x ] Bored Yet: no... but ready to clean more

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/173920 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=173950 hereinthelight 2004-06-07T07:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=173950
Your Heart is Yellow


What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/173950 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/a_wee_little_soapbox.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-07T11:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/a_wee_little_soapbox.mws ok, i am posting this to make a point... honestly, how can asking 4 questions convince me that my soul mate is this famous dude? i mean, i actually like the movie Freaky Friday but i think that this dude is a psycho in it... i know the point they were trying to make, that he loved the person not the body, but... meh. i usually roll my eyes at these but i saw it on someone's blog and was curious at what kind of questions they ask to convince some rather senseless young girl she's meant to marry this famous dude. here's my rage... i shall climb onto a soapbox... i get so frustrated when people go to a concert or something expecting to be seen and fallen in love with. as though this hot, famous guy is going to look into the crowd and see them out of the thousands of people. but you know... i always analyze everything, and i realized this- people want to be validated. every girl's secret dream is that this amazing guy (and i suppose that being famous makes a guy amazing so much more than every other guy on the planet) will see them and fall for them and then they will be special. i mean, i did that. i remember when i was like 13 or 14 writing a letter to Prince William because i was sure he'd read my letter and fall in love with me, that i'd be so "different" from all the other girls who write him and tell him about their life and flatter him by wanting to know who he really is, beyond the media hype. meh. the cool thing is, since i have grown in a love relationship with Jesus Christ i realize that no man (or boy or guy or whatever) will ever validate me or make me worthwhile. Jesus alone loves me unconditionally and will never fail me, never leave nor forsake me, never lie to me, never hurt me, never be unfaithful, never compare me to another girl, never wish i were another girl, never think i am not beautiful, etc. A man will do those things at some point, no matter how much he loves me, in one way or another, but i can rest in Jesus that He never will. and guess what? that frees up human's (in this case, namely my husband) to be a human and *gasp* make mistakes. anyway... here, for your viewing pleasure is my future "soul mate"... and, you know, i am not shy, but hey- it's meant to be! i will start planning our wedding.

Take the quiz: "Who is your famous soul mate? (For Girls)"

Chad Michael Murray
Wow, your ideal guy is Chad Michael Murray! He is an athletic, romantic guy, with a love for shy, sweet girls.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/a_wee_little_soapbox.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/not_see_between_the_cracks_and_notice_that_theres_something_missing.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-08T12:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/not_see_between_the_cracks_and_notice_that_theres_something_missing.mws hmm... today is a good day. Funny story: So i meet with my college pastor Tuesday's at 11. Every Tuesday, same time, same place, for the last,oh, 4 months. So today as i pull off of the highway i pass my college pastor turning onto the highway. Come to find out he had a hair appt but didn't even realize he was double booking himself. lol. This is also not the first time he has done this... were i the insecure type i'd take it personal or question whether he cares or not, but i just know that he's absent minded. plus he is closer to me than most ppl in our group and while he's still an authority over me, somewhere along the lines he's become more of a friend/father type than college pastor- this means that he knows me well enough to know that if he burns me i won't take it personal. i am not sure if that's a good thing or not.

hmmm... what to say... well, last night was a good night. I cleaned and then went for a walk with Lori and then we went grocery shopping. Tonight we are having Rach, Mel, and Laura over for dinner and to go for a walk and stuff. That will be fun. I really appreciate doing stuff with just girls in a smaller group. or, well, just girls period. it's nice. i love being able to have serious conversations. the only two guys i ever really have serious convos with are Scott and occasionally Clinton. but there is something sweet that God does when girls can just enjoy one another and have sweet fellowship in Christ. *sigh* i get excited just thinking about it.

i am getting my hair cut and colored in about an hour. I look forward to that. I really, really like change. Some people don't, but i always see it as an opportunity. I also, though, love to be content with the way things ar. I think i am fairly balanced in that sense.

meh. i have heartburn. i hate yogurt. plus, did you know yogurt has- count em- 31 grams of sugar in it? Honestly. I am not like trying to diet, but i am trying to be more conscientious of what i eat and that includes cutting WAAAAAY down on sugar. meh. i stink at self-control, but i also hate being unhealthy.

ah, i have another thing to rage about. ok, not really, but i hate this song:

Hawk Nelson - Every Little Thing
From the album Letters to the President

saw her yesterday
and I know I felt the feeling
like the one I felt today
and now
it's taking over me
I've never met anyone like you
cuz I never could find the words to write you

she's been on my mind (she's working overtime)
she's got perfect reason's
said she'd love to talk to Jesus
I bet I believe her when she said
life could be so simple if we all just learned to pray

she's got every little thing I wanted
and it still feels just like the day it started
I said good bye to the broken hearted
and I could never express the way
I felt before tonight
tonight

she sits there all alone
and she's reading from the chapter
that she sometimes calls her own
and now
she's taking over me
cuz the girl I once rejected
has now become the girl of my dreams

she's been on my mind (she's working overtime)
she's got perfect reason's
said she'd love to talk to Jesus
I bet I believe her when she said
life could be so simple if we all just learned to pray

she's got every little thing I wanted
and it still feels just like the day it started
I said good bye to the broken hearted
and I could never express the way
I felt before tonight

she's not an ordinary girl,
I can see it in her eyes
just an ordinary boy
God must have heard my prayers last night (oh last night)

she's been on my mind
she's working overtime
she's got perfect reason's
said she'd love to talk to Jesus
I bet I believe her when she said
life could be so simple if we all just learned to pray

she's got every little thing I wanted
and it still feels just like the day it started
I said good bye to the broken hearted
and I could never express the way
I felt before tonight

she's not an ordinary girl,
I can see it in her eyes
just an ordinary boy
God must have heard my prayers last night

ok. so i don't know the details, but i rage on two levels. First, if the dude rejected the girl then she kind of deserved it for pursuing him (before you hate me, i have been that girl and finally learned my lesson; we tend to hate most that which we struggle with ourselves, ergo... well, you get it) because she should have rested in God's will to let the guy pursue her. Secondly, well... wah for the guy. I mean... he rejected her. Get over it and let her move on with her life. All i know is i hate this song and every time it comes on the radio i want to rage, plus it gets stuck in my head really easily which makes it worse. i suppose i should point out that raging for me = this thought pattern "i really hate this song. meh" and then i move on. lol. not too rageworthy i suppose, but such is life.

the truth is, i am rambling because i finished all of my tasks here at the church (and then some) and i still have 15 minutes to kill before i can leave for my hair appointment. but...i guess i shall go... do... something...

remaining as,
*~_tAmI_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/not_see_between_the_cracks_and_notice_that_theres_something_missing.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/everythings_gonna_be_all_right.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-08T09:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/everythings_gonna_be_all_right.mws praise Jesus You are not me... so, true story about my life. Today we get a knock on the front door and a letter stating, basically, that our manager's are kicking us out for no reason. For real... and they won't give a reason, and it's within the law to do so. Basically, we have to be out by the 30th. Intense, i know. i have such a life like that! If it's not my car getting stolen/broken into/breaking down then it's having half naked men move into my house or just getting kicked out when we've been really good, clean, quiet, paying tenants. But, you know, i trust God for what He has for each of us and I know it will all turn out for God's glory in the end. But i just thought i'd share how awesome my life is :)

"25 "Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
28"So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31"Therefore do not worry, saying, "What shall we eat?' or "What shall we drink?' or "What shall we wear?' 32For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:25-34

Holding fast the Word of life, (Phil 2:16)
*~_tAmI_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/everythings_gonna_be_all_right.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/well_this_makes_sense.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-08T10:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/well_this_makes_sense.mws I'd rather be an Acura TSX though... it's more befitting of my personality, i think.


Take the quiz: "Which kind of car are you?"

Toyota Camry, Ford Taurus, Honda Accord
You are practicle, nice to be around and not too bad looking.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/well_this_makes_sense.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/ooohhh.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-08T10:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/ooohhh.mws i'll take that!

Take the quiz: "WHICH LOTR CHARACTER DOES YOUR PERSONALITY MATCH?"

Gandalf
You match Gandalf. You are very wise, and you know more than most will ever bgin to understand. You have close friends and although what you do is to protect all, you always have them at the back of your mind. You make a great and powerful leader and your guidance is sought by many.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/ooohhh.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/hot.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-08T11:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/hot.mws hmmm... this is me i suppose... i ripped it off of a friend's blog. I think it's true though, as far as a quiz can go i guess. I tend to get really passionate about something and try to convince everyone it's the best way. i just disagree with the compatibility part. How would they know? Meh. i am quite talented at letting people know exactly what's on my mind aka lacking tact... lol...


You are Cinnamon.
You are fiery and passionate. You pour your heart
into everything you do, and you don't stop when
you set your mind to something. You let people
know exactly what's on your mind. However,
your friends are sometimes put off by your
intense drive and fiery personality.
Most Compatible With: Spearmint


Which Tic-Tac Flavor Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/hot.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/oh_the_irony.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-08T11:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/oh_the_irony.mws the irony of it all is that i don't like cinnamon in real life. or... well... pretty much any tic tac. maybe the white ones... anything that tastes wintergreen. and i hate orange, spearmint, etc. blech. but, i am a picky gal.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/oh_the_irony.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=176069 hereinthelight 2004-06-08T11:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=176069 so, thinking about the whole moving thing- i can't pretend i don't care at all. i am sure if i just dwelled on it i might want to cry. i really hate moving. i hate not having a home. i'd be content to get married and live in the same house our whole lives, provided it fit all the kids i wanna have ;) anyway... to be real, i love it here. I like my location, my bathroom, my bedroom, my roommates, on and on. But... i'll move on and be fine. My heart is a little broken because it feels like someone is ripping my home away from me; however, nothing happens that God doesn't allow, and i rest in His will for me. but i don't want to sound trite, like i have no feelings. I just... well, worrying is a waste of time. I won't add a single hair to my head (i know from experience... i am 22 and my once thick hair is slowly going the way of the buffalo... meh...) and i can trust God that His will is to do immmeasurably more than i could ever think to ask for or even imagine. at any rate... here is a song i wrote a while back that sort of fits... it's meaningful to me right now. uh, this makes me kind of vulnerable, but... well... Jesus delights in me whether i write good songs or not, so... i am ok with that. at any rate... here ya go.

.:.eVeRyThInG.:.

in this mystery
i hold my breath
yet i still find You to be
nothing less
than everything to me

i try to find a way
to say i'm sorry
but once again my intentions have failed
and i try
to hide behind a veil
that was torn 2,000 years ago
2,000 years ago

_chorus_
You know the way i am
yet still You
hold my hand
and though i've
failed yet again
You are everything to me

Jesus I come
On my face
Still a sinner saved by grace
Jesus reign in me
Holy Spirit Crucify my Flesh
Cover me with the
Blood of righteousness
And You remain everything to me

_chorus_

_bridge_
Your anger lasts but a moment
but Your favor for a lifetime
i long to abide within Your presence
Jesus, You're mine

_chorus_ x2


never without reason to praise,
*~_tAmI_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/176069 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/in_spite_of_my_rage.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-08T11:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/in_spite_of_my_rage.mws ok, one more to add to my rage... i don't think this is true. plus i don't drink so meh. i really have to stop taking the quizzes that tick me off just to see what happens because then i feel compelled to post them in my blog anyway. plus, i mean, i am slacking on choosing bridesmaid dress colors for my obvious up and coming wedding to my soulmate, Chad Michael (he's so much man he gets two first names... meh!!!!) well, actually, i already know i'd like pink dressses when i get married but... you know, i have to be on top of these things. rage rage rage rage... oh. ow. i think i split my forehead ope- oh, yeah. that's blood. and a black eye. how's that for charming?

Guys Like That You're Charming You're the girl most guys can't get out of their heads Even if they met you on a bad hair day :-) You just seem to "click" with everyone you meet So even if a guy forgets about you for a second... his friends haven't! What Do Guys Like About You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/in_spite_of_my_rage.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=176091 hereinthelight 2004-06-09T12:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=176091 ps make sure to surf the net and find the love of your life online! because all quality guys are so awesome that real people hate them, ergo they find people on the net so they can hide who they really are and pretend to be something they aren't... eh... uh... that wasn't very nice... meh, i lack tact.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/176091 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/cuz_when_youre_feeling_weak_you_know_im_strong_enough.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-09T11:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/cuz_when_youre_feeling_weak_you_know_im_strong_enough.mws hmmm... so periodically winamp5 freaks out and i have to uninstall and then redownload it. random fact of the day for you.

so... today has been good so far. I had my job interview and it went really well. Bummer is that she has the perfect job for me (at a hospital, manning a desk that new moms fill out paperwork and stuff at... i would LOVE that) but they want someone permanently. lame-o student teaching anyway.

hmm... i am talking to my friend Nate (he was an RA with me in BJ) and he's going to Japan for 5 weeks to do research (in his words... "structural dynamics and more specifically structural health monitoring... you know, optimal sensor placement") at the University of Tokyo. I am really jealous. Shiona has awakened a desire in me to go to Japan. but only to visit, like if she were there as an M then i would go to bless/encourage her and do some work. But... if i were to move overseas, i think it would be China.

I remember about this time 3 summers ago... all of my closest friends were realizing a call to missions, be short term or lifetime (Sharon, Jen, Rachael, Shiona, Erin...) I wanted to be called SO badly, but i just... wasn't. I did have a desire to go to... eh... SE Asia. It was cool because God did a work in Scott a year later about taking a team there, and then another year yater i spent 8 weeks there. I miss it... and i am most likely going back for 3-4 weeks in January, and maybe next summer again, but... we'll see. but i don't think i am called to long term or lifetime missions.

when i went to a Beth Moore conference in the summer of... uh... 2001 i think... i remember her being on the stage talking and God said, "i am going to use you for something like this someday". I, mildly freaked out, wrote it off... there's no way that God could use me for that... i am... well, really lame.

fast forward almost a year... we were at Glorieta and Scott met with me and told me he saw leadership potential in me, but also some glaringly not awesome areas, and that he wanted to start meeting with me weekly and work on some of those problematic areas. so we did...

now i look back and see i have changed a LOT. i am still pretty lame in a lot of ways, but God has been so faithful to mold and mature me. I was really insecure and searching for someone to love me, thus very dangerous when hurt. now... i am more content to know Christ intimately and believe what He says about me. He truly is the love of my life, despite my ever present failures.

now... i still am not called to missions, but i have a heart for ministry and really don't want to do anything else. if God says teach, i'll teach. If he says clean toilets, i'll clean toilets. i want to have influence... yet my life dream is to have a family and raise my own kids (not send them to daycares or grandparents or babysitters or whatever) and be married to someone in vocational ministry and to just... live a life that counts. To lead neighbors to Christ, to build relationships with checkers at the supermarket... it seems boring but... well, that's my life goal. if God has something different or more i am open to it.

but... the teaching thing... well Sharon is convinced i am the next Beth Moore. I doubt that, but i love teaching and i am excited to see how God will use my love and spiritual gift of teaching for His glory!

hmmm... where did all of this come from? ah, Nate going to Japan. i am content to stay at Crossover unless (not until, but unless) God specifically tells me to go elsewhere. part of me itches for adventure, but when i leave i get really homesick... and i am not used to that, because i have never had a home or family to miss. ah, and it's stemmed in the whole "we hate you, leave" thing with my home. meh. i think somewhere i assumed i'd be here for the next few years, hopefully not moving unless it was to get married. God seems to have different plans for me :) it's all good.

this is long, random, and really personal. but i guess it makes for entertainment have you nothing better to do. as for me, i'd rather like to sleep but i shouldn't. i might muss my cute new haircut that i acutally DID this morning... so rare for me, so rare.

ok, haiku time

i would love to go
to Europe and see stuff from
World War 2. yeah.

Christ's Alone,
*~_tAmI_~*

ps here are lyrics for the day:

Skillet - A Little More

Love is all around you now so take a hold
Hidden in our words it sometimes ain't enough
Don't suffocate day after day, it's building up
'Cause when you're feeling weak you know I'm strong enough

Just one more day, one more day

Oh, let the world crash love can take it
Oh, let the world come crashing down
Oh, let the world crash love can take it
Love can take a little, love can give a little more

Love is indestructible so take a hold
Sometimes hard to find a reason good enough
I'll stand beside you never leave, through it all
And faith will bring a way to the impossible

You can find me
You can find me
You can find me anywhere
Take a look over you shoulder
I'll be standing there

Love is all around you now so take a hold
And faith will bring a way to the impossible

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/cuz_when_youre_feeling_weak_you_know_im_strong_enough.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/yay.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-09T12:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/yay.mws growing up i always wished i had blue eyes. i still sort of do... but, i am content with the eyes i have.

Your Inner Eye Color Is Blue You've got the personality of a blue eyed women You're intense and expressive - and always on the go You've also got a sweet, playful side - which draws men in What's Your Inner Eye Color? Take This Quiz :-)

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/yay.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/what_an_efficient_user_of_time_am_i.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-09T01:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/what_an_efficient_user_of_time_am_i.mws yeah. so i have decided cleaning my room would be pointless, being as i have to pack it up soon... meh. so instead i shall go keep my gamecube feeling loved and entertained.

i only wish that DDR was available for play on gamecube. oh well.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/what_an_efficient_user_of_time_am_i.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=177151 hereinthelight 2004-06-09T03:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=177151 well, i didn't play gcube. instead i played guitar... it always soothes me. i am feeling... slightly defunct today. like i need to cuddle up in a big, warm blanket, have someone put their arm around me and just... be there i guess. i rarely feel this way. perhaps it's only the weather. at any rate, i am glad church is tonight. oh, and i read something really good in my quiet time this morning only i am so awesome that i forgot what it was... such am i. i will go relook that over, for my own well being, and then take a nap, which, of course, means i will sleep all day tomorrow. oh well. i think i need to go clean the church tomorrow afternoon... hmmm... i should look for Nick tonight. why i am writing those thoughts down i have no idea, but i am far too lazy to erase them.

ps random fact: the interview lady said my Word and Excel scores are incredibly high (i had to do this... thing... to test my knowledge). that's happy. does anyone care? i doubt it, but, nonetheless, that's a happy thought.

oh and a haiku

if i were carpet
i think i'd be medium
length and pink or blue

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/177151 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/let_the_world_crash_love_can_take_it.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-09T05:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/let_the_world_crash_love_can_take_it.mws uh, so i slept for 2 1/2 hours... THAT is why i never get to sleep at night... i either sleep all morning, or i get up but then sleep all afternoon... sometimes i sleep all morning AND all afternoon. anyway, i remembered what cool thing i read in my Quiet Time. In I Corinthians 2 Paul talks about how when he shared the gospel, he didn't do it flamboyantly or in some fancy way- he just shared God's truth. He explains that even once they accepted Christ, he did speak with wisdom, but not that of the world, but that of God. That just struck me... i mean, how often do we (well, I) try to sound like i know what i am talking about, able to articulate Christ in such a way that then they will know it's true? That's not the way people see Jesus- they see Him when i simply share truth and God speaks. So... that was cool. Anyway... ok, i need to chat with the roomies, drink some Sprite to soothe my poor, poor stomach, and then go pick up Laura for iglesia anoche. Que faubloso!

Christ's Alone,
*~_tAmI_~*

oh and a haiku

when i try to sleep
without having something that
i can hug, i can't

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/let_the_world_crash_love_can_take_it.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/i_found_my_inner_cat.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-09T09:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/i_found_my_inner_cat.mws Take the quiz: "What type of Cat are you?"

Funny Cat
"You are a Funny Cat!" People think that you are hilarious! You can crack a joke as easy as walking. Most people love you dearly, but people that are the butt of your jokes don't feel the same way. Other than that, you are very loved.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/i_found_my_inner_cat.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/i_might_die.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-09T10:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/i_might_die.mws ok, note to self: NEVER get the medium size at Coldstone. It's killer. I might burst. Oh, and... well, peanut butter ice cream with Reese's Peanut Butter Cups mashed in... uh, kind of rich. especially if you eat the WHOLE thing of a medium size. Good thing i didn't have dinner. ah, a haiku for this situation comes to heart:

peanut butter twice
over with chocolate in large
amounts hurts a lot

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/i_might_die.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/ah_yeah.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-09T10:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/ah_yeah.mws This, my friends, is a car... not quite as peppy as a WRX STi, but pretty much ROCK ON!!!
were i to spend too much money on something that will burn, this would be it... but suddenly my motives for many things are changing... nonetheless, check out my dream car...

Sweet Sassy Molassy!

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/ah_yeah.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/those_are_not_feet.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-10T12:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/those_are_not_feet.mws Ok, i think i maybe have a favorite new SB e-mail... and Coach Z is down with his bad self in all his robo greatness...

ooh, and if you want a cool sound effect, open up a few instances of the e-mail allowing for like 12 seconds between each one... it sounds "SO-OOOO GOO-OOD!"... props if you get that... anway, here is, in all it's greatness, Strong Bad e-mail Number 105...

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/those_are_not_feet.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/this_worlds_not_enough_for_me.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-10T03:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/this_worlds_not_enough_for_me.mws ... iT's PrOmIsEs, dEsTiNy ArE eMpTy At BeSt, AnD i SeE a NaRrOw PaTh StRaIgHt AhEaD oF mE...

hmm... good day. I got an e-mail from Sharon today and it was a novel... that's always nice. And I did even more fun job hunting :) The interview at the temp agency went really well, but, well... it's a temp agency and so I could get called today or I could get called never.

What else... well, this morning in my quiet time i read more about how God's power changes lives, not the words of men. But man, Paul is so great with visuals... read this passage, it's so good!:

But sometimes I think God has put us apostles on display, like prisoners of war at the end of a victor's parade, condemned to die. We have become a spectacle to the entire world--to people and angels alike.
Our dedication to Christ makes us look like fools, but you are so wise! We are weak, but you are so powerful! You are well thought of, but we are laughed at. To this very hour we go hungry and thirsty, without enough clothes to keep us warm. We have endured many beatings, and we have no homes of our own. We have worked wearily with our own hands to earn our living. We bless those who curse us. We are patient with those who abuse us. We respond gently when evil things are said about us. Yet we are treated like the world's garbage, like everybody's trash--right up to the present moment. I Corinthians 4:10-13

Hmmm... such good imagery there. And so true. The sad thing is, as i look at my own life, i don't think i am the one being treated like trash. I am far too self-sufficient and i would not say i am patient nor one who blesses those who curse me. I have good moments... i think Beth Moore should write a second version of her book titled "When Ungodly People Do Godly Things" because i am lame 98% of the time and then for like a day i will remember to love Jesus with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength and do like two things for His glory.

Well, ok, it's not that bad, but i am grateful that God is breaking me right now. I am going to go change something in my blog, as inspired by my friend empty zero (or something like that).
but, first, a haiku

i miss china. i
praise God that i will return
there in January

Christ's Alone,
*~_tAmI_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/this_worlds_not_enough_for_me.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/do_i_smell.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-10T04:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/do_i_smell.mws i need to shower. i tried to make my blog cooler but i am not good at HTML i guess... i want the verse to be centered, a different font, and bigger, but it wouldn't work and i need to shower anyway. meh.

i'll be back...

showering after
you get your hair cut short is
fun because there's less

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/do_i_smell.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/are_we_numb.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-11T12:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/are_we_numb.mws just a quickie line to say i am updating my blog... sorry if you come and it's all whacked out... ;)

i'll post real stuff lata, when i get bored with this, or satisfied (which i doubt i will be the latter...), or just really tired...

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/are_we_numb.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_im_a_west_coast_kid.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-11T02:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_im_a_west_coast_kid.mws hmmm... so, the blog has changed. Honestly, i am not sure if i like it more or not. I may go back to the simple gray and pink and just add the coolio fonts and all that jazz with the verse and stuff. meh... we shall see. now that i figured out how to do that stuff it may be that i never use it... most of it for me is the challenge to know how to do it. anyway...

so tonight my roommate Lori and i made dinner... it's a tasty recipe i learned from the Moeckel's. Then we watched Freaky Friday... lol. I actually really like that movie. Except the dude (who just happens to be my soul mate, good ol' Chaddie Mick) is such a... well, loser. He kind of ruins the movie. I alluded to this before, but they way overdo it, trying to prove that he "loves Anna for her mind".

Actually, that makes me want to rage about what love is. Quick soapbox... i have said this before to some extent, but the thought of being in love with the same man in five years (or at least, 5 years from the start of our marriage) is hard for me. I, number one, like to be surprised (i am pretty discerning and thus rarely surprised... ergo, i LOVE surprises... like, being kicked out of my house for no reason, for example... never saw that one coming! lol... but for real, i like surprises) and i like to learn new things about people. So i am very attracted to mystery (not always good! mysterious people can be... mysterious for a reason, and that's not always a good reason...) and i like to find out new stuff about people that i would never have guessed. Like, uh, well, to be very blunt- Christians treat the subject of the big S (as in... s-e-x) as a very taboo thing. In many ways this is appropriate, but in some ways we need to be a little more open about it, within healthy bounds, such as gender specific settings, etc. Anyway, i was shocked to find out that my closest friends are looking forward to... you know. I thought i was the only one... now, to be fair, i think i am still much more so than they are! but... uh... let's move on. so anyway, it was kind of cool to me discover that, an entirely different facet of certain people i know.

ok, back to my soapbox (not so quick anymore... i'm a loon!) so anyway, in many ways i think that after 5 years i could be totally bored with my husband. and by then the "ooh, i like him and he likes me!" feeling that so many people mistake for "love" will have worn off. That's why i believe love is a choice to die to yourself and put someone else's needs ahead of your own. i hate the way romantic love is treated in movies. grrr. that said, at the end of the movie when the guy reaches down and brushes her hair behind her ear to kiss her... well, my heart did a little somersault. *sigh. someday* but then i thought... "ahh! she's 15! live a little first, my friend!"... but... meh, that's for another day.

so... after that i pretty much just cleaned up and then messed around on here. i spent a really long time trying to get the HTML thing down. random fact: so i got my hair cut and today was the first time i let it be curly (ie didn't blow dry/straighten) it and i feel like i got a perm. i keep thinking i did, actually. i am like "ok, tam, don't get a perm next time". then i remember this is my actual hair. i am such a loon.

hmmm... what to say? now that i have been thinking about love and romance my silly heart is doing that "i wonder who? i wonder when? have i met him? i hope he's tall (I AM SUCH A LOSER!!)... is he really called to be a pastor?" thing. blast. so i shall do two things: remember to guard my heart as a watchman at the city gates (that's sort of the in-depth version of Proverbs 4:23) and then listen to a song that always helps me to keep my heart on Jesus and my actual future husband and not just a desire for romance (22 years and no romance is a long time... i am not complaining, but then it happens, it shall be much appreciated by me!)- Wait for Me, by Rebecca St. James.

On that thought, i have made some mistakes with having pretty intense crushes and being certain i knew who i was supposed to marry (yeah, i know... lame. been there, done that, not going back. waiting on God this time.), but i praise God that i have never had a boyfriend nor even had a guy i like like me back. I used to think there was something wrong with me, but now i praise God for His protection. I am so grateful that everything with my husband will be the first time- first kiss, first handhold, first any touch of the romantic sort, first mutual emotional bond, first everything.

That said, i have no idea what his past is. Maybe he's had a girlfriend, or multiple girlfriends. Maybe he's not a virgin. i don't know. But i know that God is a God of second chances, and it may not be easy, but i will not hold that against him. something that my college pastor told me once that i think would be so cool would be if i married someone who also has never had a girlfriend (i almost said boyfriend... lol... if he's had a boyfriend... huh, never considered THAT before.) anyway, Scott pointed out that it would be such a cool testimony to God's faithfulness for two people that have never dated to marry one another. that would be awesome. but, who knows. i am not too concerned either way.

man, why is this on my mind so much lately? where did it come from? i haven't thought about it much in a long time. but i guess that relationships around me (which never were really there before this) have forced me to do serious thinking. plus, i do want someone to love and be loved by, and i have to be real about it or i can get myself into trouble... so i have had to be real about what i want and need in a marriage, and to honestly seek God's heart for what would be best for me. I also have had some bumpy things with boys showing interest in me, which has never happened before (i mean NEVER. i can honestly say that if any boy had ever liked me before the last 7 or so months i had no idea.) but a friend showed me special attention and it forced me to get beyond the flattery and to be real about why it would never work. what he sees in me i sure don't know, because he's a great guy and many girls would probably love to be "the one" for him, but i know it's not me. for one, i have very high discernment and i think that being married to someone with practically none (as he is) would seriously just frustrate me.

ok... i don't know how i got off on this. but, well, it's the real honest thoughts of a lesser (almost)woman. i don't feel like a woman yet. i will be sure and let ya know when i do.

hmmm... what else happened today? uh... i wrote a new song. well, half of it. uh...

oh, on another note, something exciting did happen today. i got permission from Whitworth to go to SE Asia in January and receive credit... that is SO exciting to me! ah... i can't wait! i am actually talking to someone with the english name of Fiona from there right now... i miss it. tragically, she just sent me pictures of her in Tibet... one is of her with a Buddhist monk in a temple... so sad. It breaks my heart. She needs to know Jesus, the only true source of light, not darkness masquerading as such. i suddenly have an urge to return unlike i had before... wow.

anyway, ok, i should go to bed. i will post the lyrics from Wait for Me since it's sort of my mantra.

Darling did you know that I, I dream about you,
Waiting for the look in your eyes when we meet for the first time
And Darling did you know that I, I pray about you,
Praying that you will hold on
Keep your loving eyes only for me

Chorus:
Because I am waiting for, praying for you, Darling
Wait for me too, wait for me as I wait for you
Because I am waiting for, praying for you, Darling
Wait for me too, wait for me as I wait for you
(Darling wait, Darling Wait)

Darling did you know I dream about life together
Knowing you will be forever.
I'll be yours and you'll be mine.
And Darling when I say, "till death do us part",
I'll mean it with all of my heart, now and always faithful to you

Repeat Chorus

Bridge:
Now I know you may have made mistakes,
But there's forgiveness and a second chance.
So wait for me, Darling wait for me, wait for me, wait for me

Repeat Chorus

Wait for me, Darling Wait
Because im waiting for you, Because im waiting for you
So wait for me, Darling wait
Wait for me

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_im_a_west_coast_kid.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/subsubyoure_on_fire_when_hes_near_you_supsup.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-11T12:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/subsubyoure_on_fire_when_hes_near_you_supsup.mws lol... seems i was a wee lil' bit sentimental last night. i'm a loon. anyway, a friend is taking me out to lunch and i just got out of the shower, so i need to get ready. But i just had to post something awesome from my quiet time; this is taken from Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest, today's entry, based on the verse "Come to me and I will give you rest"(Jesus said it, Matthew 11:28). Ok, here you go... no haiku for now, maybe later...

Where sin and sorrow stops, and the song of the saint starts. Do I really want to get there? I can right now. The questions that truly matter in life are remarkably few, and they are all answered by these words—"Come to Me." Our Lord’s words are not, "Do this, or don’t do that," but—"Come to me." If I will simply come to Jesus, my real life will be brought into harmony with my real desires. I will actually cease from sin, and will find the song of the Lord beginning in my life.

Have you ever come to Jesus? Look at the stubbornness of your heart. You would rather do anything than this one simple childlike thing—"Come to Me." If you really want to experience ceasing from sin, you must come to Jesus.

Jesus Christ makes Himself the test to determine your genuineness. Look how He used the word come. At the most unexpected moments in your life there is this whisper of the Lord—"Come to Me," and you are immediately drawn to Him. Personal contact with Jesus changes everything. Be "foolish" enough to come and commit yourself to what He says. The attitude necessary for you to come to Him is one where your will has made the determination to let go of everything and deliberately commit it all to Him.

". . . and I will give you rest"—that is, "I will sustain you, causing you to stand firm." He is not saying, "I will put you to bed, hold your hand, and sing you to sleep." But, in essence, He is saying, "I will get you out of bed—out of your listlessness and exhaustion, and out of your condition of being half dead while you are still alive. I will penetrate you with the spirit of life, and you will be sustained by the perfection of vital activity." Yet we become so weak and pitiful and talk about "suffering" the will of the Lord! Where is the majestic vitality and the power of the Son of God in that?


Christ's Alone,
*~_tAmI_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/subsubyoure_on_fire_when_hes_near_you_supsup.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/i_am_seriously_laughing_out_loud.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-12T12:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/i_am_seriously_laughing_out_loud.mws so, this quiz has been on Tiff's blog for a few days, so i thought to myself that i will take it just for fun... this is what i got... wanna know a secret though?

lean in real close now... shhh... make sure no one is listening...

I HAVE NEVER REALLY KISSED ANYONE!!!

ha ha ha ha... this, then, is SO funny to me... maybe because it's nearly 1 am, i just played video games for 3 hours with friends (and lost by a lot, haha) and i haven't been sleeping very well... nonetheless, for the viewing pleasure of the world...


You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


lol...

on a serious note, tonight at Bible study i was really convicted about my speech. I need to edify and build up the body of Christ... i care more about being funny than loving and edifying my brothers and sisters in Christ. So, I am going to work on that... i shall keep you, the world writ large, up to date on my progress, slow as i am sure it will be. Ephesians 4:29... God's Word is so good...

one last thing... i love my friends. These hang out times at my place after Friday night Bible study are precious to me. I am so blessed... i am surrounded by wonderful, incredible people and i love them. God has been very good to me, and i will cherish my college aged days as long as i live. If you are one of my friends (well... if you are Becky or Grayden, i guess) know that i love you and i do sincerely thank my God upon every remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine making request for you with joy... Paul said it better than i can, though he did have the help of the Holy Spirit.

on that sentimental note, i shall go wash my face and go to sleep.

Christ's Alone,
*~_tAmI_~*

ps a haiku...

for every day that i
remain on this earth i will
praise God for my friends

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/i_am_seriously_laughing_out_loud.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/a_quiz_for_the_masses.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-12T10:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/a_quiz_for_the_masses.mws

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/a_quiz_for_the_masses.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/this_is_your_life_are_you_who_you_wanna_be.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-12T10:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/this_is_your_life_are_you_who_you_wanna_be.mws wanshang hao! I just have to say hello world. But that's not what that meant- it meant good evening, in Mandarin. I need to start brushing back up on it since i will be heading there in only 7 months, and then most likely in about a year. The news divulged to me about a month ago to pray about has become more official, but isn't actually approved yet. So... i must pray and wait.

At any rate, i just want to say that Jesus Christ is incredible. I love how He works, and how much He loves me that He refuses to let me stay the way i am. I am being very convicted of my words right now. Crap, for example. It builds up no one, but does succeed in causing others to stumble. Yet, i have clung to it stubbornly because other people told me not to say it (or my friend's controlling boyfriend lays guilt trips on her for saying it) and so i refused to stop saying it... yet, i never asked God His opinion. Mainly because i knew what He has to say and am stubborn.

But let me just say... i waste so many precious words on sarcasm... and, well, i am realizing how much i value the fact that i want to be known as a funny person. ouch. if i were intentional with every word i don't think i could charm the crowds the way i do. and the truth is, i enjoy charming the crowds. i love the way it breaks the ice, sets a tone, makes people more willing to let down their guard. but, if i am in my flesh, i still have a lot of influence and can do a very poor job of setting the tone. Hmmm... i have much to think about. But God is working. I just wanted to share that...i shall now reconvene trying to find cool pics for a new theme...

haiku for you...

were i careful with my
every word, how different could
God make my world?

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/this_is_your_life_are_you_who_you_wanna_be.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/more_faithful_than_the_changing_of_seasons.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-13T12:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/more_faithful_than_the_changing_of_seasons.mws ok, i am mad at myself for still being awake. i told myself to be in bed by an hour and 50 minutes ago. at any rate, i am going on a short trip with the youth group for two days, so i won't be on til later Monday night. feel free to post hate comments in my replies. I shall return, and of course, tell ya'll all about it...

i was angry with life when i woke up this morning because i was so tired, so tomorrow i will not be any better... er, today... later... this morning. meh. i need to learn how to go to bed.

good night world...

hAiKu

twinlking lit buildings
in a city i've never
seen with my real eyes

_t_

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/more_faithful_than_the_changing_of_seasons.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/just_fries_and_a_coke_and_a_cheeseburger.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-14T10:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/just_fries_and_a_coke_and_a_cheeseburger.mws well hello... it's me! so, word on the street is that i have the worst sunburn i have had since i was about 12. Let me tell you a story...

Once upon a time there was a girl...uh, 22 year old girl... chilling at the river. She decided that, though jet skis and fast boats are awesome, she didn't want to get wet, and wanted to make sure that youth had as many opportunities as possible to go. She then proceeded partake in many fun activities... getting 6 aces in a row in volleyball, rolling around in the grass in despair upon missed frisbee catches in fly up, also rolling around in the grass while wrestling with 13 year old girls who happen to think that throwing handfuls of grass in her mouth is awesome, rising into a little bump action, worshipping, etc. You know, just being cool. This girl also forgot to put on sunscreen. This same girl is so light skinned that Clinique doesn't make a lighter make-up so if she gets any more pale she's in trouble. This girl now resembles a rather sad looking bottle of ketchup. Meh.

So yeah... i had good times though. I discovered i actually really like Mountain Dew, and that KJ's song in reference to the MDA is quite applicable. I also discovered that when two girls seek me out after worship and tell me to go on American Idol so that when i win they can say they know me it's really awkward to ask them their names (i told them that my voice belongs to Jesus not me pretty much). Oh, and that being crazy really helps to give you inroads into building relationships with youth. Junior highers fight over me. I am not sure if that is a compliment... lol... oh, and i discoverd that i really, really like the "beef log, cheese log" and love is like barbecue songs but that the space whatever album makes me want to disembowel myself with chopsticks after about, oh, ten minutes.

I had a good time. Is this interesting> meh, who knows. but i am still enjoying being me. so, word to yo motha. i shall now waste time by looking at the blogs of my friends that i haven't gotten to yet (only Becky I and Lani have been blessed by my... uh... nm)

_haiku_
kj's name is not
pronounced fifty-two but he's
pretty much rock on

_t_

ps Becky i love the usage of Grits in your most recent post title

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/just_fries_and_a_coke_and_a_cheeseburger.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/did_you_see_that_sheep_that_didnt_get_shorn_for_3_years_sick.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-14T11:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/did_you_see_that_sheep_that_didnt_get_shorn_for_3_years_sick.mws



Which flock do you follow?

this quiz was made by alanna

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/did_you_see_that_sheep_that_didnt_get_shorn_for_3_years_sick.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/does_this_make_me_awesome.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-14T11:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/does_this_make_me_awesome.mws flight to London, anyone? Tony Blair is awaiting my arrival... maybe Prince William SHOULD have fallen in love with me when i wrote that letter... only, i don't think i ever actually sent it... but, meh. he's ungodly and not cute anyway.




Jolly good, wot! Anyone for tennis? That'll be ten ponies, guv. You're the epitome of everything that is english. Yey :) Hoist that Union Jack!

How British are you?

this quiz was made by alanna

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/does_this_make_me_awesome.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/yeah_baby.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-14T11:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/yeah_baby.mws well, it's official... i rock. because... well, i just do. it's obvious. you all will remember this as the day that you almost caught Captain Ja- uh, i mean... meh... shut up.




You're Captain Jack Sparrow: smart, savvy, a demon with the eyeliner and the best durn pirate we've ever seen. And only a litte crazy. Savvy?

Which POTC character are you?

this quiz was made by alanna

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/yeah_baby.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/tami.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-15T12:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/tami.mws So this theme shall remain for awhile. Special props are due to Grayden for creating it. I tweaked it a little, but he's the mastermind and thus credit must go to where credit indeed is due.

Now i must sleep... once again i meant to go to bed, oh, let's say an hour and a half ago. Nighty, night world!

_haiku_
so i couldn't find
a cool pic of bamboo but
Grayden did. he rocks.


*~_t_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/tami.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/27_cowboy.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-15T12:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/27_cowboy.mws sorry! i couldn't help myself... dude, for real... i am going to bed...





How random are you?

this quiz was made by alanna

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/27_cowboy.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/i_think_i_drove_by_you_just_yesterday.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-15T06:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/i_think_i_drove_by_you_just_yesterday.mws well hello world... it's been a long day. My sunburn is oh-so-painful (my roommate dropped everything and got the "oh, no! you poor thing" tone in her voice and said "your poor face!" upon seeing me this afternoon... she said it's the worst sunburn she's ever seen, and Bekah's seen a lot of people who like sun), and i spent over 7 hours with a 3 1/2 month old and a nearly 3 year old so their mom could paint the living room. It was fun, but i am one tired girl. and i need to spend some time with a friend who is leaving for London for 2 months, but i wanted to check in.

i want to say something interesting but i can't think of anything. So i will tell a story.

---

once upon a time there was a 5 year old girl named Tami. She was a strong-willed and stubborn child. Her parents forced her to give her Tonka-esque plastic three-wheeler replica to her brother because they said she was too big for it. She was sick of everything revolving around the younger sibling and decided that she would ride it anyway. She looked at the concrete stairs leading to her family's front door and envisioned a glorious sweep down the stairs, hair flying behind her, on the three wheeler. Tami's mother was speaking on the phone with her best friend; the child knew her opportunity had only a short life to live.

"Mom, " she asked, "May i ride my three wheeler down the stairs?"... it took a few tries to actually illicit a repsonse from the preoccupied adult, but finally the woman replied, "NO! You're too big. You can ride your bike on the sidewalk [in the front yard leading to the gate] but that's it." Tami began to show signs of a tantrum, so the mother chose to give peace a chance and allow her to ride the three wheeler.

Tami, of course, went to the three wheeler and immediately began hauling it up the 4 foot tall stairs. Once there she sat at the top, anticipating the joy in flight down the stairs... and fly she did, over the handle bars, plummeting head first into the concrete sidewalk. She knew she would get in trouble for getting hurt, so she simply sat dazed for a few moments and refused to cry or to go to her mother. She proceeded to go into the house, and sit on the couch staring into space.

After a few moments her mother noticed that she was falling asleep on the couch. "Tami, what are you doing? You just got up from a nap 20 minutes ago!" Tami didn't respond, and the glazed look in her wild, fully dilated eyes sent her mother racing to the window. Upon doing so she discovered the three wheeler, upside down with the wheels greeting the sky at the bottom of the stairs. "Patty!", she cried, running back to the phone, "I think Tami has a concussion; can you come to the house and wait for Scott to wake up from his nap?".

The mother then spent the next 5 minutes rushing around the house, begging Tami to stay awake, grabbing insurance forms. She then took Tami to the car, a 3 week old (in other words, brand spanking new) Subaru. It took about 17 seconds upon being buckled in for Tami to throw up all over the interior repeatedly. This sent the mother rushing back into the house for towels. Patty arrived, her own children in tow, and Tami's mother whisked her off to the hospital.

Once there they attended to her rather bad concussion. Her family finally went home late at night but Tami stayed up watching TV and being coddled by nurses and doctors, soaking up the endless comments on how cute she was. The next morning they let her choose the kind of cereal she wanted from a little box and showered praise upon her. Then her family came and she cried when they made her go home.

The End.

---

True story. Well, i don't know if i actually cried when it was time to go home, but i was pretty upset. I didn't want to leave- i vaguely remember thinking "I should just move in here, and let my parents keep my stupid brother and have other babies to take my place" or something along those lines. But yeah... from then on til i was like 12 i really liked hospitals. But then i had to get my tonsils removed and it took 5 tries to get the dumb IV in my hand... my poor mom just held my other hand (which had already been tried) as they put the fat needle into me and then scraped the stupid thing around under my skin. She almost started crying because i could only turn my head to stare at the wall and grit my teeth trying to hold back the tears. I don't cry easily, and neither does she, but to see me cry made her cry. they had to call the anesthesiologist and were speaking about putting it in the top of my foot and i adamantly refused, but they finally got the thing in. After that i became normal and hated hospitals.

well, there you go. nice LONG entry for ya'll to enjoy.

_haiku_

You're beautiful and
in everything i have loved
You are the center

*~_t_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/i_think_i_drove_by_you_just_yesterday.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=188731 hereinthelight 2004-06-15T10:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=188731 Quote of the day: "cuz you know how dogs want cookies, but they can never communicate?" - Shiona

Quote of the day #2: "you guys are weird... you're kinda creeping me out a little bit..." - Melanie

Quote of the day #3: "do you mind if i, uh, eat all that [jam] that you spilled there on the counter?" - Daniel to Melanie
"uh, we fix food up there, we don't want your shoes up there"- Melanie, to Daniel
"i know, i eat that food"- Daniel, to Melanie

Quote of the day #4: "Melanie's my little wife" - Rachael, to Daniel.

Quote of the day #5: "You have quite the little milk mustache there" - Rachael, to Melanie
"I was saving it for later" - Melanie, to Rachael.

Ok, and quote of the UNIVERSE:
"We don't swim in your toilet, so don't PEE IN OUR POOL!!!!". - Rachael, for the 92nd time in three hours.

"when you got a good one you gotta keep going with it" - Rachael, just now.


So, word up- Becky, Grayden- I convinced Sho to start a blog and so she's Oshiosan. Just so you know. But if you visit her blog and talk to her more than me... i'll get over it ;) Show her love, much love... :)

*~_t_~*

haiku later...

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/188731 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=188771 hereinthelight 2004-06-15T10:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=188771 ok, the quotes just keep coming...

"do you know what lugey means, Daniel?" - Rachael, to Daniel

"like, maybe it's French... maybe it's like luujey... like, loo-zhae" - Shiona


"but even like... hocking... it's like, so crude" - Daniel


"this is good times! keep talking!" - uh, someone awesome

"there was this poor man and he would like do... that thing that i was talking about earlier... WOULD YOU STOP IT! I didn't even say poor man! I said old man! She's writing EVERYTHING I'M SAYING! ARRRGGGHHHH!!!" - Rachael

"You can write 'from a very angry Rachael'... that's not funny... you can only write the funny stuff. people are gonna think i only say the stupid stuff and that i never say the funny stuff" - Shiona

"we're quality... us... you know... it's not funny, it's just because we're giggling at everything we say..." - Rachael

yes, it's true... these are my best friends. I am sure it's really only funny if you are here, but... meh. We are funny.

_haiku_
clowns are scary so
for that very reason i
choose gorilla. yeah.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/188771 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_ill_never_know_how_much_it_cost_to_see_my_sin_upon_that_cross.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-16T01:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_ill_never_know_how_much_it_cost_to_see_my_sin_upon_that_cross.mws so not much to say. my face is blistering- not peeling, but blistering... i am oh-so-awesome. meh. i said good-bye to one of the people closest to me in the entire world for two months (the other i had to say good-bye to for two years last February) tonight. You know that saying "it's better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all"? I really believe that... i would rather enjoy the sweet times and then go through the pain of separation and change than to never open my heart up and to remain on the fringes of life. For as much as Sharon took a piece of me with her and Rachael is now following suit, i know that it's a good pain when i miss them. and, honestly, i can see no greater honor than to support my dearest friends in prayer when they head out into the world into what God has for them. i think of the Jim Elliot quote: "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose". Amen and amen. anyway, i think i am babbling. i do that sometimes. stream of consciousness... with me it's the raging river of consciousness that forges into the ocean of insight... and the lack thereof.

i will now post the lyrics to one of my all-time favorite songs (there are three that just have stayed at the top of my favorite list for years- the other two are "Know You Better" by Reality Check and "I Will Find You" by Seven Day Jesus... perhaps they will get posted sometime, but this is it for now)

You're Everywhere by Third Day

Like the rain that falls to the earth below
Watering the seed to grow
So it is with Your precious word, oh Lord
It won't return until i know that

You're everywhere
You're everywhere

Like the wind that blows no one really knows
From where it comes or where it goes
So it is with Your Holy Spirit Lord
Falling known on us to show that

Your're everywhere
Like the rain that's falling
Your're everywhere
Like the wind that's blowing
Your're everywhere
Like the sun that's on my face
I feel the warmth in Your embrace
You are everywhere

My Lord, now I truly know
That I could never go from Your presence
My God, You are everywhere
From the lowest depths to the heavens
Your're always there

_haiku_

rising, falling yet
persevering in only
the strength of Yeshua

Christ's Alone,

*~_t_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_ill_never_know_how_much_it_cost_to_see_my_sin_upon_that_cross.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/without_you_father_theres_no_reason.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-16T02:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/without_you_father_theres_no_reason.mws ... with these hands and broken stones
i have built a legacy
now it's time to move on, move on
He's around me constantly
i kissed these lonely tears i shed good-bye...

hey loons... just a quickie before i post on a couple more blogs and get going... so the face is starting to peel; it's pretty much just sick. lol. what an adventure. oh, and world, i said this before but my friend Shiona started a blog, so show her much love and visit and stuff. Here's a link for ya: Shiona aka Oshiosan

All righty loons, that's all i got. I need to get off to the church and stuff now... May Colossians 3:1-4 be definitive of your day!

---

ooh, i am coming back to edit and add a haiku...

who i am and who
i want to be are not the
same but i'm changing

ok, bye for real!

*~_t_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/without_you_father_theres_no_reason.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/are_you_joking_me.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-16T11:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/are_you_joking_me.mws this is SO not true! Becky, Grayden, Sho- I have to hear your thoughts- Do you think this is true in the least bit?


A GIRLY-GIRL. You dont have a lot of self-esteem
and people are always bringing you down for
being sad. What do they know, anyway? You feel
like youre too mature for your age and are
frustrated by the trend-followers who refuse to
accept you because youre not like them.

Your virtues: Intelligence, understanding nature,
modesty.

Your flaws: Lack of social life, inferiority
complex, timidity..



You might like this game, but maybe it's not your
thing. Take a look anyway if you are
curious:

www.life-blood.vze.com


What kind of girl are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/are_you_joking_me.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/this_is_better.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-16T11:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/this_is_better.mws

Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results Sociability |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Aggressiveness |||||||||||||||||| 58% Assertiveness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Activity Level ||||||||||||||||||||| 62% Excitement-Seeking ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Enthusiasm |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 90% Extroversion |||||||||||||||||||||||| 71% Trust ||||||||||||||| 42% Morality |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86% Altruism |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Cooperation ||||||||||||||| 50% Modesty ||||||||||||||| 50% Sympathy ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Friendliness ||||||||||||||||||||| 61% Confidence |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Neatness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Dutifulness |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82% Achievement ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Self-Discipline |||||||||||||||||| 54% Cautiousness ||||||||||||||| 50% Orderliness ||||||||||||||||||||| 67% Anxiety ||| 10% Volatility ||||||||| 26% Depression |||||| 18% Self-Consciousness ||||||||| 26% Impulsiveness ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Vulnerability |||||| 14% Emotional Stability |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Imagination ||||||||||||||||||||| 62% Artistic Interests |||||| 14% Introspection ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Adventurousness ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Intellect |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78% Liberalism ||| 10% Openmindedness ||||||||||||||| 49%

Take Free Advanced Big 30 Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/this_is_better.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/cheap_shot_to_get_more_posts.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-17T01:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/cheap_shot_to_get_more_posts.mws ok Becky and Grayden (well, and sho and tiff, if you come) what do you think of the mother quiz below?

ps it's not a cheap shot to get more posts. i just wanted to say that.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/cheap_shot_to_get_more_posts.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_in_a_perfect_world.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-17T04:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_in_a_perfect_world.mws .: He cOuLd ShOw mE HoW tO FiNd My WaY tO LoVe... I'd WaLk A tHoUsAnD mIlEs UnDeR a StArLiT sKy To... FiNd My WaY tO lOvE :.

aight, real post. Today i slept far too long, showered and had a quiet time, and then went to the church. there i chatted with John, met with Scott, helped out Kathy, talked to Nathan (por telefono), updated the college directory, listened to the youth practice for worship team, listened to Terry's sermon, thought a lot about what it means to truly love people and to value unity, and then had Jordan's Call (ie worship team practice for Sunday). Then i came home, made dinner at 10:30 at night-ouch, i know- but have i ever mentioned how much i LOVE teriyaki stirfry? Those Japanese got at least one thing right... oh, at least two- Honda!... anyway, then i of course wasted the last 4 hours on the internet. Well, and i played guitar.

hmmm... my face is starting to not hurt, and that's a praise, but that's because it's this nasty leathery mess that feels like i have a mud masque on whenever i move any facial muscle. i think i am grumpy and need to sleep. i don't get grumpy too often... but i am not very nice when i am in a bad mood... but i am not really grumpy, just tired... and i don't normally deal with this but i have a lot on my mind.

do you ever wish you could just start over? sometimes i do. but wishing is useless and gets me nowhere. there's a lot of junky stuff that has happened to me that i wouldn't change because it's developed my character and if someone had to have those things happen to them i would rather it was me than someone else because... well, because it's better that way. i am discovering something about myself, though- i am so used to being the loser constantly making poor choices that when i am in a healthy place and someone else is wronging me i don't quite know how to handle it.

i would rather be the one messing up than to have to figure out how to deal with the one making a poor choice... this is hard. But you know, God is a God of second chances. He doesn't forget, but look at Rahab- God knew she was a prostitute, yet He saw her for who she was, not what she was. Later, after Jericho fell and it was all said and done, Rahab is still referred to as a prostitute, such as in... meh, some book in the new testament. i will fight laziness and look it up...

ok, Hebrews 11:31 and James 2:25 both refer to her as either "the harlot Rahab" or "Rahab the harlot", respectively. Anyway, her past was not erased. Yet, it shaped her character in a good way to overcome her past and remember that from which she came. The fact that Boaz was so compassionate to Ruth and Naomi and that Rahab was his mother is inextricably linked.

Much the same, i have done a lot of really dumb things, made poor choices, refused to see myself in light of God's holiness, and chose to try and content myself with a life of mediocrity. Yet, as i look back, i cannot help but be overwhelmed by God's grace. For example, let's take the issue of... guys. well, not guys per se, but my horrifying tendency to think i have figured out who "the one" is, and to try and make them fall in love with me... ugh, just writing it is so lame.

so that is a stronghold i am just finally truly able to say i have overcome in the big sense. sadly, i can look back at my life and see that each year of school is characterized by who i liked. i actually don't remember much of my childhood, for sad reasons, just vague random memories that i am not sure if i actually remember or if i made them up when my mom would tell me stories about my childhood. anyway, that's probably depressing for others to read. so... i don't remember anything much before i moved away from Quincy and the badness there. but i remember stuff a little better starting with when i moved to Republic in the 6th grade.

so...sixth grade- Dorian R. junior high- Dorian and Kris. Frosh year- David H. Soph year- TJ D. Junior Year- Cody L. Senior year and Frosh year of college- Tim. Soph, Jr, and part of Sr. year of college- someone from church. now, the roots of this? i have never had a good, healthy, strong male influence in my life. i wanted a man to love me and thought that being with a good guy, marrying him, and having a good family with him would fix the hurt. i yearned for something good after all the badness in my life. sadly, i can honestly say that i never experienced what it's like to be truly loved until i came to Crossover. not from my parents, friends, etc. In fact, people in authority over me or people i finally trusted hurt me the worst.

i was a very unsafe person, particularly when i was sure i was supposed to marry someone. i have good qualities such as i am very loyal, very passionate, very faithful, very loving, very tenacious, persevering, etc. I love to love even more than i love to be loved. However, put that into an unhealthy context and i am very unsafe. But i can honestly say that stronghold was torn down as an ancient ruin almost 5 months ago. but the oh-so-lovely consequences haunt me.

even though i know i am in a much more healthy place now i have people watching me, waiting for me to fail. i can hardly trust myself, let alone have authority figures eyeing me like a hawk. but i see the goodness of God in that i am able to speak life into others on the subject because God through His Word spoke life into me. And just as with Rahab, God hasn't forgotten, but in a good way.

He knows who i was, and He rejoices with me all the more when i make a healthy choice despite a past lack of wisdom. and as for everyone else that holds my past against me... i can't try to fix them. They stand accountable to God, and I can trust Him to deal with their heart.

And when they hurt me... well, i have been hurt a lot and i know that Jesus and Jesus alone can take my pain and turn it to joy, transforming my sorrow into gladness. I actually praise God for my past mistakes because they, just like that which happened to me that wasn't my fault, have developed my character and matured me. and it was through my poor choices that God was able to break me and become so preciously real to me. i know that my Redeemer lives, and i have no doubt in His pure, perfect, unconditional love for me. I struggle to forgive and not punish myself but i know that Jesus covered all- ALL- my sin on the cross. No man, no family, no friend, no possession, no status, no reward, no ability will EVER be able to try to satisfy me the way Jesus can. I can truly say i know and live that.

i obviously still make mistakes. do i still want to figure out who i'll marry? yeah. it's funny though how once i started just loving Jesus my problem was less that i was hurt because i was being rejected but rather that i was the one trying to keep healthy friendships and not lead anyone on. ah, man, it's still weird just to write that. but even my relationships with girls have changed so so SO much in the last few months. I care less about me... i joke about it a lot, but i actually am much more intentional to ask people about them, and i actually CARE- i'm not just making small talk so we can get to talking about me. sick. i can't believe that's who i was.

anyway... wow. where did all of that come from? it's incredible what pours out of me at 3 am.

but, well, world... this is me. take it or leave it. i, for one, am quite taken with the most powerful man in the universe. His name is Jesus Christ, King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He is my Maker, My Husband. When all is said and done i will not regret 'marrying' myself to Him in this life.

i will share something God revealved to me when writing a Bible study a few months ago. every girl dreams about her wedding from a young age. no girl envisions some ugly guy at the altar, or some guy checking out the bridesmaids when she steps onto that aisle leading her to her mate. and no girl fantasizes that her man will be a loser, the guy who everyone despises, the wimp who never takes a stand for what's right, the guy who wears a wife-beater and wipes his greasy hands on his shirt while watching football as his wife yearns for a husband and his children starve for a father. in other words- no girl wants to marry a loser. yet if i spend this life trying to find satisfaction in ANYTHING other than Jesus Christ Himself, putting anything ahead of Him- be it emotions, materialism, insecurity, food, a desire to be loved or respected or admired or needed, etc- if anything comes before Jesus and that is the pattern of my life then i will arrive at the wedding banquet of the Lamb only to discover i am not the bride of the Lamb and i, in fact, played the harlot myself (Ezekiel 16 speaks rather scathingly about this) and 'married' a loser. No thank you. I choose Jesus.

I am, deep down, a girly girl. I yearn for a man, a manly man. Not like... Gustan, the sick hairy guy on beauty and the beast, but someone that when we go for a walk at night and i hold his hand i feel safe. i can't explain that... it's a girl thing. i want someone whom i can be a help mate to... someone who will be a dad and a leader and be able to tell me no (that's SO important... i need that in a man, no doubt). i want my daughter to have that which i have never had- a daddy. I have a heavenly Father, and i am in no way ungrateful. but i wish the men of this world could see how much it means for a girl to have a good, strong, loving dad and not someone who tells them they are ugly, fat, stupid, untalented, lazy, whatever. anyway... *sigh* now i feel all mushy wondering who my future husband is. who knows... maybe Jesus will return next week and i am not meant to get married. but if am supposed to... and he's alive out there somewhere... i have never met him (well, i can't be sure about that) but i am so in love with him because i choose to be. this heart belongs to no human man but him.

ok, story and then i need to shut up. i can't believe i am still typing... but writing is very calming to me, and for some reason knowing that other people will read it calms me. that's odd, but i am kind of weird.

so... rewind 6 years to today's date. i had just gotten saved about a month ago, and God was radically changing me. I went to the Creation festival and heard some dude talking about not dating... uh, yeah right. i had a hard time imagining still being a virgin for more than a few months into college (as a kid i was sure i'd have sex by age 17- i remember when Brenda on Beverly Hills 90210 lost her viriginity at 17 and i remember thinking- no joke- as a nine or ten year old "i'm SURE i will have had sex by then!"). my parents (not Christians) also thought this too. the irony is that i had pretty much never even touched a guy up to this point and had never been anywhere near having a boyfriend...

so- this Joshua Harris dude is talking about not dating and i think he's a psycho. but i do decide that i am not going to have sex before marriage. i come home and tell my parents; they tell me i should sleep with at least 4 guys before we get married- how else will i know if we are 'compatible'? i tell them that if i get married as a virgin i won't know whether it's good sex or not, and that i trust God to bless my obedience with good sex in marriage (in retrospect i can't believe i said that to my parents as a 16 year old- wow)

so fast forward a year. i go to Creation again, this time actually agreeing with some of the not dating stuff and seeing the need to not just date casually or even seriously if it's not with the intent of marriage. i go to a camp and realize that though i have been saved for a year i have not lived for Christ at all; i choose then and there to live my life for Him. i decide to read I Kissed Dating Good-bye again and actually absorb what the guy has to say (the first time i only read it because my friend practically shoved it down my throat, but i hated it and spent most of my time thinking about how lame the dude was...) For the talent show portion of camp i read chapter 7 (about his dream... if you've read the book you know what i am talking about) and start crying in front of 40 people, most of whom i hardly know (most of those being from Australia) at the part where Jesus signs over the sins with His blood... and I am so choked up that i have to hide my face behind the book and struggle to catch my breath before i can finish reading. for anyone that knows me this is NOT a typical Tami thing, but it was the first time i really remember God softening my heart to Him.

anyway, i went on a mission trip to Montana and it's weird... i have so many memories that are just shadows and i can't seem to see anything but through a thick, mostly opaque veil. But in some memories it's as though i can go back and live for a split second in that moment. one time is at that same Fourth of July camp when i hid in the shower so i wouldn't have to see anyone, crying, holding my face in my hands saying, "i don't want to live for myself anymore, Jesus- i want to live for You." (the Fourth of July is a very, very special day to me, and thus is one of my very favorite holiday's second only to Easter... and this year is mine and Jesus' five year anniversary of intimacy on July 4th) anyway, the other memory is sort of similar, but i remember it so clearly- we were coming back from our mission trip (at Camp Utmost, near Missoula MT), and the van's alignment was off and so it swerved a lot and facing forward was making me really sick. so i sat with my back against the passenger seat, headphones on, hugging my pillow in my lap (i do this on most all road trips) staring out the window watching the road speed past. it struck me how easily i would give my heart away if any boy i ever liked would just like me back. so i had a vision, or the closest thing to one i've ever had... it was so real... suddenly i saw my heart, the romantic part meant for my future husband alone, as a heart shaped jewelry box. all of that which my mate will receieve from me, be it physical, spiritual, emotional, etc, was in that box. i then saw myself taking a key and locking the box, and handing the key to Jesus, asking Him to help me to guard that box by only allowing the man whom He gives the key to my heart to to actually unlock the box and receive me. and He has protected me since then, especially in my last two 'crushes' (though they were so much more than a simple crush; still wrong, but not a frivolous thing) by not allowing me to get what i wanted when i tried to pursue. both rejected me hard core, and for that i am grateful.

so, all that to say that only the man that petitions to Jesus about whether i am the one for him and receives from God the opportunity accept the key to my heart (so cheesy, i know, but i don't care) and permission to then pursue me and win the ability to actually use that key, thus winning my heart, will receive from me all that wonderful stuff bottled up in me that will make a man feel like the most godly, blessed, and loved man in the world... i say this in all humility, not because i am great, but because in Christ i will seek to be a precious jewel to my husband.

so... that's my story. this is so long! i have been typing for nearly two hours. sick. how did that happen? i don't know. we'll see how i feel about this post when i get up... but it's totally light outside. i need to go to bed... but if you really read this whole thing, wow, and thanks. i'd love to hear your thoughts no matter who you are. or if you have questions, particularly if you think not dating (or not having sex, for that matter) is the most assanine thing you have ever heard of, then feel free to ask. I'd love to share with ya, and i can try to be perhaps somewhat more concise than this was, lol. :)

_haiku_
so sick as this is
when i eat asparagus
my pee smells all weird

just remember... i am either REALLY crazy or REALLY serious. lol...

*~_t_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_in_a_perfect_world.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/ripped_from_oshos_blog.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-17T02:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/ripped_from_oshos_blog.mws

Global Personality Test Results

Sensate (53%) medium which suggests you are moderately empathetic, sensitive, and considerate of others. Intellectual (63%) moderately high which suggests you tend to be internally motivated, self seeking, and independent. Assertive (66%) moderately high which suggests you are proactive, direct, competitive, and intense.

Take Free Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/ripped_from_oshos_blog.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/well_i_am_gonna_play_guitar_but_first.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-17T04:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/well_i_am_gonna_play_guitar_but_first.mws



Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz.

Take the quiz: "What hair product are you?"

mousse
You are mousse! You are fun loving and sweet. Always innocent but sometimes you are misunderstod by those around you!

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/well_i_am_gonna_play_guitar_but_first.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_so_it_was_jeremy_in_1983_in_his_ocean_pacific_tee.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-17T04:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_so_it_was_jeremy_in_1983_in_his_ocean_pacific_tee.mws so, before i forget to do a real post...
this morning...eh... afternoon... when i got up i had a quiet time and it was cool because i finished up I Corinthians today. So then i read MUFHH (good ol' Ozzie Chambers... kicks my tail pretty much everyday) and he said...

There is no escaping the penetrating search of my life by Jesus. If I see the little speck in your eye, it means that I have a plank of timber in my own (see Matthew 7:3-5 ). Every wrong thing that I see in you, God finds in me. Every time I judge, I condemn myself (see Romans 2:17-24 ). Stop having a measuring stick for other people. There is always at least one more fact, which we know nothing about, in every person’s situation. The first thing God does is to give us a thorough spiritual cleaning. After that, there is no possibility of pride remaining in us. I have never met a person I could despair of, or lose all hope for, after discerning what lies in me apart from the grace of God.


So i was thinking about it and i realized that Paul really truly loved the Corinthians, despite all of their faults. He had 2,001 reasons to criticize and reject them, but instead he loved them, encouraged them, and even sent his beloved son-type Timothy to them. He desired to be able to stay with them for an entire winter; i don't know about you but when i have friends that are pretty immature and carnal, i don't want to settle down with them... ouch. how convicting. so anyway, that's me. i am baby-sitting tonight... now i will really play guitar.

_haiku_


boxes, boxes all
over the floors and shelves in
my room. depressing.

*~_t_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_so_it_was_jeremy_in_1983_in_his_ocean_pacific_tee.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_i_guess_silence_is_not_an_option_at_this_stage.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-17T11:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_i_guess_silence_is_not_an_option_at_this_stage.mws so today... good day... slept far too long, got up, had a quiet time (as i mentioned earlier), wasted far too much time doing absolutely nothing (productive, that is), showered, baby-sat, came home, and now i am here.

so i baby sat for an 8 month old and a three year old... they were so cute. I am nowhere near having the "i want one of those" bug yet (some of my friends certainly are there) but i really love kids. They usually like me too. I hope i will be a good mom... anyway, the baby wouldn't let me put him down so i had to hold him until he fell asleep, but there is nothing like cuddling with a baby. And he's one of my favorites kinds, that snuggles in and then strokes your arm with his cute little hands. So then he finally fell asleep (his name is Joah) so then Natalee, his older sister, was still not asleep so i had to hold her until she fell asleep too and she did the same thing. i love that :) i hope their parents were blessed to be able to go to Bible study and the scrapbooking thing. I always offer to babysit for couples with young kids because they never get any time to be romantic or just enjoy one another, so hopefully i will get to do that for them sometime. anyway. this is probably really boring. sorry world.

ok, praise time. So i was seriously wondering how i would pay for my mission trip next week. It's only $130 but... well... let's just say i have no job, am soon to be homeless, and have no savings account because i have been a fool. Well i have a some savings but it's for SE Asia and is not to be touched. So, suffice it to say that in since Tuesday $132 has come into my possession. Some of it was random (people paying me back for things from months ago), and i made $60 baby-sitting in 9 hours. How happy. So, praise Jesus, i can go and don't have to feel like a fool. Oh, and i have like $60 more in reimbursements for some stuff coming my way, and someone else owes me money for something too. God is so faithful to me. And today i had to turn down a job for three days for next week because i will be on the mission trip; but i am trusting God for more work when i get home. I am so blessed. God provides for me in supernatural ways and has never failed me.

ok, that's all. I have to work in the morning. No being stupid and staying up til 5 am tonight! i know, i am dumb. let's not think about it, k?

how about some random song lyrics because i am feeling... that way.

i know that You wanna change me
wanna rearrange the way i feel inside
and i've heard
that You take the broken
hearts of lonely souls and
You make all things right

Do You know
who i am?
have You seen
the things i've done?

~Who I Am~ by Third Day


When everything inside you knows
there's more than what you've heard
there's so much more than empty conversations
filled with empty words
and you're on fire when
He's near you
you're on fire when
He speaks
you're on fire burning up in
these mysteries

give me one more time around
give me one more chance to see
give me everything You are
give me one more chance to
be near You
when everything inside me
looks like everything i hate
You are the hope i have for change
You are the only chance i'll take
and i'm on fire when You're near me
i'm on fire when You speak...

~On Fire~ by Switchfoot


change my name
i've left myself
and You remain
change my name...
come and take away my pride

break it
burn it
I know that you've
always
hated it

it's hard to see it
but I love you
more than all
of this

~Change My Name~ by Cadet

raining down
i feel Your Spirit falling
all around me now

my true Friend
the Beginning and the End
Jesus
You're always there for me

i just wanna see You
i just want
to be
with You

~Raining Down~ by By the Tree

you
I only wanna spend my time
with you
I cracked my skin so I could
be with you
I made the world
to stop it
just for you
I wanna be with you

~Little~ by Seven Places


ok. no haiku. i am tired.

*~_t_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_i_guess_silence_is_not_an_option_at_this_stage.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/uh_more_lyrics.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-18T12:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/uh_more_lyrics.mws eVeRyThInG aBoUt YoU by sAnCtUs ReAl

Be my light in this darkened room
I'm on my face and I'm calling You
I can't fathom all You've done for me
Everytime it finds me on my knees
Like sunlight in the winter cold

cHoRuS
And everything about You
It takes my breath away [hallelujah]
I tried this once without You
And it was my great mistake [hallelujah]

Questions fade
When You invade
You chase all of my fears away
With Your love in my atmosphere
All confusion disappears
And nothing but Your truth remains

cHoRuS

Questions Fade
You remain
You are color on a page white
Bright like clouds beneath the light
Like a glowing city on the plains
You call my name [x2]

cHoRuS

Halleluja-ah-ah
Hallelujah
Halleluja-ah-ah
Hallelujah

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/uh_more_lyrics.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_being_popular_is_lame.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-18T01:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_being_popular_is_lame.mws so i am at work right now, on my lunch break. How goes it with thee, world? i like working... i feel better about life when i work as opposed to sitting at home all day, doing nothing of worth other than maybe like laundry or the dishes. So... yeah. this is nice.

ok, personal note to you all: i am really sick and tired of Americans getting their heads cut off. I am not here to argue with anyone about the political implications, and i unabashedly support our president in whatever he believes is the right action to take. I just am really disgusted and deeply disturbed at the fact that people seem to think that the answer to their problems is to kill innocent people. My heart breaks for them, as well as for those who have been (and most likely will continue to be) killed as well as their families... i can only say "Come quickly, Lord Jesus." *sigh*

That's all i've got for now... i have 9 more minutes to post on some other blogs or whatever.

_haiku_

i have decided
i really appreciate
nice walls inside homes

*~_t_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_being_popular_is_lame.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_im_bittersweet.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-18T11:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_im_bittersweet.mws grrr... i just poured myself into a real post... and of course for some reason i am not signed in (maybe because i signed in at work today? i dunno) and of course it all got deleted... i am tired and maybe my discernment is not at it's highest so that's most likely for the best.

suffice it to say that when the rubber meets the road i am having a hard time loving someone who repeatedly rejects me when i fail in their eyes, yet is doing the very thing that they hate in me so much. to love them sounds so good to say on Sunday mornings, but when they do what they do i feel helpless. what can i say? my past glares me in the face, mocking me, telling me that i have no say. and maybe that's true. but to believe God to work in this person, to break them and change them... that's hard. i know how to shut down and shut out. i know how to give the facade of intimacy while the raped (not literally... well, not entirely literally, at least), bruised and broken one lies in shame discarded in the corner. i don't want to go back there... yet leaving myself open to the constant rejection of one whom i am supposed to be able to trust more than anyone else is killing me. i am trying so hard to love them and they are only bringing death to relationship (See Proverbs 8:36... sin brings death to more than just oneself- it kills relationships). But the truth is... i cannot do it on my own power. Just today i read in II Corinthians with Paul telling the church to take back in love someone who did a lot of spiritual damage that the whole church actually united against because of their destructiveness...

the truth is, if i would look more honestly at myself and remember that from which i came, and all that has been forgiven of me and all that has changed in me, i would believe God that He can change this person. i am so tired... confused... i rarely feel this way. but i am haunted by this, haunted by the knowing that i cannot forgive myself and yet i think i believe God has forgiven me.

well, i will do something crazy that i may undo later but i am doing to post a poem. understand that i don't know if it's good, i know nothing about poetry, and i don't care. i am not trying to impress you; this was not written for you but i will share a piece of my soul with you. i think i am tired and a little crazy... but i could stand to be a more vulnerable person. so here goes...

So this is me then
Broken
Naked
Raw

I've emptied my coffers
On that which
Swallows
Me
Whole

So this is me then
And You
You are there.
I am here.
With nothing.

Nothing to say.
Nothing to give.
So this is me then.

The blood
The blood that
Stains
The ground
Upon which I stand.

And You
Loving me
Giving to me
Speaking to me
And me… still
With nothing

If I close my eyes
Will You think I can't hear?
Can't see?
I open them
You remain.

So this is me then.
And You
You are still here.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_im_bittersweet.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_haiku.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-19T12:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_haiku.mws because i forgot...

bite and devour
with your eyes and your stealthy
movements. i hate it.


(ps if you think this is you rest assured it is not... there is one person whom i have talked about eyes, and biting and devouring with. it's not you, but in case you are a little like "maybe it's me?". it's not you. who it is is not the point.)

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_haiku.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/uh_sad_day.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-19T11:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/uh_sad_day.mws Take the quiz: "The MOOD quiz! (With cool blinkies!)"

Clueless
You're a really nice person, popular and everything! You just don't have a lot going on up above... Don't worry about it, we still love you!

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/uh_sad_day.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=195165 hereinthelight 2004-06-19T11:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=195165 Take the quiz: "What is your personal mascot?"

Monkey
Monkey
You are a fun-loving creature aren't you? That's why a monkey suits your tastes best! You always have a smile on your face and you are funny. Congrats!!

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/195165 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_calling_on_my_savior_to_be_all_that_i_need.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-19T01:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_calling_on_my_savior_to_be_all_that_i_need.mws here are some song lyrics that have meant a lot to me today:

~Hallelujah~ by Newsboys

walk into the sunlight so bright
illumination blocking out night
she knows that the promises are airtight
there is no doubt and you can see it in her eyes

you'll hear her singing to heaven - even
without letting out a word to be heard
in every single situation (none too big - none too small)
she looks up and the world looks on

she sings hallelujah
when all has become nothing
and her hope in the saviour
has colored all she does
and taints the way she loves

she sings hallelujah
and falls to the ground again
with hands stretched up to the sky
waiting for the day
she'll hear the father say...

step into the spotlight - so bright
a character check in the dead of night
to cut the stays of reason, till death defy
all understanding in the neighbour's eye
to run the race like this day's the last celebrate
in all we do and all we say look up
'cause the world looks on

we sing hallelujah
when all has become nothing
our hope in the saviour
has colored all we do
let it be for you

we'll sing hallelujah
and fall to the ground again
with hands stretched up to the sky
we're waiting for the day
we'll hear the father say
yeah, to hear him say
"well done, good and faithful one
enter in, come on, share with me
welcome home good and faithful one
on an on through eternity

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_calling_on_my_savior_to_be_all_that_i_need.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_im_learning_to_breathe_learning_to_crawl_finding_that_you_and_you_alone_can_bre.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-19T02:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_im_learning_to_breathe_learning_to_crawl_finding_that_you_and_you_alone_can_bre.mws so this is the way...

today was very good for me. from the inside out i am being eaten by this situation. this morning i meant to go to women's prayer, but i realized that my motivation was wrong. i wanted to prove something to people; now that doesn't mean that next week i can use the same excuse. this morning i just felt really strongly that i needed to spend time with Jesus away from everyone. it was good, and God spoke to me so clearly.

i always assume i am supposed to say something when i discern wrong doing. i discern things a lot. sometimes i wish i weren't so observant and able to see through people; but when i am in the spirit it's a good thing. it's just when i am in my flesh that God's gift to me becomes a hindrance. God clearly told me to say nothing and to pray for this person. and, the hardest part, to love them and allow them to think wrongly of me without me explaining myself to them...

this kills me. i hate more than anything else to be misunderstood. that is why i am so details oriented, i think. i need every fact, and i analyze every possible reason, every possible outcome. then i am able to present the facts, rest in them myself, and disgorge ambiguity. in this, when someone thinks something of me, i need to be able to explain myself, dispel any wrong perceptions, and address the situation, to have it all out in the open.

ergo, when someone thinks wrongly of me and i know it, it literally shreds away at me inside. or when i have done wrong i need to confess it, ask for forgiveness, and make things right. to have someone make an assumption or a snap judgment on me that is incorrect and then for me to say nothing... this is one of the hardest things in my entire existence. yet God clearly told me this morning assume i am to say nothing unless He clearly allows the opportunity to speak- i am to walk above reproach in His sight and to let Him deal with this person not matter how wrong they are.

i don't deal well with this. this is why i would rather be the one messing up. i usually amthe one in the wrong; i deal with being confronted far better than i do being the one who is in the position to confront and not being able to do so. and actually, i don't enjoy confrontation all that much- i literally feel sick before i need to confront someone, even though when i actually do it you can't tell.

this is getting way long... i didn't mean for it to... here's the passage God really spoke to me with this morning:

5We don't go around preaching about ourselves; we preach Christ Jesus, the Lord. All we say about ourselves is that we are your servants because of what Jesus has done for us. 6For God, who said, "Let there be light in the darkness," has made us understand that this light is the brightness of the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ.
7But this precious treasure--this light and power that now shine within us--is held in perishable containers, that is, in our weak bodies. So everyone can see that our glorious power is from God and is not our own.
8We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken. We are perplexed, but we don't give up and quit. 9We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going. 10Through suffering, these bodies of ours constantly share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.

II Corinthians 4:5-10


in verse 5 it says that i am to serve this person because of what Jesus has done for me- not because of what they have done, nor because i have the power to love them on my own. Oh, that i would let God bring light into my places of secret darkness- the light that is the brightness of the glory of God. wow. how much i have to learn about what it really means to be a disciple and intimate friend of Jesus Christ. and how small is this situation, this trouble of mine, in the grand scheme of things. i pray that one day i would learn what it truly means to suffer- i don't think i am yet ready to be counted worthy of suffering for Jesus Christ in such a way.

how i love Him. Jesus is so faithful to me- i pray i never forget this, and that i never, ever forget all that i am in my flesh apart from Christ. i am capable of every evil thing; this i know very well. who am i to stand before Him and declare my hurt? i count it rubbish next to knowing Jesus my Lord. I am right now making the deliberate choice to love this person and to overlook their offense because by Jesus' stripes i am healed. I don't HAVE to wallow in my pain, but i can choose to. i choose not.

now, of course, a haiku.

Jesus, my Jesus
You alone to whom i cling
this day i am Yours

*~_t_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_im_learning_to_breathe_learning_to_crawl_finding_that_you_and_you_alone_can_bre.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_i_wanna_be_mistaken_for_jesus.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-19T11:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_i_wanna_be_mistaken_for_jesus.mws ok world- here's the deal. i am going on a mission trip for the ensuing 5 days and thus will not be posting on here (or doing any other blogging activities such as replying to posts, etc). But feel free to reply to this here post and say hi. And if you are, oh, let's just say Becky, Shiona, or Grayden, i covet your prayers anytime the Lord brings me to mind this week. I will now post the lyrics to what shall be my theme song while in good 'old Canadia:

Mistaken
Written by Warren Barfield

I shouldn’t have to tell you who I am
Cause who I am should be speaking for itself
Cause if I am who I want to be
Then who you see won’t even be me
Oh the more and more I disappear
The more and more He becomes clear
Chorus:
‘ Til everyone I talk to hears His voice
And everything I touch feels the warmth of His hand
‘ Til everyone I meet
Sees Jesus in me
This is all I wanna be
I wanna be mistaken
For Jesus
Oh I wanna be mistaken
Do they only see who we are
But who we are should be pointing them to Christ
Cause we are who He chose to use
To spread the news
Of the way the truth and the life
Oh I want all I am to die
So all He is can come alive
‘ Til everyone I talk to hears His voice
And everything I touch feels the warmth of His hand
‘ Til everyone I meet
Sees Jesus in me
This is all I wanna be
I wanna be mistaken
For Jesus
Oh I wanna be
Oh I need to be mistaken
For you
Oh I wanna be mistaken
Bridge:
May He touch with my hands
See through my eyes
May He speak through my lips
Live through my life
I want Him to
I want Him to live

_haiku_

are you a loser
if you leave tomorrow and
you haven't packed yet?

*lol* i never pack til it's time to run out the door, with the exception maybe of when i was in Asia for two months last summer... instead i packed right before i went to bed the night before.

later world...

*~_t_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_i_wanna_be_mistaken_for_jesus.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_you_are_not_alone.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-24T06:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_you_are_not_alone.mws what a blessed girl am i. i am just... overflowing. Not like emotional mush, but just... wow. I am so blessed. I had one of the most amazing weeks of my life. Reminiscent of Asia, just really seeking God's face and being intentional in everything i do, from praying for people i see at the grocery store to just blessing the people working, asking their name, thanking them, and seeking to have an intentional conversation. What a blessing. I am just excited to know and love Jesus, and what a blessing the youth were. I may say more later, but i love them with a pure and steadfast love. Praise Jesus for who He is, and the way He continues on with me.

_haiku_
i am about to
go and partake in some swell
Japanese food... yay!

Christ's Alone,
tami

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_you_are_not_alone.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_know_that_i_would_fight_the_tides_to_be_together.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-25T12:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_know_that_i_would_fight_the_tides_to_be_together.mws Ok, just a little bit more about my trip. It was amazing... basically, we went to a city of around 20,000 and prayed (mostly prayerwalking the city) and intentionally tried to build relationships with anyone we could meet, such as store clerks or people on the street or in the store, whatever. There's so much to say, but the biggest thing i learned is that which i prayed for- so easily could this be my lifestyle.

It's this simple- go to buy your groceries. Pray about which line to get into. Meet Lorea. Ask her questions- about her day, her shift, her name, whatever. Try to find out when she regularly works. Go back when you know she'll be there. Try to continue building the relationship. I never got to see anyone again, sadly, that i met, but man it was just awesome to really be intentional with every thought, every conversation, every word.

I was so blessed by the youth... we had a sweet, sweet time of encouragement last night. You know when you throw the ball of string around and say what you love and appreciate about one another? Yeah... wow. Seriously only 2 of 24 people weren't crying, and that includes 8 guys (only 1 guy didn't cry). But it was a sweet thing.

You know, i hate to cry normally. But at the end of mission trips or retreats, stuff like that, you are always tired and that just lets down your emotional guard. it does for me at least... but it's good, because i am able to just be honest and say the things i really mean, no holds barred.

This week i had such sweet times with God. I don't even know where to start... basically, i had gotten to a place where i had a quiet time because i didn't want to feel guilty for not having one, but not because i wanted to actually meet with God and have Him meet with me. This week, however, every morning God spoke to me and i saw it apply in the rest of my day. Incredible.

God is doing such a deep work in me about loving people, truly loving them. It is continually before me, to die to myself, to put the interests of others before my own, etc. I will share two main things God said (though there are SO many more).

First, i tend to love people once they become lovable. I love to a certain point but then i stop and wait for reciprocation that will inspire me to go beyond that point. But i am being so convicted of how sinfully selfish that is. I am not my own- i have been bought with a price, that being the innocent blood of Jesus Christ shed on the cross to pay the penalty for my sin. I, then, love on the basis of what Jesus has done for me... i read that but i can't find it right now.

The other cool thing pertaining to love was this: I am to live under the control of Jesus' love in whatever i do (II Corinthians 5:14). How rarely i do that! but this week i was reminded of what God did in me in SE Asia a year ago- i surrendered all of me and just let the Holy Spirit have me. When i did that He worked through me in ways i would never have ever expected, and just... it was Jesus who spent 2 months there and not tami. And now i am receiving reports back that there is at least one student of mine (i taught English) who remembers me and is considering becoming a Christian still because of that short time God allowed me to have with her. Amazing.

This week also, i just decided tami didn't matter and i only wanted Jesus, and God worked. I want to be that way in my everyday life. Oh, how i pray that this will be a true lifestyle change. I want this to be similar to Asia, in that i can look back in a year or ten years and see how God picked me up from the path that i was on and just set my feet on an entirely new path.

Finally, i love youth. This trip is confirming that which i have long thought might be true. Oh, that i would believe God's vision for me is so much more than i imagine for myself... Isaiah 64:4 says,

"For since the world began, no ear has heard, and no eye has seen a God like you, who works for those who wait for Him!" [NLT]

and the amplified Bible takes the I Corinthians 2:9 quote of that and says this:

"But, on the contrary, as the Scripture says, What eye has not seen and ear has not heard and has not entered into the heart of man, [all that] God has prepared (made and keeps ready) for those who love Him [who hold Him in affectionate reverence, promptly obeying Him and gratefully recognizing the benefits He has bestowed]."

How amazing. How i love Jesus... the plans He has for me are perfect, and i rest in Him. Finally, i will share this. God really spoke to me about something. In John 15:13 it says, "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends." I always just assumed this meant to be willing to physically suffer and die the way Jesus did. But as i pondered this last night i thought about how life usually means one's soul, that being his/her mind, will, and emotions. I need to be willing to lay down my thoughts, my motives, and my desire to pelase myself- they need to die, so that i can be selfless and forgive, encourage, and truly love my friends. This is so cool- i wondered what Greek Word was used, and lo and behold I came home and looked it up and life in the Greek in John 15:13 is "psuchē", the same word for souls in James 1:21 ("and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls"). How cool is that? That is a testimony that God spoke to me through the Holy Spirit, revealing something that was true when i looked it up later. I mean, life in John 15:13 could be "bios", literally implying existence, or "zoe", which can be literal or figurative, or "biotikos", which refers to things that pertain to this life... but it was the word which means to lay down my soul and die to self... wow. What good word from God- that is the epitome of love.

Ok, i should stop. This is long, it's 1 am, and i need to get up and just spend time with God tomorrow and not waste away my life sleeping. That's lame. So, goodnight world.

_haiku_

long drives with other
fun people in the car are
my favorite thing

Christ's Alone,
tami

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_know_that_i_would_fight_the_tides_to_be_together.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_show_me_the_meaning_of_love.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-26T09:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_show_me_the_meaning_of_love.mws ... ShOw Me tHe SeCrEtS tO lIfE
aNd I'lL cRaSh iN tHe RaIn
YoUr LoVe Is AlL i NeEd
- Arafax Deep, Falling Up

Today was a long but good day. Went to ladies prayer (i haven't been in... oh, let's say 3 months) and am so glad i did. The truth is that for the last few months i have cared about either softball, sleep, or staying up late the night before/sleep more than i cared about praying for my own church. How incredibly selfish i am. But i went this morning and God moved. The joy of obedience :)

After prayer i went with some youth to go swimming and stuff at a fam's house from church. That was really fun. I am really excited for the relationships God is building there. I pray that He will use me to speak life and i will be more than just a fun older sister type. Today one of them (an only child) told me i am like the sister they never had. That's a blessing, but i want to also be used by God.

I had an interesting conversation with the worship pastor from church today. I told him how God is really working in me about worship and the vocal talents God has given me. These are verses God is using to speak to me, from Psalm 137...

3
For there our captors demanded a song of us.
Our tormentors requested a joyful hymn:
"Sing us one of those songs of Jerusalem!"
4
But how can we sing the songs of the LORD
while in a foreign land?
5
If I forget you, O Jerusalem,
let my right hand forget its skill upon the harp.
6
May my tongue stick to the roof of my mouth
if I fail to remember you,
if I don't make Jerusalem my highest joy.

The thing is, i know God has blessed me with musical talent, vocally in particular. I was sharing with Mark that i am realizing that God's blessing to me is not just from Him, it's FOR Him. Mark told me that it goes a step further, and it's for them... wow. God wants to use me and i get too caught up in not wanting to mess up. Such a testimony of so many more areas of my life...

Anyway, God is teaching me a lot about freedom. It wasn't until i went on this trip with the youth that i realized the oppression i have lived under here at home. Eyes, watching me, expecting me to fail, making wrong assumptions that are not true yet i am not freed up to make right the wrong perceptions. I am under a heavy hand here, and it's being allowed by God but it's not Him who is the one suffocating me; He is using it for His glory, but it's being caused by the sin of others.

It doesn't mean i have an excuse to be bitter or unforgiving of those who have wronged me, but my past failure no longer needs to be indicative of my future performance. God has changed me, and He wants me to walk with Him in freedom. He certainly will give me the victory. And in many areas He has.

Jesus is the love of my life. The world can have their books, their movies, their lies... but it's all fading away. In the end, it's all about that day when i stand before my Lord and my God at the judgment seat and the words i will hear then. May i never lose sight of the prize, but rather choose to keep my eyes fixed on the goal set by the Author and Perfector of my faith.

That's me.

_haiku_

the rain and thunder
and lightning are beautiful
praise God for His works

Christ's Alone,
tami

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_show_me_the_meaning_of_love.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_so_what_can_i_do_to_get_closer.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-26T11:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_so_what_can_i_do_to_get_closer.mws i so very nearly forgot to mention something... God is so affirming me right now in what He can do when i am in the Spirit. First, there was a story about God using one of my students from Asia that i taught to help out in what's happening there currently who is still pondering Christianity because of last summer (i know i mentioned that, but it's still very affirming regardless) and then today, well, this morning (at 4:53 a.m.!) i received a phone call from someone i met last summer that i was able to begin a relationship with... i have no idea how she got my phone number, but praise Jesus! So i wanted to share that praise... God's vision for me is bigger than i'd ever dream of for myself. There's that Habakkuk 1:4 verse and then this morning i read this in Ephesians 3 (well, more than just this, but this is what really stuck out)

14When I think of the wisdom and scope of God's plan, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father,[1] 15the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. 16I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will give you mighty inner strength through his Holy Spirit. 17And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts as you trust in him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love. 18And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love really is. 19May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it. Then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
20Now glory be to God! By his mighty power at work within us, he is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope. 21May he be given glory in the church and in Christ Jesus forever and ever through endless ages. Amen.

Hmmm... amen and amen. I can't say it any better than God's word. But the italicized part refers to God's plans for me... the whole passage is awesome though.

ok. that's all i wanted to add!

---

uh, editing post... i am such a loon- the phone call was from someone from Asia. that's sort of important.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_so_what_can_i_do_to_get_closer.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_all_of_my_dreams_and_my_passions_are_in_your_hands.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-27T11:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_all_of_my_dreams_and_my_passions_are_in_your_hands.mws ok, today was one of the most fun days i have had since... well, last week :) But it was such a good day. I love my friends! First, church was awesome. Pastor Terry preached on why America MUST support Israel. I love the truth of the Word of God and it's practical application. Awesome.

So... then i had worship team practice (the college worship team is leading worship Wednesday night) and then i went to talk to a fam that i will stay with for a bit while trying to figure out job and housing stuffs; then i came home, fell asleep (oops) and had pals over to just hang. we ordered pizza (and had lots of lovely md... mmmm... that's mountain dew for all ya'll illiterates, by the way). then we went to Becky's, DDR'd, swam, DDR'd more, boys played frisbee and set off my car alarm in an upscale really quiet neighborhood, DDR'd more, you know. Now i am here, talking to Becky and wondering where G-diggity dog is at. Oh well. That was my day!

it was mostly good... i see that i have one friend i am not being very nice to, so i need to work on my attitude with him, but i had a lovely day. Good times, good times.

ok, haiku

ddr is the
coolest game in the whole wide
wonderful world

Christ's Alone,
tami

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_all_of_my_dreams_and_my_passions_are_in_your_hands.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/so_whaddya_think_of_the_new_theme.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-28T08:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/so_whaddya_think_of_the_new_theme.mws

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/so_whaddya_think_of_the_new_theme.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_do_you_feel_like_i_feel.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-29T12:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_do_you_feel_like_i_feel.mws so, not too interesting of a day. Just slept, spent time with God, and then got some stuff taken care of, like figuring out moving stuffs. I pretty much get to live out of some boxes and a suitcase for anywhere from 2-8 months. I want to feel sorry for myself but i refuse to. I want to remain attentive to God and what He has for me.

It's interesting right now... Rach in London, Shar in Russia, Brendo in Canadia, Sho getting ready to go to Japan (i am actually talking to Nate right now on IM- he's in Tokyo doing research at the U of Tokyo... that's so cool; he was an RA with me in BJ... i have mentioned that once before), Carlos and Wanda going to Asia... i am relapsing into wondering if something is wrong with me because i don't sense a call to overseas missions. And suddenly i am finding myself in a place where i feel... in between. I don't like that. I am typically very content with the everyday life, but i am realizing that i am soon to be somewhere in-between. I'll no longer be a college student but i won't really feel like an adult. and i am scared that i might meet the person i am supposed to marry in the next year or so. that sort of freaks me out. but the reality that i can't really try to plan a year ahead because the fact that God could choose to interrupt my life and everything could change is becoming a reality. this scares me kinda. not like freaks me out, but it's unnerving. i like being a kid... becoming a woman, particulary a married one, is... i don't know. i won't think about it any more.

ugh. that horrifying "every little thing" song is on. want to know my rage? See June 8th. anyway. i have nothing cool to say, really. i am moving tomorrow. that's sort of sad. but God knows my deepest longing is to have a stable healthy home and He sees fit not to give me that right now (and maybe never, at least for the stable part... maybe i will always have to move a lot) so i will just have to trust Him despite my circumstances. On that note, i will post lyrics to my new song, only it's like 1/3 of the way done but God also hasn't seen fit to allow me to write the rest of it, so perhaps when that happens i'll let ya'll know.

tk out...

maybe this is the end
or maybe here
new things begin

i don't understand
but i trust that You
have a plan

and even if my
circumstances
never change
i still choose
to bless Your name
the way is narrow but
the path is straight
Lord, i choose
to trust
and wait

cHoRuS

i can't see
but i don't need
to do anything
but believe
maybe today
nothing's gone my way
yet still i choose to remain
Jesus in You i remain
today, today
Jesus in You i remain

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_do_you_feel_like_i_feel.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_my_father_he_knows_me_well.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-29T12:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_my_father_he_knows_me_well.mws so the apparent "i don't need to actually work when you use me to post pictures" attitude of photobucket seems to hinder the ability for ya'll to actually have means of being able to vote on my new theme... it helps to, you know, actually be able to SEE the thing. meh. i smoo on photobucket right now.

on top of that, hotmail keeps telling me the server is too busy. what is up with that? millions of teenagers across the nation don't have school, ergo they are on their e-mail? that's my best guess.
and i am SO not packing.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_my_father_he_knows_me_well.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_i_made_the_world_just_to_stop_it_just_for_you.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-30T11:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_i_made_the_world_just_to_stop_it_just_for_you.mws This is just a quick update to say that i am moved... yesterday i was struggling to have a good attitude and be joyful... that's an understatement- i was downright frustrated. Then i realized how blessed i am by my friends. They were scrubbing down stoves, dismantling desks, lugging my ridiculous amount of stuff down and up stairs, and never once did one of them complain or grumble. I was the one being served and i was the only one with a bad attitude. I am so blessed. God reminded me that just that morning i read in Philippians where Paul talks about being content in all things and counting everything rubbish compared to knowing Jesus. I was especially convicted last night when i took two of the people out to dinner (the other two had to go home) and one of them prayed before the meal, thanking God for the opportunity to spend time with friends. He made no mention of the labor involved, but rather saw helping me move (did i mention i have a ridiculous amount of stuff?) as an opportunity to spend time with friends. I am blessed to have a friend like that.

My attitude is a bit better today :)

_haiku_

have i ever made
mention of the fact that milk
is the best drink? yum!

Christ's Alone,
tami

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_i_made_the_world_just_to_stop_it_just_for_you.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=216564 hereinthelight 2004-06-30T10:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=216564
I did it in 7 seconds.
I deserved an A+!!
Take the How Dexterous Are You? Quiz!!

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/216564 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/huh.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-30T11:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/huh.mws

18.75 %

My weblog owns 18.75 % of me.
Does your weblog own you?

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/huh.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_pressing_on_through_another_candles_smoke.mws hereinthelight 2004-06-30T11:06:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_pressing_on_through_another_candles_smoke.mws ok, real update then bed. I am totally getting a cold, but God was gracious enough to let me be able to sing tonight. I may need to just sleep tomorrow. Ugh. but no feeling sorry for myself. i don't understand how i got sick though... i haven't been around any sick people. but the whole having to move / not knowing where i was going until less than 40 hours before the actual move was... i guess stressful. i don't stress all that easily though.

another theory is that Grayden told me it's really bad for your immune system to stay up really late and then sleep forever. so, that also is a big part of it methinks.

i have nothing inspirational to say. i am tired. i ate too much because i didn't eat dinner so then i was really hungry so then i ate too much. i smoo on my stupidity in that sense.

tomorrow i shalt traverse the greater spokompton area to purchase ddr. how happy. and yay for getting a PS2 console for FREE! Who does that anyway? i take it as the Lord's way of saying this is ok to do. for reals kids.

tk out

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_pressing_on_through_another_candles_smoke.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/oh_becky.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-01T04:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/oh_becky.mws so i know it says to use your username but it had something i didn't think was too appropriate so i had to use my real first name. just so you know.

tami Highway Mt. Happiness 4 Paintown 13 Fame City 63 Bog of Eternal Marriage 153 TravelWorld 222 Please Drive Carefully

Username:

Where are you on the highway of life?

From Go-Quiz.com

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/oh_becky.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_you_are_the_love_of_my_life.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-01T09:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_you_are_the_love_of_my_life.mws here is a pic of some of my friends last fall at our college group's retreat....

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_you_are_the_love_of_my_life.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_cause_im_broken.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-02T01:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_cause_im_broken.mws so today i went back to sleep after getting the lowdown on how to care for the Smith's dogs. I was just gonna sleep til i woke up... wow. I really could sleep my life away. But my chest is so tight... it hurts so bad to breathe. Enough to stop me from DDR'ing til i had to shower afterwards? Enough to stop me from drinking milk? Obviously not. Then again, i have a high tolerance for pain. But not being able to breathe is a little lame, i must admit.

so Shiona is spending the night. That's fun. And since this house is like a hotel there's lots of room to spread out. We DDR'd and then watched "I am Sam". Wow. That's one good movie. I was a little leery but i really really liked it. Incredible acting, funny, serious, original story line... it was really good. I only misted up, though. Shiona cried so hard she looks like her best friend died. I actually just told her that. Anyway, now i must sleep. Hopefully. This morning i was brutally awoken at 6:13 am with a horrible cramp in my right calf. It was so bad that it's still sore. I hate that. I ate a banana today hoping to level out my obviously deficient potassium levels.

_haiku_

mind games are something
that i really, really hate
with burning passion

*~_tAmI_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_cause_im_broken.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_dont_make_my_brown_eyes_blue.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-02T01:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_dont_make_my_brown_eyes_blue.mws ok, my real eyes (as in, i didn't mess with this one at all) oh, and sorry about the hair across the middle... i coulda cut it out, but, well, i don't care that much.


and now green...



so i didn't get blue eyes in real life, but isn't this doctored up pic awesome?



there ya go.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_dont_make_my_brown_eyes_blue.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_and_all_along_chasing_after_lies.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-03T01:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_and_all_along_chasing_after_lies.mws hmmmm... good day. had a fun morning with Sho, then took her home, went to take care of a church fam's animals and had a quiet time in their empty house (because i sure slept too long to do one before Sho needed to go... oops), came home, DDR'd for about 45 minutes to work out, got incredibly sweaty, showered, and then somehow was late for worship team practice even though i was totally in the shower by 4... felt like horrible person (i hate being late and i just realized that i have been late a LOT lately), then had Bible study and stuffs and everyone (a mix of college and youth) all came back here to play games and stuff. After the main exodus went, it was only Laura, Joni and Katie (sisters) and Heath and i left. We just talked for almost two hours about... stuff. Life goals, how God is working and has worked in our lives, etc. I really love spending time like that with people, especially people i don't know very well. I like to learn new things, be surprised, etc. So that's my day. Not too interesting to the world writ large i am sure, but i don't care too much.

_hAiKu_

tonight the moon was
gorgeous as we talked out on
the deck in the dark

*~_tAmI_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_and_all_along_chasing_after_lies.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_lets_go_back_to_the_beginning.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-03T11:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_lets_go_back_to_the_beginning.mws Life can be so complicated. How does one go from an awesome 2 hour quiet time into the real world and have such a bad attitude? That's me... oh, pick me.

On an upper note... though i can't do the 4 feet light mode of it, i have gotten much better at my fave DDR song... in *coughLOSERcough* beginner's mode. lol.

that's really all i have to say for now.

_hAiKu_

maybe i take things
too seriously when it's
not a big deal

*~_tAmI_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_lets_go_back_to_the_beginning.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_everyone_dance_with_me.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-04T03:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_everyone_dance_with_me.mws So here sit i, watching my friends get down with their bad selves DDR-ing (i am a bit sweaty myself, i have to admit) and simply loving life. i love the fourth of july. i really think it's my favorite holiday. it's right there with Easter. I shall share why later, after the fireworks and other festivities of this evening.

_hAiKu_

plaid wallpaper
is quite the interesting
choice of decor, no?

*~_tAmI_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_everyone_dance_with_me.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_answers_dont_come_plans_come_undone.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-05T09:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_answers_dont_come_plans_come_undone.mws Well hello world. Sorry that the afore promised post was... uh, postponed... til now. I started it last night, then got into a 3 hour convo with Laura that lasted til, oh, 3:30 am. Yeah. It was awesome though... i have sort of said some of this before, but nonetheless, i shall share the whole story...

I received Jesus as my Savior when i was 16 1/2. A Christian girl at school kept inviting me to church and youth group (as in for over two years) but i always said no. Then for some reason i said yes one week when i was a sophomore in high school. I went and got many compliments for my singing voice. That was enough to make me want to go back. That was at Christmas time of 1997; by May of 1998 i realized that i was a sinner and helplessly separated from God but that Jesus Christ shed His sinless blood upon the cross at Calvary to forgive my sins and reconcile me to God. I was baptized August 16 of that same year.

My junior year of high school was unchanged. I was saved but i lived my same sinful, self-centered life, simply tacking Jesus' name onto it. I was desperate for someone to love me, to tell me i mattered, that i was special. So i did whatever i could to be loved, taking God's gifts and talents to me and letting others take advantage of me by offering them my abilities and letting them use them however they wanted. I also gossiped, trusted no one, lied, stole... all consistently. The only difference was that i felt bad when i did these things whereas i hadn't before.

Then, the summer before my senior year of high school i went to a camp during the week of the Fourth aptly titled Fourth of July Camp. This was in 1999, only 2 1/2 months after Columbine. The speaker (Gene Cummings, a missionary who lives in W. Australia) spoke about how it was one thing to be asked if you were a Christian with a gun pointed to your head and say yes, and die. That it would be a hard decision, and we want to know we'd say yes in that situation, but that it really only comes down to a split second decision.

It's quite another thing to live your life for Jesus day in and day out, in such a way that the one holding the gun doesn't even have to ask if you love Jesus because they have been witnessed to by you, and you have lived your daily life in such a way that there is no question as to whether or not you love Jesus. Rachel Scott had shared the gospel with one of the guys who killed his classmates on April 20, 1999; he saw her from a window, running across a field, and shot her.

The camp speaker also explained that when you believe in something, it's not just mentally acknowledging it as true- it affects how you live. Those who have fought for our country believed that our flag represented freedom- a freedom for which they gave their own lives. I also need to be willing to lay down my life daily and live for the One who died for me.

I was crushed. My life the past year had nothing to do with Jesus, and i had never made any decision that cost me anything. I remember crying and needing to get away and be alone (i am like that- i need people to just let me be until i am ready for them) and so i went to the only place no one would be able to find me after that message- the showers. I went into a stall, pulled the curtain shut, pressed myself into the corner, and held my face in my hands, sobbing. Then i remember clearly, so much so that it sends shivers down my spine even now, saying "Jesus, i don't want to live for myself anymore; I want to live for You."

After that i went out to the campfire. I was really quiet and just stood by the fire, watching it burn, much the same as did my heart within me. My friend Will came over and asked me if something was wrong (i rarely cry and even more rarely am i quiet and almost NEVER am i pensive, in public at least). I smiled and told him, very seriously, "No, something's right".

After that i changed a lot. I began to love Jesus as best i knew how. My senior year i was voted friendliest in my high school. I began to genuinely love people. Then God brought me to a Bible-believing, Jesus-loving church... i have never been the same...

So that's why the Fourth of July is so special to me. I don't remember the day i prayed to receive Jesus, but i remember the Fourth of July 5 years ago. I can hardly believe it's been 5 years! Wow... Praise Jesus. So yesterday was kind of like my and Jesus' anniversary :)

_hAiKu_

nothing in this place
no one, no feeling, nothing
can compare to You

Christ's Alone,

*~_tAmI_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_answers_dont_come_plans_come_undone.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_in_your_eyes_i_can_see.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-06T09:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_in_your_eyes_i_can_see.mws oh, what a day. It's only 9:45 and i am exhausted. Anyone who knows me can attest to the incredible rarity of this phenomenon. Nonetheless, i am going to bed within the next 45 minutes. Or throwing myself off a cliff soon thereafter because i didn't go to bed... jk ;)

So, today i spent the day at Silverwood with the fam. Fam= mom, dad, bro, aunt, uncle, 2 cousins, 1 cousin's boyfriend. It was fun... i love my family and i really miss my cousins whom i haven't seen in light years. But ok, they all cuss a lot, including my 15 year old cousin. I mean f-this every other word, with every other expletive you can think of. My 19 year old cousin and her 22 year old boyf (he's the same age as me... that's so weird that they're together...) sometimes call one another honey, but argue a lot and use other choice "names" for one another... and then cuddle and can't keep their hands off one another... it's weird. disconcerting at the very least.

The hardest part was my immmediate family. Scenario- 20 year old brother asks mom to pay for his lunch. Dad gets mad, says he can get his own or not eat at all (But watch everyone else eat... yeah right) yet dad is totally willing to pay for mine (and i am 22! oh, the unjustice of it all) Mom gets pouty, dad says hurtful things to my brother, dad storms off. Mom gets bad attitude, makes rude comment to brother. Brother gets mad AND pouty, storms off. Mom buys lunch for all four of us. Brother refuses to eat. I offer to write a check for the food purchased for me. Get rejected hard core. Dad still gone. Mom leaves food for brother after eating hers and then takes dad's food to go find him. Brother sulks, picks up his food, and doesn't eat it for 20 minutes. We finally meet up with my aunt/uncle/cousins/Jake and it takes a half hour and riding the roller coasters, oh, 7 times back to back to back to back to... ok you get it... to get everyone back to quasi-happy mode. Fast forward and hour or two, everyone starts again. I am the peacemaker who tries to tell brother he's not hated, tries to be the sweet daughter to my dad, and who tries not to tell my mom how much her bad attitude affects everyone (only i don't do so well at not saying that so then she gets mad at me... meh). yeah. Gotta love families, eh?

on an extremely different note, yay, i have some work tomorrow. I have to go sit outside of stores and collect signatures. I just realized that i have no idea what the ordinance is so i am praying it will be something i agree with or else i'll have to refuse and leave... that could be awkward. Ugh. Awesome life. But it's for at least 8 hours, up to 24 over the next 3 days at $8.50 an hour so that's happy. Money is a good thing for me since i have none :)

So... sorry that there was nothing spiritual to that. I tried to have a good attitude, love and enjoy my family. No opps to share Christ or even His word, really (none of them are believers) but i did get to talk about church and working with youth and stuff with my dad, so that was cool. I just realize how much my family needs prayer. Sadly, i would be shocked if my cousin and her boyf AREN'T sleeping together, which is just so sad.

ok, haiku, reply to some posts, then bed. Oh, and put a load of wash in because i have no clean... well, anything really. Bad news bears.

_hAiKu_

how is it that my
face burns (albeit slightly)
even WITH sunblock?

*~_t_~*



ps sicker than anything! Google pop-up blocker just blocked my 1,000th pop-up and my comp is barely 4 months old. That's just wrong. I don't even go that many random places on-line.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_in_your_eyes_i_can_see.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_it_was_my_great_mistake.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-07T01:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_it_was_my_great_mistake.mws ok, so it's hardly 2 pm, but what a day. hmmm... where to start... i learned a valuable lesson about myself. I am not a salesperson. Story time...

So i went to the office this morning. I was merely to go out and collect signatures from people to get the act to raise the flouride levels in the water on the ballot. This didn't seem objectionable to me, though i must confess i don't know the ramifications, but will not study both sides; however, this isn't to get it into law, just to put it on the ballot for November.

From there i went to a store on the south hill and stood outside to collect sigs. approached a ton of people within a 20 or so minute span. Got told by one man that flouride is rat poison. Awesome. Mainly just felt like a big jerk, trying to talk to people who obviously were trying to avoid me. Overall, though, i only got one signature and mostly hated life and wondered how i could do it for 6 hours.

Then the manager came out and told me i had to talk to the regional office and get permission from them via a pre-set meeting. Then i really felt like a jerk, a nuisance. Ugh. But i was kind of relieved. I called in to my office, they told me one of the other girls was swamped, so i went, but i just had no peace about going. So i got there, sat in my car for a minute, prayed, and decided to call and say i couldn't do it. I felt like a wimp, and i have never done anything like that before (backing out) but the Holy Spirit would not let my conscience rest.

So lesson learned? i am not a salesperson. the problem is i CAN sell things but only if i myself am sold on it and willing to sell. For example, though it's not sales, if i have a conviction i NEED to tell you about it so you also will live rightly! that's my personality... but this was not my forte. I feel guilty intruding into someone's personal life, such as their grocery store excursion and trying to force something on them that i am not sure i want to force. Very different from evangelism, that's for sure.

ok, haiku.

i think that i am
one out of millions, sadly,
who feels some road rage


*~_tAmI_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_it_was_my_great_mistake.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/because_i_must_speak_or_burst.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-07T02:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/because_i_must_speak_or_burst.mws Life Lessons in: rOaD rAgE
by tami (aka: you know, me. duh.)

... if you pull out of someone in a hurry, then someone will soon pull out in front of you. and then someone else will pull out in front of them a half a mile later. and the person you cut off will be an angry man in a minivan seething rage and riding your tail.

... if you are in a hurry you will definitely get stuck behind someone going 30 in a 45.

... nearly any elderly driver i am in the most general proximity of will somehow manage to nearly hit me.

... if someone cuts you off, and you nearly hit them because they didn't use their turn signal, they will certainly look at you as if it were your fault.

... hardly anyone uses their turn signal.

... using your turn signal when you are turning is ALWAYS a good idea. unless you rather like to get into accidents.

... skunks really need to learn to run faster

... if you are late because you are going to a theme park but have to wait for a shirt to dry, put it in your back seat in the sunlight to finish drying and haphazardly throw on a tank top so you can put your T-shirt on later, you will leave your T-shirt in the car. and get razzed for being late. and your arms will get a sunburn from the stupid tanktop.

... if your college pastor tells a story about non-deliberate sin, such as hitting your thumb with a hammer and accidentally having an expletive burst forth (ie you didn't premeditate saying the curse word) and you think, "huh, i never do that", then within days you will be trying to back into a parking spot on a busy street downtown, keep hitting the curb for no apparent reason, and all at once a curse word will fly from your mouth even if you haven't even THOUGHT a curse word for nearly 5 years. you'll pray for forgiveness but still feel like a jerk.

... if you are on a really, really, really steep hill (such as monroe as it crawls up the south hill for you spokanites) despite your fervent prayers that you won't need to slow down, the person in front of you will inevitably slow down to 5 mph to execute a turn. your car will hate you.

... if you never drink mochas in your car because you don't want stanky nasty spilled milk smells but decide to do it just once you will inevitably spill the mocha.

... if you need to turn left but it's a yield on green intersection some elderly woman in a huge boat of a car also needing to turn left but in the lane facing you will pull out and totally block your turn even though your course is clear. and you will have to run a red light from sitting in the intersection waiting for her. and everyone behind you will blame you. and they will hate you.

... people with really nice cars who can get up and go much faster NEVER do. well, but for the one or two punk kids who think that the entire road is theirs and cut you off constantly. you'll try not to hate them.

... the speed limit on Nevada after Magnesium headed north is 45. you are one of 3 people out of 300,000 who knows this and actually goes 45 or faster. everyone else reaches 35 and breaks constantly. grrr.

... no matter which lane you are in, and no matter how many times you switch lanes, you will ALWAYS be in the slow lane.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

oh, yes, sadly, these are life lessons from only the past 24 hours. meh.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/because_i_must_speak_or_burst.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_should_i_tell_them_that_i_am_a_perfect_example_of_all_you_can_do_with_a_life.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-08T12:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_should_i_tell_them_that_i_am_a_perfect_example_of_all_you_can_do_with_a_life.mws Good times! What a nice evening... i talked to a friend from college who i never knew too well but who has started coming to church... i am really excited to get to know her better. Then she gave me the SN of another pal that i hung with my frosh year, but then sort of found a new crowd and never talked to much so then i chatted with him and he told me how he's totally been getting on track in his walk with God and getting back to being serious about spending time in the Word and stuff, so that was really cool. And THEN i started talking to a friend from high school and she totally came up with the idea to hang out and so we are gonna get lunch together on Friday. That's cool because i was just asking God for opportunities to talk to people who aren't Christians but to be able to do so in a more relational setting than just random checkers at the store. I am very excited for that.

Not much else to say, really. Church was really good. Especially the part from John 17:8 where it says the disciples kept Jesus' Word. Pastor Terry pointed out that this means that the Word affected the way they lived. I always need to remember that, particularly when i am experiencing bouts of road rage! The whole rr bit is a joke in part, yet i really do find myself getting angry. When you're going 60 in a 55, still in third gear and still accelerating, you know you are frustrated. Well, i do at least. And i just got to enjoy friends afterwards, drink some lemonade (i hate lemonade. why i drank it the world (and i) will never know), tossed around a Frisbee with some youth and collegian types, stuff like that. Good times. Ooh, and Kathy (afore mentioned in a fellow...uh... Crossoverian's? Crossoverite's? i dunno... blog) wants to hang out sometime next week, which i really look forward to. i need her advice and input on an important issue. i appreciate her wisdom deeply!

anyway, i must be off now. i never get to bed when i mean to, and thus never get up when i mean to, but i want to go to the ladies' Bible study tomorrow and not sleep til 3 pm again. Last week, in my defense, i was sick. but still. who's lame? oh, pick me.

_hAiKu_
so the truth is that
i am SUPER excited
for high school youth camp

man, can you believe they let loons like me lead worship and be a mentor to youth? but i love it! i am teaching this Sunday and then Esther asked D and i to do 3 other Sundays in her class so i am looking forward to it! yay!

ok, out for real now...

*~_tAmI_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_should_i_tell_them_that_i_am_a_perfect_example_of_all_you_can_do_with_a_life.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/did_you_know_that_koalas_are_facing_extinction_sad_day.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-08T01:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/did_you_know_that_koalas_are_facing_extinction_sad_day.mws dude, i think this is so happy...

Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates a	-10,000,000 dang you suck
your best quality is	you always have a good time
your worst quality is	sometimes you want perfection
this is because	its genetic
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/did_you_know_that_koalas_are_facing_extinction_sad_day.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/no_song_lyrics_just_tears.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-08T04:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/no_song_lyrics_just_tears.mws I just finished watching Amistad. I have not seen the movie since it came out 7 years ago. The thing is, i do not cry easily. I mean, i cry at movies more easily than i do at real life (sadly) but even then my eyes maybe get moist. This movie had tears streaming down my face.

Do you ever watch a movie and realize these were real people? Yeah, it's dramatized. But real people were in their real homes in a real place and were kidnapped and tortured, all because they happened to live in West Africa. Oh, and they happened to be black. The most heartbreaking thing is that after all Cinque went through, he went home to find his people torn by civil war and his family gone, most likely sold into slavery.

Could you imagine your child, your spouse, stripped naked, chained to others and forced to lay at the bottom of a ship deck for weeks? Nowhere to go to the bathroom, your naked body rubbed raw by the unforgiving planks. Covered in your own feces, urine, puke, and blood as well as that of others? Fed just enough to survive but always hungry, forced to watch people be beaten to shreds of a corpse; forced to watch people be killed; forced to watch people get sick and wallow in misery; forced to watch people give up hope.

Why does this not motivate us? Why doesn't our past inspire us to love those with skin of another color? Real people.

Hmmm. I really don't have much else to say for now.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/no_song_lyrics_just_tears.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_another_day_to_start_again.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-08T10:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_another_day_to_start_again.mws hmmm... so have you ever just had a day where you kept hurting people's feelings but didn't mean to? ok, me neither. But today i did manage to be a defensive jerk, ergo some deleted comments from my blog :) Praise God for gracious friends.

Quote time (very applicable to my life):

"The Jerk Store called--- they're running out of you."

Kinda funny, kinda sad. Meh.

So i had a rather deep thought today... if i weren't myself, would i like me? I mean, am i the kind of person who is safe? Who is trustworthy? Who is fun? Do people leave my presence blessed? Or am i like a cornered animal, who lashes out and self-protects? I desire to be one who is a joy and a blessing, but i have a long way to go before i get there.

I realized today how far i am from being able to call God my All-Sufficient One (that is, El Shaddai). I don't yearn for Him. I don't necessarily take Him lightly, but i have two specific situations where i am constantly allowing God to be my Lord and Master (Adonai) for about 5 minutes before i take the matter back into my flesh's hands. Ugh. I am facing that familiar stronghold of not being able to make people understand something about me that they may be misperceiving and i hate the lack of control on my part... i want them to know what i really feel but i don't have permission to say anything from God. But instead of trusting Him with this and simply walking in the freedom of Christ i fret about what others are thinking. They are NOT the ones who determine my actions and motives. At least, they shouldn't be. But, again, my past looms before me, taunting me and reminding me that when they look at my past is what they see. *sigh* Praise God that He knows exactly what He needs to do to break me and bring me to my place of deepest need so only He can fulfill me. It's not easy, but it's good.

Whew. This is one long entry. i shall end with song lyrics instead of a haiku.

sUnRiSe by Strange Occurrence

Sunrise upon my eyes
Another day to start again
The pain of my past fades away
As the breeze of Your love blows
Upon the face that no one knows
Your sacred hands they hold my broken heart

I am just a cup of water
That You can turn to wine
I am just a crippled beggar
That's left his bed behind

Though I struggle all the time
Pressing onward to the line
You uphold me when I fall aside
As I near that distant goal
I will never run alone
As long as You are by my side

I am just a cup of water
That You can turn to wine
I am just a crippled beggar
That's left his bed behind

*~_tAmI_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_another_day_to_start_again.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_ive_left_myself_im_not_the_same.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-10T01:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_ive_left_myself_im_not_the_same.mws so today was simply a good day for tami. nothing notably extraordinary happened, really. I had lunch with a friend from high school who is interested in maybe coming to "meet my friends" which means she might come to church, like a Friday night maybe. that's pretty exciting.

after that i napped and then went to worship practice. it was good but... frustrating. for me, at least. i was singing slow, and i was flat. G was trying to push tempo and i just got slower and slower and i don't like messing up. I mean, i know how to sing correctly and thus i should. but i wasn't. i realized i was trying too hard to sing correctly and not worshiping God. so i made the decision just to worship Jesus and not get upset when my voice won't hit the high notes the way i think it should (i have a lingering cough and that's part of it; part of it is honestly i think God is teaching me that worship doesn't always mean sounding perfect.) You see, i know God has given me a talent with an above average singing voice. I know He wants to use it for His glory but somehow i start to think that means i have to hit every note on perfect pitch in perfect timing. Part of it is i don't want to let the person in charge down, be it Mark or Grayden. I don't like being told to fix something because then i feel like i have failed Mark / G and then i feel like i am failing God in worship. Isn't that stupid? even just saying it i realize how dumb it is, yet it's the way my mind works. Tonight i decided to do my best and not be lame, but simply to worship Jesus and enjoy the singing time of praising Him. And i think it went much better than practice (though, Grayden, if you want to differ i am much open to it :) )

After practice i was able to go grab coffee with two of my close friends. that was a blessing. i seriously am amazed at the awesome people i am privileged to know. I want to take advantage of every moment with them. Sho is leaving for sure in a month, and most likely G will move on too; i want to enjoy today.

Bible study was good. It was so applicable for me to realize that i value my reputation and what people perceive of me above Christ Himself. God is allowing some stuff to be thought of me in areas where i didn't really do anything wrong per se; He is telling me that my satisfaction lies in Jesus Christ and not my reputation. Oooh, do i need to live that truth! And then, total God moment. I mean, you can say there's no God, but the things that God does that simply cannot be mere coincidence...

So a friend encountered a rather rough situation in which dreams were shattered, in his words. Tonight we were talking about that which we value above Jesus, what hinders us from loving Him... the college pastor just happens to mention, at random (and i have never heard him use this terminology before, which makes it even more incredible) how broken dreams can hinder our walk with God. How we get an idea of what things should be like and they are smashed before our eyes. The crazy thing is, this friend that was there has never come before (he attends a different church and normally is away at college, but for times such as now- the summer) and Scott had no idea about the broken dream stuff. The Holy Spirit just put words in Scott's mouth that were exactly what this friend needed to hear. I sat there in awe, and were i the goosebumps type i would have them just thinking about it. I have no doubt that the God of the universe took the time to speak to this friend in their place of deepest need right at that moment though he did not come looking for that to be said. Wow.

So yeah... after Bible study we had some junk food (always wise... NOT!!! lol) and watched good ol' PotC (that's Pirates of the Caribbean for you not awesome types who didn't know). Great movie... Jack Sparrow is just the coolest guy. Oh, sorry- that's Captain Jack Sparrow... Anyway, i know it's just Johnny Depp acting, and I know he's not real but i don't care. And for some reason this time Will Turner grew on me some, but i still think Orlando Bloom's kind of a wuss. Legolas, however, is a total stud. And G, you can think that means i think he's hot- meh. That's not the point but choose you to think that lowly of me i won't fight you. I just appreciate how serious, steadfast and dedicated he is- weaknesses of my own.

This was long and unless you know me in real life (as opposed to... fake life?) most of this means nothing to you. It goes against the rules for what makes an interesting entry. I am supposed to "set up" characters and spin marvelous stories for you all. Guess what i have to say to that? you got it- meh. double meh. This is me and what you see is what you get. That's just the type o' gal i be. So take it or leave it.

_hAiKu_

i like the way the
blue light on my left speaker
shines in the darkness

*~_tAmI_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_ive_left_myself_im_not_the_same.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=233702 hereinthelight 2004-07-10T02:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=233702

You're
the United Kingdom!

You're a much weaker person than you used to be, but you still
act like you did when everyone looked up to you.  Despite this, you're
probably a better person than you were when you had so much power over those
around you.  Though you do have a strange fascination with jewels and monarchs,
which lets you play in castles, but also end up leading a sort of tabloid lifestyle.
 You really like the Beatles, even more than you like Oasis.
face="Times New Roman">Take the Country
Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/233702 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/so_deep_so_deep.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-10T09:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/so_deep_so_deep.mws
What attracts people to you?
brought to you by Quizilla

so then i took it again just because, and somehow got a different answer... meh...


What attracts people to you?
brought to you by Quizilla

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/so_deep_so_deep.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/this_is_for_you_mj.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-11T12:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/this_is_for_you_mj.mws oh, the sweet irony... don't even try to convince me you don't find them at least a little attractive...

What stupid celebrity are you destined to kill? by daydreamer8852
Name
Birthdate
You killed
With a
On	September 1, 2012
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

ps I will post a real post tomorrow... but today nothing much happened that won't be even more easy to explain tomorrow; ergo, i guess my blog will just have three posts on here at once that make it appear as though i never talk about for real stuffs... that's ok, just last night a friend admitted to me that they think i am really shallow, so this just goes to prove it.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/this_is_for_you_mj.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_unworthy_as_i_am_you_let_the_naills_into_your_hands.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-12T12:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_unworthy_as_i_am_you_let_the_naills_into_your_hands.mws .: aNd ThE bLoOd FlOw fRoM YoUr SiDe FoR mE tO lIvE:.

well... long day. but good. first, church was really good. i want to live a life that counts. i have no assurance of tomorrow. i need to stop living assuming i have time to get my mistakes right- the next time i want to eat and am not hungry i need to decide THEN to say no and wage war against the stronghold of having no self-control, not assume i can work on it tomorrow. besides, even if tomorrow comes i never take advantage of tomorrow when it's today... huh... deep thought there. i will think about that more as i go to sleep in, oh, .25 minutes. or 5. whatever.

so after that i taught the second Bible study hour high school girls. i love that... it's still the thang with half who care and half who don't. But they said it spoke to them, which blesses me. i am discovering i really love writing Bible studies when God reveals stuff to me... which is a little scary, concerning my premonitions of His vision for my life... but i trust Him!

so the coolest thing is that a cadre of my best friends will be leading worship in song at our church's high school camp in a few weeks (ahh! a few weeks! can you believe it mj? i am SO SO SO excited!) so we had practice and i thought it went really well. I love those guys (and gals). I love their hearts for God and their hearts just to love, adore, and worship Him while being committed to playing/singing to the best of their abilities for God's glory. what a joy.

i then helped get stuff ready for VBS for tomorrow (so exciting!) and then i got to go play with my friends (lol... we're all 18-22+) by swimming, DDR'ing, eating, hanging out, etc. Only, i will have to tell the stories sometime in sequence, but i nearly drowned 3 times as a child and i totally panic when held underwater and i was the most brutal i think i have ever been...

you see, there's this game where you take this torpedo thing and you have teams and you have to get it from one end of the pool to the other without it being intercepted. so i had it and a guy latched on... i am sort of like a pitbull... i do not let go, and i am fairly strong. but then i went from the shallow end to being pulled to the deep end and pushed underwater. i kept saying "don't push me under... don't do that", but no one listened because it's a game and ppl only care about winning. so i have like 4 ppl trying to pry the torpedo, shirtless guys are touching me (which makes me uncomfortable... a LOT. don't get me wrong- i like men... well, no. i like a man and he is the one i will spend my life with and the's the only one i want to touch when he isn't fully dressed, and the only one i want touching me when not fully clothed. that didn't come out right... but you get my drift.) so anyway, i get pulled to the deep end and pushed underwater. like 6 people are above me fighting for the silly water toy and i couldn't get to the top right away and i can't help it... i freak out. i mean i know i won't die but my body just... fa-reaks out. so i finally got up and said, "DO NOT DO THAT TO ME". it was so serious that Sho looked pretty concerned and Aaron got really serious and said, "are you ok, tami?"... for me i rarely get super harsh on people, but seriously, i would never do that to someone for the sake of a game. holding people underwater and then not even making sure they can get up is dangerous. i hate it. i hate watching it happen to others too, so i have decided that i officially hate the torpedo game.

meh, long story. sorta boring. but for anyone that knows me, i joke around a lot but i rarely get seriously harsh on people. i try to speak the truth but be gentle... this was bad news! but i don't feel bad. it's serious stuff, and there were no hard feelings on my part. people just need to exercise a little more wisdom is all.

speaking of wisdom, i am gonna now go think on Pastor's sermon and my thoughts about taking advantage of tomorrow when it's today (it makes sense to me) as i go to sleep. nighty-night, world.

_hAiKU_

i possess a deep
admiration for driving
in the dark of night

*~_tAmI_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_unworthy_as_i_am_you_let_the_naills_into_your_hands.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_the_world_is_fading_away_along_with_everything_it_craves.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-12T11:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_the_world_is_fading_away_along_with_everything_it_craves.mws ok, near drowning story number one.

So tami was at the lake with her family. Her parents and the other adults were a little... what say... sloshed. Tami was, oh, maybe 6 or 7. Maybe 5. Who can remember these things? At any rate, she wanted to go to the island in the middle of the lake, but, alas, swim she could not. So she kept saying she wanted to go to the island until one of her parents' friends volunteered to swim to it and let her hold onto his back. He was... well... fairly done in by the alcohol. The island was about,oh, 70 yards out and halfway the drunk dude started to realize he couldn't make it. Tami's [step]father looked up just in time to see the thirty-some-year-old man using her as his own personal floatation device, pushing her under in order to hold himself above water. Her father then plunged into the water to save her, and left the dude out there to get himself back in (he eventually did). Tami then got in trouble for not having the common sense as a 5 (or 6 or 7 year old) to not let a drunk man swim her to an island. It was a rough childhood for that kid.

moral of the story: don't drink and treat your kids poorly. and get them swimming lessons at a young age. and actually, if you are going to go get sloshed, get a baby-sitter.

_hAiKu_

sitting on the deck
watching cars drive, lights twinkle
i love it up here

*~_tAmI_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_the_world_is_fading_away_along_with_everything_it_craves.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/its_true.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-13T01:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/its_true.mws ok dudes and dudinas, i changed my theme again. i didn't quite mean to, but what do you think? i really like this one, but i love feedback. please- be real... don't say "dude it's totally lame" just for the sake of saying it's lame. if you hate it, then that's cool and i don't mind you saying so... but if you think it's decent i might appreciate knowing. thanks you krazy kats...

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/its_true.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_youre_on_fire_when_he_speaks.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-14T12:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_youre_on_fire_when_he_speaks.mws hmmm... so in the grand scheme of things, life is hard. But i think of all that Jesus did for me, all that He is still doing, and i am reminded of how little i matter. What a work is still to be done in me. Somehow, as i examine my life, i see where i was once on the right track but got off just enough to where i can now look back and see that i am not as passionately in love with Jesus as i was before. I have once again become more caught up in wanting to be a perfect person who doesn't fail God than one who sincerely wants God Himself. The planks in my eyes blind me. Ah--- the joys of being a total loser.

Regardless, it's not about feelings. I can choose to respond by seeking the face of God and getting right or i can feel sorry for myself because, once again, i have messed up.

Today a friend said this to me: "it does sometimes seem like you oscillate between hating yourself and considering yourself perfect and trying to bring the rest of us up to your level". Ouch. That is not my heart. But the truth is, i come off that way. I know she's right, and that hurts. Do you ever get so sick of yourself that you reach a point at which you can not stand one more moment of you? I do. I am there. And praise God for that because it's high time i remembered who has the rightful place to sit on the throne in my life.

Today i read this in my quiet time (i am finally to Hebrews :))

That is why we have a great High Priest who has gone to heaven, Jesus the Son of God. Let us cling to Him and never stop trusting Him. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for He faced all of the same temptations we do, yet He did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive His mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it. ~Hebrews 4:14-16


And oh, do i need His grace... so i shall learn to truly cling to Him.

_hAikU_

have you ever been
empty to the point at which
a tear wouldn't form?


*~_tAm_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_youre_on_fire_when_he_speaks.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/from_the_depths_of_me.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-14T04:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/from_the_depths_of_me.mws so i promised that when i finished the lyrics to my song i would post it, and today they flowed out. they're of course subject to subtle changes, as are all of my songs. but, nonetheless, here ya go:

.: rEmAiN :.

Maybe this is the end
Or maybe here
New life begins

And I don’t understand
But I trust that
You have a plan

Even if my circumstances never change
I still choose to bless Your name
The way is narrow but the path is straight
Lord I choose to trust and wait

[cHoRuS]
I can’t see
But don’t need
To do anything but believe
And maybe today
Nothing’s gone my way
But still I choose to remain
Jesus, in You I remain
Today, Today
Jesus, in You I remain
[/cHoRuS]

So much higher than mine
Are Your thoughts
And all Your ways

And no longer can I
View Your back
Lord, Reveal Your face

With every answer another question I find
I crawl before You naked and blind
I position myself under Your word
You still speak and desire to be heard

[cHorUs]

[bRiDgE]
You breathe life into the death in me
In my darkness You are the light revealed

[cHorUs x2]

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/from_the_depths_of_me.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_you_give_and_take_away_lord_blessed_be_your_name.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-15T12:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_you_give_and_take_away_lord_blessed_be_your_name.mws so, due to a miscommunicado i went downtown to the place where i work (it's a temp agency, so i went to the main office) at 9 am (it takes 45-minutes to an hour to get here so i had to leave mass early... ick. i mean, 8 am is not my fave time of day ;)). So the lady told me she'd call me but to plan on being there at 9, so i was. I was informed, once there, that the client never dropped off the stuffs (i am going to transcript a court record- that means listen to it and type it out, for any confused folk- for a nearby city... have no idea what the case is about, hopefully it's dull and not scandalous). So my temp-boss said that if i would just hang out downtown then she'd call me if the client dropped the stuff off. Yeah. lame-o. and it wasn't even my fault... but, you know... whatever.

SOOOOOO anyway (can you tell i am a details oriented person?) i had to just... be downtown, bored, and wait to be called. I tried to go to the Bon because i need a new skirt or two (i only have one... not really enough) but they, of course, don't open until 10am (that's the dumbest thing i have ever heard. who doesn't open until ten am? boo.) So i went to the downtown Thomas Hammer Coffee (SO cute!!! i was totally impressed) and called Sho. Then the temp ppl called to say that someone that works for them was sick, and could i go fill in (the tapes were supposed to be dropped off at 7:30 am this morning but still never were, so i guess i just have to wait, and if they do get dropped off then i can pick them up and do it at home over the weekend or whatever)... so, leaving out details (which kills me... but you might be hating your life... most likely you are skipping over stuff... ha ha ha...) i paid a lame $2.75 for parking for an hour, then i followed the directions which were totally wrong but found the office that i am at for today and tomorrow. Now i am sending, oh, 100 or so faxes. I already multi-tasked and did the snail mail letters the boss lady told me to send after the faxes were done. See, i enter the fax number, load the paper, hit enter... and then have to just sit and wait for 2 minutes or so while it sends and it kills me to do nothing... so i just write stuff in here in between.

So yep. That's me. Sho is on her way and we're gonna chill while i have a lunch break because she's gotta go downtown and i am not too far from there. These are just random details. I'll think of something cool to write and do that in a wee little bit.

_hAiKu_

i must confess that
i am uber grateful for
online radio

*~_tAm_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_you_give_and_take_away_lord_blessed_be_your_name.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/a_useless_quiz_for_yall.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-15T03:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/a_useless_quiz_for_yall.mws
Waaah! You're so LOVABLE! Everybody likes you,
because you're a great person to have around
and who is always happy about everything ^^.
congrats! and...can I hug you?? plz!


Yet another personality test ^-^ (nice anime pics!) NEW outcome!!
brought to you by Quizilla

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/a_useless_quiz_for_yall.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_i_have_found_a_reason_to_sing_glory.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-15T10:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_i_have_found_a_reason_to_sing_glory.mws ah, blast. i just realized that i am old. not getting old- i am old. It just hit me that people born in 1987 are 17 years old this year. 1987 seems like... a year that 12 year olds should have been born. The fact that people born in the 90's are teenagers kind of freaks me out, too. meh.

22 sounds relatively young until you realize that people born 6 years after you are 17 (i won't be 23 til October, so i guess that over 3/4 of the people born in '87 are only 5. some-odd years younger, but still). You know the great irony is that had you asked me at 17 where i'd be when i was 23... i definitely wouldn't have guessed that i would have to take an extra semester to finish college, but God had other plans (i am graduating with nearly a year and half worth of extra credits (36 extra... you only have to take 12 a semester to finish on time). plus i think i thought i would have met my future husband by now. but once again it appears that God has other plans.

this reminds me- i found out that some of my friends sometimes will talk about who i will marry. as one told me, i am so unique (extreme... i am a very extreme person. things either have to be a VERY specific way or i simply don't care at all... and i'm either ridiculously crazy or really really serious, almost too serious. stuff like that). she just said that i am so random and unique that they like to try and figure out what my husband will be like, but they have a really hard time trying to imagine him. it's like a fun game, methinks. better that they think about it than me. but it hit me- i really am totally content with no romantic relationship right now, and for a long time be that the case. i need to be more in love with Jesus and i really don't think i could handle the distraction. though i suppose that when he's the right guy i will grow closer to Jesus as a result, not be pulled away. but still... i like my life, and i think it would have to change a lot to have a husband type in the picture. i am too young anyway.

this is boring i think. oh well. so i am a little jealous... the youth guys helping with VBS this week and Jeff are having a sleepover at the church. get this- they are watching TTT and ROTK (that's the second and third installments of the LOTR series) on a HUGE projector in the sanctuary and ordering pizza and just generally getting to be awesome... someday the college ladies will have a similar awesome time!

i have this vision of mt dew, chocolate (more for others than myself, actually), DDR on the HUGE screen... it will be a blast. oh, and running around the church in our pj's. that would rock. and no one over 24 allowed! that's a good healthy cut off age... anything 25+ is just too old for running around the church in your pajamas!

ok, long and boring... blech. that happens at the end of a 14 hour non-stop day. tomorrow will be worse, so i should not even attempt to feel sorry for myself... and Saturday and Sunday are packed. And i am busy Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday next week- and none of it's job related other than today and tomorrow. Man. and i thought i'd be bored with no job. boo on me!

_hAiKu_

so here is the truth-
diet mountain dew is just
really disgusting

*~_tAm_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_i_have_found_a_reason_to_sing_glory.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_youve_been_hiding_here_for_so_long.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-16T10:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_youve_been_hiding_here_for_so_long.mws some random facts about me:

~ i realized today that i drive with my left hand perpetually resting on my blinker because i change lanes so much (and i just always use my blinker, even in empty parking lots. well not always if they are empty, i guess.)

~ i have always (well, for like... years at least) wanted to get married on July 16th. That's because i wanna get married in the summer (if i ever am a teacher you get the summer off... plus it just makes sense to me, for whatever reason) and then my favorite numbers are 16, 21, and 7- in that order. My fave months are July and October and my birthday is in October so that leaves July (i don't want my anniversary and bday to be in the same month). Then, good things happen in my life on the 16th... Oct 16th i was born, i was baptized August 16 (1998), i graduated college 2 months ago on May 16, stuff like that. and if you remember why July 4 is so special to me, then 4 squared is 16... so that's cool. And it's in July. i am so weird.

~ as i said in a recent post, i am detail oriented. and like i said in the last post, i like things a certain way- i am so oddly particular. i mean, my favorite multiplication problem is 7x3=21 (i also like the numbers 3, 4, and 12. 12 is 21 backwords! it all makes sense to me... lol... oh, and 216 because it's 21 and 16 put together!) who has a fav multiplication problem? oh, pick me (but you know there was a girl on my hall when i was an RA and it was her fave one too...)

and finally...

~ i think i say more in parenthetical phrases than in actual sentences... if i weren't allowed to use the ( or the ) i would go crazy! (what can i say, details make more sense in a parenthetical phrase than randomly injected into a sentence...)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ <--- there are 16 little thingy's there, lol... i always count out when i do things like that and use one of my fave numbers in some way... i told you, i am WEIRD.

no haiku for now... maybe later... just taking a much needed break from organizing files.

*~_tAm_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_youve_been_hiding_here_for_so_long.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/when_kangaroos_attack_beware_australia.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-16T12:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/when_kangaroos_attack_beware_australia.mws there's a bowl of york peppermint patties here at the desk. no, scratch that, Pearson's peppermint patties... whoever that is. anyway, i have had 3 in 5 hours (plus a snack i brought, and my lunch). i keep wanting more. so much for self-control.

where's my gum...

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/when_kangaroos_attack_beware_australia.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_all_said_and_done_i_stand_alone_amongst_remains_of_a_life_i_should_not_own.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-17T10:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_all_said_and_done_i_stand_alone_amongst_remains_of_a_life_i_should_not_own.mws ah, but for irony. Today a cadre of my friends took a day trip to Seattle. one friend is on the worship team with me (not the college worship team; well he's on that too, but tomorrow we have worship team for the whole church) and he decided that because he is committed to the worship team tomorrow morning it wouldn't be wise to go to Seattle, due to the chance that something could happen and if he weren't able to show up in the morning (say, for example, a flat tire that strands us overnight somewhere) it would really affect things for the worship services. yeah, good character choice on his part, i know. I, however, expressed that i am too selfish and if i couldn't go i would sit home feeling sorry for myself all day because my friends all went without me. I was mostly joking, but i still had every intention of going.

so then, this morning my alarm clock went off, and, like an idiot, instead of hitting snooze i turned it off. i then opened my eyes at 6:46- exactly the time i should have been leaving. so i thought i could just really quickly take a 2 minute shower, and have a horribly short little devotional and call Sho to let her know i would be a little late, and then rush to meet everyone.

then i stood up; that was when i realized my head felt as though a thousand nails were piercing into my brain behind my eyes. then i went to go to the bathroom, and turning on the light made me nearly pass out. So then i washed my hands and such, and went to my room to call Sho. The light on my cell (it's a color screened flip phone) made my head hurt so bad i almost starting crying, so i had to close my eyes and use my experience on a ten key to hope i dialed the correct number.

Long story (slightly) shortened... i had to stay home. i laid in my bed in the darkness staring at the ceiling and walls for quite a long time. Finally around 4 the pain subsided enough to have a quiet time and come do some work (that afore mentioned transcription project).

I guess the good news is that, though i am kind of bummed, i didn't feel sorry for myself. I guess i just wasn't meant to go. God is doing some things in my life that have never happened before, so this is just one more. I can't really say at this point because i am so unsure, but there is something that has begun to tug at my heart that has never, ever been something i considered before and i am not quite sure what to do with it (it doesn't concern people or boys or anything like that, so that's not it, for you silly romantic types... yes, this means you, my dear Becky). So, i guess we shall but see. For now i shall pray and keep mum, though that is really hard for me (the keeping mum part... though often having a deep, real prayer life is difficult too).

Anyway, that's me. I didn't do much today other than want to pass out in pain (why do i never take medicine? i am such a weirdo) and type up meeting minutes for in order to earn some much needed cash.

_hAiKu_

sweet sorrow surrounds
me as i make the always
painful choice to stop

*~_tAm_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_all_said_and_done_i_stand_alone_amongst_remains_of_a_life_i_should_not_own.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_you_rescued_me_when_my_chance_had_passed.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-19T12:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_you_rescued_me_when_my_chance_had_passed.mws ah, but what a blessed day. worship team went great, even with me totally blowing part of a song (no one noticed... and i just laughed... it happens! the irony is we had to go over that part a ton on Wednesday night because i was the only one getting it right there for a bit, lol). So then the sermon was simply amazing. God is so faithful... i knew i needed to hear from Him.

Honestly, i know that my eyes have been nearly entirely on myself recently. There's a level at which i choose to place myself under some of the weight i bear. But i just want to get over myself... i love blessing people, telling them when i notice Christ-like aspects in their character or their choices. I like to let people know i appreciate them, and enjoy them. And not because it's some lame feel good thing... i really enjoy encouraging and exhorting people. But so often i think that i need to protect myself, to make sure i don't get hurt...

you see, i have a hard time trusting people. But once i let you in, you are in. I don't hold back with people when i trust them. So, for example, i have a friend i love dearly but sometimes they play games where they seem to really enjoy me one day and then the next they pull back, or they ignore me... and then they go back to enjoying me. Now maybe they are just trying to figure out what they want the relationship to look like but it is so hard for me to love them in a constant way; i have to literally declare war on thoughts that say, "I am going to ignore them until they come back to me", or "i am intentionally not going to talk to them but make sure to show attention to others so that they miss me." How lame is that? It's kind of embarrassing. But oh, it's true.

but God made very clear today that when i walk in His Spirit and make the choice to get over myself and go out of my way to love those around me, i enjoy life so much more. Amazing how that works, isn't it? i can wallow in how lame i am, or how much i want to not be this way, or i can actually love Jesus more than myself and BE LIKE HIM! So... a good lesson to learn. I pray i will really let God change me and not just go through a phase and return to my normal, lame-o self.

Anyway, that's from the depths i suppose. insight into the everyday life of an everyday 22 year old. But this one happens to be REALLY excited for youth camp. Though i must admit, i have not prayed enough for it and actually, my overall prayer life stinks lately. That also is something that God made so clear today that i simply cannot go one more step without facing it and doing something about it.

That said, i need to go now, so i actually will get up in the morning and have a decently long quiet time. This 20 minute thing as of late is not cutting it. I always say that, and then spend more time with God for like two weeks but when it's because i want to be a better person and not because i want God Himself then eventually i get back to the same place where i find myself with only 20 minutes for God. For anyone who thinks for one moment that i am godly know that i am human and not even as mature in Christ as i would like to think i am. But i do not have to remain this way; lifechange, however, requires obedient response to that which God has spoken.


He has spoken.


_hAiKu_

i think that bowling
is quite the fun outing to
have with your good friends

*~_tAm_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_you_rescued_me_when_my_chance_had_passed.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=257159 hereinthelight 2004-07-21T10:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=257159 so i took this quiz like 7 times (i am not even exagerrating a little bit) and kept getting the exact same results, even when i said different answers (but only if they were still true...sometimes more than one applies, you know?). so boo. oh well... here ya go...

href="http://take-this.planets.kasumiko.net/"
target="_new">

href="http://take-this.planets.kasumiko.net/"
target="_new">On which planet you should live?

ok, and then this one... well, it's cool enough :) i just wanna be a blue flower.

href="http://take-this.flowers.kasumiko.net"
target="_new">

href="http://take-this.flowers.kasumiko.net"
target="_new">Which flower are you?

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/257159 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=257193 hereinthelight 2004-07-21T11:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=257193 i want to update my blog but i don't have anything interesting to say.

_hAiKu_

i can't even think
of any interesting
thoughts for this haiku

*~_tAmI_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/257193 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_to_get_to_know_you_better_to_love_you_more_than_myself_to_give_you_all_of_me.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-22T10:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_to_get_to_know_you_better_to_love_you_more_than_myself_to_give_you_all_of_me.mws ok, so i have been one busy girl. where to start?

~Monday~

I went with Sho to videotape stuffs around our area to use as an educational teaching tool for when she teaches English in Japan. That was really fun... adn we had a nice "date" at a coffee shop/bakery... on a nice comfy couch! Then we saw a movie with Mel, ate dinner at their apartment, and... um... i think after that i came home.

~Tuesday~

I went to lunch with Becky (Panda Express... yay!) and then we saw 'A Cinderella Story'. All the best parts are shown in the previews, but it was pretty cute. Then we searched all over (and i mean ALL OVER) Spokane for a Bonsai tree for a good friend of ours, but to no avail (sorry mj. we really tried. for like 6 hours! that phone call for directions to Staneck's wasn't entirely coincidental!). Then we finally ended our journey at the mall (we hit all three major malls in Spokompton in one day... quite the feat), where we ran into her mom and sis. Her mom then treated us to dinner at Schlotzky's... ode to joy!!! So that was that.

~Wednesday~

Yet another busy day. This time i had to type for many, many hours to get that silly transcription project done. But then i finally did, and Sho went with me to drop if off downtown. She got to see how tired and grumpy i am at 3-4 in the afternoon as well as get some firsthand experience of the road rage tendencies i get in rush hour-esque traffic when i am tired and grumpy around 3 or 4 in the afternoon. are you seeing that this is not my peak time of day?... lol

so we then ran for the border to grab some taco bell (cheesy, i know, but... well... you know...) and i got a HUGE mt. dew (how happy! ah... blast... Becky, that just DOES NOT have the same meaning now. grrr.) and then we had practice because the college group led worship at church last night. It went really well. After church we treated our wonderful friend Grayden to some ice cream from Cold Stone (anyone who's been, props! it's SO SO SO good!) because it was his birthday and we chilled at a park with big plastic little kid jungle gym toys. It was fun.

~TODAY~

I went to an awesome women's Bible study on the names of God this morning, and then planned out a Bible study that Deana and i are teaching on Sunday to the junior high girls, during second service. After that we picked up Sho and went to see yet another movie (i am turning into Becky!). Then we chilled at the apt for like... oh... well, not very long. Then i went to get Aaron and Grayden and then we all had a lovely evening together. There were 8 of us in all, and we took mj (that's Grayden... or maybe James, actually... sorry, quasi inside joke) to dinner at Chili's. After that we all went walking around a really beautiful local park together, full of adventures. Maybe if i get real ambitious i'll post a coupla pics later. Oh, and i let Grayden drive because... all the boys really like to drive my car, especially Grayden, Nathan, Brendon and Clinton. lol... i just knew it would bless him, though, so i let him :)

Overall, life has been good but busy. Sho said this on her blog, but i can't help but gush about how God has given me the most incredible, wonderful, godly, fun, sincere, loving, silly, sweet, and simply AWESOME friends. So, that's me... but let's be honest here- i wrote G-diggity-dogg 19 haikus for his b-day card and so i am a little haiku'd out. so no haiku. sorry kids.

*~_tAmI_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_to_get_to_know_you_better_to_love_you_more_than_myself_to_give_you_all_of_me.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/pics_from_manito_park.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-23T12:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/pics_from_manito_park.mws

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/pics_from_manito_park.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/hahaha_i_coulda_told_you_that.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-24T08:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/hahaha_i_coulda_told_you_that.mws Take the quiz: "Which beverage are you?"

Mountain Dew

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/hahaha_i_coulda_told_you_that.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/places_i_have_been.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-24T11:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/places_i_have_been.mws

create your own personalized map of the USA
or write about it on the open travel guide



create your own visited country map
or write about it on the open travel guide

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/places_i_have_been.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_would_you_change_me_from_who_ive_been_lately_cuz_i_know_im_nothing_without_you.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-26T03:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_would_you_change_me_from_who_ive_been_lately_cuz_i_know_im_nothing_without_you.mws
ok, real update.

The Lord is so faithful to work in me, on me... who would i be without Him? Where would i be without Him? The world can scoff and doubt but the one who handcrafted the billions of galaxies lives in me and is changing me.

I was reading in my quiet time this morning...i am in I John and came across one of my favorite passages of scripture (i have a hundred, but this really is one of the top... uh... hundred... lol...) i am used to it as it's written in the NKJV (that's New King James Version) but i have been reading the NLT (New Living Translation) in my quiet times and it struck me as different, new, and fresh... i will share it now:

Stop loving this evil world and all that it offers you, for when you love the world, you show that you do not have the love of the Father in you. For the world offers only the lust for physical pleasure, the lust for everything we see, and pride in our possessions. These are not from the Father. They are from this evil world. And this world is fading away, along with everything it craves. But if you do the will of God, you will live forever. ~ I John 2:15-17

i desire to be remembered as one who does the will of God. I long for that to be my legacy, that which is left behind when i am gone. I was also reading in a devo book about how that which comes out of my mouth is that which resides in my heart and that if i have not been openly rude and abusive it's only because of cowardice that doesn't speak what i think. Ouch. so true in so many ways. How faithful of God to reveal this to me directly after i once again have made rude comments to a friend whom i love out of selfish-ambition (reacting to hurt because they didn't treat me the way i wanted to be treated). But rather than sit here and beat myself i am blessed to see all the room for change in me and am encouraged to continue to run the race because God has not given up on me, and will not.

The other day i was sitting and listening to a Bible study. The teacher was talking about the intimacy between God and Abram (before he became Abraham) when God took him out under the stars and spoke to him the promise of the nation that would come from his seed. She talked also about how Jesus Christ is the Lamb slain from the foundation of the world. I started thinking about this: God knew from eternity past that He would lovingly shape and create us, and that we would rebel against Him, hate Him, and be separated from Him, so from eternity past He planned to crucify His own Son some 2,000 years ago. I thought to myself:

"Why? Why create us if we'd hurt You so much, in so many ways? Why God?"

I didn't really expect Him to say anything, but suddenly He whispered to my spirit,

"Because you are worth it."

It's that simple. And it's not just that mankind is worth it, or that Moses was worth it, or David or Peter or Paul or John or any famous Bible person... God made mankind knowing full the consequences of that action, fashioned me knowing all the ways i would fail Him, and as He breathed me to life it was all because i am worth it. Knowing me is worth everything to God. I cannot wrap my futile mind around that, though i know with every fiber of my being that it's truth. Incredible.

_hAiKu_

laying under the
stars, fireworks painting the
sky, with friends... so blessed.

*~_tAmI_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_would_you_change_me_from_who_ive_been_lately_cuz_i_know_im_nothing_without_you.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/thanks_to_becky_yet_another_useless_quiz.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-27T03:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/thanks_to_becky_yet_another_useless_quiz.mws Take the quiz: "What type of attitude problem do you have? (pics)"

You're Sarcastic....Like me
This is supposed to be the lowest form of humor...But i think its the best because its mean and funny. Besides like me you probably cant help it anymore. Here's a phrase for you...

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/thanks_to_becky_yet_another_useless_quiz.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_in_the_distance_that_has_taken_you_from_me.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-27T05:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_in_the_distance_that_has_taken_you_from_me.mws what a lazy day. Not intentionally lazy, but i seriously had ZERO clean clothes, so they were all in the wash and i wasn't smart enough to keep anything out so i'd have something to put on. So i couldn't shower until i had clean clothes because putting dirty clothes back on after getting clean and fresh is the sickest thing ever... well other than not showering at all, ever. ewww. So... anyway, i had to stay in my pj's, which also need to be washed. Why don't i think of these things? so yep. But, now, alas, i have clean clothes on and i have showered and i smell so fresh and clean and feel much better because no shower= not awesome. i like to be clean :)

suffice it to say that having to stay in my pj's downstairs was quite boring. so i just watched some movies. i have to say that while it's pretty cute, Cheaper by the Dozen was not what i expected. I thought it would be really lighthearted and funny the whole time... sort of Home Alone-esque, you know? But it was sort of a drama thing. And also i really didn't like Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, though i have to say that i have decided that Lindsay Lohan is just 900 times more likeable (and a much better actress, dancer, and singer) than Hilary Duff. So, no offense to Hilary because she's a person like the rest of us, there's just something about LL that makes you think you might actually enjoy her if you met her in person.

At any rate, i doubt anyone cares about all this. I do have to comment on one more movie, though... i really liked Win A Date with Tad Hamilton. Now, admittedly the friend (Kathy, Cathy, whatever) is really crude and i didn't appreciate her constant references to sex. But i liked it other than that. I think my favorite thing is just that the "lesser" guy (Pete) reminds me so much of my closer guy friends. Totally sarcastic but endearing somehow at the same time. And i know my guy friends (well, one in particular because we've talked about it) want to feel manly and like they are a good protector and provider for their girl. So in the scene where Pete takes off his shirt to chop wood and is all pale and skinny while Tad H. is all tan and ripped, my affections totally were in Pete's camp.

ok, now you really ARE bored and hating your life, but it gives you a little insight into me. I hope all of my guy friends marry godly, lovely, wonderful, beautiful women that are far beyond what they would ever have dreamed of for themselves. As for my girl friends, i hope they all marry incredibly godly men, who lead their homes with character and humility and who treat them like the precious jewels that they are... and if they're handsome, added bonus!

Well that was mushy. i think i'll go watch another movie now...

tam

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_in_the_distance_that_has_taken_you_from_me.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_i_kissed_these_lonely_tears_i_shed_goodbye.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-27T10:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_i_kissed_these_lonely_tears_i_shed_goodbye.mws so i know i already wrote today. but i have to share that i am... so freed up. I used to really have a struggle with what people thought... i won't tell my life story, but suffice it to say that i never experienced real love until i came to my home church here at college. i spent so much of my life just wanting someone- anyone, really- to just love me. so i did a lot of whatever it took to make others like me, approve of me, want me around. even as God changed me i have found that i still desire to be perfect and not let anyone down.

in my 4 years at college, i have made poor choices. i have hurt people, been dishonest with God, myself, and others. whenever i would come face to face with my failures i would be devastated because of how i must have disappointed God, and how i gave people reason to reject me.

in the past couple of years God has done such a redemptive work in me and i haven't struggled with what people think for a long time... but then the last couple of months i have found myself so concerned with what others must be thinking, am i giving them reason to think less of me, am i meeting the standards they have for me?

but you know, i can't live this way. It's not me. i know who i am- i am a child of God, Jesus Christ is my Lord and He loves me even though i fail Him constantly. But He doesn't love me based on my performance and He isn't waiting for me to mess up- He wants me to succeed! He wants me to flourish, to be totally and completely His and willing to do whatever He has for me. How i rejoice in that. I am not my own... I am His alone.

As for other people, i don't intend to abuse my freedom in Christ to make them stumble. But i also see how i need to let my walk with God be my own- not to do certain things and act a certain way because it's expected of me, but because it's my heart's desire to do what God wants me to do. But i cannot live according to the standards of men... in Galatians 1:10 Paul wrote:

For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ.

and then both Ephesians 6:6 and Colossians 3:22 carry the same idea that when we try to please people we are not bondservants of Jesus Christ. And i realized- not a single person that i am trying to please died for me, was crucified for me... i am making the choice to love them as Christ loved me, which means getting my eyes off of what i desire for me and to do that which God desires.

the best part of all this is knowing that already i don't feel the heavy fog that has haunted me for weeks. i don't have to strive against God. And the best part is that if i truly do what God wants then i will be blameless and above reproach even if it doesn't meet the standards of others. and i don't have to explain myself... i can simply be who i am in Christ and love Him. if they are also in the Spirit then they will be blessed by me when i please God and not them; if they react in their flesh then i am not accountable for that- i will stand at the judgment seat of Christ for what i have done, and if i live according to the Spirit and walk wisely then i have nothing to fear concerning what others think.

I will only learn this truth of Jesus Christ by living it in obedience, but i am willing. The "no" and trying to do it on my own for the last few weeks has left me empty, with scrapes and scars from the failed attempts of my efforts.

Enough is enough and today i choose Jesus.

- tami -

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_i_kissed_these_lonely_tears_i_shed_goodbye.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_his_dying_breath_has_brought_me_life_i_know_that_it_is_finished.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-29T01:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_his_dying_breath_has_brought_me_life_i_know_that_it_is_finished.mws Tonight was a good night for this girl... at church we took the Lord's supper, and i was able to go to the altar and lay some things down. I made the choice about a certain situation not only to actively forgive but also to not say another word about the situation to anyone; this will be difficult but it will get me nowhere to say anything to anyone else. I can tell my Lord, and He will listen. But i can move on and stop being eaten from the inside out.

I also had a realization... i've somehow come to think that in adversity and pain that dealing with it in a godly way means to become numb, to box the pain into a small, despised, and easily discarded lump of unwanted emotions. But now i know that this simply isn't right. God created emotions. He doesn't want me to be ruled by them, and He doesn't want me to become wrapped up in myself, but it's ok to feel. It's ok to cry, to mourn the loss of something that really mattered to me. It's ok to miss people that i love. It's not wrong to admit to God that so many things (including relationships with people i love) that mattered to me have been stripped away and in many ways i am very alone and that it hurts. I don't like to admit that i hurt. it's pride, really... i somehow got to a place where i thought that godliness was the equivalent of only being happy at every circumstance. On the converse i don't plan to complain nor do in any way mean that i am not to accept life as God allows it. I desire, as Paul, to be content in every situation... but again, that doesn't mean that i am supposed to be stoic and numb.

I have thought that a godly attitude is to regard any feelings about these things as rubbish, to put a smile on my face and an iron case over my hurting heart. But i now know that God wants me to run to Him, to pour out my heart before Him (Psalm 62:8). He wants to remind me that He alone is my Refuge (II Samuel 22:3), my Strong Tower (Proverbs 18:10), my Hiding Place (Psalm 32:7; 119:114)... my Husband (Isaiah 54:5).

Have i come to that day when i no longer call Him my Master, but my Husband (Hosea 2:16)? I don't think so, not fully. But i am back on the path that is taking me there. Obedience will keep me on it... i pray i will never be one who puts the Son of God to open shame by living life under my command and not in full surrender to the Lord Jesus Christ.

_hAiKu_
as i sit here in
the midst of You i come to
You with all i am*

*~_tAm_~*


*i didn't actually write that... it's lyrics from a song called Hanging On by Everyday Sunday... i just had to cut the word "that" from "with all that i am" to make it fit and i thought it was cool. So there you go.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_his_dying_breath_has_brought_me_life_i_know_that_it_is_finished.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/patience_is_a_virtue.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-29T08:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/patience_is_a_virtue.mws i have a friend from a land far, far away who is going to call me and so here i sit, waiting for the phone to ring...

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/patience_is_a_virtue.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_all_consuming_fire_is_in_your_gaze.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-29T10:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_all_consuming_fire_is_in_your_gaze.mws What a blessing... i just got to talk for over an hour to probably my best friend, Sharon. She's in what my pal Rach and i like to call "mother Russia" (say it sort of Arnold Schwarzenegger-ish... it's totally cooler that way). Anyway, she's there for two years... now only a year and a half left :)

One of the things i love about Shar is her wisdom. She is a very wise young woman. She always can see to the heart of a matter and she asks me just the right questions to get at what really matters. That said... we didn't have that type of conversation, lol. We just talked about life in general... stuff we've been up to, what God is teaching us, etc. She's really good at doing that which i am not good at- taking the conversation to a deeper level.

It was so good to be able to share with her the things that i am learning, the things that are hard, those which are good, what God has been teaching me... i realized how much i miss her. It was incredible, because i am in a place where i question a lot of things...

allow me to explain... i have been blessed to be at an incredible church where people truly love Jesus, and for the past four years i have been able to grow in ways i never would have thought possible. But, alas, my church as well as the staff, leadership, and others is just like everyone else in that we all have weaknesses. It's not bad, and i am in no way saying it's a bad place, because we all are a work in progress.

However, as i examine my life, i see areas where i have lived and believed certain things because it's the expectation. There are standards set and i live up to them because i want to be a good, faithful girl. I know that some of this fault lies with me for having the motive of not wanting to mess up, but at the same time i am realizing that there are areas where i don't know what my values are. If i were in a different place, would i live up to certain standards because i believe them to be that which God has spoken to me? Or would i live differently because no human is watching to make sure i meet their expectations?

i simply cannot answer this question. i want to say that my walk with God is entirely my own and that i would live unto His desires no matter where i was, no matter who i was around. But i cannot say this with no remnant of doubt. Now, i don't mean that i would stop having a daily intimate time with God in prayer and the Word, or that i would stop standing for what's right, or stop having an evangelistic mindset. But there are other areas... in these i just don't know what i believe in my heart of hearts. I know that i will act upon that which i believe, but i also know that i struggle with legalism, and that i don't want to give anyone a reason to not trust me or to say bad things about me so i live up to certain standards because they are expected.

I feel redundant; i am sorry. Anyway, i cannot explain what a deep, hard, and painful thing this is for me to go through. i always feel the need to explain myself and when i feel like i am going against the grain i don't want anyone to question me, so i feel even more of a need to explain myself.

the biggest blessing was that as i talked to Shar, at the end she said the most meaningful thing to me, not knowing necessarily about this area that is so hard for me (we talked about it sort of, but in conjunction with other things). She told me that she knows that i have gone through really hard times, being criticized and judged by people who only wanted to note surface weaknesses but not take the time to really know me, and she told me how sorry she is that i have had to live through that, but that she loves me and that she's not looking to find fault- she just wants to hear what is going on in my life and be a part of it with me. Wow. What a blessing. I also was able to say things to her about her own situations and how much i want to be a blessing and a joy in her life... but i am so blessed by her. No matter where i am in a year, five, ten... i know that she will always be a sister to me. She is more than i could ever ask for; i only pray that i am also a blessing her life.

Speaking of friends... Sunday night i had an impromptu three hour convo with a guy who is totally my younger bro in his driveway. I love him too! We have a beautiful relationship where we know we are not meant for one another, and we love each other to death but there is no weirdness or chance of romantic feelings. We can just be open, honest, and real. For someone who in so many ways has no family i am so blessed by him.

Sorry... no more gushing to you people! But in an incredibly hard time where God is doing things that He has never done before, and where i am for the first time sort of scared and excited and overwhelmed all at the same time with what the future may hold... it's a blessing to have steadfast friends in my life that i can trust.

_hAiKu_

are you captured by
the fact that this same moon i
see, you see also?

*~_tam_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_all_consuming_fire_is_in_your_gaze.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/this_is_the_intellectual_depth_of_convos_on_im_at_1_am.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-30T12:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/this_is_the_intellectual_depth_of_convos_on_im_at_1_am.mws
once again: how does one steal a 900 pound statue?
(f)Layora(f): lots and lots of ants
once again: hahaha
once again: really ticked ants
(f)Layora(f): where was it that I read the thing about the new sunblock?
once again: ants that watched their relatives have a run in with a canister of Aqua-net hairspray and a lighter
(f)Layora(f): you know, you rub a person with candy and then let ants attack them so that all the little ant shadows provide perfect sunblock
(f)Layora(f): wow
once again : um, sick. did you make that up?
(f)Layora(f): I think it was a comic strip
(f)Layora(f): but... ant shadows... that makes me laugh
once again: lol... i thought it was your own clever joke
(f)Layora(f): um... yeah, it totally... no
once again: well, short and sweet this shall be because i am tired and want to actually get out of bed before the crack of noon tomorrow ;)
once again: nighty night!

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/this_is_the_intellectual_depth_of_convos_on_im_at_1_am.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_i_am_just_a_cup_of_water_that_you_can_turn_to_wine.mws hereinthelight 2004-07-30T02:07:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_i_am_just_a_cup_of_water_that_you_can_turn_to_wine.mws ...i Am JuSt A cRiPpLeD bEgGaR wHo'S lEfT hEr BeD bEhInD :.



so the other day i watched a movie and they were eating waffles and i have wanted pancakes ever since; i just got done eating two big, fluffy pancakes replete with Jif chunky peanut butter and Mrs. Butterworth's syrup, and the most important part- i big, tall glass of oh-so-cold 1% milk. Yum. Yum Yum.

Moo-ooving on... so last night i got a mini-lecture from a lady staying here with me about how i should skip camp and go from door to door of restaurants telling them that i will wash dishes or do anything i can for minimum wage for the next month until i have to go back to school. In a way she has a point, in that i sort of just gave up on finding a job and became content to just be able to get by. I respect the wisdom of older people and she was right that i need to really get on the people at the temp agency to give me whatever i can get when i get back from camp.

The only thing that frustrated me was i was trying to share with her my "plan". I plan to finish up with school in January and then i hope i will find a decent paying job so i can pay off my student loans and get out of debt as quickly as possible. I will live like a college student for awhile longer, crowded into an apartment or whatever it takes so that i can afford to make one to two thousand dollar payments on my loans every month. I want to be freed up to do whatever God says, and i realize that having any debt at all stops me from that because if God wanted me overseas i can't go with $30,000 of student loans.

But i did note to her that i have believed for a very long time that i will marry someone who is in vocational ministry, be it as church staff or missions or whatever. I really have no idea... i used to think i knew, but i really don't. Anyway, i said that i know that it's not fair to marry anyone with all that debt and it would hinder us from what God has.

The frustrating part was that she started to mini-preach to me about how she asked God to take away any desire to date or have a spouse and then met her husband a week later (i always hear these stories, btw... almost like a magical "if you ask God to take it away and really mean it then He'll bring you a mate!" formula. but that's a rabbit i will not now chase. suffice it to say it annoys me.). The thing is, i know she doesn't know me all that well, but i wasn't saying that i want to get married anytime soon. I really don't, actually. Meeting someone is not in my two year plan of getting out of debt.

But here's a pet peeve that i pray i will remember when i am a fuddy-duddy married mama in 20 years- just because a person in their early 20's says the word marriage that does not mean they are consumed every waking moment with wanting a spouse. Some people are maybe, but not all of us. I am content with the life i have. Would i like someone to come home to, or to keep a home for (i have this silly little fantasy of greeting my husband when he gets home from work every day with a romantic kiss... welcome home, baby... SHHH!!!. why i admitted that i don't know. i am secretly a romantic deep down, i just hide it well), or even to make out with and... other stuff...? Of course! I am a hot blooded 22 year old who has never touched a guy romantically in the most surface sense of the word. But honestly, a lot of hard work comes with marriage and i am not ready. I have a lot of areas of my life that God still needs to work on, mature me and change me. I am not ready to be someone's wife, their helpmate. I don't know when i will be, and maybe when i am getting ready to get married i still won't feel ready, but the point is that i am not laying awake at night praying that tomorrow my husband will come. To be honest, i have slacked off in praying for him at all because i secretly think that if i pray for him i will actually meet him and i am a little scared and not ready. Well that's lame to actually put in real words. And convicting. I need to begin praying for him consistently again.

Anyway, the point is that i know i am afar off from being ready to be married. The funny thing is that 2 or 3 years ago at 19 or 20 i totally thought i was ready... lol... i have grown up enough since then to know i have a lot more growing up to do ;) But when 55 year olds assume that just because i am real enough to admit that i know i need to take marriage seriously is a secret way of saying i am dying to greet my man at the altar... i get frustrated! I don't deal well with people's assumptions, especially when they are wrong. lol. i need to get over that, actually. Because... here's a secret...

PEOPLE DO IT ALL THE TIME! THEY'RE PEOPLE! THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE DO- MAKE MISTAKES, FREQUENTLY AT BEST AND CONSTANTLY AT WORST.

so, that said, i will go. i think i sound like i am super annoyed, but in all reality i am in a pretty good mood. i am just sharing my thoughts with ya'll.

_hAiKu_

i wonder what it
will be like to see You and
gaze into Your eyes


*~_tAmI_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_i_am_just_a_cup_of_water_that_you_can_turn_to_wine.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=277144 hereinthelight 2004-08-01T06:08:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=277144 ...just a super quickie to say that i will be at a youth camp for the next week...

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/277144 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=291181 hereinthelight 2004-08-07T11:08:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=291181 ok, back. camp was amazing... i will certainly say more later... but today i was extremely busy, i have gotten very little sleep this last week, and i need to go to bed because my clothes are ready for the dryer now so i will actually have some clean ones to wear tomorrow :)

the other thing is that i will be house-sitting for youth pastor and his wife while they go to junior high camp next week (i just got back from high school camp) and they don't have the internet so i may not be on much or even update for a while... so... later!

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/291181 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=304254 hereinthelight 2004-08-14T05:08:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=304254 um. sick. so it's 5:34am and the truth be told, i am still up. two of my friends came here to my place and no one is home so we laid out on the grass and watched shooting stars. it was awesome but they are leaving and i am exhausted. we had really good conversations though, some serious and others not so much ;) that said, i need to go sleep for a few hours.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/304254 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_maybe_here_new_life_begins.mws hereinthelight 2004-08-14T09:08:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_maybe_here_new_life_begins.mws well... life and all that it entails has been interesting to say the least. Suffice it to say that i am tired but doing well. I am realizing more and more what a blessed life i live yet take for granted. God is being faithful to deal with some very big areas of weakness and sin in my life. One big thing is i am a ridiculously analytical person and lately i have taken things as personal affronts and attacks that are not that but i have allowed myself to believe lies... it's frustrating because i know better. I have been captive to my own thought patterns set by my flesh. Somehow, somewhere i allowed people's mistakes to come to mean that they are out to get me and don't want me around... it's so ridiculous but when i am really honest that's what i have come to think. But the truth is, i have wonderful people around me who love me and if anyone does have a problem with me... that's their problem.

God very clearly spoke to me about this at camp...

The LORD has said to me in the strongest terms: "Do not think like everyone else does. Do not be afraid that some plan conceived behind closed doors will be the end of you. Do not fear anything except the LORD Almighty. He alone is the Holy One. If you fear him, you need fear nothing else. He will keep you safe. But to Israel and Judah he will be a stone that causes people to stumble and a rock that makes them fall. And for the people of Jerusalem he will be a trap that entangles them. Many of them will stumble and fall, never to rise again. Many will be captured."
I will write down all these things as a testimony of what the LORD will do. I will entrust it to my disciples, who will pass it down to future generations. I will wait for the LORD to help us, though he has turned away from the people of Israel. My only hope is in him. ~ Isaiah 8:11-17

The fact is i torture myself, unable to let go of the past. Specifically every time someone tells me they need to talk to me, deep down i panic and think they are going to ask me to stop working with youth/ leave the worship team/ stop coming to college group, whatever. It's ridiculous. And i have begun to be paralyzed and only focused on myself. God used that passage and bluntly told me that if ever i am removed from a place of ministry, it's because He is allowing it but He loves me and wants my best. He's not out to destroy me. And He's not going to allow people to sit around and talk about me and plan to destroy me either; the fact is there have been instances where i was talked about because of my mistakes. This was shared with me but i took that to mean that always this group of people only see bad in me and want me gone. That's a lie from the literal pit of hell and Satan himself. If he can keep me thinking this way i am basically useless in ministry and he knows that.

This all is crushing but i have to be honest. The cool thing is that God is so in love with me that He refuses to let me stay this way. And He's using my weakness to turn for His glory. The fact is that i am realizing that i don't trust people, particularly those in authority. I want them to love me but i expect myself to fail or for them to perceive that i have failed and then for them to cut me off. I also expect this of God.

God nailed His only Son to a cross, to hang naked, ridiculed, and rejected. What else must He do to prove to me that He loves me? Nothing. He's done it all. I have the choice to believe Him or wallow in self-pity and i refuse to do it for a moment longer.

I will share some verses that are #1) completely applicable to my current situation, and #2) my life verses, my mission statement for my life of sorts, methinks. God used them mightily when i was in Asia last summer and ever since then i have clung to them (held fast to the word of life :) Phil. 2:16)

If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory. ~ Colossians 3:1-4

*~_tAmI_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_maybe_here_new_life_begins.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_you_saved_me_from_myself.mws hereinthelight 2004-08-17T11:08:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_you_saved_me_from_myself.mws so being that i put the pressure on Sho to update, i thought i'd better not be a hypocrite ;) Ergo, here am i to fill in on my life.

It's been a good couple of days for me. The sermon Sunday at church was as though my pastor had been taping the conversation i had Saturday with an older woman who knows me really well... basically she told me that i needed to just stop thinking so much- i take my analytical side and i torture myself and believe lies and they have held me captive. Then Sunday my pastor talked about many things, but the part that captured me was a hard realization...

often he will speak about people who cling to their hurt and justify it. i always think "i am not that person". But Sunday it hit me- i amthat person. Pastor talked about the difference between a person with a hardened heart of stone and one with a soft heart of flesh. The heart of stone remains guarded, in my case paralyzed, stubbornly unwilling to move on. The heart of flesh, however, can be touched and changed. I went to the altar and surrendered all that i have clung to. It's been good... i see the difference in my times with God, more of a desire to hear from Him. And my prayer life, which has been in a state of decay, is recovering. So, amidst other more personal things that aren't for public knowledge, God is doing a wonderful work in me.

Sunday was also a hard day. I had an instinct that time with our church's youth pastor was limited; in fact, i was housesitting and a friend stayed the night with me and i told her that i wouldn't be surprised if he made an announcement that he (and his wife) would be leaving. However, i thought that this was most likely off in the future somewhere, maybe in the next year or so... so Sunday when Jeff was in with the youth during the first Bible study and i asked why and he said "you don't know?"... yeah. it was then that i knew.

John talked to us about why he's leaving, where he and Esther are going... and it's good. I am excited for him. But i cried. I will cry more. I am grateful that God loves them enough to take them to a new place with Himself, and that they will be able to support Bud and Julie. But at the same time, it's hard. I love John and Esther and the fact is that i can't imagine not seeing them at church; i can't envision going to the offices and not stopping by to chat with him. I think of all of the random talks i have had with Esther, like when we stood outside of women's prayer and chatted for almost two hours and it rained on us and she was closerthanthis to wetting her pants... lol. I think even of at camp, when in my gut i knew that this would be John's last camp, and the wonderful conversations, one in particular that i was able to have with him. His words mean even more because it's kind of like when Jesus shared with His disciples in the Upper Room... He knew it was His last chance and the wisdom He imparted was what they really needed to know. Of course i still have a month and a half to enjoy J & E, and i know that there will still be opportunities to chat so i am not trying to be overdramatic. But the fact is God is bringing more and more big changes and for the first time i am unafraid to admit how much people have meant to me. No matter where they go John and Esther will always have a special place in my heart and i love them and to see them go is especially hard for me for reasons i cannot share.

On the upside... what an appropriate weeked for God to do such a big work in me. I was told that my influence and responsibility would be increasing... and Sunday it hit me- i don't have time to be wrapped up in myself anymore because as John goes the youth need me. There were plenty of red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks to make me realize that on Sunday. Beyond the emotions, though, Esther has done an incredible job with the youth ladies in ministry and we all need to step up, but i know that God is clearly leading me to be more intentional, make more phone calls, send more e-mails, and, most emphatically He's telling me to pray more and just give more of me to them. So i am and will continue to.

What is this, anyway? Confessions of a late-night blogger? i sure need to be up in 6 short hours... or slightly less than. Ouch. But for the world writ large, and me more than anyone, that's what's been going on in my life...

*~_tAmI_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_you_saved_me_from_myself.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_to_look_back_and_think_that_this_baby_would_one_day_save_me.mws hereinthelight 2004-08-20T01:08:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_to_look_back_and_think_that_this_baby_would_one_day_save_me.mws ... in the hope that what You did; You were born so i might really live :.

well hello... life has been busy and good. I spent last night and this morning with my beloved friend Shiona, whom i will only see again for a few minutes next Wednesday morning before she boards a plane and goes to Japan for two years to be an ambassador for Christ and to teach English. It was a sweet time.

That's pretty much all i have to say that is even partially interesting... other than i am so so SO excited to see Rachael, another close friend who has spent the last two months in London, and whom i miss more than i thought it was possible for me to miss someone. I rarely miss people. When they come to mind i think fondly or pray for them but i don't long to see them. Rachael i have missed deeply this summer. I think she should be here tonight and for that i am UBER grateful and SO excited.

That said have decided i waste too much time on the computer; rather, God has convicted me that i waste time on here as opposed to redeeming the time so i am going to go read a book. It's called Inside Out and highly recommended by Scott and Shiona so i will let yall know what i think later (i am going to go start it right now).

Christ's Alone,

*~_tAmI_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_to_look_back_and_think_that_this_baby_would_one_day_save_me.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_were_closer_than_were_far_away.mws hereinthelight 2004-08-21T10:08:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_were_closer_than_were_far_away.mws so this is my uneventful life... pretty much i have done nothing cooler than hanging out with my friends, saying good-bye to close friends, reuniting with those who have been gone all summer, eating far too many cheap cheeseburgers, staying up far too late, yada yada yada.

on the eventful side, God has been doing such a good work in me. It's far too much to write out but i am amazed at Him.

I wish i had something funny or cool to say, but i am tired and i've got nothing for ya'll. ok, but i have to just say that a white woman just won the title of "fastest woman in the world" (aka the gold medal in the 100m sprint). Wow.

ok. tk out.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_were_closer_than_were_far_away.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/both_are_awesome_beyond_compare.mws hereinthelight 2004-08-24T12:08:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/both_are_awesome_beyond_compare.mws

Your Superhero Persona by couplandesque
Your Name
Superhero Name	The Ferret
Super Power	Invisibility
Enemy	The Landlord
Mode Of Transportation	Cadillac With Rims
Weapon	Attack Gerbils
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Your Superhero Persona by couplandesque
Your Name
Superhero Name	The Nerd
Super Power	Can Cry On Command
Enemy	Martha Stewart
Mode Of Transportation	Giant Hamster Named Skippy
Weapon	Sporks
Quiz created with MemeGen!

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/both_are_awesome_beyond_compare.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/ha_ha_ha_take_that.mws hereinthelight 2004-08-26T07:08:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/ha_ha_ha_take_that.mws

At your ten year high school reunion... by robbiewriter
Your school name
Your name
Your job will be	Writer
You will be worth	$463,724
Everyone will think you	Used to have a crush on them
Quiz created with MemeGen!

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/ha_ha_ha_take_that.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/i_guess_this_is_more_along_the_lines_of_my_high_school.mws hereinthelight 2004-08-26T10:08:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/i_guess_this_is_more_along_the_lines_of_my_high_school.mws So i only noticed the part that said "school" name, and didn't read the title, else i would have realized that to say my college name is completely erroneous. So, here it is, updated for your viewing pleasure...

At your ten year high school reunion... by robbiewriter
Your school name
Your name
Your job will be	Corrupt Politician
You will be worth	$278,319
Everyone will think you	Used to have a crush on them
Quiz created with MemeGen!

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/i_guess_this_is_more_along_the_lines_of_my_high_school.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/allow_me.mws hereinthelight 2004-08-26T11:08:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/allow_me.mws ok, may i share something that slightly just irritates me? maybe more than slightly... i have been watching the Olympics fairly consistently, and i have noticed a trend: a lot of the champions from other countries, particularly Central and South American countries, and then Russia and a smattering of people from Eastern European nations actually live in the US. A lot of them came here for college, some for training, some live here... this frustrates me a little. Example: Felix Sanchez (the men's 400m hurdle champ) was born in NYC, raised in SoCal -southern California- and races for the Dominican Republic. Now, i am not saying he should race for the US; i think it's awesome that he races for the country of his parents and his heritage.

Here's what ticks me off: everyone gives the US so much... well, crap. Paul Hamm had to deal with nearly ten minutes of booing for a poor score given to Russian gymnast Alexei Nemov before he could do his high bar routine... you can assume this was aimed at the judges but then Paul Hamm himself was booed at when he got a higher score. Now the fans are booing so the men's 200m sprint can't be run (i know that it's because their champion sprinter, the Greek dude, was dq'd because of missing a drug test. But honestly, SHUT UP ALREADY! Have some respect.

There's all this talk of American conspiracy... blah. We have people who work hard and train hard, and they happen to have been born in a country that nearly idolizes it's sports heroes and thus they have the tools and opportunities at their disposal to train with the best under the coaching of the best and thus excell at the Olympics.

Grrr... so the point of my raving, you ask? Everyone judges us and hates on us and yet we freely accept people from other countries to come here and have the same opportunities as American born citizens. And our government is one of few that doesn't give huge bonuses and incentives to its Olympians, nor does it pay for them the train or even for them to get to Athens (or whatever the current host city is). There are obviously other means of getting money, but it's not the US govt. shelling it out. I refuse to whine about it, but rather to state that when all the world is busy hating us, just remember that i am proud to say that the US is pretty generous.

ok. enough rage.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/allow_me.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_you_told_me_to_call_said_youd_be_there.mws hereinthelight 2004-08-27T01:08:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_you_told_me_to_call_said_youd_be_there.mws i figure a real update is in line, being that you all probably feel a little rejected... lol. yeah right! i am sure you don't think about me too much when i don't update, which is cool by me.

so i have been... well, busy. i spent the last few days getting my future home (uh, granted that my application is approved, which i have to... uh... find... and then fill out and then turn in. yeah, i am that awesome) ready to live in. The plan is to move in with two friends in an apartment, but there's a lot of stuff from a previous resident that has to be moved out and then there's someone who can't move back into college housing for almost a week who is there too so it's a crowded place. but man oh man will it be cute! we have a black and white theme going on, with black and white framed photos and such. my absolute favorite is black and white photos of cities at night, and if there is a bridge involved, whew! i really like those pictures!

oh, how easily i digress... anyway, i stayed there the last few nights, bonded with my future roomies (we're already friends, but you know) and such. Also yesterday morning i saw one of my best friends off for the next two years (at least) as she is going to Japan to teach high school English. She is like-minded and also wants to see the Japanese come to Christ. It was a blessing to say good-bye to someone who is following God's will for their life.

Beyond that... my life is not too exciting. Just getting things in order for student teaching and seeking to walk with God. He is still doing a lot in me concerning trust, trusting Him and people, and about being a prayer warrior.

So that's me. sorry it's so boring. but what you see is what you get with me :) hasta...

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_you_told_me_to_call_said_youd_be_there.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/optional.mws hereinthelight 2004-09-03T12:09:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/optional.mws sorry that i haven't updated in so long... i am just a very busy little quesadilla. i have moved into an apartment and done a ton of stuff with student teaching, getting ready and stuff and then my car went crazy for a day and just... tons o' stuff. So yeah. But i am doing ok... i just keep having attitude problems with all my friends. i think i need three things, in this order: sleep, alone time, and a little bit of space. Some of us have gotten so close that we get to experience the whole enchilada... i was saying tonight that it's like i have all the drawbacks of a boyfriend without the benefits of one... ie guys who think my stuff is theirs and tell me what to do and give away my stuff without asking... the loons. and yet no one to fall in love with! what is that? i smoo on them all. they are in super big trouble. meh. but i love them. super meh.

well that's not too exciting, but now you know i am not dead. have a great weekend!

tam

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/optional.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_you_wanted_to_be_perfect_youll_have_to_wait_awhile.mws hereinthelight 2004-09-05T05:09:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_you_wanted_to_be_perfect_youll_have_to_wait_awhile.mws Well once again i come to say that nothing new is really happening with me. I mean, other than that i start student teaching 8th graders in two days, one of my best friends got engaged, and i just moved for the 5th time in hardly twice as many months. ;) But i am doing really well. Friends that i have missed are returning from the corners of the States (and the world! one friend was an intern at the US Embassy in Lithuania with the State Department this summer and just got back) and there are new people coming as the dorms fill up at my soon to be alma mater, so it's all good. One guy saw the sign for our church and came this morning and will be joining us on Friday night and such, so that's super exciting. Praise God. So yeah... much unpacking ensues....

ciao!

tam

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_you_wanted_to_be_perfect_youll_have_to_wait_awhile.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_and_you_give_yourself_away.mws hereinthelight 2004-09-10T03:09:35-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_and_you_give_yourself_away.mws

so life is going well thus far.? I love my students at school; they are way less scary than i anticipated.? They are actually really good kids.? I am sure that i will encounter rough times but i was expecting them to be much worse than they actually are.? I have been so ridiculously busy and school just started.? But i had this address fiasco to figure out (i somehow had the wrong address in my mind so when i changed my address to my apartment i sure did change it to the wrong thing and have things shipped to the wrong one, like an awesome person.? but it's all getting straightened out)? I have been having car troubles so that sort of adds to the stress but honestly overall i still like my life and i am trying really hard to just take it one day at a time. I am getting a cold because i haven't been getting enough sleep (my immune system sucks if i don't get enough sleep) and so i am trying to be really careful.? Suffice it to say that i enjoy this blog and i will do my best to keep it up to date but also, as already evidenced, it is not a top priority so if i am not here for long periods of time that's the reason.? Yep.?

Ok... must get back to real life.? Hasta!

tam

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_and_you_give_yourself_away.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_hope_against_hope_i_know_youre_waiting_but_now_youre_fading.mws hereinthelight 2004-09-15T01:09:01-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_hope_against_hope_i_know_youre_waiting_but_now_youre_fading.mws

So it appears to be time for an update.  Still the same old life in these parts.   I still like school. Although today we had an assembly to kick off their big fundraiser and the cheerleaders from the high school came and so they had us do this silly cheer where we put our arms around the shoulders of the people on each side of us and i was sitting on the stairs (because 650+ people on bleachers built for 500 is a bad idea.  I just sat on the stairs, as a teacher privilege :) ) next to one of my students and he threw his arm around me and that was... odd.  Not bad.  I just felt really uncomfortable.  I hope it will get easier as i get older and am more removed in age from my students.  But he's probably 13 and i am 22 and 9 years is totally a big gap but still not the same as the 40 year old ladies who have sons these kids' ages. 

so does anyone on here like Further Seems Forever?  I really like their new album.  Already Gone has been stuck in my head so i recommend it.  And Light Up Ahead and Hide Nothing.  The album is called Hide Nothing.  No, they aren't paying me to say this.  I just really like it.  I am in a phase where i heavily prefer alternative rock with a splash of emo in there, sort of like coke with lemon.  Only i hate Coke, i hate lemons (i don't like fruit much... at all) and i really don't like Coke with lemon.  but you know.  the music is good. 

There is a lot going on with me but it concerns other people and isn't really appropriate to post for the world's eyes (particularly for those who know me in "real" life because they also know the people involved and i am not good with anonymity.)  Ergo, it's best that i say nothing.  I must now e-mail friends in Russia and Japan, and that will take some time.  Good night world!

tam

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_hope_against_hope_i_know_youre_waiting_but_now_youre_fading.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/so_what_is_god_saying_here.mws hereinthelight 2004-09-16T01:09:16-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/so_what_is_god_saying_here.mws So i had some leftover rice from dinner and my roommate had leftover tomato soup she gave me so i mixed em (it's so good!  add rice to pretty much any soup!) and then i had some finely shredded mozzarella cheese and i dumped it in only to discover a few little pieces had mold on em so i tried to pick em out and stirred it up even with a few in.  big mistake.  i tried to eat a bite and it's so nasty.  So none for me it seems.  This is God's way of helping me diet, methinks.  Sadly. 

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/so_what_is_god_saying_here.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_todays_a_brand_new_day.mws hereinthelight 2004-09-20T12:09:14-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_todays_a_brand_new_day.mws

... aNd I tHiNk I'lL cHaNgE mY wAyS ...

it's interesting the way God breaks me. i always think that i need to be a mess of tears and heartfelt commitment to be different.  Yet, when i am truly broken, it's a solemn recognition that i am still a sinner in need of God's forgiveness.  He's so good at motivating me to change; He simply allows me to be who i can be in my flesh.  As for that blubbering mess of emotions that illicits the empty pleas... it's just what i called it- nothing more than emotions.  And in my life in particular decisions made on the basis of emotions don't last too long.  They ebb and then fade. 

today, however, has been a good day.  God has allowed me to come to the end of myself and to see that i am very close to that which i am scared to death of becoming- one who walks away from God and wants nothing to do with Him.  Do i mean stop going to church, stop reading my Bible, stop fellowshiping with other believers, stop praying, stop witnessing?  No.  What i do mean is going through all the motions of Christianity but having a heart that is far from God with no desire for Him to speak to me.  I am scared of becoming that person because i see how easy it would be to become her. 

All that said, tomorrow will be a fresh start.  Even now i feel different than i have... the dark cloud of selfishness is cleared so that i can see beyond myself.  That's a good place to be.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_todays_a_brand_new_day.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/somehow_i_think_it_must_be_better_this_way.mws hereinthelight 2004-09-24T03:09:41-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/somehow_i_think_it_must_be_better_this_way.mws

the joy of humility.  not my favorite moment of my life, i must confess.  i think that deep down i pride myself as a good driver.  I have never been in an accident , never got a ticket, or anything of the sort.  i suppose everyone thinks they are a good driver, but irregardless i have always trusted my own driving.  So today i am making a rare cell phone call (i honestly don't talk while driving unless it's a rare necessary occasion because i hate it when crappy people talk on their crappy cell phones and are crappy drivers and almost hit me.  pet peeve) and backing out of a parking spot and NOT looking in my rearview mirror when i slam into a large concrete column.  Oh yes, the utter stupidity of it all.  So i smashed in my tail lights, scratched up and dented my fender and bumper, and seriously hurt my precious car that i try so hard to take care of.  Granted, it's an 88 Accord and not like brand new but it's in pretty good shape and up until today still had a fairly high resale value.  Ugh.  I hate myself just thinking about it. 

You know those stupid things where you just want to go back and not do that dumb thing?  because you know better and normally never do that one dumb little thing, that you did just once and then ruined everything?  it's like that. 

to top it all off, i have a friend who can most likely try to pop out some of the dents, replace my tail lights and fix my bumper.  so i called him and left a message, only to find out that his grandfather died last night.  So it's a sad day, literally.  i don't hate life, but it's hard nonetheless. 

real encouraging word, i know.  sorry to be a downer.  just thought i'd share my plight since it's fairly interesting, despite how much it sucks. 

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/somehow_i_think_it_must_be_better_this_way.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/keep_me_coming_back_for_more.mws hereinthelight 2004-10-05T10:10:11-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/keep_me_coming_back_for_more.mws

Well today was my first day of teaching full time (other than a day where I taught because my master teacher was gone so there was a sub).  This is my life until December 10.  It is SO much work.  Good teachers do so much... it's tons of planning, then adapting to make sure everyone is learning (from the straight A 13 year old who whooped up on his PSAT's- yes, an 8th grader taking and kicking tail on the PSAT's- to the kid who doesn't "play well with others" and who can't sit at a table with his classmates because he freaks out, and then trying to teach to everyone else in between)  But the truth is, I love my students.  Some of them I feel connected to... and there's something about walking down the hall after school and having one of my students see me and saying, excitedly, "Hi Ms. Keyser!!"  It's weird to write this as a person who is just a normal 22 year old with thoughts and feelings because I know my students look up to me as this person who's "made it", a (nearly) college graduate.  The professional feeling is weird, to walk through a school as an authority figure.  But so far, though there are hard moments and I seem to have developed a permanent headache, it's going great.  Being a student teacher isn't so bad at this point. 

So that's my update.  Sorry for being so checked out lately... I just have a ton going on :)  Please feel free to leave some comments though, if you so choose. 

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/keep_me_coming_back_for_more.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/somehow_here_is_gone.mws hereinthelight 2004-10-12T12:10:31-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/somehow_here_is_gone.mws

Wow.  Today was a really hard day.  One of the teachers in my school was killed last Thursday night, and we didn't have school Friday so today was the first day back.  A lot of students found out today.  It was really hard.  He taught 7th grade science so some of my 8th graders had him, and then he was known for just being really funny and off the wall and pretty much everyone knew who he was.  Also, he's been at my school for a number of years (over ten, i am pretty sure) and so seeing so many teachers cry today was just... really hard.  It aches.  I did ok, and i taught through the day but then after school we had another staff meeting (we had one this morning too, and my teacher didn't tell me until i got there today so i was in a little bit of shock) and they talked about his 11 year old son, and his wife, and then i realized that i would never see him again and talk to him as we ate lunch in the staff room and the tears began to flow.  And seeing the male teachers who are normally so strong cry was hard.

I think the most difficult thing i am wrestling with is all this talk of grief, and how to manage it, and then hearing things like "he's laughing up in heaven about this right now" and stuff from the staff... i don't know if he was saved, but the truth is that if he didn't know Jesus Christ as his personal Savior then he's not in heaven.  And trying to comfort the kids at school in the loss but leaving out Jesus is futile.  It's heart wrenching.  i thought this morning "God, of all the schools in Spokane, and of all the places and times that this could have happened, why here?  Why now?  Why where i am?" and then those words that Mordecai spoke to Esther were loud and clear in my mind... i am at my school for such a time as this.  The ground is fertile to share the gospel and speak truth and life.  I need only to be obedient and seek Christ's face as to how i can best serve Him and those around me.

Not a light and happy entry, but it's true form to the aching state of my heart, yet also revealing of the hope that is in me.  Now i must sleep before i collapse, and i am not exagerrating.

tam

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/somehow_here_is_gone.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=348013 hereinthelight 2004-10-16T03:10:19-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=348013 ... and hello 23...

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/348013 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/i_lost_you_in_the_darkness_when_i_fell_from_the_light.mws hereinthelight 2004-10-19T01:10:35-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/i_lost_you_in_the_darkness_when_i_fell_from_the_light.mws

... feeling short of stable ...

So it's been awhile since i updated.  I suppose i somewhere decided that most of you don't really want to know every detail of my life, but i also suppose that i have erred on the side of near silence.  So i will try to write an interesting update.  At the current time life is mostly well.  I am a ridiculously ungrateful person.  I rarely take the time to stop and just say, "Thank You" to God or even other people.  It's interesting how many things i simply take for granted.  Today i feel fine healthwise, but i don't notice that i feel fine.  But if tomorrow i woke up with a cold i would torture myself trying to remember what it feels like to feel "normal".  So that's something i have been thinking about lately.  And, of course, my pastor preached about it on Sunday, so i know God's trying to speak to me clearly.

On a more random note, i am so excited that the Red Sox are fighting back... you know that starting tonight at 5 pm (and going possibly until midnight the way the games have been lately!) i will be camped out in front of my TV, replete with papers to grade and an open note quiz to make.  Not to mention that Constitution Unit i have to write... and i am rooting for the Astros.  I am not exactly sure why, because i never care much about the NL, but i like them.  Carlos Beltran is a stud... if he ends up with the Yanks i will hate my life.  Ok, that's not true.  But that would be mighty foul.  So... yep.  I love October!

One reason i love October is my birthday, i won't lie.  This year was really disappointing though.  I wasn't expecting people to go way out of their way for me or anything, but i got two cards- one from my roommate and one from my other roomie's family-, two e-mails, and four phone calls (two were family, one from someone i worked with a few years ago).  that was it.  now, that may sound like a lot to some people but i have a ton of close friends and not a one bothered to give me a card, a cake, nothing.  I am not complaining because i know my friends are all busy.  I guess it just sort of hurt... i have gone way out of my way for quite a few of my friends to plan taking them out to dinner or a surpise party, and none of them even gave me a card.   Sunday morning i got a few "happy birthday yesterday"'s, but that only when one person would go "oh yeah- happy..." and others would suddenly remember.  I guess i just feel sort of like no one cares and that is a hard feeling.  Nonetheless, the next birthday to come i will be going out of my way to make sure that the person is blessed and showered love upon.  But one more thing- if you are one of my friends here and you read this, don't make light of it.  I am not upset, but the moment is gone and if all of a sudden people start giving me cards and stuff it will be futile. 

All righty then... i must get some stuff done.  What, i don't know.  But there's always something.  ;)

tk 

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/i_lost_you_in_the_darkness_when_i_fell_from_the_light.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/reverse_the_curse.mws hereinthelight 2004-10-20T07:10:37-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/reverse_the_curse.mws so just to let you, the world write large, know... tonight i will be glued to a TV screen (along with a friend of mine that doesn't know Jesus, so awesome opportunity to witness) watching every moment of game 7 of the ALCS... once again, I LOVE OCTOBER!!!  ok... GO RED SOX!!!

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/reverse_the_curse.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/86_years_no_problem.mws hereinthelight 2004-10-21T01:10:18-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/86_years_no_problem.mws

5 words:

I LOVE THE RED SOX

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/86_years_no_problem.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/stranger_than_your_sympathy.mws hereinthelight 2004-10-24T01:10:29-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/stranger_than_your_sympathy.mws Yahoo... chalk up another victory for them Red Sox. The Cards had me a bit nervous, i'm not gonna lie. but Bellhorn's two run shot in the bottom of the eigth set my pulse back to only twice as fast as normal. Interestingly enough, when Steven Tyler sang the national anthem i got chills up my spine. Anyway... Silly day for me... my alarm went off this morning so i could go to the second half of our church's Women's Conference. I heard my roommate in the shower so i shut my alarm off to wait for her, and promptly (albeit unintentionally) fell back asleep. I didn't even come close to stirring til 9:30, and i realized that i could get up and make it in time for the break out session- so i decided to stare at the ceiling for a second to wake up- and fell back asleep again. Then i slept like a rock until 11:30. Yeah, i am just that awesome. I knew i was tired but not THAT tired. So... beyond that my day was spent cleaning, doing laundry, more cleaning, grading papers, organizing papers, fun stuff like that. but i got a lot done today, so that was nice. So... my life... not much happening. Nothing to speak of. So that's me... just watching a movie now and taking it easy after a day replete with scrubbing floors and toilets, making beds, moving furniture, doing laundry, cleaning the whole kitchen, yada yada yada. That said, have a nice night! tam

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/stranger_than_your_sympathy.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/one_step_closer.mws hereinthelight 2004-10-26T11:10:08-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/one_step_closer.mws

AHHH!!!  Up 3-0, who's your daddy NOW?  And we are the only ones in baseball history to come back from that deep of a hole to win it, and the way the Cards are playing... yeah, i don't see it happening.  Now, as freakish as this may seem, I'd really like to see the series won IN Fenway, but if Busch it may be then in Busch it is. 

Bring it on!

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/one_step_closer.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/we_are_the_champions_of_the_world.mws hereinthelight 2004-10-28T01:10:36-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/we_are_the_champions_of_the_world.mws

Well what a lovely day.  Teaching was... a 7 out of ten, compared to yesterdays barely 4.  The Red Sox won the World Series, and I got my car back after what has felt like forever and it runs and it's not the engine!  Hallelujah.  I guess somehow i had no oil cap, which caused oil to spill all over my engine and thus the mass smoking and then my last tune up was one in which i got a faulty distributor cap so only three pistons were firing and that was why my car #1) would barely start and #2) ran like crap.  And my pal Brendo put my bumper back on so cosmetically things are looking up.  Yay for me. 

On a random note, today I took a few steps into looking at the possibility of moving far, far away.  Scary but exciting.  If things actually take form I will give more details, but until... ah, it's a sweet mystery ;)

Well all... this girl's saying peace out... and...

WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD!!!

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/we_are_the_champions_of_the_world.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/so_i_can_live_for_something_you_lift_me_up.mws hereinthelight 2004-10-31T06:10:47-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/so_i_can_live_for_something_you_lift_me_up.mws

so it's one of those weird days... i went to the store after church to get candy for my class (yeah, that was a bit of a budget buster!) and when i went in it was sunny and hot.  When i came out ten minutes later it was a serious hailstorm- i had 3/4 of an inch of hail on my car, no joke.  The things were the size of whoppers (the candy, not the burber).  So that was crazy.

anyway, i just wanted to post a video for ya'll to watch.  it's to Further Seems Forever's song Light Up Ahead.  I think it's really cool!  I watched it like 4 times already.  Here's a link:

http://www.toothandnail.com/downloads/furtherseems/further_seems_forever_light_up_ahead_hi.mov

All right, back to paper grading i go.  Lata!

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/so_i_can_live_for_something_you_lift_me_up.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/reality_escapes_her.mws hereinthelight 2004-11-02T01:11:23-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/reality_escapes_her.mws

oye.  my life revolves around student teaching.  it's going well, but on one hand i am so aware of the light at the end of the tunnel while on the other hand i am trying to figure out how i am going to handle having to say good bye to all my kids.  I love them and just the thought of not seeing them... well, i can't lie- it sucks.  such is life though.  you live, you learn, and then you get luvs.  no, just kidding.  but you do move on.  which for whatever reason is so hard sometimes when you least expect it and then so easy when you thought it would be a breeze. 

so this isn't much, or very deep.  but i am alive.  and $40 poorer thanks to the candy for my class as well as 50 times cooler in the eyes of 125 eighth graders.  awesome.  have a sweet night... and make sure to VOTE!

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/reality_escapes_her.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_two_roads_to_walk_down_one_road_to_choose.mws hereinthelight 2004-11-09T12:11:48-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_two_roads_to_walk_down_one_road_to_choose.mws

Hmmm... such a good line, that is (in my title).  My life is grading papers, pausing to breathe, and then grading more papers.  Or, more literally, pausing to pee.  As sad as that is.  But that's ok.  Tonight should be the last night like this.  I have learned the valuable lesson of grading in class.  I am so glad I am not an English teacher.  I'd hate life, I can't lie.  I have been grading for 3 solid hours (before that there were a lot of interruptions) and i have done maybe 40 papers.  Sicker than anything.  I can't believe this is the extent of my life...

On a more random note, I have had a crap attitude lately.  I know how to do what's right, but I don't do it because, to be honest, I am insanely selfish.  I refuse to get beyond myself.  Truth be told, living this way sucks.  I am miserable, my friends are miserable, and I know it doesn't please the heart of God.  So I am seeking an attitude change.  The sad part is... I typically have a pretty decent attitude in the grand scheme of things.  Lately my entire life has been an anomaly.  Just one big, selfish, rude, bitter anomaly.  So... we'll see. 

Anyway, back to the grind... it really sucks when your vision starts to blur because your eyes are so dry... only 50 papers or so to go.  Ode to joy- i just counted- only 38.  yahoo. 

*~_tAm_~*

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_two_roads_to_walk_down_one_road_to_choose.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_i_have_sunk_so_low.mws hereinthelight 2004-11-14T11:11:02-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_i_have_sunk_so_low.mws

Well, today was the pinnacle, the peak if you will.  I had a terrible dream a few weeks ago that I told someone that i didn't like them, couldn't stand them, and wanted nothing to do with them.  I have spent weeks trying to work on the relationship, to love when everything in me screams to shut down.  I have tried to fight to give it all to God and to keep my eyes on Jesus and things were getting better and then all of a sudden today it all just exploded.  I am in awe that it was even real, because i felt like i was dreaming.  But i said all of those terrible things, and even some worse, than my dream.  The temptation is to fall into the trap of  "I am a horrible person who can't change" but I know better than to go down that road.  I have to own up to my mistake, ask for forgiveness (from both God and the person I was so terrible to) and then allow God to pick up the broken pieces and to try to walk when I have been crawling for so long.  I have begun all of the above... but oh, the pain.  The joy of rock bottom is there is no where to go but up. 

Thanks for reading my ramblings... back to the joy of my resume, which i thought just needed to be fine tuned into being education appropriate, but has turned out to be a complete start over replete with research for details of my own life that i can't even remember, like what semester i took certain applicable classes and et cetera.  As i said, ode to joy, and my life is currently a suckfest.  But i can wryly say that with a smile on this suckfester face. 

tam

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_i_have_sunk_so_low.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=348027 hereinthelight 2004-11-19T12:11:54-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=348027

so i am sitting here thinking about how annoying it is that no one ever seems to update anymore.  Then i realize... uh... hello... pick me for one of those people.  Duh.  I am ridiculous, I am not gonna lie. 

 
It's interesting... I've been having a lot of trouble getting along with a person, and there was- literally- zero contact between us for four days, even though we share a room at my apartment... pretty much she was never there, or if she was she stayed in the room and I am always working working working (last night i took a bit of a break... the Apprentice is actually a fairly fun show to watch.  interesting, i suppsose) out in the living room where my desk is.  So last night all of a sudden she just came breezing in and started talking to me like nothing has been wrong for the last 3 months and it actually felt... natural.  Isn't that interesting?  So yeah.

Other than that... my life is ridiculously busy.  I have papers for college to write, 160 kids to plan for, teach, correct... it goes on and on... and then all the other stuff for teaching that no one tells you about, like trying to dress in red and white on the right days when no one tells you to... or a master teacher that wears warm-ups and sweatshirts every day and then looks at you funny when you wear jeans (nice ones, with a turtleneck and and such in red and white for spirit day) for the first time.  Anyway, so then there's the turkey drive to get food for families with not enough, and trying to please two master teachers who are both completely different, being told to do one thing, doing it, being told that you should actually do the complete opposite, doing it, and being told "well, i can't quite put my finger on it... and I have zero suggestions to offer help... but do this right" in not so many words... lol.  he's a good teacher though.   I love my students and all, but i can't lie and pretend i am not very aware of the fact that i only have 14 days left :) 

This weekend one of my best friends is getting married, i am the maid of honor... lots to do, some disorganization.  So tonight i go straight from school to get my eyebrows waxed (lovely, but i do feel better about life when my eyebrows look good) then i rush to the church for the rehearsal dinner.  then comes the actual dinner and rehearsal, then decorating for everything, then the "bachelorette party" which is really just 5 exhausted ladies trying to get ready and get some sleep.  then up at 6, out to get our hair done by 7:30am, then all the everything you do for weddings... then cleaning up... then hopefully home by 7 or 8 tomorrow night.  Then back at church by 7:45 Sunday morning to sing on the worship team, with yet another bridal shower for someone else at i think 3, then hopefully home by like 5 or 6 to try and cram in 10 hours of work to get done for school into like 5-6 so i can actually sleep sometime.  then Monday i am supposed to help return stuff from the wedding (i just found this out two days ago, yay for me) back to rental places.  Tuesday is church instead of wednesday and i have to be there early to sing, then Wednesday i have to be home by 4 to get Comcast hooked up (no internet from Monday til Wedneday... i might die.  i am so dependent on the silly thing... boo)  and then Thursday is Thanksgiving, then i have to have a meeting i am sort of dreading on Friday at 10, so no real sleeping in then (oh, and Monday a roommate is moving out so that should make for a busy place... thus i plan to go somewhere else to get school work done) and then finally weekend and then Monday is back to school... oye.  I can't even remember half the things i know i am leaving out.  Ode to joy for life.  At least it currently isn't a suckfest... just a... busy fest, i suppose.

all right... gotta run...

tam

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/348027 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=348028 hereinthelight 2004-12-09T08:12:49-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=348028 i lost my phone and it sucks. 

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/348028 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/no_creative_titles_come_to_mind.mws hereinthelight 2004-12-10T04:12:06-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/no_creative_titles_come_to_mind.mws

so i really did lose my phone.  It's so frustrating.  I lam certain that i had it when i put it in my car on Wednesday on my way to church.  Had i just put it in my purse where i always put it i would be fine, but no... i had to put it in my pocket.  So it's nowhere in my car, and the only other thing that could have happened is that i dropped it between my car and the church building.  It may have fallen off the seat when i was sitting but no one saw it when it was looked for, so maybe someone picked it up for me.  who knows... if i don't get it back by Sunday i guess i am going to have to go buy a new one.  how annoying is that?  it's only like 15 months old.  boo.  i am not really complaining so much as sharing the sad day down low. 

as for student teaching, i am done teaching.  now i am just getting all my grades entered, making sure i am completely finished with all college work to turn in, etc.  next week i'll be doing a lot of observations on Tuesday and Wednesday, and then working on a portfolio and going through mock interviews with real bonafide school district officials... crazy, huh?  yep.

tonight is the Christmas party for my college group, so that will be fun.  other than that i am just finishing up... i can't believe i am nearly done with college!  only three weeks of going to a fifth grade classroom after this... bring it on!  anyway... have a lovely day you crazy cats. 

tam

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/no_creative_titles_come_to_mind.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_this_is_how_it_ends.mws hereinthelight 2004-12-12T07:12:23-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_this_is_how_it_ends.mws

so why there's nothing more interesting in my life than a lost cell phone, i don't know, but i broke down and ordered a new one.  I called sprint to find out my best option, and basically i had to renew my two year commitment (no biggie, i don't plan to leave them anytime soon) and i am one hundred dollars poorer.  dang it.  oh well.  God works in mysterious ways, though, because i was told that the buy a phone now and get $150 back later plan wouldn't work and my rebate request would be rejected... the lady then said "however, here's a phone for $99.99 that i can get you on special; do you see the samsung A680?" (i was looking at their phones online while talking to her on my roommate's new phone).  so i scrolled down, only to see an AWESOME $280 phone :)  God is so funny that way... it's cheaper than getting the lowest model for full price.  still, i am not thrilled about having to spend a hundred dollars when i had a perfectly good phone that was good to me.  the only other cool thing is that my roommate (this is great too) just got the exact same phone, and it's actually what i was talking to the Sprint lady on, and so i messed around with it and it's actually a really awesome phone... so, i guess all's well.    and just for posterity's sake... it takes videos... how cool and yet ridiculously unnecessary is that?  lol

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_this_is_how_it_ends.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/i_always_get_like_this_when_these_things_happen.mws hereinthelight 2004-12-14T04:12:27-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/i_always_get_like_this_when_these_things_happen.mws

A student at a local high school committed suicide in the school's entrance on Friday afternoon.  It breaks my heart... i just spent the last three hours reading about him, reading old posts from his own blog (or the equivalent of) but it's obvious that someone deleted everything recent (i assume his parents). 

There are two reasons why it really grabs me:  first, because a friend of mine was right there when it happened, on the other side of the doors.  he heard the gunshot and found the guy; he got help and an adult came and tried to stop the bleeding.  this just... makes me ache for my friend, who had to find this guy.  for the rest of his life he will be haunted by seeing someone who was normally outgoing and friendly and happy as someone choking on their own blood and writhing in pain because of their own self-inflicted wound.  i didn't see it but i can't get the image my own mind has conjured up out of my head. 

this reminds me of when i was in the sixth grade... Ryan was a popular guy who had four wheelers and stuff so his place was where all the cool guys in my class went to hang out on the weekends.  They all got to know Ryan's older brother, Jeremy.  Jeremy was a junior in high school, attractive, popular... all that.  but for whatever reason (there were hundreds of rumors but i doubt the validity of any of them) Jeremy decided that a shotgun and his head would be a good way to take his own life. 

i'll never forget... going to school the bus was really quiet.  all the high schoolers were somber... i got to school (yes, my school was so small that the elementary was attached to the high school) and there were so many crying people... i was so confused.  Then i found out that Ryan, whom i had a huge crush on all year btw, had come home from school the previous evening to find his brother... he hardly had a head.  i know that's grotesque to say, but the point is that's the last image Ryan has of his brother, whom he idolized.  it's been nearly ten years but that family has never fully recovered.  i think still of that day, seeing the most popular guys in my class crying because they all had thought the world of Jeremy. 

and now it's back... someone else doing the same thing.  this person intentionally did it in a place where they hoped people would see them, at the very entrance to the school close to when school was supposed to get out.  my friend will have nightmares of this person gurgling when he found the boy, the two students who saw him are traumatized, and i simply ache to watch how much my friend is hurting. 

the hardest part is, the person who did this talked a lot about religion... he was searching.  i pray he was saved, but it kills me to see all the students who knew him saying things like "don't make the angels laugh too hard", and "i know you're at peace now", and "i'll see ya in heaven someday".  the irony is he talked about how closed-minded Christians were in his blog, and basically how he hated that they assumed afterlife to be a certain way and that Jesus was the only way to get there... all these late night ramblings are to say that my heart is heavy and i pray that somehow this tragedy will be used by God not only unto Salvation in which people come to know Jesus, but even for anyone considering suicide, that they will somehow see that people do love them and all their death by suicide does is break hearts and in some ways ruin lives... i know they are a secular band but i remember a video by i think Good Charlotte called "Hold On" about not committing suicide... they say to hold on but they never say what to hold on to.  I pray people through this will learn to cling to Jesus.

this is heavy stuff, and not uplifting.  i am sorry.  i am going to go cry myself to sleep now, literally.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/i_always_get_like_this_when_these_things_happen.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/whoohoo.mws hereinthelight 2004-12-15T09:12:27-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/whoohoo.mws

So the new phone came today.  happy happy happy happy day for me.  just thought ya'll like to know that :)

oh, and i worked 11 hours at school today and i have to go to church and then do some shopping and yet more work afterwards.  meh.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/whoohoo.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_thank_god_almighty_im_free.mws hereinthelight 2004-12-16T07:12:30-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_thank_god_almighty_im_free.mws

ok, so i am NEARLY free... but yahoo!  i just am doing some thank you cards, writing a letter to my students (only one to be mass produced... i love them, but 150 letters = not awesome), writing a letter to my little Russian friend and making her Christmas present... and that's about it!  totally done with all work... tomorrow i just go to MMS to say good-bye... i think i won't wear any mascara, just in case.  then i get to go out with the teachers which i hope will be really fun.  I don't really drink, so i hope that it will still be fun for me.  I am so blessed... sigh.  What a wonderful day :)

i hope all is well with all of you!

tam

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_thank_god_almighty_im_free.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_almost_there.mws hereinthelight 2004-12-18T12:12:37-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_almost_there.mws

Well hello world... just a quickie bc i am off to help Clint move.  He's such a nerd, but he's the best brother i could ever ask for, so i love him to death.  Anyway, yes, it's true- student teaching is done!  And i know i did a really good job.  Honestly, i can take no credit, because everything that i did really well is directly related to the changes God has made in my life as a result of walking with him, such as wisdom, patience, compassion for every student, unconditional love, etc.  It hasn't really hit me yet that i am not going back... anyway, no time to ramble because Clint is probly waiting for me so i must be off...

have a lovely day :)

tam

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_almost_there.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/sidenote.mws hereinthelight 2004-12-18T02:12:27-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/sidenote.mws

in the previous entry in reference to God i said "him" instead of "Him".  That bothers me.  why i don't just edit it and instead am typing this all out i dunno, but... meh. 

now i am going to watch a movie... i have a killer headache.  not quite a migraine, but it hurts with some intensity that is unpleasant to say the least.  i was going to clean (my room is a disaster, though it was spotless only a week ago... my life is not awesome) but i feel like my head will burst.  plus, i realized that watching movies is just about my favorite thing to do... to just chill, enjoy a story that's not real (reality is often depressing... like psychos who lose their baby and then kill someone else and cut them open to steal their baby... sick sick sick... if you have been reading/watching the news you know what i am talking about) and mostly just to not have to think for a couple hours.  cuddled up wtih a blanket and warm... maybe with a snack... so nice.  i think the only way i could like watching movies more is if i were married and not only cuddled up in a blanket but actually snuggled up to someone. 

all right... less talk, more movie :)  catch ya later, you crazy kids.

tamster

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/sidenote.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/havent_done_this_sort_of_thing_in_awhile.mws hereinthelight 2004-12-20T04:12:47-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/havent_done_this_sort_of_thing_in_awhile.mws

You Are Banana Pocky

Your attitude: fun and lighthearted Unique and unforgettable You are cutie everyone falls for

What Flavor Pocky Are You?

Your Element Is Fire

Your passion and emotion are as obvious as the brightest flame. You make sparks fly, and your passion always has the potential to burst out. You are exciting and creative - and completely unpredictable. You sometimes exercise control, and sometimes you let yourself go. Friends describe you as sensitive, spirited, and compulsive. Bright and blazing with intensity, you seem mysterious and moody to many.

What's Your Element?

You Are the Enthusiast

7 You are outgoing and playful - always seeing the happy side to life. You're enthusiastic and excitable. You love anything new. Multi-talented, you do many things well... and find success easy. You prefer to keep things light with others. Opening up is hard for you.

What number are you?

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/havent_done_this_sort_of_thing_in_awhile.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/grrr.mws hereinthelight 2004-12-20T11:12:47-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/grrr.mws

ok, permission to rage... in the ESPN/USA Today poll Gonzaga, who just totally upset no. 3 ranked Georgia Tech over the weekend, is ranked a lame 23.  I mean honestly.  GT fell to no 9, but Gonzaga went from non-ranked to no. 23... their only loss is to no. 1 Illinois. 

in the AP poll the Zags are rated no. 13, with G Tech at 9 and Illinois at 1 again.  But get this- Gonzaga beat Washington (the U of W), yet the ESPN/USA Today poll (remember- Gonzaga is ranked no 23 by them) has UW ranked at 17, and the AP poll (with GU at 13) has the UW ranked 12.  This is boo. 

but ok.  enough whining.  just wanted to let it all out.

tami

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/grrr.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=348038 hereinthelight 2004-12-20T11:12:18-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=348038

This is a song that i absolutely love... so i am sharing the lyrics with you all...

.: LiGhT uP aHeAd :.

FuRtHeR sEeMs FoReVeR

    ~       ~      ~      ~      ~

tAkE tHiS hEaRt oF dArKnEsS

i GiVe It Up

AnD aLl tHe EmPtInEsS

yOu FiLl It Up

ThE tImEs ThAt I fEeL nOtHiNg

YoU bRiNg EnOuGh

So I cAn LiVe FoR sOmEtHiNg

YoU lIfT mE uP

~

aNd AlL tHeSe BaD dReAmS

i WaKe Up To ThE lIgHt

AnD wHeN i CaN't SeE

i WaKe Up To YoUr EyEs

~

WaKe Me Up

tHeRe'S a LiGhT uP aHeAd

ThErE's A lIgHt Up AhEaD

tHeRe'S a LiGhT uP aHeAd

WaKe Me Up

ThErE's A lIgHt Up AhEaD

wAkE mE uP

~

iT gEtS sO cOmPlIcAtEd

If YoU lIvE eNoUgH

tUrN iNtO wHaT yOu HaTeD

yOu'Re BrEaKiNg Up

~

ThE tImEs I fEeL lIkE nOtHiNg

YoU bRiNg EnOuGh

So I cAn LiVe FoR sOmEtHiNg

YoU lIfT mE uP

aNd AlL tHeSe BaD dReAmS

i WaKe Up To ThE lIgHt

AnD wHeN i CaN't SeE

i WaKe Up To YoUr EyEs

~

WaKe Me Up

tHeRe'S a LiGhT uP aHeAd

ThErE's A lIgHt Up AhEaD

tHeRe'S a LiGhT uP aHeAd

WaKe Me Up

ThErE's A lIgHt Up AhEaD

wAkE mE uP

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/348038 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/why_am_i_not_sleeping_its_a_mystery_to_us_all.mws hereinthelight 2004-12-21T03:12:53-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/why_am_i_not_sleeping_its_a_mystery_to_us_all.mws

Step 1: Get your playlist together, put it on random, and play
Step 2: Pick your favorite lines from the first 25 songs that play
Step 3: Post and guess what song the lines come from (using Google is CHEATING)

Step 4: Do this to all your friends

1.  "Toby's back... hey now...i feel a new one coming on so that you can sing along now"

2.  "Last time i talked to you, you were lonely and out of place"

3.  "We sat upon your bed, you said the things you said, and i could not believe, that you seemed so naive"

4.  "Get a load of me, get a load of you..."

5.  "I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend"

6.  "Children behave... that's what they say when we're together"

7.  "Beauty for ashes... garments of praise for my emptiness"

8.  "So she said what's the problem baby?  what's the problem well i don't know maybe i'm in love"

9.  "Sick and tired of this world, there's no more air"

10.  "The sun set on a perfect day but then arose only to say it's wrong, there's something wrong"

11.  "Let it all out... get it all out..."

12.  "Light of the world, You stepped down into darkness, opened my eyes, let me see"

13.  "There's no one in town i know, you gave us someplace to go, i never said thank you for that... i thought i might get one more chance"

14.  "I feel a hunger... yes a hunger... type that keeps a man awake at night"

15.  "Take control of the atmosphere... take me far away from here... there is no better loss than to lose myself in You"

16.  "In my head, i have dreams... i have visions of many things... questions, longings in my mind"

17.  "So long ago i don't remember when, that's when they say i lost my only friend"

18.  "I'm tired of being what you want me to be... feeling so faithless, lost under the surface"

19.  "Past the road to your house, that you never call home, where they turned out your lights"

20.  "I know what you're doing, i see it all too clear; i only taste the saline, when i kiss away your tears"

21.  "I've been searching for a reason, and i'm running out of time"

22.  "She rolls the window down, and she talks over the sound of the cars that pass us by"

23.  "And did i change Your mind with what i said last night?  And did i break Your heart by straying so far from what You have in mind for my life?"

24.  "She loves to laugh, she loves to sing, she loves everything"

25.  "Twenty-four oceans... twenty-four skies... twenty-four failures... in twenty-four tries"

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/why_am_i_not_sleeping_its_a_mystery_to_us_all.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_just_another_day_started_out_like_any_other.mws hereinthelight 2004-12-21T03:12:56-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_just_another_day_started_out_like_any_other.mws

Hello world...

So today's the big day- Napoleon Dynamite comes out on DVD!!!  Yahoo!  At the end i'll share some fo my fave quotes from the movie... but i am currently revising my education resume (that's right, it's different from a normal resume because it's only about my experiences with teaching as opposed to other types of work) because i have a job interview to work at Sylvan learning center.  The bummer part is that it's an hour away, but i really need to work because yesterday i was so incredibly bored all day.  All my friends are either gone for the holidays, or they have to work and stuff.  Plus, my three closest friends have all moved away in the last year, and they were the ones i would spend time with when we actually had some free time.  Boo.  Maybe i should move to Japan with Shiona. 

Anyway, i am going to get to work on this here resume and listen to music :)  Have a great day and i do hope you like the new theme!

tam

Quotables:

Napoleon:  I see that you're drinking 1%.  Is it because you think you're fat?  Because you're not.  You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.

~*~

Napoleon:  I caught you a delicious bass.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_just_another_day_started_out_like_any_other.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=348042 hereinthelight 2004-12-21T08:12:53-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=348042 sweet... i got Napoleon Dynamite today... i shall watch it... good times shall ensue :)

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/348042 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_emptiness_plagues_you_inside.mws hereinthelight 2004-12-23T05:12:39-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_emptiness_plagues_you_inside.mws

hello world... so i got a new way to come up with my subject- instead of writing whatever song is in my head, i just randomly pick a song from my playlist, then choose a random place to place the ticker, and then write whatever the first full line after that is.  this one is from Watch, by Seven Places.  definitely one of my favorite songs. 

just a quick update to say that i am off to cook and bake and such with the family i'll be spending Christmas with.  Good times, good times.  Also, i really need my LOTR movies to show up today because we plan to watch them on Christmas day... so any time they show up it would be nice.  I guess it's only been a week since they were shipped and there's backlog issues and such at this time.  Meh, whatever. 

I feel incredibly tired and lazy. Pretty much not awesome.  Such is life. 

catcha later.  i'm out.

tam

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_emptiness_plagues_you_inside.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_ive_thrown_away_so_many_things_that_could_have_been_much_more.mws hereinthelight 2004-12-24T01:12:30-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_ive_thrown_away_so_many_things_that_could_have_been_much_more.mws

Happy Christmas Eve!  Or Merry Christmas Eve i suppose... however you say it, i pray that you are with family and friends and enjoying life.  I am spending the holiday with my roommate's family, though they are like a second family to me so it's not all that weird.  She's the second oldest of 8, ages spanning from 23 to 7, and it's really fun.  Today we're going to hang with the extended fam- aunts, uncles, cousins, etc (like 30 people) and tomorrow it'll be just the 11 of us... lol.  I adore them all though.  It's cool too because the oldest (Seth) and I are only 16 days apart in age, and i think of him as like a brother.  The only bummer is that his girlfriend (practically fiancee, but we shall see) is with her family so she won't be there.  I happen to adore her.  Anyway, you probably don't care.  Just thought i'd share. that rhymed like poem... i should get goin'.  lol...

bye all!!

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_ive_thrown_away_so_many_things_that_could_have_been_much_more.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_oh_night_divine.mws hereinthelight 2004-12-26T04:12:51-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_oh_night_divine.mws

hello all!  i want to say merry Christmas, only it's not Christmas anymore... so, uh, merry Christmas yesterday.  I started this entry when it was yesterday.  so whatever.  anyway, i am currently on a cleaning frenzy, but i just have to say that my set of all three extended versions of the LOTR movies is just about my favorite thing ever.  Yeah yeah yeah!!!  I got other really cute stuff too, like an adorable pink scarf, gloves, and cap set, the latest greatest Relient K cd, etc.  But my favorite part was being with a family that actually celebrates the birth of Jesus, which matters a lot to me.  I loved my roomie's fam, and we have the perfect plan- they need to adopt a 25 year old who can marry me and then i'll be a sister!   The oldest bro is awesome (he's actually only 16 days older than i am) and he's practically engaged to a girl i simply adore, so that's fun... i adore Doug and David (Doug's actually probly my favorite... only i adore all of them so i really don't have a favorite) but they're 10 and 7 respectively.  The only other bro (there's 8 kids- wahzoo, eh?) is almost 18, but that's a bit robbing the cradle, so i think the seeking of a 25 year old adoptee plan stands as is... lol.  Just kidding.  But they were so great and i had a wonderful time. 

Anyway, that was my Christmas, replete with too many treats and seconds on already filling meals.  wonderful life, i know. 

have a nice life!  i mean night.  whatever.

tam

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_oh_night_divine.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_dont_stop_believing.mws hereinthelight 2004-12-27T01:12:18-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_dont_stop_believing.mws

i just have to say that extreme makeover: home edition is one of the greatest shows of all time.  the only problem is it always makes me cry.  i only recently discovered it, and so i had never seen the one that played tonight (though it was a repeat).  it pretty much made me sob.  well, not sob, but more than the water-filled (well, saline) eyes with an occasional overflow down the cheek.  it's just so beautiful to see people loving one another and just blessing people who have a hard life.  this one was great because the family was a Christian family who loved the Lord and gave praise to Him and it was just really cool. 

on another note, if you've ever seen "Love is in the Heir" on E! i just have to say that she CANNOT SING!  it's horrifying.  anyway.  i'm out now! 

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_dont_stop_believing.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_reach_up_for_the_sunrise.mws hereinthelight 2004-12-27T04:12:18-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_reach_up_for_the_sunrise.mws

so it's nearly 2 am and i am still up.  boo.  i tried to go to bed 2 hours ago, but to no avail.  I had a killer headache today and it took 2 excedrin migraine pills almost 3 hours to actually make the pain start to subside.  it was not awesome.  but i was good and got up at ten, instead of just sleeping all day.  left to my own vices i would stay up til 4 or 5 am every night and not get up until 3 or 4 in the afternoon.  those are hard habits to break, as i well know, so i try to keep a fairly regular schedule for those REM cycles of mine.

on a different note, i am being productive.  i made sure that i was done with an application for an interview i have tomorrow. it's for a program that would allow me to go to D.C. for nine days this Spring as the leader of some 8th graders.  it's an awesome program that shows you all the DC sights and it's totally all expenses paid and i can get master's level history credits, which is yay for me.  teachers are always needing to keep getting credits, which is boo.  anyway, that's at ten a.m. tomorrow (the interview) so i tried to get some good sleep but here i am as awake as at 6 pm (the afternoon's are a sleepy time for me, so i feel that 6 describes my best awake hours ;))

sorry if this is boring.  how cool can you be when you're tired yet completely awake?  again... boo.  lol.  i'm out for now.

ps how'd you like that lil bit of Duran Duran in my subject line? 

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_reach_up_for_the_sunrise.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/i_know_i_am_cool_its_ok.mws hereinthelight 2004-12-27T05:12:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/i_know_i_am_cool_its_ok.mws <>
<>

In 1981 (the year you were born)

Ronald Reagan becomes president of the US Minutes after Ronald Reagan becomes president, Iran releases 52 American hostages that had been held captive for 444 days President Reagan is shot in the chest by would be assassin John Hinkley Space shuttle Columbia, the world's first reusable spacecraft, is sent into space A suspended walkway in the Kansas City Hyatt Regency Hotel collapses, killing 113 A female former lover files a "palimony" suit against tennis star Billie Jean King President Reagan appoints Sandra Day O'Connor to be the first woman on the Supreme Court The Pac-Man video game is introduced in the US Alicia Keys, Elijah Wood, Kelly Rowland, Anna Kournikova, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, and Britney Spears are born Los Angeles Dodgers win the World Series Oakland Raiders win Superbowl XV New York Islanders win the Stanley Cup Raiders of the Lost Ark is the top grossing film "Bette Davis Eyes" by Kim Carnes spends the most time at the top of the US charts MTV debuts on cable television, playing music videos 24 hours a day Gimme a Break premieres

http://www.blogthings.com/yearborn.html">
What Happened the Year You Were Born?

More cool things for your blog at
Blogthingshttp://www.blogthings.com">Blogthings>

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/i_know_i_am_cool_its_ok.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_we_can_drive_it_home_with_one_headlight.mws hereinthelight 2004-12-27T05:12:30-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_we_can_drive_it_home_with_one_headlight.mws

so i just posted this as a reply on someone elses blog, but in retrospect it was pretty funny.  at the time i hated life and figured my dad would skin me alive and leave my carcass to the coyotes, but instead he and my mother made merciless fun of me until even they got bored with it.  anyway.... here's the story:

the first day i got my license (nearly 7 years ago... wow...) my dad let me drive his car.  i had only ever driven my mom's car and his brakes were pretty crappy compared to hers.  The speed limit of the road i was on was 50 and i didn't start slowing down soon enough for those crappy brakes to turn into my friend's driveway, so i tried to make the turn going nearly 30 miles an hour.  needless to say, i ended up in the ditch.  i thought i was safe because i am from a small town (or was then at least... i left for college and have become a city girl) and one of my best friends' dad drove by and helped me get out of the ditch with his truck. i planned to not tell my parents, but then just as we were getting it out my dad's best friend drove by, and they worked together, so i knew he'd ask my dad why his car was in the ditch.  i had to get to my dad first... i went home and said i swerved to miss my friend's dog.  i felt so stupid... i think my parents totally knew i was lying but they thought it was funny more than anything else.  later i told them i was lying and they both just laughed.  my mom's big advice has always stuck with me (though i have never really followed it, but it's funny):

don't even bother slowing down for anything lower than your bumper.  

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_we_can_drive_it_home_with_one_headlight.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/i_feel_sorry_for_me.mws hereinthelight 2004-12-27T07:12:35-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/i_feel_sorry_for_me.mws

i woke up today with a cruddy cold.  my left ear is killing me, my sinuses are burning, and i ache all over.  needless to say, i had to cancel my interview this morning.  boo.  but i rented a boatload of movies (they're only .99 cents at the local Albertsons on Mondays) so that will keep me entertained.  i can't really think straight or spell so i am going to go.  i'm out for now.

tam

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/i_feel_sorry_for_me.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_praise_god.mws hereinthelight 2004-12-28T11:12:04-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_praise_god.mws

I have a friend in Sri Lanka (he's a marine) and i was worried about him when i found out about the tidal waves and such.  i just talked to him on IM and he's ok.  I am so grateful. 

other than that, i think i am dying.  this cold really, really sucks.  the entire left side of my head just pulsates constantly and it's totally boo.  i'm out for now.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_praise_god.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/help_those_who_need_it.mws hereinthelight 2004-12-29T03:12:04-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/help_those_who_need_it.mws

with the death toll pushing 80,000 and almost complete destruction in many Asian nations, i thought it best to give something to help out.  My little $25 doesn't really do much, but if even 1% of all Americans gave that much it would raise 67.5 million dollars.  That would be awesome.  Here's a link if you'd like to donate:

https://secure.ga3.org/02/asia_earthquake04

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/help_those_who_need_it.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_have_the_final_say.mws hereinthelight 2004-12-30T12:12:02-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_have_the_final_say.mws

Yet again, a wee little quickie.  Yesterday i slept for nearly 13 hours, but to little avail.  I still feel cruddy.  I had given my word to the youth pastor and his wife over two weeks ago that i'd baby-sit so that they could have a rare night out together.  I love their kids, so that was fun, but it was 6 hours and no pay all the while feeling cruddy.  But i reminded myself that it ministers to them and blesses them, and it's worth it for that reason. 

Today, however, my throat is so sore.  I hate having to breathe through my mouth and not my nose.  My ears ache ache ache.  Boo.  Anyway... i need to go now.  I am a wee bit late.  My bad!  I have a date with two youth girls (well, both are nearly 16 so i don't suppose they're really "girls") to watch the extended version of Return of the King.  *yay*

i'm out for now...

tam

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_have_the_final_say.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_let_the_world_crash_love_can_take_it.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-02T05:01:21-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_let_the_world_crash_love_can_take_it.mws

Well it's been a few busy days, so i should update.  Let's see...

Thursday

Watched the extended version of Return of the King and was a little disappointed.  Some stuff is great and even fits more into the books (like the house of healing after Eowyn kills freak-face with Merry's help) but then there was this freaky skulls scene when Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli are in the caves of the dead that is just really gross.  Plus i was really hoping they'd play up the "count" competition between Gimli and Legolas in the battle scenes like they did in The Two Towers extended version because it was so funny.  Alas, they did not.  But all in all it's a good film.

Later that day i met the roommate's boyfriend for the first time.  Sad to say, i didn't really like him.  Either he was trying to hard or he just is really obnoxious.  He called her his "rich girlfriend" which really bothered me because she told me that when they go to dinner they split the tab, and sometimes she even pays.  That would be fine if he's humble about it and totally respects her for it, but his "rich girlfriend" attitude really bothered me.  (for a little explanation here, my roommate is the manager at a local coffee place and makes really good money plus an average of $20 a day in tips and her only expenses are rent, utilities, and car insurance, so she's pretty much making bank because she hardly saves anything and has a whole lot of dispensible income.)

Other than that... the guy was trying to hard to impress us all with his singing voice when we played karaoke, tried to treat me like we'd been friends forever by like punching me on the arm and stuff, was way too physical with Mel considering this was the first time he'd ever been around her family (we were at her family's house), and plus he totally hogged the remote when we watched Napoleon Dynamite.  It's not his house or his DVD!  He just really bugged me.  But i don't know what to do about it because Melanie's never here and when she is she's on the phone with him.  Plus, she's the type that doesn't really listen until she sees it for herself so i could try to have a deep heart to heart about stuff but i think she'd probably blow it off.  Or (this is the other big problem) she'd say what i have to say is good and that she'll work on some things and then basically be totally dishonest with me and try to make things seem different than they are.  This was part of why i was having a hard time Thursday because some stuff happened that made it obvious that she wasn't honest with me about him and her and the status of things.  Ugh.  Relationships are stupid.

Anyway, other than that i ended up staying the night at the fam's (they are totally my new family; there's 8 kids and i adore them all!) house and coming home Friday morning...

Friday

So after coming home i quickly showered and rushed to get to a wedding by two only to discover that it was at three (yeah, i am awesome, let's all clap).  But it was beautiful and i adore Cam and Bekah so that was a huge blessing.  I am so happy for them.  Then i grabbed some dinner with my beloved Rachael and her new husband Daniel, which was totally fun.  I like him way better now that they are married, which is really funny.  He has loosened up so much and he laughs with Rach and I instead of thinking we're idiots like he used to, so that's a healthy change.  She and i are just so funny together.  We're both pretty funny in our own right, but put us together and it's constant hilarity.  I sound like i am bragging, but i am not!  We're just funny together :)  Any of our friends would attest to that unless they suck. 

After dinner we went back to the church for the New Year's Eve gathering of watching a movie and eating popcorn and cotton candy and such.  Then everyone cleared out except for the youth group and some adults who were staying overnight.  I was one who stayed so i pretty much stayed up all night until ten the next morning.  It was so fun- we played DDR and there would be two people on the dance pad and then like 10-15 people doing the moves on the carpet along with the song.  We did that for nearly two hours before some of us got bored.  They showed Pirates of the Caribbean but i have seen that so many times that i opted to go put a puzzle together with a small group.  That was actually more fun than it sounds because everything is really funny at 3-5 am :) 

We did some other stuff, finished up with youth prayer, then i came home...

Saturday                   

Yesterday i basically slept from 10-3 after staying up over 24 hours (all while being sick- i am an idiot) and then watched a movie, some TV, and played Sims2.  Not too exciting, i won't lie or pretend it was.  The problem is that Friday i felt so much better when i woke up, only to discover my voice was totally gone.  So yesterday i felt a little run down from not sleeping, but when i woke up i had a horrible cough.  It pretty much made yesterday miserable.  I could hardly breathe, and it was the painful cough that makes you want to cry everytime you start having coughing spasms.  Ugh.  So i did nothing, because i really wanted to have the energy to go to church today.

Today

I have done absolutely nothing.  I totally slept right through my alarm; once you hit snooze like 7 times it just shuts off.  I remember hitting it twice, but after that nothing.  I woke up with barely enough time to rush and get ready for the second service, but upon considering this i fell back asleep and woke up around one, and then drifted in and out of consciousness for another hour.  sad day, i know.  but i finally feel about 60% healthy, which is so much better than i have been.  I have to go to a fifth grade classroom starting tomorrow for the next three weeks, so i think the Lord knew it would be best for me to get all that sleep today.  anyway, this is long and boring but it fills in my life, so take it as you will.  have a lovely day!

tk out for now ;)

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_let_the_world_crash_love_can_take_it.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/this_is_pretty_much_cooler_than_anything_else_ever.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-04T01:01:45-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/this_is_pretty_much_cooler_than_anything_else_ever.mws <>
 

In the year 2005 I resolve to:   Learn to eat fire.    http://resolution.geek-foo.net Get your resolution here

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/this_is_pretty_much_cooler_than_anything_else_ever.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_wake_me_up.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-04T05:01:20-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_wake_me_up.mws

Things i like:

... e-mails from my friend in Russia

... phone calls from my friend in Japan

... Alias (TOMORROW!!! *yay* does a little joy dance)

... music.  if i had to choose between being deaf or blind... that would be a tough, tough choice.  i lean toward deaf, but then i could never listen to music or sing again, and that would be boo.  but i'd hate to be blind because i love watching people and seeing the things that most people don't notice.  nonetheless, i really really love music.

... the Red Sox and the Mariners

... Gonzaga--- GO ZAGS!!!

... watching high school sports

... sports in general

... working with youth

... teaching

... Hong Kong

... milk!  i love milk.  except skim.  it's like grayish tinted water and it's disgusting.  but either 1 or 2% is the best thing ever

... my digital camera and all the cool photos it takes

... Hondas, particularly Accords (the Accord hybrid comes out in the next year- sweet!)

... manual transmissions

... the idea that someday i will marry the guy God has planned for me

... the Sims2

... little notes and cards that tell me how much my friends love me

... watching movies

... speeding and not getting pulled over.  i even kind of like that feeling of passing a cop, the little adrenaline rush that comes, but SHHH!  i don't want a ticket

... relaxed, chill afternoons.  put on a movie or a good game, eat some snacks, wear comfy clothes, squeeze onto a couch with a few too many people, and just enjoy one another.  i'd rather do that than any outing or event

... the spring when all the snow melts and it starts getting warm again

... having my own room

... eggs.  especially with some cheese and bacom all scrambled up together.  yummy!

... you, if you're really reading through this whole list, and all it's randomosity

... my buddy Clinton.  he's leaving for 4 months and i will sure miss that kid.

... history, especially WWII

... 24.  the new season looks like it should be pretty good, so that's exciting, even though they got rid of the hot guy.  that's ok

... getting mail other than bills and credit card offers

... seeing people be baptized at church

... getting better after being sick for over a week

... gas that costs less than $2 a gallon

... sleeping.  i LOVE sleeping.  it's pretty much my favorite thing to do, and i am really good at it.  i once slept for 36 hours straight through save for a few trips to the bathroom and a drink of water, and i wasn't even sick but for a slight headache

... blogging whatever i feel like saying on Mindsay and having everyone read it

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_wake_me_up.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=348061 hereinthelight 2005-01-06T12:01:38-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=348061 i am watching the new Alias!  yay!  i shall be occupied for the next two hours... i'll try to update after that.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/348061 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_i_dont_mind_you_coming_here_i_guess_youre_just_what_i_needed.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-06T02:01:15-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_i_dont_mind_you_coming_here_i_guess_youre_just_what_i_needed.mws

Yay for the return of Alias.  Twas grand.  I had to say good-bye to my friend Clinton today.  He's going on a study tour to Central America for the next four months.  How i will miss that boy.  He's the love of my life, just not romantically :)  He's been basically my younger brother for nearly 5 years, and i've known him for nearly 7.  The sad thing is that there's a chance that once he gets back i will only be here for about 6 weeks and then perhaps leave for 2 years.  We shall see.

I have to say that the news is flippin depressing.  Cops killed, mothers crying over the death of their child, people burned to death in their apartments, a guy whose leg was amputated because of a flesh eating bacteria, some guy searching for Nessie in a Scottish lake (how Napoleon Dynamite is that?  HAHAHA!), blah blah blah.  We're such a bunch of sensationalist losers in our nation.  And how generic are my complaints?  on the complaining piece, we're due for 6-9" of snow in the next few days.  BOO!  I am not a big snow fan.  It's nice to look at out the window, but not fun to drive in.  You can't go as fast and there are idiots who go like 35 in a 50 when it's not even that slick.  Grrr.  Ok, i'll quit whining.  I am really tired and still not completely well, so i should get some sleep.  hopefully i'll fall asleep, blast it all to pieces. 

i sound cheerful.  oh, and i am teaming up with David Letterman.  My New Year's revolution is to use the word snarky more in my everday conversations.  How cool is that? 

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_i_dont_mind_you_coming_here_i_guess_youre_just_what_i_needed.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_but_the_beauty_of_grace_is_that_it_makes_life_not_fair.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-07T03:01:13-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_but_the_beauty_of_grace_is_that_it_makes_life_not_fair.mws

Heya loons.  Today was grand... where to start?  I spent the first part with 5th graders and realized that they aren't so bad.  The next three weeks should be swell.  Then, gloriously, I AM GOING TO WASHINGTON D.C. FOR SPRING BREAK FOR FREE!!!  yay :)  It's this awesome thing where i supervise and facilitate a bunch of great middle schoolers and we go non-stop 14 hours a day all over the city (sometime later i'll be cool and post the itinerary- it's jam packed) and i get master's level history credits, experience that will rock on my resume, and basically i just get to be awesome.  yay. 

i got a zag4life bracelet.  i have been meaning to, and i needed cough drops, so i stopped and got one.  it gives money to help with cancer research and sending kids with cancer to a camp.  the team and Mark Few and his wife have raised over $850,000 in the last few years. Isn't that awesome?  plus it's cool.  and i only associate myself with cool things.  it's obvious. 

it snowed nearly 3" in the last 6 or so hours and it's still snowing.  i have to admit that it's beautiful.  i liked driving in it at 11 at night because no one else was out hardly so i could go 60 on icy roads and cheat death :)  no, it was all straight and not too dangerous.  only dangerous when you have to stop immediately or turn sharp curves, of which i needed to do neither.

on an utterly random and disgusting note- i baby-sat tonight and the kids are 4 and nearly 2, and let me just tell you that i love kids but poopy diapers make me want to die.  so the 4 year old totally goes (on the toilet, praise God) but i had to wipe for him. yeah.  i am a 23 year old intentionally not experiencing the male anatomy until marriage, so the freedom a naked 4 year old boy feels he can exhibit while you have to clean up his nasty bottom is rather disconcerting.  i mean, let's be real here.  so then i keep smelling this horrible smell and i am terrified that i got the nastiness on me or something, then i realize that it's coming from the 2 year old (also a boy)--- you have to understand that i can't really smell all the way still.  sick still.  so yeah.  i change the kid's diaper and it's just wrong.  nearly overflowing and putrid.  i seriously think God just laughed.  i mean, when i have kids i will just puke every day.  now there's a diet for you- the crappy diaper diet.  i'll just make sure to change a diaper after every meal and get myself a hot bod.  that's a horrible joke.  i am a horrible person.

ok, song lyrics to my latest fave:

be my escape .:. relient k

i've given up on giving up slowly

i'm blending in so you won't even know me

apart from this whole world that shares my fate

and this one last bullet that you mention

is my one last shot at redemption

cause i know to live you must give your life away

and i've been hiding all this doubt and insecurity

and i've been locked inside that house

all the while you hold the key

and i've been dying to get out

and that might be the death of me

and even though there's no way of knowing

where to go

i promise i'm going

because

i got to get out of here

i'm stuck inside this rut that i fell into by mistake

i got to get out of here

and i'm begging you

i'm begging you

i'm begging you to be my escape

i've given up on doing this alone now

cause i've faield and i'm ready to be shown how

you've told me the way and now i'm trying to get there

and this life sentence that i'm serving

i admit that i'm every bit deserving

but the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

cause i've been hiding all this doubt and insecurity

and i've been locked inside that house

all the while you hold the key

and i've been dying to get out

and that might be the death of me

and even though there's no way of knowing

where to go

i promise i'm going

 

because

i got to get out of here

because i'm afraid that this complacency is something i can't shake

i got to get out of here

and i'm begging you

i'm begging you

i'm begging you to be my escape

i am a hostage to my own humanity

self-detained and forced to live in this mess i've made

and all i'm asking is for you to do what you can with me

but i can't ask you to give

what you already gave

cuz i've been housing all this doubt and insecurity

and i've been locked inside that house

all the while you hold the key

and i've been dying to get out

and that might be the death of me

and even though there's no way of knowing

where to go

i promise i'm going

because

i got to get out of here

i'm stuck inside this rut that i fell into by mistake

i got to get out of here

and i'm begging you

i'm begging you

i'm begging you to be my escape

i fought you

for so long

i should have let you win

oh, how we regret those things we do

and all i

was trying

to do was save my own skin

oh but so were you

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_but_the_beauty_of_grace_is_that_it_makes_life_not_fair.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_you_are_the_only_chance_ill_take.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-08T05:01:11-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_you_are_the_only_chance_ill_take.mws

Holla :)  Just watching a little Seattle Seahawks action, but i am going to see Meet the Fockers in a coupla hours so i need to shower and such... Saturday's are my sleep day though so i slept for a glorious nearly 12 hours last night.  I just wanted to post this here link in case you have any curiousity about my DC trip in a few months:

http://www.wlfstudentleaders.org/itin.aspx

That has the full itinerary.  It's awesome- i am so excited!

ps Tom Brady is smokin' hot.  if you know nothing about football, he plays for New England.  It's cool.  All things (well, sports things) Massachusetts are cool.  Well, the Red Sox and the Patriots are cool.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_you_are_the_only_chance_ill_take.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_he_has_made_me_glad.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-10T01:01:53-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_he_has_made_me_glad.mws

Heya kids.  Just wanted to check in.  Can i just say that i am so sick of being sick?  I have pretty much been doing nothing, so then Friday i went to Bible study, Saturday i went to see a movie, and today i went to church.  I thought that i could be fine but i only got through youth time and prayer (about 3 hours of time) and then i had to call it quits and go home.  Such a bummer.  i am so tired of feeling this way.  I got a lost of rest all afternoon though.  And i watched the season premiere of 24- can i just say AWESOME!  It's so good.  How exciting.  Yay that i get to see the next two episodes tomorrow too!  yay for me.  anyway... i should get going now.  tired and needing to sleep.  good thing i can sleep til 7!  Yay for me.

hasta!

tam

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_he_has_made_me_glad.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_todays_another_day_to_find_you.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-13T07:01:41-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_todays_another_day_to_find_you.mws

Holla!  just jokin' ;)  So i am just being cool right now, getting ready to go pick up a friend who's coming to dinner.  So i haven't been able to sleep much lately and last night i got some melatonin... it didn't really help me fall to sleep faster but once i did sleep i was OUT. It was weird.  I slept really hard.  and then i had horrible dreams... like that the mom of one of my friend's committed suicide, but then somehow actually her dad was killed by someone else ( you know how dreams are- you switch halfway through).  Then i dreamt something else really creepy but now i can't remember what it was.  And i didn't even watch any like death shows yesterday (other than recording Alias and watching it when i got home, but i doubt that was the source bc i watch Alias all the time.  i watched the first 3 seasons on DVD in like 6 weeks.  sick, i know.  it came in spurts.  anyway...).  so yeah. 

what else?  umm... i think people are worried i am going to leave my church that i have been at for four and a half years.  i just have been really sick, but i keep getting the "i am going to talk to this person to make sure they know we appreciate having them around so they won't leave" comments from people.  Granted, during student teaching i was stressed out and plus some hard stuff happened that made me question if i wanted to stay at the church (there's still some stuff that i simply disagree with, but what can you do?).  i decided that i am sticking it out there unless God specifically tells me to go elsewhere.  He hasn't done that yet so i am not.  But after missing some weeks because i was really struggling i determined to make this work. 

Then i got really, really sick.  So now i just don't care.  If people are worried about me, let them worry. God knows my heart, He knows the things that i don't need to explain.  I am horrible about wanting to explain myself.  Example:  Last night i left my apartment at 5:30 to go to the store and grab a few things before church.  That gave me an hour and 45 minutes, and church is only 15 minutes away.  I really didn't want to be late because i have been late a lot lately either because i am busy or i forget that it takes a bit longer to get there when the roads are icy.  So yeah.  What should have been a 30 minute stop-n-shop took over an hour because i had to wait forever at the pharmacy to get the sleeping aid (literally like 20 minues in line, and it's frustrating bc melatonin is over the counter but they keep it in the pharmacy.  i am not sure why) and then there were only 3 checkers and each line had at least 4 people, with the proverbial chock full cart in each line.  so that was another extra 10 minutes.  boo.  then i had to grab some food at the deli and that was another 15 minute wait only to get rock hard onion rings that had been there all day.  double boo.  anyway, the point is that i was frustrated that i was late again when part of me is trying to prove to everyone that i am not on the next train out of the Crossover station, so i found myself going into the whole story two different times so people would know i really meant to be on time.  i realized how much more lame that made me sound so i decided i wasn't gonna say a word to anyone about it. 

now you all can know this because i don't care so much, it's just an example of how lame i can be at times.  the fact is that i know i don't need to prove anything to anyone, just to focus on my own walk with God.  the sad part is that if people were actually that worried nobody actually comes and says anything of significance to me, just gives me the weary looks and throws out the "hey, it's good to see you!" as if i haven't been around in months.  (remember the "i am going to talk to this person to make sure they know we appreciate having them around so they won't leave" comments??  that's them.)

the case in point is that in my own way i am rediscovering Christ and falling in love with Him and not letting myself have an unhealthy attachment to my church the way i did before.  before i put my church right at God level and never questioned anything i was taught, just believed it.  i thought i was so wise and believed what i believed because i saw it for myself, but that's just not true in some areas.  there are negative things that i was taught, sometimes by behavior, and i labeled them as godly and latched onto them.  now i am having to really be refined to grow through those areas and have them removed from my character.  it's hard, and i have been burned and burned myself for it.  it's ok, though.  trials are necessary for solid character and i face mine with no fear. 

well that's a lot more than i intended to say.  it sort of all just spilled out.  irregardless, i refuse to be a tare.  have a lovely evening and i'll catch ya later with a Zags update!

tam

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_todays_another_day_to_find_you.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_take_on_me.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-15T01:01:37-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_take_on_me.mws

ok, it's 4 degrees outside.  what is that?

Well this is exciting... freedom has come to me!  just kidding.  i have felt so discontent at church, not like "oh this is a problem", but just... dissatisfied, and i couldn't figure out why.  so i've been praying about it and i realized that the best choice for me is to move on from the college ministry.  Fridays just aren't doing it for me, and i sort of dread them to be honest.  Sunday mornings have been... just not feeding me at all.  And my passion for college ministry has waned.  I talked to my (weird) ex-college pastor (yeah, really weird to say that, but true) and explained that i feel my best option is to move onto adult studies and such and SO Sunday i will be in a women's Bible study and i am SO excited for the first time in a while about church.  My passion is to work with youth, both as a teacher in the public schools and at church and now that i am not in college my passion to work with college students just isn't there, so being there is a waste of time for me and for the college ministry.  i feel so freed up, so jazzed! 

hmmm... that very well could be the first time i have ever used the word jazzed in a sentence.  what else?  oh, this Teach for America thing... every time i start to doubt it- going across the country to a brand new place where i have never been, and know no one... that's scary!  I was talking about it with my roomie a while ago... it's one thing to go to college across the country bc chances are there will be other people there who also are new and in a similar situation.  plus you are surrounded by thousands of people within 4 years of your age and typically in a similar place in life.  this is totally different!  so i start to think about this, and how much i would miss Spokane, how i am not sure if i really want to apply, that they are targeting mostly math and science people, there's probably no need for history teachers... what if they reject me?  yada yada yada... twice now i have had these doubts and- no exagerration- on both occurrences the next time i checked my e-mail i had a one from Teach for America specifically encouraging me to finish my app and specifically recruiting history majors.  how cool is that?  now, i can't promise that means i'll get in, but i know i will finish that app (tomorrow actually... today was busy, more on that later) and forge on. 

so that's me.  other than that, today i went with the roomie and saw In Good Company (cute movie- you'd love it Sho!!) and went to Tomato Street (my favorite!!!).  yay for leftovers!  but the roommate got this stuff called Uncle Tony's something... it was a type of pasta with white sauce and chicken... but seriously it had this weird taste of tasting the way a barn smells.  we're talking cowpies here, folks.  who wants to eat something that tastes the way cow poop smells?  not me, but she loved it.  sick, i know.

anyway, now i think i may just pop in another movie and get some much needed rest.  yay for a three day weekend!

oh, and does anyone have any idea how much it costs to send a letter to, say, Japan?  if you do, does it just take regular stamps or special ones?  can you just drop it in the mail box or do you have to go to the post office?  thanks kids.

tk out

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_take_on_me.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_she_will_be_loved.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-15T11:01:16-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_she_will_be_loved.mws

yay!  Santa Clara beat St. Mary's so GU is in first place (well, tied for) in the WCC!  We play St. Mary's the third of February (you can count on me being glued to the TV that night, no doubt) but this time it's in the Kennel and we're taking 'em, baby!  lol... i'm a little pumped, do you agree?  Sweet news- i called Sho last night!  only she didn't answer so i left a message, but then she called me back and we chatted.  I love that girl.  She's probably the closest person to me now that Rach never answers e-mails or phone calls.  I can't blame her- if i were married i'd probably be concerned about my husband too.  It's all good. 

What else?  Um... i like eggs?  i had steak for dinner?  (yum, btw).  oh, i watched the Steelers / Jets game and i was kind of torn.  Ya gotta love the underdogs, and it's always sad to see their dreams shattered.  But they did have two fairly easy (me, who can't kick a field goal from 20 yards, speaking here.  meh.) missed field goal attempts.  However, i do have some love for the Steelers being that i am really hoping to end up in Philadelphia.  But, when all is said and done, i am rooting for the Patriots.  I know most of them already have that ring, and Tom Brady doesn't need another (but man is he SMOKIN' HOT!), but they are from near Boston and that city just has a special place in my heart.  If i go out east you can be sure i'll catch a Red Sox game.  There will be so many awesome sports opportunities out there!  But no Gonzaga on local channels... i'll have to figure that out when the time comes.  Maybe i could watch the Mariners at Yankee Stadium, live it up at Fenway... who knows... but how exciting!  I can't get ahead of myself, however.  Still need to finish that app, lol.  I have a whole month but i should quit stalling.  Today's just a lazy day, tis true. Anyway, i'm off now.  Catcha'll lata.

tk out.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_she_will_be_loved.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_look_for_the_girl_with_the_broken_smile.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-16T07:01:20-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_look_for_the_girl_with_the_broken_smile.mws

How is this my life?  Last night i was up until almost 5 am with... shall we say... stomach issues.  Both ends.  Ridiculous.  Couldn't sleep.  I've been in bed all day.  I watched Philadelphia beat the Vikings- yay!  All things Pennsylvania are on my plus list right now :)  That's why i had to secretly feel some love for Pittsburgh and why i cheered on the Eagles of Philly today.  But, of course, right now i am watching my rock on Pats.  Looks like this is their game, but it is only up by 10 (13-3 currently).  However, the Colts are kind of sucking it up, and the Pats seem to be getting into their groove, so it's pretty cool. 

However, my stomach is acting up again so i need to go lay back down.  Have a nice Sunday.  May you not feel as miserable as i do, though i am grateful it's a three day weekend.  Sadly i had plans for this afternoon that i had to cancel.  it's a bit of a bummer. 

tk out.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_look_for_the_girl_with_the_broken_smile.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/whos_your_daddy.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-16T07:01:04-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/whos_your_daddy.mws TOUCHDOWN NEW ENGLAND!!!  YAY!!!

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/whos_your_daddy.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_love_is_coming.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-21T09:01:18-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_love_is_coming.mws

Actually it's 5 - 2...

Hey all.  I haven't written a real update in a bit.  Not a lot going on... only two more days of 5th grade until i am an official graduate *woot, woot*  Who's your daddy now, briquista?  What else?  Um, last night Gonzaga played the worst basketball i have ever seen them play until the last minute and a half, but it was too little, too late and all those people chanting "USF" made me want to go out and run over something furry.  (just kidding... but doesn't that soudn funny?  meh).  I guess that was their big moment, so they can cling to it but the Zag's would have whooped 'em by at least 20 on any normal night.  They can't rebound worth crap lately and it's uber frustrating.  But what can you do?? 

Other than that... i should hit it.  I am gonna watch Friday Night Lights bc i never saw it in the theatres but i love football and i love movies, so i should be quite happy.  Catcha later, all.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_love_is_coming.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/i_think_i_suck.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-22T05:01:44-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/i_think_i_suck.mws

You scored as Prep/Jock/Cheerleader. Prep/Jock/Cheerleader 56% Geek 25% Punk/Rebel 25% Ghetto gangsta 19% Loner 13% Drama nerd 13% Stoner 0% Goth 0% What's Your High School Stereotype? created with QuizFarm.com

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/i_think_i_suck.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/well_this_makes_me_suck_less.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-22T06:01:46-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/well_this_makes_me_suck_less.mws

You scored as Smurf. What more can I say about little blue people hanging around mushrooms? Smurf 92% Voltron 67% Heman 33% Shera 33% Strawberry Shortcake 17% Thundercats 0% Transformers 0% Which 1980's Cartoon Character are you? created with QuizFarm.com

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/well_this_makes_me_suck_less.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/honestly_people.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-22T10:01:45-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/honestly_people.mws

i hate it when someone looks like a guy but sounds like a girl.  What's so wrong with men being men and women being women.  On a completely different note, i forgot to feed my fish.  oops.  brb.  well, his bowl is like 2 feet away, so i am not really "going" ergo it's hard to come back. 

ok, he's fed.  i must say that TiVo and DVR are pretty much the greatest inventions ever.  like right now i am going to pause the show i am watching and go get some water.  that said, i don't really have much else to say.  catcha'll later.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/honestly_people.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_come_back_all_right.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-23T03:01:10-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_come_back_all_right.mws

Well this is odd... a guy i knew in high school is getting married to this girl he met on the internet.  Granted they've been dating for like 18 months, she lives in his town now (he's from WA state- as am i- and she's from Cali) so it's not like one of those weird rushed i-met-you-online-and-we-are-both-desperate-you're--the-one-i-am-sure-of-it things (unlike my *coughroommatecough*), but still.  Clinton's gonna flip.  However, sweet as she is, all he could say about her is that she's hideous.  She's not that bad.  It's just really weird still.  Plus i am 23 with absolutely no interest in getting married anytime soon so it's odd to have someone 3 years younger than i am tying the knot.  He's only a college sophomore.  Although he got college credits in high school through running start so maybe he's ahead.  Well, i know he is.  Still... so weird.

What else?  oh, the guys in the apartment above me are total losers. They're always banging around... uh, that sounds bad, but i don't mean it that way... they just walk really loudly or something... and they have these ridiculous parties.  This place is smaller than starbucks (and starbucks' aren't very big) and somehow one night they crammed like 65 people or something like that in.  They were bragging about it.  Then this morning... errr... it was almost 2 pm but i had only been up for 45 minutes... (which is why i can't sleep now.  i suck.) i heard the manager knocking on their door and telling them that they had parked in front of people's garages and that there were beer cans out in the parking lot by all their cars.  He sounded just a little "T.O.'d" if you get my drift.  So the guy comes stumbling out like 10 minutes later to move his car.  I could hear him.  Plus i saw some hottie installing the DISH network so i was looking out the window to check him out.  That came out wrong.  I meant that i didn't know you could get dishes in apartment complexes.  Not that i need one, but i was checking out the equipment he had in the back of his truck.  That still sounds just wrong but what can you do?  meh.

that's my life.  not much else to say.  i haven't seen my roommate in an entire week, no exagerration.  She goes to her parent's house a lot on the weekends, which i am used to, but this week is her paid vacation so she's been at her parents, then down to see her boyf, then she was home one afternoon but i was at school and she left me a note saying she can't handle being alone so she went back out to her fam's, then she came home Thursday night but i was watching the Zags and then went to bed at 9:30 (no joke.  it's a record for me, literally.  I can't remember the last time i was in bed before 11.  It just doesn't happen with me.) Then she left again Friday morning for her boyf's and left a note saying she'll see me tomorrow.  To be honest... i'd rather just pull away because it sucks to be someone's back up plan.  Like she said she wanted to go out to dinner Thursday, i said i didn't want to spend any money (i called her, in case you are wondering how we talked if i haven't seen her for a week), so she's like "well... we could make something" but i was really tired (Wednesday i went to watch Alias with friends, then we ended up talking forever and i got to bed after midnight and had to be up at 6... so Thursday just sucked all around, especially when crap USF beat Gonzaga.  dang it.  bad memories... ) so i said "you know, i am just really looking forward to going home and resting because i am exhausted.  Now, i know i could have said "sure!  i really miss you!" but i am a very perceptive person and i can sense motives.  True to my instinct she responded, "well, then i'll just stay out here [remember, she's at her parent's house] for dinner".  See, i know that in part she wanted to spend time with me because she felt guilty for saying she wanted to spend time with me on her vacation and then blowing me off all week.  Secondly, i know that a little part of her just wantd to pacify me, make sure i felt wanted (but since it wasn't genuine, that doesn't work with me).  Finally, i know she hates to be alone (in her defense, she has 7 siblings, so she's always had a ton of people around.  The 6 youngest still all live at home and her older bro lives in town so he's out at her fam's a lot too so she's just used to a lot of activity, whereas i had a brother and parents who liked to be left alone, ergo i prefer to be in my room most of the time when i am home.)  Anyway, i digress.  She hates to be alone so i know that the remaining part of her motivation to have dinner was that she didn't want to come home and dine alone (what a poet am i).  Very little reasoning was that she wanted to actually spend time with me.  Thus it was an easy invite to decline.  I just don't deal well with insincerity, and when you couple that with dishonesty i don't bode well at all.  I should talk to her, but these are nice venting grounds.  Mostly, let's be honest, i am human and it sucks to feel not only not needed but not wanted.  meh. 

well that ended up being really long.  a little novella, if you will.  now i am tired.  by the way, my old high school is ranked first in state (they won it last year) in boy's basketball, and their only loss has been to the number 2 ranked school in the class above them- Brewster, David Pendergraft's alma mater.  That was only by 11 points at Brewster, so they're dang good.  lol... it's funny that i feel pride about that when i haven't been to Republic in over a year.  oh crap!  i just realized that today... er, yesterday... is/was my parent's anniversary.  i suck.  looks like i'll be making a phone call tomorrow.  dang me anyway. 

i'm off to bed.  later.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_come_back_all_right.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/wow.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-23T06:01:57-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/wow.mws I have turned into such a sap.  Some kid with amazing pipes belts out the national anthem and i get teary eyed.  Not like rolling down the cheeks tears, but teary eyed nonetheless. 

On a different note, I am not sure what i want.  I absolutely love the Patriots (no, not just because Tom Brady is smoking hot.  He is smoking hot, no denying that, but that's not why) so i want them to win.  Then again, i really respect the Eagles and their ability to play hard and get to the Superbowl and i'd hate to see them lose... then again i'd really hate to see the Pats get there and lose... but i don't want them to lose today either.  Blast it all, i say.  Blast it.  Good thing i am not in control...i'll just have to watch and see what happens. 

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/wow.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/100_after_811.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-23T06:01:30-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/100_after_811.mws who's your daddy!!! touchdown New England, baby!  And no flags... boom, baby, boom!

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/100_after_811.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/interception.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-23T07:01:54-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/interception.mws

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/interception.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/nuts_and_bolts_nuts_and_bolts.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-23T08:01:45-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/nuts_and_bolts_nuts_and_bolts.mws

we got screwed. 

He had control of the ball.  That's all i can say.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/nuts_and_bolts_nuts_and_bolts.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/see_you_at_the_big_show_kids.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-23T09:01:59-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/see_you_at_the_big_show_kids.mws

Whoo-hoo!  Props to the Pats on their studly victory.  Tom Brady is just in a league of his own.  Roethlisberger (I can't believe i know how to spell that) put up a good fight, but the guy either got picked off or nearly picked off on almost every other throw.  I just have to say boo to the Pittsburgh fans- the stadium was practically empty by the two minute warning.  That last touchdown was met with near silence.  I don't care if you lose by 50, you stay and you cheer on your team, let them know that you're proud of their season irregardless.  The Steelers had the best record in the entire league, for goodness sake!  What fascinates me is that i bet if the Steelers were an underdog team all year that got whooped by the champs people would have stuck by their side, but when the big winners of the season went down their fans had long abandoned them.  Boo, boo, boo.  If you are a fan who stayed in that stadium through the last play KUDOS TO YOU! 

PS Props to all those Pats fans i can hear cheering right now during the awards ceremony.  Yeah baby!  Way to sit out the cold!

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/see_you_at_the_big_show_kids.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_as_i_exhale_i_hear_your_voice.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-26T01:01:31-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_as_i_exhale_i_hear_your_voice.mws

hmmm... so tired.  I got like three hours of sleep last night cuz i got a WONDERFUL phone call from my beloved Sho who is teaching in Nihon (that's Japan for all you average chaps) for two years.  We talked til 3 am.  Then i couldn't fall asleep til near 4.  Then i the alarm went off at 6:47. I just realized something... story time... ode to joy (copyright Grayden H*****)

ok, so 6:47 is a weird time to set your alarm for.  i know that.  but this phenomenon happened in my life where if i set my alarm for a normal time (like, say, 6:30) i would wake up at 6:29.  no joke.  it was like this weird internal clock.  so i tried setting my alarm for really weird times, like 6:47 or 7:13.  This worked well.  another method is i would look away from my alarm or close my eyes when i set it and push the minutes up and down a few times so i wouldn't know exactly what time it was set for, but i would keep it to under control so i didn't wake up an hour early or something.  you know.  anyway... i just realized that i totally haven't woken up before my alarm in forever.  i must just be really tired all the time... well... duh.  i slept for three hours and have been up for 15 1/2 and i am still not in bed.  i am a loser.

on a different note... i went to my last class today!  I just have to type some reflection type stuffs, but it all into a notebook, drop it off, pay a crap $50 fee for the class (as if $900 per flipping credit weren't enough) that's just chilling with my student account, go to exit loan counseling and get started on consolidating my loans.  then i am totally and completely done.  do a little dance... *woot, woot*

also tomorrow i am going in to see about a job that i would be able to do while subbing and make tips.  like a dream come true :) i need money, let me tell you.  eek.  i'll let ya'll know how that goes.  oh, blast, and i have to fill out an app to start subbing at Mead, and find out if i have to wait for my actual teaching certificate to come or if i can get a letter of clearance from the alma mater (what, what... i am a college alumni, who's your daddy).  blech. 

that's about it... later all!

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_as_i_exhale_i_hear_your_voice.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/so_this_is_kinda_cool.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-26T03:01:16-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/so_this_is_kinda_cool.mws

all right, so there's this new msn messenger beta for version 7.0 and it's AWESOME!  totally get it.  plus i discovered msn spaces so i am leaving mindsay...

no, just kidding.  but this spaces thing is pretty cool for putting up some photo albums and such, so i am.  and now here is the link.  sooner or later i'll make it an actual link in right column with other cool places to go on the net but for now this will do.

http://spaces.msn.com/members/hereinthelight/PersonalSpace.aspx?_c

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/so_this_is_kinda_cool.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_i_know_my_heart_is_free.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-26T05:01:49-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_i_know_my_heart_is_free.mws

So the looking into a job went well.  I filled out the application and then the co-owner (the wife of a husband and wife team) did a little mini-interview with me. She said she really liked me.  The only snag is that they aren't actually hiring until the end of February so there will be some waiting.  We'll see how it all works out.  I really need to work, though.  Which is why I need to go finish up this paperwork for my class so I can start subbing. 

Before that though... confession... i think i have a crush on the guy at the library.  He's a librarian, i suppose, being as he works the desk and checks out books and such.  I get nervous when i see him so i try to avoid him but today the only open self-check out computer was at the front desk.  I had never done it before and so I (totally stupid, which i thought to myself even as i did it) scanned in the ISBN code on the cover and not the actual library code on the inside.  He noticed and told me to open it to where the code was located on the inside... we made eye contact and my heart sort of skipped a beat.  I shyly admitted it was my first time and he totally encouraged me not to worry about it and that i was doing great.  Ok- i am never shy and i never don't know what to say around someone.  What the heck?  He's always so friendly and helpful and he has gorgeous blue eyes.  Dang it.  It's nothing serious... but i concede.... i definitely have a crush :) 

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_i_know_my_heart_is_free.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/deep_thoughts.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-27T12:01:50-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/deep_thoughts.mws Has anyone ever made a bag of popcorn in the microwave upside down?  You know, there's twelve little signs to say "this side up"... have you ever cooked with the "up" side down?  i have always wondered what would happen... or i am eating some popcorn and i just thought of that...

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/deep_thoughts.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/oh_yes.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-27T05:01:03-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/oh_yes.mws

So i got this from someone else, but it's great!

http://karn.nu/spacerunner.html

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/oh_yes.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/i_am_the_champion_of_the_world.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-27T11:01:34-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/i_am_the_champion_of_the_world.mws

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/i_am_the_champion_of_the_world.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/when_boredom_calls.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-28T09:01:08-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/when_boredom_calls.mws

So here's how it works: Copy this into your blog, and bold the ones you have seen.  Then add a movie to the end. Simple, painless, and fun. 

01.  Trainspotting
02. Shrek
03. Memento
04. Dogma
05. Strictly Ballroom
06. The Princess Bride
07. Love Actually
08. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings
09. The Lord of the Rings : The Two Towers
10. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
11. Reservoir Dogs
12. Desperado
13. Swordfish
14. Kill Bill Vol. 1
15. Donnie Darko
16. Spirited Away
17. Better Than Sex
18. Sleepy Hollow
19. Pirates of the Caribbean 

20. The Eye
21. Requiem for a Dream
22. Dawn of the Dead
23. The Pillow Book
24. The Italian Job
25. Goonies
26. BASEketball
27. The Spice Girls Movie
28. Army of Darkness
29. The Color Purple
30. The Safety of Objects
31. Can't Hardly Wait
32. Mystic Pizza
33. Finding Nemo
34. Monsters Inc.
35. Circle of Friends
36. Mary Poppins
37. The Bourne Identity
38. Forrest Gump
39. A Clockwork Orange
40. Kindergarten Cop
41. On The Line
42. My Big Fat Greek Wedding
43. Final Destination
44. Sorority Boys
45. Urban Legend
46. Cheaper by the Dozen
47. Fierce Creatures
48. Dude, Where's My Car?

49. Ladyhawke
50. Ghostbusters
51. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
52. Back to the Future
53. An Affair To Remember
54. Somewhere In Time
55. North By Northwest
56. Moulin Rouge
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
58. The Wizard of Oz
59. Zoolander
60. A Walk to Remember

61. Chicago
62. Vanilla Sky
63. The Sweetest Thing
64. Don't Tell Mom the Babysitters Dead
65. The Nightmare Before Christmas
66. Chasing Amy
67. Edward Scissorhands
67. Battle Royale
68. Kill Bill Vol. 2
69. Fight Club
70. Clerks
71. The Crow
72. Get Real
73. Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone
74. Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban
75. Wake
76. Silence of the Lambs
77. Pulp Fiction
78. The Crying Game
79. Amélie
80. Hedwig and the Angry Inch
81. Happy Campers
82. Velvet Goldmine
83. Elephant
84. Peter Pan

85. Camp
86. Particles of Truth
87. The Godfather
88. Big Fish
89. The Passion of the Christ
90. Close Encounters of the Third Kind
91. The Neverending Story
92. The Breakfast Club
93. Newsies
94. Princess Mononoke
95. The Prince of Egypt
96.Grease
97. The Hidden Fortress
98. Troy
99. It Happened One Night
100. Hackers
101. Dead Poets Society

 102. Ghost Ship
103. The Wedding Banquet
104. The Red Violin
105. The Beach
106. The Women
107. Run Lola Run
108. The Quiet Man
109. X-Men
110. X-2

111. Spiderman
112. Punch Drunk Love
113. From Dusk 'Til Dawn
114. Joe Vs. The Volcano
115. Meet Joe Black
116. Gregory's Girl
117. In the Time of the Butterflies
118. The Butterfly Effect
119. Dirty Dancing
120. Final Destination 2
121. Rosemary's Baby
122. Spider-Man 2

123. Practical Magic
124. A Shark Tale
125. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
126. Sweet Home Alabama
127. American Beauty
128. Rocky Horror Picture Show
129. American Psycho
130. American History X

131. Ray
132. Waking Life
133. I Heart Huckabees
134. Garden State
135. What the Bleep Do We Know
136. Gone In 60 Seconds
137. 8 Mile
138. Blow
139. Napoleon Dynamite

140. Bend it like beckham
141. Charlies Angels
142. Charlies Angels: Full Throttle
143. Along came Polly
144. Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood

145. Sabrina

146. Black Hawk Down

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/when_boredom_calls.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/what_can_i_say.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-28T09:01:55-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/what_can_i_say.mws

Would I date you? Hey hot stuff... Wanna go out sometime? Hell yes I would date you! You are totally hot!

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/what_can_i_say.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_well_if_i_only_had_an_ocean_to_compliment_the_sky.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-29T05:01:50-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_well_if_i_only_had_an_ocean_to_compliment_the_sky.mws

hello all... i have to confess, i was gone all night and am quite sad to find no blogging action this fine eve.  *sniff*... *wipes a tear*.  I'll live :)  So... let's see... i got a big fatty notebook for my trip to DC that i need to read through, which is way exciting.  I can't believe that's only 2 months away!  eek! 

i also went bowling with some friends to celebrate a birthday.  That was really fun.  I enjoyed the refreshment of being around different people, just enjoying them for who they all are.  That was good.

 

I watched Black Hawk Down for the first time today.  Wow.  That was hard.  It's something i decided to never watch until i was ready.  For anyone who doesn't know, in 1992-93 (that's the part this movie deals with, at least) there was a civil war in Somalia (East Africa).  Basically it was between warring gangs that the country was largely split into.    Muhammad Farah Aidid was, at the time, the frontrunner of sorts in the war and he controlled the food supply with his militia.  With hunger as his weapon over 300,000 Somalians died.  The world responded by sending in food and other aid, along with UN Peacekeepers, a contingent from the States but primarily from Pakistan.  Aidid's henchmen regularly ambushed food deliveries and attacked the relief workers.  The Marines came in to restore just enough order to get food delivered, but it was never intended to be a long involvement or even an end to the war.  President George Bush sent in the troops at the end of 92 and Clinton worked to finish the mission and get them home in 93 when he took over. 

 

So then basically as soon as the Marines pulled out (leaving only small numbers of Americans), Aidid stepped up violence against the UNP(from now on just know that UNP stands for UN Peacekeepers... i am tired of typing the whole thing out) and a group of 24 Pakistani UNP were massacred when conducting a weapons inspection.  This and other attacks led President Clinton to send in an Army contingent, mainly Army Rangers and basically called Delta Force.  Their objective was to hunt down and capture Aidid.

 The big mission that the movie is about was called Irene.  Aidid's men had control of the Baraka market sector of Mogadishu.  To make a long story quasi-short, the idea was to send in some ground forces and air forces (in Black Hawk helicopter's) and capture some of Aidid's right hand men that were in a meeting (the Army knew this thanks to an informant on the inside).  The Somali militants had a healthy supply of RPG's (rocket propelled grenades) that helped them take down a Black Hawk (thus the name Black Hawk Down).  The US forces had a strong "no man left behind" policy, so there was a big mess of trying to keep the downed helicopter protected from the crowds.  There was a reason for this- another Black Hawk went down in the rescue attempts and this time the crowds came, killed one of the only two alive men there (and took the other prisoner), stripped him ( i seem to remember him being naked or almost naked... in the movie he had his pants on but i don't think that was the case), and dragged him through the streets in a wild, rejoicing, frenzy.  These pictures were seen by the world.

In the end, 18 US soldiers were killed (and over a thousand Somali's), and i think like 84 wounded.  This all happened on Oct 3-4, 1993, and by Oct. 7 Clinton resolved to get the troops home.  Basically we gave up on finding Aidid and got out.

These all raise some very tough questions.  The movie is touted as very historically accurate, and to the best of my knowledge it is.  There seems to be a bit of propaganda suggesting we shouldn't have been there and deserved what we got yet that those soldiers shouldn't have had to die.  This is where the questions come.  I will share my own thoughts...

It's hard to see our young men die.  The movie makes a point of showing that one of the guys who gets hurt badly is a fresh out of boot camp 18 year old.  I hate knowing that men- many with wives, some with children, all certainly with people back home who love them- died fighting someone else's war.  It was Somalia's war.  Yet, at the same time, to kill 300,000 people in a matter of months intentionally is genocide even if they are the same race as you.  Genocide can include trying to wipe out an entire group, such as a warring faction.  As an American i wish that we could just pay attention to ourselves.  I wish we could leave the rest of the world alone.  Yet at the same time, fair or not, to do nothing and let fellow mankind starve to death is just as wrong as to be the one causing it.  Some may disagree, but I don't see how it's right to do nothing when people are being killed in mass numbers. 

All that said I know our government makes bad choices.  Sometimes we interfere with ulterior motives- like Korea and Vietnam.  We couldn't let democracy be threatened.  There's obviously a LOT more to it than a simple sentence, but our government knew that Mao was taunting us as the infamous Paper Tiger- we look ferocious enough but we have no real substance.  Keep picking at us and eventually we give in.  That's why the Vietnamese had much, much higher casualty rates than we did- they knew that no matter now many died, no matter how much more advanced our weapons were, if they kept killing us, slowly but surely we would lose heart and get out.  Of course, Mao was right, because we did.  Anyway, that's too much to get into... Needless to say, I don't think there's some big government conspiracy to go out and screw the world over.  Remember- even well intentioned humans are still humans and they make wrong choices.  They mess up.  Governments mess up.  I hate that we support the wrong guy sometimes because somehow it best serves our interests.  I in no way presume our government perfect.

The point is, I know in my heart that it's a good thing to help when it's needed.  It's also hard to know people have to die for that to happen.  How i wish world peace were a reality.  But think about it- if people can't even get along with other people in their high school how do we expect Muslims and Hindus to get along?  Muslims and Jews?  Croats and Serbs?  Opposing gang members?  It's a lofty goal, but the reality is that... war is a reality.  Should it be avoided if possible?  Obviously... yet at times it's seen as the only answer.  And sometimes maybe it is.  If you have any ideas about a possible solution to WWII that didn't involve war, by all means, share it.  I am talking a real solution though, so be real about it.

This opens me up to a world of threats, but I believe that being in Iraq is simply necessary.  I don't think it was only for oil, and if you think that i struggle to even allow you to post that's your opinion because it's ridiculous.  I also don't think that the WMD theory was simply a conspiracy to fool us all.  Was there some sketchy stuff there?  Yes.  Did we blow it?  Yes.  But now we're there, and we need to finish the job.  I don't necessarily think that democracy is the answer for all countries.  I do, however, believe that Hussein was a horrible dictator, and that the havoc he wreaked needed to end.  I wish it was all simple and cut and dry, that soldiers didn't mistreat Iraqi's the way they have.  In the end, though, it encourages me to know that somewhere an Iraqi that never had a chance at life before is afforded the chance now to live.  The insurgents obviously affect that, and the price has been high.  But i do think it's worth it.

And before you go assuming that i think this because i am unaffected by it, don't.  I just spoke with a good friend from high school who is there as a Marine.  He volunteered knowing he would go.  I respect that.  Last spring one of my roommate's best friends was killed in Iraq.  I have countless friends with loved ones there.  My heart aches every time i realize that these are my peers dying- i am barely 23, and the number of 18-23 year olds dying literally makes me cry.  I wonder about the lives they could have lived.  They will forever be only 21... and their families left behind... i can't imagine.  The thought that Haden could die haunts me and i will not fully rest until he gets home in March. 

I only know that I trust God.  Finding Him in this all may seem absurd to many, but I know He has a higher purpse we can't see.  I know Haden is sharing Christ and leading a Bible study with his fellow soldiers, and that is a blessing to know.  It's hard because in the Civil War (USA, 1861-1865) both sides were sure that God was on their side and that they were right.  In retrospect we all say the south was wrong... i absolutely detest slavery and i know that God's best is freedom for all people.  Yet He can use oppression, and we must remember that.  Did God cause slavery?  No.  Man did.  Yet God can work all things together for the good of those who love Him.  God cannot be boxed into human wisdom.  It may defy all we think we know, yet God works in ways that our highest and most lofty thoughts could never even touch, let alone understand.  Man's greatest wisdom is like God's foolishness, leaving a whole lot of wisdom far beyond our grasp.

I have been on the losing end.  My childhood and upbringing would suggest that i would be the last person to believe in a God who is both sovereign (in control) and good.  It would seem that i should believe either that He is good, but not in control and thus terrible things happened to me, or that He is in control yet not good because a good God would never allow those things.  Yet, He did.  And I can honestly say that if i could go back I wouldn't change anything.  They have shaped who i am today, and I have a voice to speak life into others where many people simply don't have that voice and ability to speak because their life experience does not validate them as worthy of listening to. 

For anyone actually reading this whole entry (it must be my longest), know that i am not here to preach at you.  I want you to know that no matter what you have been through, Jesus Christ died for you.  Not the false-god, the Jesus Is My Homeboy Jesus.  That Jesus is deaf, powerless, and blind.  But there is a Jesus who lived on this earth, encountered pain and suffering, faced all the same temtptations as you and i, and yet did not sin.  Never once, not even a sinful thought.  He came knowing that He would die and He endured the pain of the cross, embraced it even, because He knew that without sacrificing Himself you and I could never be restored to God.  For eternity we would be separated from Him, suffering in Hell.  Not chilling with our friends and joking around.  For eternity- that's forever and ever- suffering and longing for the chance to receive forgiveness of sin and be in the presence of God, yet knowing that chance has passed and this will be the state of being for the rest of eternity.  I shudder at the very thought. 

This is a lot at 3am.  I will leave with this:

...and He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf...

II Corinthians 5:15

ps if you want more info on Somalia, here are two links.  I apologize too for any errors if i made any.  I was typing just what i already knew and it's 3 am.  I, too, make mistakes.

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/ambush/etc/cron.html

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/ambush/firefight/

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_well_if_i_only_had_an_ocean_to_compliment_the_sky.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_youre_still_on_my_lonely_mind.mws hereinthelight 2005-01-31T12:01:31-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_youre_still_on_my_lonely_mind.mws

Well, i am sick sick sick, yet again.  Just turning my head too far to the right makes my swollen glands in my neck hurt.  What a great life i live.  Or not.  

I really need to stop watching war movies.  But i heartily recommend We Were Soldiers.  wow.  i cried, as do i always cry at true-story war movies.  I wish we had never gone to Vietnam.  But i took an entire class on the subject and i know the reasons why we did.  Right or wrong, that was the choice that was made and this is a movie that tells the story of the 7th calvary in the Ia Drang Valley. 

Vietname was a nasty war. In the end over 58,000 Americans were killed, and those who lived came home to be ridiculed and despised.  It makes me sick.  Also hundreds of thousands of Vietnamese were killed, with estimates up to a million.  It's a very well done movie, and it doesn't shoot a lot of "we should have been there" or "we shouldn't have been there" propaganda in your face.  It simply tells the story. 

On a side note, one of the biggest reasons we ended up so entrenched in Vietnam (we meaning the USA) was because we were allied to France and thus supported them.  They suffered humiliating losses, particularly at the battle of Dien Bien Phu.  I wish when they were all up on their "we hate America" high horses today they would remember how many Americans lost their lives not only in Vietnam but also in WWII.  A lot of men lost their lives not just at Normandy but in getting the Germans out of France totally.  So i am not saying the French have to fight on our side but the least they could do is say thank you in French and be glad it's not in German. 

That's all i have to say about that. 

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_youre_still_on_my_lonely_mind.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_and_i_want_to_be_free.mws hereinthelight 2005-02-04T02:02:30-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_and_i_want_to_be_free.mws ok, mindsay blows.  i just typed out a long entry and it didn't post.  that's crap.  so, for future reference, if you are typing and as you type the little box where you click "everbody" to post your entry for keeps checking and unchecking then copy your text just in case it doesn't show up.  grr.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_and_i_want_to_be_free.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=348104 hereinthelight 2005-02-05T06:02:47-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=348104

well, i was going to update but let's be honest- it's 3:40- oop, no, now it's 3:41 am.  What can i possibly say that's even remotely cool?  nothing.  and i just talked to three people on instant messenger in separate convos for like 5 hours.  my fingers hurt.  i'll probably need carpal tunnel surgery at like 25.   Honestly.  oh, and when i showered i left my pajamas on the floor and then when showering knocked my roommates body shop stuff off the tub onto the floor, and it got on my left shoulder of my pj sweatshirt and so i kept smelling this smell that smells the way the bathroom smells after she showers and it was tripping me out all night until i realized it was on my shoulder.  dumb, i know.  but how's that for a champion run-on sentence?  momma said knock YOU OUT!

random thought... there needs to be some special word for when you're young and single and you simply live with a roommate because you're both young and single, but definitely heterosexual.   because once you're graduated from college and you talk about your roommate you wonder if people think you might be lesbians.  like people you hardly know i mean.  my friends know i am not.  i really like guys, and so does she, so no worries there... but i mean, with people you like work with but only for a day or something, you just wonder if they wonder.  what a horrible way to have to live, wondering if people wonder.  i would curse all homosexuals right now but that's just not very politically correct.  or nice, for that matter.  dang it.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/348104 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_tomorrows_just_a_future_yesterday.mws hereinthelight 2005-02-09T01:02:04-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_tomorrows_just_a_future_yesterday.mws

So eventful day.  First, i am working tomorrow.  Making calls for a credit union to it's credit card users who have a late payment.  I am told it's not the "pay now or die!!" type, just the friendly reminder type.  We shall see.  It's only 15-20 hours a week for now, but supposedly if i do well they'll give me more hours.  On the other hand, the temp manager (it's the temp agency i worked for last summer) told me that she'll be looking for a full-time and permanent or long-term position.  I shall pray and hope.  

Cool answer to prayer though- this morning i prayed that I would leave the temp agency with a job.  It wasn't the full-time long term position i was hoping for, but some sort of income will do :)  The only thing is i am not going to tell them about Teach for America because #1) it's hard to get into, so there's a chance i won't be accepted and 2) i won't even know if get in until May, so that's a good three plus months.  Then once i know, depending on where i am working, i wouldn't even go until the end of June even if i were accepted, so it's better to simply say nothing.  

So for dinner i decided to make steak and rice-a-roni.  The steak was awesome.  But the rice... well... here's the problem.  I was doing the whole brown the vermicelli part when i realized i was totally trying to do two things at once and left the water in my room on (i was letting it get warm) becuase i wanted to wash my face, so instead of turning it off and finishing up the cooking i washed my face and totally burned the rice.  Not like blackened, but kind of like how when you burn popcorn and it stinks up the whole bag and makes it takes funky.  So i decided to try and salvage it... i finished it, but it still sorta tasted not great.  Not bad, but not really good like it usually is.  So i made a fresh batch, and it was awesome.  I was gonna throw out the badness but then i decided to throw it in the fridge cuz ya never know when in the next few days i might come home really hungry.  When you're really hungry almost anything (within reason) tastes good.  You know driving home, hating traffic, so hungry you come home in a bad mood til you get a little something to eat feeling?  Yeah, that.  I bet that's like 50% of after-work, rush hour road rage.  Who's idea was it to make traditional working hours end and then make us all drive for an hour when we should be with our family eating dinner?  Or if you are a loser like me, with my computer and TV and hoping my cell phone will ring yet never calling anyone else.  Some day i will fall in love but until then i shall find respite in solitude ;)  don't cry for me, argentina- truth is i'll be all right.  lata.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_tomorrows_just_a_future_yesterday.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/who_does_that.mws hereinthelight 2005-02-10T01:02:32-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/who_does_that.mws

Some crap Canadian scam (by Canadians?  I don't know.) has this thing where they call some unsuspecting person and tell that person they have won $200,000 in some Canadian sweepstakes but they have to send in a fee to collect their winnings.  Some poor 87 year old man sent the creeps $2,000.  That makes me ill. 

Since i am feeling snarky tonight (I earlier told a friend that when i see pictures of my roommates boyfriend it makes me shudder because i find him hideous.  i know, it's mean.  but i can't help it.  i mean, my roommates a fairly cute girl.  i just don't get it.  i guess when you're desperate... uh... i'll just stop.) Anyway... snarky.  Yeah.  I just have to say that...well... boo on Canadians.  Yeah, that's right, i said it!  Boo on you!!  (Sing that like '80s butt rock power ballad)  They wish they were from the United States.  And i can say that because there's always some push for a big area of British Columbia to annex from Canada and become a part of the US.  Guess they wish 54-40 or FIGHT! had gone a little more in the favor of the US, eh?  I keep wanting to say American's but technically Canadians are American.  Whatever... i told you they wish they were from the US!  Why else would they make such a whiny deal about being Americans anyway.

Mmm.  I am just classic tonight.  I might regret this in the morning. Meh.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/who_does_that.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/break_time.mws hereinthelight 2005-02-12T12:02:52-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/break_time.mws So guess what i am finally doing?  that's right, finishing up my Teach for America application.  I am so tired though, so i will send it to a critic friend to make it better before i send it in.  The limit's 500 words on two different essays, so it's not much for her to do :)  Well... i had something interesting to say on here and now it's gone.  So i am back to the grind.  Sorry i forgot my interesting thing to say.  Boo.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/break_time.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_because_im_broken_when_im_open.mws hereinthelight 2005-02-14T12:02:53-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_because_im_broken_when_im_open.mws

hello all.  busy weekend. So i tried to be responsible and start working out more frequently and eating better and i totally hurt my back.  So my life is sorta the pits because moving at all is painful.  Standing is near torture.  That said, i am doing all right.  Really well, actually.  I feel spiritually alive in a way that i haven't in a really long time.  God is doing a huge work in me right now and i am just really excited about knowing Him and walking with Him in a way that has been dead in me for a long time.  So that's really exciting.  Praise Jesus!

Other than that... I saw Hitch today and it's so good!  I recommend it.  It was cute and funny... and to answer your question, Grayden, a little chick-flicky.  But there were loads of guys there and they thought it was hilarious, so yeah.  It's funny, and not all the best moments were on the trailer, which was nice for once.  But yeah, it's good.  I hear the Wedding Date isn't though, so pass on that one i am told.  Wait for the DVD. 

I work at 6 every day this week... that's AM, not PM, so sad day for me.  I think i'll just watch the Grammy's til i fall asleep, but i aim to try and be in bed by 8 all this week.  Nuts, i know.  I don't even wake up until 8 at night, lol.  But maybe it will help me get into a better rhythym... it's kind of nice to be done with work by ten in the morning (for now... i hope to get some more hours next week, which i'll address a little later this week after i prove i am good!  i already impressed the ppl a lot on the first day, so that's happy... i just have to keep it up).  Anyway, getting going early in the morning helps me to keep up on getting things done through the day... when i sleep late i never want to do anything.  So yep.

Sad note- i lost my watch.  Boo, i know.  But i did get my Teach for America application all done, so before you all ask me 20 times when i find out, here's the timeline:

March 1: Notification of interview status sent via e-mail and interview day
preparation packet sent via postal mail to those invited to interview

March 2: Date by which to contact Teach For America if interview notification
e-mail not received.

March 7: Date by which to contact Teach For America if interview preparation
packet not received via postal mail

March 21 - April 1: Attend Teach For America interview (exact date and location
sent March 1) and submit: two official transcripts from every college/university
attended, recommendation forms, and up to two letters of recommendation

April 14: Notification of acceptance status and tentative teaching assignment
sent via postal mail

May 2: Date by which to matriculate into the 2005 corps

So yep.  That's my big update.  I'll try to update a little more frequently.  I've been busy, sadly.  My big agenda this week... call on a second job, completely clean my room (inluding that big sack of old mail- but i have the motivation of $110 in rebates plus like $50 a company owes me for messing up my online payment once i get the paperwork my bank sent all organized and sent in, so that's happy), dusting, changing my fish's water in his bowl, filing all my mail and church notes and stuff, cleaning out my hotmail inbox (210 messages, some replied to, some not, some to be filed in mail folders, some to delete... sick), calling college to make sure i am all clear for my diploma to come any day now, finding that folder to put my diploma in, all these good things.  Bet you are so jealous of my life, eh?  Probably not.  My car really needs to be cleaned out too.  And i need to send my snow tires out to my roommate's parents house, all these good things.  lol. 

Have a lovely day!

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_because_im_broken_when_im_open.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_do_his_gifts_come_from_the_heart.mws hereinthelight 2005-02-14T02:02:17-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_do_his_gifts_come_from_the_heart.mws

Valentine's Day is stupid.  I didn't think much of it as a kid or even high schooler, but now i know that it's ludicrous. Why, you ask?  Well, i think it's a big farce.  It's aimed at romantic love, not friendship love, which really is just an excuse for commercial interests to put up the next big display because New Year's and St. Paddy's are so far apart.  Plus little kids are suckered into suckering their parents into buying silly pop icon cards, the flashier the better, just so some poor kid can watch the jerk in the class who already has everything get more valentines than there are kids in the class while he only got one from the kid who picks his nose, and that kid gave one to everybody because who wants to be friends with the kid who picks his nose?  In case you think i was that loser kid and am just bitter, i am not.  I always had a lot of friends, thus a lot of Valentine's.  And i tried to give out as many as possible, but i didn't pick my nose.  I was just nice.

Anyway, the whole romantic part... i think this is especially dumb because you're basically forced into telling you're romantic interest that you love them, or at least showing special attention.  You're a jerk if you don't, or forget, particularly the guys.  Plus, everyone is supposed to do this on February 14, which cheapens it.  Your anniversary is one thing, because it actually has actual special meaning.  But February 14 is really just a day where it's the thing to do.  Dumb.  It would mean a whole lot more if your romantic interest went out of their way to shower you with love and affection on September 16, when you least expect it (or any date not close to your birthday or anniversary or anything else of the sort). 

A lot of people hide behind the whole "well it's for friends, too".  So it was cute in high school when girls wrote their pals cute little cards saying, "You're a great friend!  I love you!  Thanks for everything" or whatever.  But when it's guy/girl "friendships" then yeah right.  You send him a valentine bc you care about him but you're just friends- mmhmm.  Did you send one to every guy friend?  If no then you don't think of him as a "just friend".  Did you send her one?  Then unless you sent one to every friend, she's not just your friend.  Did you both send each other one?  Then you aren't just friends.  You are girlfriend and boyfriend so you might as well just call each other by the right terms. 

See my point?  How many people get all worked up over this stuff?  You like him... you want to send him a just friends valentine, but really it's cuz you like him, and the friend piece is an excuse.  or you want to send one to all your friends but then you get worried that some will think you mean more than just friends because it is a romantic holiday, after all.  So then you can't decide who should get one and who shouldn't.  Or you get one from someone that you thought was a "just friend" but now you can't figure out what they are.  It's all ridiculous.

For couples that are actual couples and actually call each other their boyfriend or girlfriend, like my roommate for example (the fact that her boyf sucks is besides the point).  She lives in the big city, he's poor and has a broken car.  So she's driving for two hours to pick him up.  She spent all day yesterday baking (and admits none of it is all that good) so they can go on some lame picnic brunch.  uh, in 40 degree weather. That's besides the point.  Anyway, so he's coming here.  She has been stressing all week trying to figure out the perfect restaurant to go out to.  She said she didn't care about romantic yet wants candles... riiiight.  So then i ask why he isn't figuring out where to go... he doesn't live here.  Uh, well she does and she has no better idea than had he just looked the phone book.  So they are going to eat pea soup with her whole family.  Like that's romantic.  I am sure they'll whisper sweet nothings over the loud, high pitched voice of 7 year old David whining that he wants milk.  The man who captures my heart will be cool enough to do something spontaneous like call a random person in the phone book that lives in a decent neighborhood and ask them what the most romantic place they have ever been to is.  And it won't be on Valentine's Day because he'll already know i think V Day is stupid.  Oh, and he'll pay.  Call me old fashioned... i'll over to come over and do his laundry if we are a couple just because i am sweet, and that's cool, and i'll probably clean his bathroom because i'll be using it and just start cleaning when i washing my hands anyway, but he's gonna pay.  And he's not gonna go bragging that he has a "rich girlfriend" if for some reason he's still on college or something and i am making bank.  Grrr. 

Anyway, Valentine's Day is stupid.  Call me a cynic, i don't care.  Just don't call me and wish me a happy Valentine's Day because i'll hang up on you.  Call me in two weeks and let me know you care, when it actually has some semblance of actual heartfelt meaning. 

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_do_his_gifts_come_from_the_heart.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_no_matter_how_hard_i_try_i_cant_escape_these_things_inside.mws hereinthelight 2005-02-16T07:02:04-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_no_matter_how_hard_i_try_i_cant_escape_these_things_inside.mws

Nothing really new to say.  I sent an e-mail to a kid i went to high school (and before, back to 6th grade) with.  He wasn't ever very "cool" by any stretch of the word.  I don't remember being too nice to him, so i wrote him just to say that i was sorry if i was a jerk to him.  I got his e-mail off my high school's guest book on it's website.  Today i got his reply.  He said he only remembers me as being "cordial", lol, but that if i was a jerk that's ok too bc high school is a place to develop social skills for life and sometimes you need to be a jerk.  I don't really agree with that last part, but it was nice to hear back from him.  He has a wife and son waiting for him, and he gets to leave Iraq (he's in the army, and currently in Baghdad) in a month.  So that was good to hear. 

This week i have been getting up at 4:30 everyday to work from 6-9 at my job.  Yesterday i let my boss know that, while i appreciate any opportunity to work, i'd probably do a little better working a little later.  So next week he's gonna put me on at like 9 or 10.  Yahoo for me, that's for sure.  I really struggle getting up that early.  The problem is that even though i am exhausted i simply cannot go to bed before 10-11 at night, and i can't nap because then i'll just sleep all day but still be way too tired when i get up.  I wish i wasn't such a night person, but my body is at it's peak from like 8-11 or 12.  That's why i can stay up until like 5 am after being up for nearly 24 hours and feel just fine.

Hmmm... i like peanuts.  That's about all i have to say for now ;)

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_no_matter_how_hard_i_try_i_cant_escape_these_things_inside.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_youve_got_mud_on_your_face_you_big_disgrace.mws hereinthelight 2005-02-17T10:02:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_youve_got_mud_on_your_face_you_big_disgrace.mws

Ok, how do i live without TiVo?  It's recording something else right now so i am watching Gonzaga play San Diego, old school through my VCR/DVD player.  I keep wanting to pause or rewind and i just can't.  Goodness. 

Speaking of the rock on Zags, they're awesome.  Everytime i drive by the MAC (to some, this means Museum of Arts and Culture.  no way baby- it's the McCarthey Center, home of the Bulldogs) on my way to work, which is every day now, i am afraid i will get in wreck.  I just can't help but stare a little in awe. 

Now, just between you and i, my roommate is thinking she's all cool because right now she's working in Thomas Hammer's coffee stand during games, and she thinks this makes her awesome, but she's a bit of a liar sometimes.  She was complaining to me that, while it's pretty fun because it's really loud and stuff, she doesn't see much of the game.  She then, of course, proceeded to brag to her family about "how cool" it is, and "how awesome" it is to get to watch "so much" of the game.  Her dad and bro are huge Zag fans and watch all the games.  So she's just rubbing it in, trying to be cool.  She's a loon.  Honestly- i'd like to see her name the Zags starting five, or which current player just became the 4th all time on the GU rebounding list, or what Raivio's free throw percentage is- he's over 90% overall, but get this- in league games he's 50 for 52--- that's 96%!!  Anyway, i'd like to know if she can say what year each player is, or where they are from.  So she can brag all she wants but we know who the tried and true fan is... uh i mean... fans are... ;)

I was thinking... if i go to Philly (or anywhere) i'll have to spend the big bucks to get the season ticket to college games because GU won't be on local TV like it is here.  Pure tragedy.  But an even bigger necessity is i simply have to marry someone who is as big of a sports fan as i am.  It's cool if we like different teams, so long as we watch the games.  Especially college ball (especially basketball), the NFL, a little big of the NBA... well, the Sonics when they're good ;)  And of course the MLB  If he's from Boston with a soft spot for Seattle teams we'll get along just fine.  But if i like sports more than he does (as is the case with all of my current guy friends, other than the roommates brothers and a couple of friends from high school) then that's just wrong.  So no way.  But he better not be so into sports that he goes off with his male friends to watch the game and makes me watch with all the wives who can only comment on the beauty of the male posterior in baseball hotpants.

Ok, what the heck?  Adam Morrison just fouled against Corey Belser and they called it a personal foul and a T, which the T was a bunch of crap anyway.  But then Brandon Gay shot 2 free throws for the T, and he's shooting around 90%-ish which is fine, but then he shot the two shots that Corey Belser should have been shooting for the personal foul.  You explain that to me- even worse, while Gay has a 90% free throw average, Belser only has like a 53%.  So in the end, it amounts to only like one point, but what the hey?  Grrr.  The blasted injustice of it all.

Btw, i think Raivio is 54-56 now.  Stud.

The fans in the Kennel (the MAC) keep chanting "PAC-10 rejects".  Ouch.

Ooh!  St. Mary's is only up by one point at the half against LMU (Loyola Marymount)... how wonderful would if be if LMU could win, give us even more of a first place cushion?  Let us pray... ;)

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_youve_got_mud_on_your_face_you_big_disgrace.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_we_are_the_champions_of_the_panorama.mws hereinthelight 2005-02-19T02:02:09-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_we_are_the_champions_of_the_panorama.mws

all right kids, here come the numbers... my lovely alma mater, Republic High School, (State B basketball in WA state... the coolest sports around.  no joke.  no lie.  just B love.) won the league tourney tonight.  For all you NWC grads, looks like we'll be seeing you Wednesday night unless Preston Wynne (i'd like for even one of you to tell me who he plays for off the top of your head, and googling it does not count) lights up against you, or unless we lose to Valley Christian... lol, not a chance unless our players all die or break their legs in the next 70 hours.  Anyway, you know where i'll be Monday at 8:15, Wednesday at 5, and Saturday at 5:15.  Mt. Spokane, baby! 

 

lol... being a little more loyal to Mt. Spokane (i student taught at Mead Middle, so make the connection) i find it ironic that all the winning games are played at MSHS but all the loser games are played at Mead High.  Haha (uh, no offense if you are from Mead.  btw- nice one point win tonight.  must have been an AWESOME game). 

 

ok, so Republic has only lost one game this year- a tough 12 point loss to last year's 1A champs (sorry NWC alumni again... they're who beat ya) Brewster, in Brewster, and without their big (not tallest, though he is 6'4" ) guy on the points and boards, Gaeb Giddings, who was out with an ankle injury for a brief stint.  Brewster is currently ranked 6th in the 1A division, with only 3 losses for the season, and earlier ranked as high as i believe 2 or 3. 

 

tonight wasn't the hottest for us, it's true.  we only beat Selkirk by 7, a team we beat 76-41 just a few weeks ago.  It was a rough game the whole night.  but rock on stud Zach G saved the day with 34 of our 30 points.  Also, 60 points is the lowest score of our whole season, with it being 66 before this.. Republic only scored below 70 points 4 times the whole season before this.  for high school basketball, that's just really good.  Crazy, i know. 

 

Here are some random stats i figured out (i love numbers, i love Republic, so it's fun):

 

total points scored: 1931

opponents' points scored: 1067

margin: 864

 

average game score: 83.96

average opponent score:  46.39

winning by an average of 37.57 points a night

 

games with over 100 points scored: 7

highest score: 117

record:  22-1

 

Zach Gianukakis game average:  20.35 points (Junior guard, 6'4")

 

i'd give other good stats, like rebounds and assists and more stats for the rest of the team but the only available stats to me are the points, and everything you see up there i had to figure out by doing some quick data entry into the calculator on my comp and stuff.  so... sorry yo's. 

 

anyway, i am catching the highlights of tonight's games on the news, and i TiVo'd Numb3rs (great show- i love it!  and i recommend it!) so i should watch that... it has my childhood crush, Neil Patrick Harris (Doogie Howser, yeah baby!) in it tonight, though they made him look like a dork, lol. 

 

anyway, most of you find this boring.  i don't care- i love it!  rock on Tigers!  and to you NWC friends of mine on here... you know i love ya.  but we're gonna beat ya ;)  i'll yell across the gym at you Wednesday early evening but hug you at church ;)

 

ps... the news made fun of  Valley Christian for having their parents play in the band.  that's kind of funny.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_we_are_the_champions_of_the_panorama.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_and_nothing_but_your_truth_remains.mws hereinthelight 2005-02-21T08:02:07-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_and_nothing_but_your_truth_remains.mws

I just plucked my eyebrows.  I always feel so much better about life after i pluck my eyebrows. 

What to say?  The roommate, her boyfriend, maybe Brendo, and I are going to go watch Republic play in the first round of districts tonight. God is so awesome about providing- i earned almost exactly enough money baby-sitting to go to all of this week's games.  For state next week i plan to get a 4 day pass.  They're a wee bit spendy, but i'd pay almost as much to buy tickets each day.  Plus there's a chance that Republic girls might also go, so it would make things less complicated.  Oh, and the Curlew girls should go and so i would cheer on a girl on that team i know.

So tonight's the big night, the first time i will really hang out with the roommate's boyfriend.  We've only hung out in the same setting once before and i was totally unimpressed.  So i have been wanting to be able to give him another chance, because it's been months.  So yeah.  We shall see :)

That's about it.  Nothing interesting comes to mind to say.  I'll probably update after the game later.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_and_nothing_but_your_truth_remains.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_no_matter_how_hard_i_try.mws hereinthelight 2005-02-22T02:02:02-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_no_matter_how_hard_i_try.mws

Ok, the promised update- i have to be up in 5 1/2 hours so i'll be short with it- Republic won tonight.  They are studs.  Here's where it gets interesting... Wednesday night they play NWC and so I'll be there (Mt. Spokane) cheering Republic on while the roommate will most likely be sitting with her aunt (her uncle is the assistant coach) cheering NWC on. Should be interesting.  But after that i'll watch the Lind-Ritzville and Selkirk game, which should be really good.  And the good news is that this time the games are at 5 and 6:45 so i won't be up so late, though Wednesday i don't work until noon and i have Friday off, yay for me! 

As for the roomies boyf... he's a cool guy.  I think he just tries to hard to make me like him, which makes me pull back.  First there was the comment that "yeah, Mel, you should invite Brendon so you won't be lonely while we [tami and i] are hanging out so much at the game".  Now, i know what he meant was i know way more about basketball than her, so i would be the one to talk to more than her about that and stuff.  so that's sensible.  but then later i commented that someone was tight and he's all "am i tight?" and i had to be honest and tell him that i don't know him well enough yet.  I said Mr. McRae was tight, but he was an assistant coach when i kept football stats for three years so i got to know the man fairly well.  So i don't know... i am just the kind of person where you have to let me come to you instead of trying to win me over so hard.  But he's not a bad guy.  So there you have it.

Now i really need to try and sleep. 

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_no_matter_how_hard_i_try.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=348116 hereinthelight 2005-02-23T08:02:49-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=348116 Last night i laid down for a nap at about 4:30.  Was asleep shortly after 5, alarm set for 6:30.  For whatever reason either the alarm never went off or i somehow never woke up because i didn't open my eyes until 9:30.  So then i realized i had better just go back to sleep then while i was groggy or i'd never sleep.  So i woke up at 4:30.  Now i have to go to work, yet feel lethargic at 5:30 in the morning.  This is my life, kids.  For real. 

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/348116 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_this_seems_real_to_me.mws hereinthelight 2005-02-24T03:02:20-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_this_seems_real_to_me.mws

hmm... sigh.  I am so tired.  Been up for 20 hours.  Don't work til noon tomorrow though, so that's happy. At any rate, sadly, the defending state champs lost tonight.  They are not out but will have to win Friday night and then settle for 3 or 4 seed. I said a long time ago, though, (on some forums for state B fans) that i felt they needed some close games and maybe even a loss to get a fire lit under them so they'd play like they really want it.  So we shall see.  Presumptuous tami decided to say she could baby-sit Friday night so now i will have to just hope i can get the game on the radio or hope the Baker's have the internet.  i assumed we wouldn't need to be playing Friday night.  oh well.  anyway, NWC did play phenomenally well, but we just played crappy.  It was sad. 

Hmmm... i am so tired my eyes hurt so i should probably sleep.  Have a good night and a pleasant tomorrow.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_this_seems_real_to_me.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/this_is_nuts.mws hereinthelight 2005-02-24T10:02:12-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/this_is_nuts.mws

so, last night i didn't get to bed til almost 1 because i had to take care of some stuff.  i woke up at 7:23 bc my voicemail sound was going off.  I knew right then that i should go back to sleep and listen to it later bc i could just feel the "i won't fall back asleep" feeling, but like a cool person i listened to the voicemail.  It was one of my supervisor's saying that there's no work today, so to not come in. That kinda stinks.  I mean, i know it would have been 3 hours and thus maybe 22 bucks after taxes, but i need every penny.  Blast.  So now i can't fall back asleep either.  For anyone who knows me even remotely well at all, they know that i can ALWAYS go back to sleep.  Even if i have already slept all day, if i don't feel like getting up and/or make myself, i will fall asleep again.  So this, my friends, wide awake at nearly 8 in the morning on about 6 hours of sleep, is simply nuts.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/this_is_nuts.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_its_a_phenomenon_that_cant_be_stopped.mws hereinthelight 2005-02-25T06:02:32-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_its_a_phenomenon_that_cant_be_stopped.mws

Well the bad news is that i didn't work yesterday or today.  The good news is that last night i went back to my traditional 10 hours of sleep, lol.  The other good news is that M-Th next week i work at ten, though Friday i return to the dreaded 6 am for a day.  But if Republic wins tonight i will get a 4 day pass to the State B tourney and go there everyday when i get off work just to watch some quality basketball.  And hopefully the Curlew girls do well tonight and they go too. 

Some semi-good news is i am scheduled for just over 20 hours next week.  I followed up on the Didier's job but i don't know where he's at with hiring bc i left a message and his wife didn't know.  If i could do 20 or so hours a week at my call center job and ten-twenty at Didier's my life would be good.  I really don't like the idea of two jobs, but what can ya do?  This month i don't look to have enough money to pay the bills.  I am going to tithe out of faith but it's scary.  Great life i live.

Um... i had something to say but i forgot.  Something more interesting than "i am working as much as i can but i have no money and here's my sleeping pattern as of late, and here's how much i love sports".  btw, Gonzaga whooped up last night, lol.  Later.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_its_a_phenomenon_that_cant_be_stopped.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_love_is_all_around_you_now_so_take_ahold.mws hereinthelight 2005-02-27T03:02:59-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_love_is_all_around_you_now_so_take_ahold.mws

Interesting morning.  I woke up congested and never heard my alarm go off.  I sleep with a fairly loud fan and with my alarm positioned at the foot of my bed so i have to get up to hit snooze (it helps!), so if for any reason my hearing is impaired then being awoken by my alarm is not a big chance.  I feel ok now, but my throat and glands are sore, and i feel really tired. 

Here's the weird part... somehow in my slumber i realized that it's Sunday and i needed to get up and go to church.  So i did.   Sort of... i dreamt that i like rushed out of bed and went... but it was dream mode where you skip over a lot of stuff... and then i was at church.  It was so vivid- i was in Bible study, talking to Amanda Panagos and Ray Moeckal was holding Wyatt, and Cindy M. was there too.  Only then did i realize that none of those four people would all be in the same Bible study.  Amanda's with youth, Ray i assume is in an adult study, Wyatt's in the nursery and I think Cindy helps out in there.  So sometime after that i actually woke up.  But for real- i thought i was there!

It's interesting because when my car got broken into the first time i actually heard something and woke up- i looked out my window but saw nothing and fell back asleep.  Then the next morning my window was broken, my CD's (all burned after i rip the real ones onto my computer- i am not stupid) were gone, along with some other random things.  Then it got broken into again, in a totally different neighborhood, and after that i had dreams that were SO real that it was being broken into, or that it had been stolen.  It's been pretty safe for like 10 months, and having an alarm and a garage seems to help.  I haven't had the dreams in a really long time.

The point is, i never have nightmares.  Not even as a child- i never woke up scared and crying.  But i do tend to have dreams that frighten me that depict what i don't like in reality.  Like when, in my dreams, my abusive biological father kidnapped my brother and me and we were in Kansas (of all places... i don't know why.. .maybe because to a fourth grader, like i was, it seemed really far away).  In real life just before that, i was at the store and the pay phone cost 25 cents but i only put in a dime.  I called my mom and i could hear her but even though i was yelling into the phone she couldn't hear me.  So in my dream my biological father had kidnapped Scott and me, and i somehow was able to get to a phone and i called my mom and she was saying "Tami, is that you?" and sounding upset, and i was screaming, "Mom, he took us!  We're in Kansas!".  Then Chuck, my bio father- but in no way my dad, walked up.  And then i woke up.

Lately i have been sick a lot, and really struggling to get and stay healthy.  I have had to miss two days of work in only two weeks, and as soon as i feel well and healthy (like my back- it's been better since the middle of last week) something else happens.  With this cold, i took some Airborne and hopefully it works, though i honestly already feel better than i did last night or this morning.  Anyway, i am worried that people from church will get all worked up because i have been gone so i think that's why in my dreams i was there.  Who knows.

At any rate, i don't have time to be sick.  I am meeting with my pastor tomorrow, Gonzaga plays tomorrow night, Tuesday i find out if i am invited to interview for Teach for America, state starts Wednesday (we play Desales at 7:30), i get to go to a dinner with Robert Bullough (author of Uncertain Lives, basically about the inequity in education and how horrible the conditions/quality of teaching are in the lower income schools- perfect stuff that not only is my passion but also perfect to talk about if i interview for Teach for America!!), then Thursday morning i am going to a breakfast with him, and plus Republic should be playing in state all four days, and doing this is all while working every day too.  So, bring it, i say!  Should be a fun week, in the least.

Ok, i am gonna go watch TV and try to ignore my throbbing head. 

oh, ps- Happy Birthday Mom!  Congrats on getting a new car for it, too ;)  You deserve it.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_love_is_all_around_you_now_so_take_ahold.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/heavy_but_real.mws hereinthelight 2005-02-28T02:02:19-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/heavy_but_real.mws

So i just wrote this on someone else's blog, in response to a lot of issues associated with suicide that she's dealing with.  Just thought i'd share it on here too, for anyone who sees it and needs to hear it.

when i was in the sixth grade the boy i had a huge crush on found his 17 year old brother after he'd stuck a shotgun in his mouth and pulled the trigger.  The next day at school i saw all the popular boys in my class crying.  It was the same in the high school (i am from a small town so it's just one big school).  It was a really hard time for our entire community, as Jeremy's dad (that was his name) is a well-known physicial throughout the whole county.

when i was a freshman in high school i contemplated suicide very frequently.  i would envision the entire event, how i'd get the keys my dad thought he'd hidden to his gun cabinet and take a rifle.  I contemplated which gun to use.  I knew i wouldn't use my mom's 270 since it was a family heirloom passed down to her.  i'd relish over thoughts of how hurt my whole high school would be, as well as my family that i found unbearable at the time. but then i'd think about how once i had been dead for awhile most people would forget about me and move on. and i'd try to imagine eternity and what would happen to me and all i saw was emptiness.  i'd cry and cry before i would decide that, at least for that day, i wouldn't do it.

by the middle of the next year i had finally conceded to a pestering friend to go to church with her, and at the end of my sophomore year of high school i received Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior.  I knew that He not only died for my sins, but that He loved me and my existence had a meaning and a purpose.  I came to find that the God that created the whole universe would speak to me, personally, through His word each time i read it (the Bible). 

Now when i think about the future and eternity i don't cry anymore.  I know that i will spend my eternity with Jesus Christ in Heaven, and that had i followed through with suicide before i received Him i would have spent eternity in hell separated from Him. 

Not only am i still alive, but i graduated the valedictorian of my class and went on to graduate with a 3.87 from a tough college.  I earned a degree to teach middle and high school social studies, and currently am looking into opportunities to go into low-income areas and teach the kids no one else wants to teach.  Not only did i overcome thoughts of suicide, but i grew up on welfare, was a social outcast because i was white trash, had parents who struggled with drugs for a large part of my life, and was sexually abused by 5 diffrerent men by the age of 10, one of which was my own biological father.  Jesus Christ delivered me from all of this and is now using me to reach other kids who don't have that hope. 

I say this not to preach.  It's my own story.  I share it as an offering of hope to anyone who is hurting and/or feels alone. 

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/heavy_but_real.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_despite_all_my_demanding_i_still_find_you_understanding.mws hereinthelight 2005-03-02T01:03:49-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_despite_all_my_demanding_i_still_find_you_understanding.mws

a little more than i deserve

so today was a good day on many levels.  I find the way God pursues me astounding, and it's beautiful the way He sets my perspective straight the minute i get over myself and my emotions.  I have been fairly stressed out because i am trying to work as much as i can, trying to get a second job, and i still don't have enough to pay the bills.  But i am clinging to the word of God which says, "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, so that there may be food in My house, and test Me now in this," says the LORD of hosts, "if I will not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you a blessing until it overflows." (Malachi 3:10).  I don't expect great riches financially, but i do trust the Lord to provide so that i can pay my bills as well as work in me spiritually if i am obedient to tithe.  Twenty bucks is a TON to me right now, but He's doing a few cool things already.

First, my hometown basketball team is in the state tourney.  They're actually the big favorites, and if they play their best there's seriously not a team in the state that can beat theam at their level, even for probably a few levels above them.  Anyway, there's a big chance that i will be back east or at least far away for the next few years, so this is really my last chance to meet up with ppl from my home town.  it's really important to me.  Cool blessing in that Friday night i sucked it up and baby-sat even though i missed one of their games (if they'd lost, that would have been the end of their season) and made only three dollars less than what i need to pay for a  full tourney pass for this upcoming week! 

Not only that but i work every day until at least 2 (well, noon on Friday) and as long as the guys win i won't have to miss any of their games bc they'll be later at night, 8-ish or nine-ish each night.  So that's sweet.

Other good news is that this week i have over 20 hours, and today i was able to work another extra 3 1/2 because someone couldn't come in and i let them know how willing i am to stay late.  My bosses are continually impressed and say i am really good- that's the work of the Lord earning me favor, no doubt!  But let me tell you that calling people for 8 hours... man.  I called over 250 people... aye-yaye-aye.  But it's a blessing, and for 8 bucks an hour i can't complain. 

the other good news... i got accepted to interview with Teach for America!  yay!  So i have my two sets of official transcripts already, i e-mailed all the info to someone who has already agreed to write me a letter of recommendation, and i actually requested to change the date of my interview.  I really want to take advantage of the opportunity to stay with Becky and experience a bit of her UW life, and the scheduled me during her spring break so i requested the next week after that.  Time shall tell ;)

Other than that i am going to keep trying to get extra hours, keep pestering Didier's to hire me (i have inside people working for me too, lol) and keep living on the bare minimum so i can not be late on bills and get terrible credit.  if i go back east i'll have to get a new car so i can't afford to ruin my credit.  but i trust God and won't stress.  Just live and enjoy life.  It's good to be alive and i love my life. 

random quote:

"so this is what the kids call a wedgie"  -some retired lady on The Amazing Race tonight, while all strapped into a harness for a zip line.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_despite_all_my_demanding_i_still_find_you_understanding.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_burn_baby_burn.mws hereinthelight 2005-03-07T01:03:08-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_burn_baby_burn.mws

so this is classic.  tonight i am making dinner (a boneless pork chop, rice-a-roni, and green beans) and i have the oven at about 425... i don't take chances with pork ;)  So i usually only open the oven door about 3/4 of the way to put food in... well, when putting the pan in i somehow hit the rack in the oven and my hand holding the pan hit the door.  Less than a second of contact and yet i could feel my skin sizzling and smell just a hint of toasted flesh, and it wasn't the pork chop.  i ran my hand under cold water for awhile but basically the bottom third of my ring and pinky fingers (from the first knuckle at the base of each finger up to the second knuckle) are incredibly red, and part of it on my ring finger is... i can't explain it, but soldered if you will.  Like when you sear meat before cooking it. 

i tend to have a pretty high pain tolerance, but this is bad.  blisters are already forming.  i have no insurance.  therefore i took a bunch of ibuprofen and am hoping the pain will eventually fade enough that i can sleep.  of all the stupid things... grrr.  and it's my right hand too, and i am right handed.  even typing hurts.  but the worst part is i can just sit here and feel the pain; i feel all sorts of stuff going on in my hand and it's crazy. 

just thought you'd all like to know.  if i get adventurous i'll put up a picture sometime but no promises.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_burn_baby_burn.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_at_long_last.mws hereinthelight 2005-03-10T10:03:02-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_at_long_last.mws

So it's been forever.  Sorry.  so here's the deal- i am starting to buy into Grayden's "white car" theory.  First, last week i was driving and going the speed limit- that's right, my car is capable of going 30 and not accelerating to a much higher speed- when the light turned yellow.  I was not yet in the "no zone" (i'll explain later) so i had to slow down, plus there was a car in front of me.  I was on Monroe headed south, and this was the light at Garland.  So i slowed down at a normal rate and yet nearly rear-ended (well, like 15 feet, away, but it's messy- you'll see) the car in front of me.  See, the old man seemed to think slamming to a dead stop with a FULL TWO EMPTY CAR LENGTHS in front of him was a good idea.  This meant i had to slam on my breaks and oh, there was burned rubber.  Grrr.  But you guessed- he was in a white car.  About a 2002 Camry to be exact.  Strike one.

So today i am driving.  First, a big (white, it's true) van decides to not use their turn signal and without warning slow WAY down all of a sudden in front of me and it wasn't too close of a call bc i pay attention, but it was obnoxious.  Then something else happened with a white car but now i forget.  Those combine for strike two.

The big one was that i was on Division (i know, i hate it too, but i had to get from Costco to my bank on Wellesley and you have to be going east on W. or you can't turn in, and Monroe is the devil in rush hour traffic, especially at the Francis intersection and Maple/Ash were too far out of my way... so Division won out.  It's rare but not impossible) and so anyway i am out in front of northtown, almost to my turn, in heavy traffic.  All of a sudden this idiot girl in an early 90's Dodge (bad taste right there, big hint) suddenly cuts me off and i had to slam on my brakes (praise God the person behind me didn't hit me).  There wasn't even room for her car, i don't know why i didn't hit her.  But oh did she get the horn.  Were it not for self-control she might have seen a finger (only one) but that's not cool, plus she knew she was a huge idiot and refused to look at me when she had to stop and i passed her once in the turn lane.  I was SO mad.  We were going over 30 (flow of traffic) at that point and there's a chance that her incredible stupidity could have cost me my health, my car, or even my life.  Grrr.  Big strike three. 

So it's official.  People with white cars can't drive.  Well, a lot of them.  My parents just got a new car and it's white but neither of them have had an accident or a ticket or anything for like 15 years, so they're cool.  but man.  pay attention people.

now, for the "no zone".  it's this little game i play when driving.  There's a certain point where i just simply refuse to stop if the light turns yellow and will speed up to make it through.  So when it's a "stale" green light and no one is in front of me once i hit that certain point i say "no zone!" and am so excited to not have to stop.  I really hate heavy traffic, or traffic at all.  Makes me take pretty seriously the thought of moving to a small town, no joke.  That's my story.  And my burn is getting really gross.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_at_long_last.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_if_only_i_could_find_the_words_to_say_how_much_youve_touched_my_life.mws hereinthelight 2005-03-16T01:03:57-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_if_only_i_could_find_the_words_to_say_how_much_youve_touched_my_life.mws

Well hello.  It's been awhile, i am SO busy.  A million things all happening at once.  Needless to say, i haven't been in any car accidents, and the nerves are healing (thus my hand has this constant weird itching/buzzing/burning sensation from that process of healing the damaged nerves) on my damaged hand.  And now it's just this odd red, smooth looking skin, all the dead stuff is gone.  Like you really care ;)

So much is going on, i don't know where to start.  For now I am really tired, but i needed to make a new CD for my car.  You see, i started listening to secular music last fall.  Little by little a song here and there turned into that's all i wanted to listen to.  Christian music did not satisfy.  It was a fairly overhaul from only Christian to suddenly only secular music save for maybe a song here and there.  But the fact is i am finding that secular music leaves one empty.  You can enjoy the beat or vocals (let alone lyrics) all you want but when all is said and done it does not meet you spiritually.  I am a person who LOVES music.  I like to listen to it all the time.  I am not one afraid of silence.  My roommate, for example, can't handle silence.  She has to have the TV or music or something on at all times.  I am not that way.  I simply do love music, however, and am grateful to be making a CD of songs i like for my car.  Some old stuff, to bring back some love and appreciation, for the most part.  I pretty much can never buy another CD again at this point, but the good news is i have like a million (or over 200) already so that's nice.  Just for posterity's sake, here's a songlist (oh, and the ones with the asterisks by them (*) are on my all-time faves list, the ** my favorite song)

1. Awakening - Pastor Jon Courson (the cool talking part on the first Seven Places CD)
2. *Everything - Seven Places
3. I'll See You - Pax 217
4. Crazy - Mercy Me
5. *Know You Better - Reality Check
6. Everyday - United Live (Hillsong's Youth/College worship teams)
7. High of '75 - Relient K (it was supposed to be Be My Escape... oops.  oh well.)
8. Light Up Ahead - Further Seems Forever
9. If We are the Body - Casting Crowns
10. The Way - Telecast (right from here in good 'ol Spokane)
11. *i celebrate the day - Relient K
12. Enough - Jeremy Camp
13. Better is One Day - Kutless
14. Change my Name - Cadet
15. What if His People Prayed - Casting Crowns
16. Stay - Jeremy Camp (the namesake of this very blog!! and 16 by accident but awesome!  anyone who knows me even a little knows that's my fave number, and i like numbers alot!)
17. *You're Everywhere - Third Day
18. My Glorious - Delirious
19. **I Will Find You - Seven Day Jesus
20. Everything - Sanctus Real

So there you have it.  And now this exhausted body is going to bed.  I can't believe i work this much and still have to find a third job, lol.  Bring it.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_if_only_i_could_find_the_words_to_say_how_much_youve_touched_my_life.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_to_my_joy_my_delight_and_my_strength.mws hereinthelight 2005-03-21T12:03:59-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_to_my_joy_my_delight_and_my_strength.mws

Ok, I'll try to keep this quick.  So so tired.  I picked up a friend from the airport last night and it was near 11 when we got back to her place and she asked if I wanted to come in for a bit since we were chatting and I should have said no, but I sure didn't and so we chatted (well, it was deeper than chatting) and I got to bed at 1:30 and up at 7 (ok, I hit the snooze until 7:40) and then showered (which included many deep thoughts- just ask Becky!) and had a quiet time, dressed, threw up my hair (that just sounds wrong but now I obviously have to leave it that way) and quickly made a microwaved quesadilla (say it like Napoleon's grandma!  hmm... I really need to watch that... it's been far too long...) and got in the car only to have the juice from the quesadilla (there was a bit of chicken in there, thus the juice mixed with the oil from the cheese) promptly decide to make friends with the front of my shirt.  So then I had to go back in and change my shirt which made me late to church, but such is life. 

Anyway, this week's agenda:

• turn in applications and such for a third job
• file all my mail that's sitting in piles around my room
• make a little business card with my subbing info
• go to Mead, Mt. Spokane, Mead Middle, and Northwood and give the sub secretaries my business card
• pray my computer doesn't run out of ink (it's been on empty forever but still prints great, lol)
• call and cancel Comcast, set up a cheap accelerated dial-up (that tells you all just how serious i am about spending money as a wise steward!)
• change my fish's water (it's been a *cough* really long time)
• work out
• do my different Bible studies (currently at three, lol)
• meet with my mentor
• e-mail the people i met in Asia... i am a jerk and it's been over a year.
• set up a meeting to switch to STCU from my current bank (but sit down and talk about my options and stuff)
• MAKE MY BED!  i washed my sheets like a month ago and have been sleeping without them forever.  i know, i know.
• buy a train ticket for my Teach for America interview
• read all the materials for my interview
• print the maps and such for my interview
• organize my monthly expenses spreadsheet, and update it
• listen to at least one Financial Peace CD
• spend time with Becky ;)
• watch the first 3 videos for Jesus the One and Only to get caught up to the class
• clean my car at Brendon's... we're gonna try to make this happen
• Meet with Wendy
• write a super long letter to Clinton, figure out a cool gift that fits in an envelope that's on paper (his b-day's the 24 of April, but the last prof taking stuff down to the team in Central America has a deadline of i think the 28th of this month)
• figure out some sort of package to send Sharon for her birthday (it's April 22 but it takes a while to send stuff to Mother Russia's outer country)
• did i mention Shiona will be in town?  lol... that too! 

Uh, that's all that i can think of off the top of my head.  All this on top of working, people wanting to meet with me, me wanting to meet with people, etc.  So for all of you giving me a hard time about not writing or calling or being on-line.  Now you know why.  That's probably leaving stuff out, too, sadly. 

Oh, and tomorrow is my brother's birthday.  It's actually his golden birthday bc he's turning 21 on the 21st.  And sadly he's spending it in jail.  Really sad life he lives. 

That's all for now.  I need to go to sleep so i can be up at 6 in case there's the opportunity to sub tomorrow.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_to_my_joy_my_delight_and_my_strength.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_its_so_wonderful_just_to_be_here_now.mws hereinthelight 2005-03-23T03:03:54-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_its_so_wonderful_just_to_be_here_now.mws

Crazy life.  Worked extra hours today so i was there til 6, then i dropped off an application to Pizza Pipeline (i know... third job hunt... gotta take whatever i can get) and came home only to finally (after getting this message a million times: All qualifying absences are currently filled. However, please review this web site periodically for new job listings.) get my first sub job!  So tomorrow i will be Mr. Allen in English at Mt Spokane High School for the afternoon.  I am excited but nervous!  So nervous, i can't lie.  I was really hoping my first time subbing would be at Mead Middle because that's what is familiar to me.  But that's ok.  I will be fine. 

I made business cards tonight too (and bought a train ticket, worked out some details with Becky, watched American Idol with Brendon, paid some bills on-line, read through almost all of my huge Teach for America packet, ranked the 23 cities as to preference, filled out the financial aid form, and talked to Sho on the phone for 2 hours, etc) and so i will make Shiona go with me to drop one off at Mead Middle with Nancy (the sub lady) on our way to Starbucks tomorrow :) 

What else?  That's all for now.  I need to file my taxes to get a measly $16 back.  This is what happens when you hardly work.  I usually get like $200 back!  So boo.  Oh well.  Um... i am too tired to think.  I need to go to bed.  But i'll probably let you know how subbing goes.  'night.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_its_so_wonderful_just_to_be_here_now.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_everything_breathing_praising_god.mws hereinthelight 2005-03-23T12:03:20-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_everything_breathing_praising_god.mws

Quickly... i am subbing today and leave in about 40 minutes (i don't start til eleven but i want to get there really early, like 45 minutes early), but this morning i already got signed up to sub tomorrow (a different English teacher at Mt. Spokane) all day and then to be a science teacher Friday morning at Mt. Spokane, and I am already working on getting something else Friday afternoon in the building, or at one of the other middle or high schools in the Mead school district.  Bring it!

update (less than 20 minutes later):  I'll be at Mead Middle Friday afternoon! Yay!  One of my favorite places on earth, i won't lie!

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_everything_breathing_praising_god.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_forever_never_will_life_be_the_same_again.mws hereinthelight 2005-03-24T05:03:14-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_forever_never_will_life_be_the_same_again.mws

The difference between freshmen and sophomores is very interesting.  Sophomores realize that they need to just get work done and not get your attention by talking the whole time, and that if they go unnoticed then they will be able to get away with a little side conversation.  Freshmen, on the other hand, talk the whole time and then pretend to work when they think you're looking.  They don't realize that their incessant chatter has already garnered your attention and that, like it or not, now your eye is on them.  And they think that you are not only stupid (aka not noticing that they aren't working) but that you are also deaf and blind.  This means you must not see that they are talking about things completely irrelevant to the story and must not hear, "She's staring at us" once they finally realize that you do, indeed, notice what they are doing.  Very interesting indeed.

Overall subbing has gone pretty well. It's hard to believe that today i made as much for sitting and reading Teach for America materials as I normally make during my whole shift at my other job.  In case you are wondering, when it's class time I walk around, answer questions, make sure people know that they are doing, make sure they understand the assignment by asking my own questions, etc.  But today is block day, which means that there are 3 ninety minute periods.  Yesterday was 1,3, and 5 periods; today was 2,4, and 6 periods (M, T, and F have the normal 6 period day).  My teacher's prep (the period each day where you don't teach and get time to prepare- or usually catch up grading and such, from my experience) is 2 period, and the school has access time block days from 8:15-8:50, plus PAWS (basically a 15 minute break) from 10:30-10:45 so from 8-10:45 I got paid to read the sports page and do Teach for America stuff.  Pretty cool, I know. 

Anyway, enough teacher talk.  I only seem to have made one enemy so all is well ;)  Have a great day, and most of you I'll see tonight!

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_forever_never_will_life_be_the_same_again.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=348131 hereinthelight 2005-03-28T01:03:57-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=348131 i am in Seattle.  i am too tired to say much else.  more to come... stay tuned...

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/348131 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_with_one_voice_answer_the_call.mws hereinthelight 2005-03-31T12:03:21-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_with_one_voice_answer_the_call.mws

So so so much to say.  Where to even start?  Um... Well the ride to Seatown with Becky was awesome... we talked the whole time and didn't even realize we didn't have any music on until Ellensburg, and even then we still talked the rest of the way.  Good times.  The great thing about Becky and I is that we both talk as much as we listen to one another.  So that's happy.

My interview went well.  I did happen to forget some really important documents... like, for example, the financial aid application and all pertaining documents (they help you with the costs incurred by moving across the country), my official transcripts, my letter of recommendation, my I9 form... just a few random things.  Uh, yeah.  Less than awesome. I never do stuff like that.  I am typically ridiculously organized.  Sad day. 

I guess that after thinking I had a lot to say now i am too tired to type anymore.  The End.

PS I am subbing at Mead High School on Friday... weird.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_with_one_voice_answer_the_call.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/quote_of_the_night.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-03T01:04:28-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/quote_of_the_night.mws

"...and you don't even know what's going on.  i mean, was that her dad? some freaky guy?  did she build a robot and forgot about it?"

haha.  That's a quote from... uh... something on Bravo, i think 100 Scariest Movie Moments.  What else to say?  Uh, a quote from me, "I totally feel like i have the munchies but i don't even smoke pot".  Yeah.  For real.  I keep just getting hungry like i haven't eaten all day, but i just ate something like 20 minutes ago.  or 2 hours.  whatever.  maybe someones blowing smoke through our dryer vent outside or something.  and, boo on this discovery, the crazy party holics from upstairs are gone, but now the new ppl that moved in have kids.  like 8-9 year olds... not so rock on awesome, i won't lie. 

anyway, i seem to be in dire need of a tuna sandwich suddenly.  lol.  btw, Rachel (the new roommate) is the world's worst channel surfer.  crazy.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/quote_of_the_night.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/new_quote.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-04T02:04:07-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/new_quote.mws

"yeah, i know, i'm a loser.  no rioting for this chick." - me

In reference to the riots at MSU due to Michigan State's loss. 

Um, and now we're watching something about a renegade kangaroo that refuses to stay out of water that's dangerous (machines and stuff that make a rooburger out of him).  I just got dumber.  anyway.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/new_quote.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_your_voice_has_shown_my_purpose_in_this_world.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-05T01:04:40-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_your_voice_has_shown_my_purpose_in_this_world.mws

Hmmm... interesting day.  first, my temporary job (it's Spring Break so no subbing, and my other call center job has some system down so no work until Friday) that said it would be a 30 hour week called and said they don't need me til Wednesday so that's now a maximum of 18 hours week.  *sigh*  Oh well. 

Next up... i ate like a total pig the last three days.  That has to stop... that's the problem with strongholds- you can't surrender and do well for like a week and then let your guard down.  It's a really bad idea.  The Lord has been gracious to remind me that His mercies are new each day and just because i blew it yesterday doesn't mean i have to blow it today too.  Even if i blew it five minutes ago i don't have to right now.  that's really good to remember because the simple guilt from messing up makes it so much easier to just keep messing up.  Anyway.

Ok, i am now ready to rant and rave a little about boys and girls.  Why must this area of life be so complex?  I got an e-mail from a beloved friend today who is on a trip for awhile.  This is a person who thinks that every girl he falls for even a little is "the one".  I am learning so much about trusting God to take care of those i love... i have absolute peace about God's work concerning my future spouse despite my mulititude of mistakes yet i struggle to trust Him to do the same for my friends and loved ones.  Anyway, this friend is someone i am already praying for A LOT because i see him struggling and on the verge of making unwise decisions about some stuff, like changing to a church more focused on ministry to the poor.  The only problem is that he's looking for a church that is more concerned with social work than actually pursuing the heart of God.  Anyway, he's met a girl on this trip that he's really struggling with... yet if i know him at all (and he's been like a little brother for over seven years now) he'll go to work as a camp counselor this summer and meet some new girl.  Unless, that is, this new "love" is there too.  I guess time will tell.  Anyway, it will require UTMOST discipline but i am not going to say anything unless God prompts me.  SO HARD!

Then my roommate called to say she got engaged tonight.  This too will reguire utmost control of tongue, but i am going to love and support her and get over myself.  This is hard.  But despite all the problems i can see with this relationship i am not God and even if i were right and this is a mistake, it's not my life.  There are other relationships where i am concerned about people and their choices, whether it's guarding their heart or leading others on or being selfish and just enjoying attention from the opposite sex.  It's interesting, but i am honestly grateful that i am just about the only person i know with absolutely zero action in the "love, like, and interest" department.  I know most will read this entry and assume i am a bitter old maid, but that's untrue.  All of that area of life just makes me tired.  It turns rational, wise people into rash, blubbering fools.  I am sure i'll be a reckless idiot when i fall in love.  But for now there is so much more to life and i am tired of missing out and watching people order their lives around catering to their needy and egocentric little hearts.

music always means a lot to me, and here are a few wise words from Howie Day, albeit in the context of a  love song:

even the best fall down sometimes

even the stars refuse to shine

out of the back you fall in time

even the best fall down sometimes

even the wrong words seem to rhyme

And that's that for now.  I suppose i had more to say but now i am worn out.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_your_voice_has_shown_my_purpose_in_this_world.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/new_theme.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-05T01:04:03-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/new_theme.mws All right, so what do ya think?  Let me know...

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/new_theme.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/because_theres_only_so_much_you_can_take.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-05T10:04:04-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/because_theres_only_so_much_you_can_take.mws

if i hear "he's so great" or "you'd love his dad" or anymore excuses for the small diamond ("it's perfect because if it were any bigger it would look really bad since i have such skinny fingers"... he got you a small ring.  quit trying to justify your tiny rock.  he was cheap and he's poor.  you picked the guy.)... but yeah, hearing any of these comments again anytime in the remotely near future will send me into a puking frenzy.  i can't remember any of my other engaged/married friends being this obnoxious.  then again, none of them had sucky fiances.  anyway, here's a quiz bc i have nothing better to do.

(  ) gotten lost in your city
(x) saw a shooting star
(x) been to any other countries besides the united states... Honduras, Japan, Hong Kong (i know, technically China), and mainland China too.  Oh, and duh,, Canada.
(x) had a serious surgery
(x) gone out in public in your pajamas
(  ) kissed a stranger
( ) hugged a stranger
(  ) been arrested
(x) laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose
( ) pushed all the buttons on an elevator
(  ) swore at your parents-oops! that one slipped!
(  ) been in love
( ) been close to love
(x) been to a casino... not to gamble, but i was there, i won't lie.
(  ) been skydiving
(  ) broken a bone
(  ) been high
(  ) skinny-dipped
(x) skipped school
(x) saw a therapist
(x) done the splits
(  ) played spin the bottle
(x) gotten stitches
(  ) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
( ) bitten someone
(  ) been to Niagara Falls
(x) gotten the chicken pox--twice.  it's true.
( ) crashed into a friend's car

(x) been to Japan... the airport in Tokyo (Tokyo-Narita)
(x) ridden in a taxi

(  ) been dumped
(x) shoplifted... when i was a young kid.  not something i am proud of
(  ) been fired
(  ) had a crush on someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
(  ) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
(  ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
(  ) been to Europe
(  ) slept with a co-worker
(  ) been married
(  ) gotten divorced
(  ) had children
(  ) seen someone die
(  ) had a close friend die
(  ) been to Africa
(x) driven over 400 miles in one day
(x) Been to Canada
(  ) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
(  ) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
(  ) Thrown up in a bar
(  ) Purposely set a part of myself on fire
(  ) Eaten Sushi
(  ) Been wakeboarding
(x) Met someone in person from the internet... a friend of mine is marrying a girl he met online, i knew her from  online and then i met her in person about a month ago.
(  ) lost a child
(x) gone to college
(x) graduated college
(  ) done hard drugs
(  ) tried killing yourself
(x) fired a gun
(x) purposely hurt yourself
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now... i miss Clinton, Rachael, Sharon, etc.  It's sad.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/because_theres_only_so_much_you_can_take.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_you_dont_know_how_long_i_have_waited.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-06T06:04:44-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_you_dont_know_how_long_i_have_waited.mws

Ok, so i was going to rant and rave about the frustration of trying to work and make money but the wind has left my sails.  I only know that when i am home all day i get SO bored.  There's only so much reading, cleaning, organizing, e-mailing, TV/movie watching, etc, that one can do before going batty.  Blech.  But the good news is that this morning i was told that my call center job may be totally over, but then i just talked to a supervisor who said that was a total mistake and that my job will start again Friday.  Praise Jesus.  I need that job to not go away because it allows me to sub. 

Anyway... the ever frustrating search for an evening job continues.  Yet another wasted afternoon driving out to the valley for what was advertised as a evenings/Saturday job only to find out if you aren't available every Sunday from 8-5 then you basically need not even fill out the application.  Grrr.  Who would have thought just a ten hour a week job in the evenings could be so difficult to find?  Grrr again.  I really really hope i get into Teach for America and can work a normal job doing what i love.  We shall but see.  i am trying really hard not to whine... it's a combination of being tired, frustrated, and just... well, not just physically tired but emotionally tired from spending hours and hours of calling places (can't drive bc i literally have no money for gas and it's so blasted expensive), filling out applications, searching online, calling my temp agency, explaining myself 12 times to 12 people, etc.  Ok.  enough. 

i am going to go... do... something.  who knows what.  try not to feel sorry for myself at the least ;)

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_you_dont_know_how_long_i_have_waited.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_so_old_in_my_shoes.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-08T11:04:01-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_so_old_in_my_shoes.mws

So i have this babysitting gig this weekend- 3pm-12am today, 8am-12am tomorrow, and like 1-5 Sunday.  The good  news is it pays well, so that's a huge blessing.  Anyway, they are really good kids, and unlike most kids that will try to get away with stuff, they are on their best behavior and don't try to pull a fast one on me.  That's always a blessing.  The parents are at a business conference, and bedtime is 8:30 so i have to entertain myself for 3 1/2 hours.  i don't want to watch a movie for awhile until they are out, so here i am.

uneventful life... i was hoping that lots of ppl would be online to occupy me for a few hours but alas, nada.  The nice thing is i did bring my Bible so i'll go do that for awhile.  happy weekend... and goodbye spring break to must public school kids in Washington.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_so_old_in_my_shoes.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_your_word_is_a_symphony_reaching_to_the_depths_of_me.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-09T01:04:57-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_your_word_is_a_symphony_reaching_to_the_depths_of_me.mws

So i just wrote this e-mail to a friend and decided to post part of it on here because it's an update on my life :)

***

I was reading about how seriously God takes commitment and now that i have committed to loving Him more than food and taking this seriously (a little repetitive, sorry) it is sin to not follow through on that commitment.  He never goes back on His word and we are to reflect His image in that way.

I wanted to share with you my memory verse for this week (from memory!) because it's such a blessing and a truth that we need to cling to, you and i, and everyone:

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose trust is the Lord, for he will be like a tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by a stream and will not fear when the heat comes; but its leaves will be green and it will not wither in a year of drought nor cease to yield fruit.

Jeremiah 17:7&8

Isn't that so true?  When we trust God and soak in the water of His word as a result He keeps us green and producing fruit when those around us who aren't trusting Him are withering and brown.  I long to be in that place where i desire the pure water of His word alone and not the substitutes and shortcuts (fertilizers, if you will) that this world offers.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_your_word_is_a_symphony_reaching_to_the_depths_of_me.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/all_right_enough.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-10T11:04:04-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/all_right_enough.mws ok people.  you are coming to my blog and reading it but not replying nor doing your own entries.  i was starved for contact with someone over age ten all weekend and suffered in silence in the horrors of 33 hours spent with three children whose ages only add up to 20.  i smoo on you all, and you know who you are.  i even wrote what God is doing in my life, a small part, and you all have nothing to say?  officially count yourselves smooed upon.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/all_right_enough.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_move_in_me_as_you_must_breathe_your_life_into_this_dust.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-11T05:04:53-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_move_in_me_as_you_must_breathe_your_life_into_this_dust.mws

So i was looking through some old files on my comp and came across some poetry that i wrote back in the day... like from before i got saved and then after... so i will share some with ya... i am not saying it's good or anything... it was like 8 years ago... and in one i wasn't even in high school yet- there's even grammatical errors and it takes EVERYTHING in me, but i won't correct them... but it gives insight into who and where i was at the time.  So here ya are...  i will just put some and their dates and stuff... in case you don't know, i was born in October of 1981, so you can use that if you are the type who wants to figure out how old i was for each one.  I am that type ;)
Darkness

locked into a closet
scared  quiet  alone
only bitterness lingers
          darkness
enveloping the mind
no one sees the change
no one recognizes the signs
into the deep pit of darkness
falling deeper, faster every second
        nothing to slow the fall
an internal exodus of the soul
    the only savior
       you can only save yourself
                               -August 26, 1996

Lightning

Lightning strikes
An angel dies
The devil laughs as
Black tears fall from our eyes

Thunder rolls
Peace is gone
The devil asks how we could miss
Something we've never known

Clouds reel in
The blood rain falls
We all tremble
As the devil calls

We pray to God--
Save our souls,
Repent our sins

Darkness falls
As the world ends
            -September 17, 1996

Life

A broken heart
A million pieces of a shattered perfect life
scattered apart

An abandoned dream

A silent frustrated scream

Pieces of a puzzle that 
  just
     won't fit
together
That's how life has always been forever.
                 -September 28, 1996

Wishes 

I wish upon a broken star
That i could cram all of my
Feelings into millions of invisible jars:

That a magic wand could erase
all of my scars;

That just once he could feel

Something for me;

That i could have a real

best friend;

That my family could try to love

each other;

That for a while i could just

escape from my brother;

That things could be better
than they always seem to be;

That somehow i could quit
being me.

           -October 13, 1996

ok this one is really long but it's the best one as far as understanding me at the time...

 

Self

I think i have it all figured out

But then i wake up from my dream

And my life's still upside down

Everytime i close my eyes

And let my thoughts run through my mind

Questions appear

With answers i'll never hear

No solace, no comfort, no gentle hand

To dry my falling tears

I never let anyone too close to me

Before i push them away, farther and farther,

Until we have nothing left to say
I never let anybody inside my mind

To see who i am,

Feel how it feels to be me,

To know what makes me laugh,

To understand why i cry

I set standards for myself so high

That i know i'll never be good enough

And maybe there'll be some explanation why

I'm so much of a nothing and no one's ever

 on my side

Too many people judge me,

Don't even try to understand

And think they know me and who i am

They laugh at how i look

Knowing i can hear

As though all that's there is beauty when they

Look at themselves in the mirror

They twist my words

Turn my truths into lies

Refuse to see my soul

Through the windows that are my eyes

If he ever needed me

I know i'd be there

Yet he refuses to accept i care

It's ironic how i want other people to like me

When at times i am not sure i like myself

On the outside i seem so happy

While inside there's so much

Unexplained pain

I wonder why instead of the sun

I'd rather that it rains

It's as though my soul knows too much

But it never relays its knowledge through to me

Like something’s closed my eyes

Refusing to let me see

Everyone thinks they can judge me

Cuz they're so sure they know who i am

I wish i knew myself as well as they did

i know i hope, that i hurt, i cry, i laugh,

I dream, i accept, i love, i don't hate, I can,

I know that i just am

I know i'm not perfect, not gorgeous or

 beautiful, and i'm not the best thing ever (not

even close) and i know that i make mistakes.

I know that i just am

That's as close as i can get to

Some kind of self-explanation

             -November 8, 1996

Who is me?

My head is screaming dreams
And try as I do

It still seems
Maybe they’re just a little out of reach
How can I emerge

From the make believe?
Lift this veil
From my eyes
So maybe I can see
Who I am
Because I’ve forgotten
Who I used to be
And of everything you see before you

None of it is me.
          -September 9, 1997

Ok and now the better side of things… see, my frosh year I was so suicidal that I would sit around and decide how I would do it and I knew that I could just go get into the gun cabinet and I would act out every step meticulously in my mind but then I would just sit there and cry because I knew that if I was dead ppl would feel bad for like a little while but that they would move on and forget me… I really just wanted to make everyone hurt the way that I was hurting, but knew that it would wear off and then I would be dead and my hurt would never get a chance to wear off.  And I would try to imagine what would happen to me once I was dead and all I was darkness.  But then in April or May of my sophomore year I got saved… and so here are a few poems from then and then a more recent one.

 

Create

Infatuation complications
Deep as a river
Tear through my soul
Bitterness drips
Corroding
Enlargening the whole

I don’t want this anger

I despise this selfish
Pain
Please come to me
My dear Lamb

Cleanse my heart
Make me whole

Make me Yours

Make me pure

Again.

     -May 28, 1998

Jesus

I come before You here now
I don’t know who I am

This selfish and bitter and envious girl

Is someone from another world

I look and ashamed to see

This is who I’ve turned out to be

The way I feel when I’m with You

It seems like a dream, too good to be true

I pinch myself and wait to see

If You’ve left yet and there’s only me

But every time You shine right through

Even if the world was dust I’d still have You

And when it’s just You and me, one on one

I see the potential for who I can become

Without relent You gave and gave and give
Thank You for my life
My beautiful Savior who lives.

                  -May 28, 1998

To be Reborn

Standing still

Unmoved by time

I hold my breath

See with closed eyes

To find myself

Untouched and not abused

You gave me life

I am renewed

Rebirth of spirit

With room for growth

You surround me by

What I need most

I am grateful for

This life of mine

That I will live

After the end of time

          -June 10, 1998

A Simple Cross

Committing selfish crimes

Sin finds grip on my life

But I retreat back in my mind

Slip back in time…

The tears of my heart overflow

At what my eyes behold

My Christ, so pure and sin free

Nailed to limbs from a tree.

Iron ripped through flesh

Blood stained thorns sit on

His forehead crest.

Jeering cries demand to see
The innocent crucified

The guilty set free.
A desperate mother’s tears
Cannot diminish the fears

Of so powerful a King

That by Him the blind could see,
By Him the guilty could be set free.
His body was drained of blood on the cross,
Yet not a drop was lost.
He chose to be His Father’s
Sacrificial Lamb

That one day at Heaven’s Gates

He may smile humbly and take my hand.

In the stillness

I pray for forgiveness
Enveloped in eternal love I forget to breathe

Through Him I am clean.

       -July 11, 1998

[no title]

Failure

That’s me again, with the gift in my hands

Stumbling, falling, sinning

I’m sure I broke it this time

I stand up

Don’t help me

Brush off, all appears ok
But my heart is not fine

Your love, so deep, I long to believe it

In my hands I hold it

But my heart cannot receive it.

Jesus meet me where I am

Teach me of all that You are

This cross I hold in my hands

Hide it inside my heart

And teach me.

            -July 7, 2002

So there you go… this is really long… there is such a change from age 14 to age 20 though, that’s for sure.  I guess if you made it all the way down here and really read it all I should say thank you.  I hope that they encourage you somehow, seeing the difference in me I mean. 

 

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_move_in_me_as_you_must_breathe_your_life_into_this_dust.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_back_to_you.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-12T11:04:48-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_back_to_you.mws

Whew.  I subbed at Mt Spokane again today.  Not too bad, but having my own class (someday, i hope) sure will be nice.  The hunt for a third job continues... how i long to just be able to pay my bills with no worries.  That's all I want.  I have been SO careful with money but it's still not enough... oh well.  What can one do but be diligent and look to the Lord?  Ok, hold on.  I have GOT to create a playlist of stuff I actually want to listen to instead of my whole library bc it's driving me crazy.

Yeah, so two hours later... this is the problem with having almost 13 gigs of music to sort through.  But i now have a lovely 600 song list with music i like rather than 6000 where i skip twelve songs for every one i want to listen to.  Anyway... i found out mr. John Mayer has my birthday.  Or i guess i have his since he was born first.  My birthday is tight.  I am actually excited to turn 24.  That just sounds like a good age... everything after that just sounds really old.  I want to enjoy my twenties though and not worry about getting old.  Meh. 

What to say?  I am tired and blech.  But good.  Thursday my letter for Teach for America will be sent... eek.  I wish i could just fast forward to like next Monday because the not knowing is boo.  I am really flexible either way but I just would really like to know so I can proceed with life either way, you know?  So yeah. 

So... i subbed today at Mt. Spokane.  Tomorrow i sub at Farwell Elem.  Grade 6.  We'll see how that goes.  I am baby-sitting Thursday which means that if my silly call center job ever gets their act together and we finally can start working again then i'll work 10am til midnight Thursday.  Ode to joy.  Anyway... i am e-mailing a good friend now so i am gonna focus on that (it's Esther for those of you who know her).

Hasta!

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_back_to_you.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_dont_you_forget_about_me.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-13T12:04:01-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_dont_you_forget_about_me.mws ok did anyone else watch American Idol?  Wow.  Amazing, all of them.  The sad thing is that, in my opinion, all the winners thus far haven't really been all that great once they win and get all commercialized in that suddenly their music has to fit a certain niche and it's boring.  But man, tonight was great- i just love to watch people who can sing and bring it!  And though the judges smooed her, i still love Carrie Underwood though Vonzell is just amazing.  And people- Constantine Maroulis, no matter how much the guys despise his theatrics, that guy can take any song and make it his own and you feel like you are hearing your favorite song for the first time.  Nice.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_dont_you_forget_about_me.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/pics_and_such.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-13T04:04:55-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/pics_and_such.mws

so if you go to my MSN space there are a bunch of pics, like from my trip to Asia a couple years back and then some randomosity and people i love and stuff. it's pretty tight.  go here:

http://spaces.msn.com/members/hereinthelight/

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/pics_and_such.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_and_ill_tell_of_this_love_that_saved_me.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-15T01:04:52-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_and_ill_tell_of_this_love_that_saved_me.mws

hmmm... this is such a good song.  It's called August 30th by Delirious.  Not much going on to speak of.  Today i slept until i woke up (hallelujah!) had oodles of time with the Lord, cleaned a little, ran the dishwasher and did laundry, chatted with Clint, caught up on a couple TV shows (24, Alias, something else i am forgetting) and then went and babysat.  Praise God, they got home at ten instead of the expected midnight.  Now i have just been checking the e-mail, the online banking, filing my mail, etc.  So darn productive these days.  Haven't found a third job but i am already babysitting both Monday and Tuesday nights next week and hopefully I'll know about Teach for America by then so i'll know whether to look for full time work or not.  We shall see.  I like subbing but i need cash ;)  The Lord has a plan though, so i'll continue to seek Him so i can walk in it.  Which reminds me- i learned SO much in  last night's sermon.  Wow. 

Anyway, i should go finish watching Spanglish and get some much needed sleep so i can get up early tomorrow and have a productive morning, and pray that my job finally will have work so i won't be so poor (the phone system has been down over two full weeks now.  blech.)

hasta!

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_and_ill_tell_of_this_love_that_saved_me.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=348150 hereinthelight 2005-04-15T05:04:42-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/?entry=348150 I am going to North Carolina for two years!!

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/348150 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_take_a_look_at_me_now.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-16T01:04:39-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_take_a_look_at_me_now.mws

So i just watched Finding Neverland- great movie!  But it made me cry in a way i haven't cried in a really long time.  You know the achy throat, almost like the muscles below your tongue are cramping?  Yeah, it was like that.  I don't know why- I figured it out way early but it still made me cry.

I'll give a little more detail on Teach for America, but I don't really know much- only that i am in Eastern North Carolina for two years teaching Social Studies.  The town and actual placement (either middle school or high school) aren't yet determined.  But i do know i have to be in NC by June 7, and then in Houston for summer institute from June 12 to July 16.  After that... i don't know.  But as i do know i'll fill ya'll in.   

I also have to study for an exam called the Praxis II, which is sort of like the... G... ah, what is that silly thing called you have to take to get into grad school?  It's on the tip of my tongue... blast.  Anyway, it's like the... MCAT for teachers.  Sort of.  No, actually it's more like the Bar Exam for teachers.  yeah, that's a better analogy.  Lawyers have to pass the Bar to practice law, teachers in some states have to pass the Praxis (WA state is adopting the West-B test this year) to teach.  It has a pedagogy (teaching schematics, basically) section and a content (for me, History) section.

Oh happy happy happy day.  The faithfulness of God astounds me.  Now i see why He wouldn't allow a third job to work out- i have so much to do in the next few weeks (plane tickets and figuring out how i'll get across the country and when and with who and etc etc etc) that there's no way i could work in the evenings and do that.  So good.

At any rate- much to do, even now!  Good night world.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_take_a_look_at_me_now.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/ok_the_band_name_is_just_cool.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-16T01:04:23-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/ok_the_band_name_is_just_cool.mws

<><><><>

Tami Lee Keyser's Aliases

Your movie star name: Ice Cream George

Your fashion designer name is Tami London

Your socialite name is Tumor Vegas

Your fly girl / guy name is T Key

Your detective name is Panda Republic

Your barfly name is Life Cereal Milk

Your soap opera name is Lee Tiffany

Your rock star name is Reese's Cheetah

Your star wars name is Tamgil Keysom

Your punk rock band name is The Swell Bucket

The">http://www.blogthings.com/meganames/">The Amazing Meganame Generator

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/ok_the_band_name_is_just_cool.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/ill_take_it.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-16T02:04:09-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/ill_take_it.mws

<>
<>

Your Inner European is Italian!

Passionate and colorful. You show the world what culture really is.

Who's">http://www.blogthings.com/whosyourinnereuropeanquiz/">Who's Your Inner European?

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/ill_take_it.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/i_am_not_even_bored_just_wasting_time.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-16T02:04:50-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/i_am_not_even_bored_just_wasting_time.mws

<>

Your Linguistic Profile:

65% General American English

15% Upper Midwestern

15% Yankee

5% Midwestern

0% Dixie

What">http://www.blogthings.com/amenglishdialecttest/">What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/i_am_not_even_bored_just_wasting_time.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/ok_this_is_hilarious.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-16T10:04:54-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/ok_this_is_hilarious.mws

So this is probably only really funny to people who know these boys, but check out this funny website:

http://www.members.tripod.com/eligibleboyers/index.htm

I went to college with all of them... Class of 2004, kids.  Gotta love Whitworth.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/ok_this_is_hilarious.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/united_states_hopscotch.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-17T04:04:56-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/united_states_hopscotch.mws

So as i look at my life and start to plan my move a little, it appears that my best option is to sell as much as i possibly can that isn't easily replaceable, including my car and furniture and the whole bit, and then to ship whatever i can't take with me on the plane.  This will be nuts.  Bring it on, i say, bring it on.  So i am thinking i should probably pray about asking someone from church to host a yard sale for me in about a month (Scott and Wendy don't know it, but they're my first choice).  Then i'll get out to NC and try to buy a car and hopefully live with another TfA person, preferably one with furniture and stuff. 

The anticipated (for now) departure date looks to be June 6.  I have to be in NC by the seventh, so leaving the 6 just makes sense.  So then... i am changing my little personal comments thing beneath my picture to how many days until i leave.  Just because it's cool to do that.  ;)

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/united_states_hopscotch.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_come_back_and_haunt_me_swallow_me_whole.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-19T01:04:59-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_come_back_and_haunt_me_swallow_me_whole.mws

la di da.  another day come and nearly gone.  so so so tired.    worked eleven hours with hardly anything to show for it.  i keep reminding myself that soon i'll be working doing what i love and that this time has it's purpose.  anything of consequence happen today?  um... i finally got to go back to my call center job.  I am subbing tomorrow and Thursday.  Tomorrow's awesome- i get paid eighty bucks basically to give kids tests for 5 hours.  nice life.  It's WASL week here in this great state... and i think this is the last year before students absolutely have to pass to get a certificate of mastery (aka graduate, basically). 

Info about NC is slowly trickling in.  I am a nut job and i am already reading local news for the Triangle and stuff.  And i found out not only will i basically be within an hour of Durham, Chapel Hill, and Raleigh (Duke, UNC (Tar Heels), and NC State, respectively) but i'll also be like 2 or so hours away from Wake Forest (Winston-Salem) and then like 2 hours away from Charlotte, so i am thinking about trying to get tickets to the Patriots game on September 18.  Awesome, huh?  And i am already planning to find the nearest baseball stadium so i can see the Red Sox.  Oh, and did i mention i'll only be a couple of hours away from the beach?  I know, good life.  Lol, good priorities, huh? 

I am also already figuring out if my cell will work there, getting an idea of how much a new car will cost (i may have as much as 4 thousand to put down on one, happy day), trying to figure out a bank, blah blah blah blah-blah.  And, of course, the really important stuff like if there's high speed internet connections ;)  I'll be like a half hour to an hour from a metropolitan area of 1.2 million so i should be fine.  Oh, and it's like crazy great medical country.  Tons of hospitals and such.  So that's happy.  But they have a state income tax... boo.  That reminds me- i have to figure out stuff like if i need to change residency to North Carolina etc etc etc.

This is weird.  i feel like i am talking about someone else's life.  it's fun.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_come_back_and_haunt_me_swallow_me_whole.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_who_am_i_to_break_this_heart.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-19T08:04:36-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_who_am_i_to_break_this_heart.mws

so it occurred to me that i may not come "home" from NC.  I may love it there and stay.  I don't know about the ability to stay in your position once your two years are done, which I'll most likely look into.  Plus, i was talking to Kathy (basically my mom away from mom) and trying to make crazy plans for next summer and beyond and figuring out when i'll make my first trip back to Spokangeles to visit and assuming I'd want to come for Christmas and maybe Spring Break and all those fun holidays that teachers get (yahoo, i say, yahoo) and she's like "you can't plan that far ahead- you might fall in love.  Who knows God's purpose for sending you there?  That could be part of it.".

ok.  pause.  EEK.  I mean... me, fall in love?  That sounds so foreign to me.  I have never been so happy to be single.  To be honest, i appreciate an attractive male specimen as much as anyone, and will always be honest if someone's hot, but beyond that... i don't have the words.  Not even the idea of marriage or love pulls at my heartstrings.  I know it should because I am pretty much the only one of my closest friends that's not in a relationship.  Everyone else is either married, they know they are headed towards marriage, or they haven't actually discussed marrige yet but they both know they are praying God's will is that the other person is "the one".  Even people two years younger than me (aka my roommate) are engaged and rushing towards marriage.  I should be secretly jealous and even mad at God for not bringing my "knight in shining armor" rushing in on his white horse... but let's be honest- the only man i ever want to see coming on a white horse is Jesus when He comes to set up His thousand year reign.  (sidenote: all the non-Christians - and even some Christians, i would guess- are like "what?  is she nuts?".  nah.  just read Revelation 19, verse 11 in particular.)

anyway... i am perfectly happy where i am.  i think because i haven't met that guy i can't live without.  I know a lot of really great guys, wonderful friends (and then some not such good friends.  grrr.) and awesome to have in my life.  Clinton's my brother, whom i adore (for all of you freaked out, he's not my biological brother.  we're just really close), Brendon's awesome, Aaron's solid, etc.  But I have yet to meet that guy that rocks my world, the one i can't imagine my life without.  The one who not only inpsires me spiritually but keeps me interested intellectually (only Clinton even comes close on the intellectual part).  The one that i see falling so in love with Jesus that my own relationship with Him is spurred on.  He won't be perfect, but he'll be wonderful and i know i haven't met him yet.  I don't want to unless it's God's timing, and I want to be in love with Jesus headed down a path with Him when that one guy comes along headed on the same path and God interrupts and entangles my life with his.  So that's that.

Of course, i'll know the true depths of Jesus' love if my guy is over six feet tall, doesn't have brown eyes, does have a British accent, has an amazing singing voice, and is a teacher (that's my latest desire, lol).  This is, of course, all in jest, but God is a big God and it doesn't hurt to ask!

Random good news:  if i read my material right, North Carolina has health insurance at not cost to the employee if you are a full-time wage earner.  Pretty cool, huh?    Oh, and i had the best spicy pork, a barbecue concoction, in China of all places and the lady was from... uh... some state close to NC.  So that's tight.   Also, i hear about twenty times a day how beautiful it is there and how lucky i am.  I mean, close to the beach, winters with minimal snow (glorious, i say!), college basketball heaven, green lushness all around, tall trees, the most phd's in the country (in the Triangle), hopping concert venues, on and on. I am one blessed girl.

i know, right?

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_who_am_i_to_break_this_heart.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_so_it_was_jeremy_in_1983.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-21T02:04:23-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_so_it_was_jeremy_in_1983.mws

So... let's see... good day.  I got in touch with a few of the ppl i am going to be in NC with for the next two years.  Good times.  It's awesome to talk to people who are headed on the same path as you, and i LOVE meeting new people so that's happy. 

Also on the happy list is that i talked to Brendo and he's gonna be the coolest guy ever:  he's gonna take my car in June, detail it, tune it up, get all the fluids changed and stuff, fix the broken tail light, touch up a few little paint places, etc, then put out the ads and stuff and get it sold for me by the time i need a car in the middle of July.  I am paying him, of course, but then i don't have to worry about anything- it'll just be done.  Then he'll send me the money and I'll be able to get a new car when i get done in Houston.  Tight, huh?

What else?  Wrote a really hard e-mail to a friend.  But I felt prompted by God to put some stuff on the line for them, and they needed to hear it.  I don't know how they'll respond, but they know i love them dearly.  I actually had to tell them that i love them more than i love my relationship with them and i have to risk rejection but put things straight.  Time will tell. 

So Into the West by Annie Lennox was just on my media player... i am reminded how much i hate the end of the Return of the King.  I don't want the series to be over.  I hate that Frodo leaves.  I hate that Sam goes back to a wonderful but forever changed and never the same life without Frodo. Dang it.  I hate that i love those movies/books so blasted much!

And with that i shall leave you.

EDIT:  Ok, sad day!  I just watched American Idol and i cannot believe Anwar was sent home.  Out of the bottom three he was the only one i was hoping would not be the one to lose.  GRRR.  Why is Scott Savol still there?  And Anthony seems nice and fun, but Anwar wasn't just fun to watch- we was awesome to listen to.  America is stupid, it's official.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_so_it_was_jeremy_in_1983.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/ok_ok_the_breakdown.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-22T03:04:45-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/ok_ok_the_breakdown.mws

You might have guessed this was coming, eventually... American Idol:

WHY IS SCOTT SAVOL STILL THERE?  Last week, when he sang She's Gone, i for like two seconds thought, "you know, that actually wasn't too bad" and then he popped off to Simon that he has more courage than the rest of America sitting at home and that he thought he rocked.  Ok, there's confidence bridled by humility (which pretty much all the rest of the contestants have) and then there's downright egotistical crap- namely, Scott Savol.  The guy can't take even one ounce of criticism without scowling, and remember how he totally ditched his group back in the beginning.  Grrr.  And i could care less that he's fat- put just about anyone else's personality in Scott Savol that's on the show right now and he could be one of the favorites. 

lol... moving on...

i liked Carrie from the first time she sang; i still remember that it was "i can't make you love me" (Which Constantine actually sang later) and she pretty much blew me away.  She's gotta work on her moves though... her smile and eyes save her (and of course her voice) because she just stands there and waves her hand around.  The one week she rocked out (the Benatar week) she got criticized so she went back to the lame "left arm at ninety degree angle... up into a fist at forty-five degrees... back down to waist..." etc etc etc. 

Vonzell... she continues to impress me.  Like when she sang "let's hear it for the boy"- Simon was totally right.  I actually wanted to pick up the phone and vote for her.  It was awesome and she gets major props.  The girl can sing, she does a good job moving around but keeping the focus on her vocals, and she uses her personality way more than sex appeal which i respect.  even if i don't mean to i usually find my toes tapping when she's singing.  So she's tight.

Bo... you know, the guys got some serious talent but he's just not "pop" 40 material.  I think the only reason Kelly Clarkson has had success compared to the other winners (you can argue all you want, but she's definitely the most well known and has had the most success) is because she's truly pop.  She appeals to both genders.  Bo has an incredible talent but could you imagine him doing the equivalent of "Since U Been Gone" or whatever that idiotic song is?  He has a gravelly rock voice, not just the rock look.

Which brings me to Constantine.  The edge he has over Bo (no matter how annoying his pouting can be) is that he's got the ability to be marketed in the pop market.  He's got the voice that adapts to rock then ballad then pop then a mix of the three.  He sang the "sacred" Bohemian Rhapsody and America didn't hate him... and he actually pulled it off in a way that made the song appeal to today's generation.  So I see him staying the course. 

That leaves Anthony.  Seems like a nice enough guy, but he has at the most two more weeks.  I even feel kinda bad because he seems like a great kid, really.  Has had to overcome a  lot, i know.  for his sake i hope that his last few weeks of being good are an upward trend that will continue and not just the upcycle on a roller coaster.  But he's a little like Carrie in the stiffness department, and he's like Clay Aiken in the showtunes voice.  He's got a good voice, but not necessarily a pop star's voice. 

So my theory on Anwar getting voted off this week is he didn't have a chance to get a "scare" that woke his fans up.  I think also that he did really well this week- arguably his best week- and as a result his fans were even more apathetic.  Scott and Anthony have been consistently down there and their fans know it so they are voting.  Anwar just got a bad cut... personally, i am sad because while i knew he only had maybe three more weeks, i really liked him. 

At last, my prediction is Constantine and Carrie in the finals.  America's voting could shock me (remember how long John Stevens stayed around last season?  eek.) but they seem to not only get better and better every week but they have the most pop appeal.  Vonzell should be in that mix but for whatever reason she is missing a bit of that "it" factor. 

One last thing... i don't always agree with the man, but i have to admit that Simon tends to be right.  Not always, and he's too much of a jerk sometimes (and he's always wearing the same shirt in either baby blue or black) but for the most part he tells it like it is.  I respect that.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/ok_ok_the_breakdown.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_you_have_yet_to_see_me_shining.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-23T02:04:31-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_you_have_yet_to_see_me_shining.mws

So last night i am watching the OC (i know, it's cheesy... and yet i like it.  silly me) and for whatever reason i decide to feel the back of my head.  I find this terrible knot in my hair.  So i am like trying to work it out, pulling out a few hairs at a time.  Painful, i won't lie.  And then i come to the incredibly sad conclusion that i have to cut... it... off.

 

I trek out to the living room, take a pair of scissors, and cut a big 'ol chunk out of my hair.  Upon closer inspection it's like a dreadlock, basically.  Now the truth is that i have curly hair and I rarely brush it.  Yet it's really silky (that's what my hairdresser says) and so I never really get knots.  I can not brush my hair for two months (it's never that long, but sometimes a couple weeks) and then style it in a way that requires brushing, like a "neat" ponytail (the kind where i make it all smooth, as opposed to a "messy" ponytail where i only use my fingers) and i can run the brush through with no issues. 

The point is, this dreadlock thing was wack.  i mean, i have no idea how it happened.  My theory was that, horror of all horrors, maybe i had somehow not washed out some product all the way.  But inspection showed the hair to just be... hair.  No product.  So... yeah. 

The good news is that I now know that if the desire for dreads ever overtakes me, i have capable hair.  Other good news is that when inspecting i discovered that the hair smelled really good (it made my hands smell good), ergo my hair smells good and that's always happy.  The bad news, of course, is that i am missing a chunk of hair, but today i kept trying to find the short hair and i couldn't so i suppose it is all rather uneventful.

Another random note is that it's really hot in my apartment.  It's lame.  Makes me really glad I won't be living here this summer, or ever again actually.  And it makes me really hope that i have AC both in Houston and in North Carolina.    

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_you_have_yet_to_see_me_shining.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/swiped_but_some_qs_i_added.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-23T03:04:28-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/swiped_but_some_qs_i_added.mws

1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says: they made war with Bera king of Sodom, and with  

2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?: a lamp on my desk 

3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?: uh... SNL maybe? 

4: WITHOUT LOOKING, 11:24

 5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?:11:31

6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? only music, which technically is coming from my computer... i guess sort of the hum of far away traffic outside because the window to the "deck" is open (those who have been to my apartment know what a joke the "deck" is.) 

7: When did you last step outside? what were you doing?: uh... yesterday afternoon when i got home.  i was subbing at Mt. Spokane high school

8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at?: wow... um... i think Relient K's website was the last place i was.  good question.

9: What are you wearing?: the Whitworth sweatshirt i have slept in every night for the last 5 years and my gray pj bottoms

10: Did you dream last night? yeah.  i can't remember now what it was about though.  i forget about 99.9% of my dreams within about 30 seconds of being awake. 

11: When did you last laugh? when i was listening to a song by Jimmy Fallon in which he proves that just about any 80's song can be sung to the tune from Hammertime 

12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?: white paint.

 13: Seen anything weird lately?: yeah... i mean, probably.  it's likely.  the dread from my hair was weird.

14: What do you think of this quiz?: not bad... different questions than most.

15: What is the last film you saw?: um... at home, Finding Neverland, in the theatre, Guess Who

16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?: well first i'd tithe, then i'd pay off all debt, and then... probably a car, or some clothes.  or plane tickets and stuff to go to NC.  i dunno.

17: Tell me something about you that I don't know: um... there's a bug bite on my leg but i have never seen even one spider in my apartment, no mosquitoes, and i haven't not worn long pants in a really long time. 

18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?:umm... good question.  i don't think i'd change anything.  God's in control, and He knows what He's doing so i'd just leave it alone.

19: Do you like to dance?: when i am home alone, yeah 

20: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?: i don't know... maybe Kalee.

21: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?: Elijah  

22:  How many kids do you want, if you want any?:   umm... i guess five.  i want more than three, but i want an odd number.  and hopefully i'll have a boy first.  i don't know why, i have just always wanted that. 

23: Would you ever consider living abroad?: sure would.  especially if i really do marry a British guy ;)

24: What song is on right now (or the last thing you listened to):  A Little More by Skillet

25:  Do you have a favorite sports team?:  you know it!  college bball:  Gonzaga, though i suppose my loyalties will be challenged living so close to UNC and Duke.  NBA: Sonics  MLB: Mariners and Red Sox  NFL:  Seahawks and Patriots... and no, i don't just like front-runners.  I happen to like the Sox and the Patriots because they are from Boston (well, essentially the Pats are) and i like Boston.  But not the Celtics.

26:  MSN-IM or AIM?  msn by far!  it's so much better... i won't even go into why.  it's just far superior.

27:  You meet a person of the opposite gender; what's the first thing you notice?:  It's a toss up between heighth and eyes... and quickly then it's their love for the Lord, character, and personality

28:  If you could go anywere in the world, where would you go?:  London. 

29:  Where's the last place you went on a trip to?:  Seattle for my Teach for America interview

30:  Do you have a future trip already planned?:  yeah... to North Carolina for a week, then to Houston for five weeks, then back to North Carolina for at least the next two years.

31:  What states have you been to?:  Driven all over Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Montana, Utah, Cali, Nevada, Arizona (just barely... through like the corner), New Mexico, Colorado, Wyoming, Georgia, Alabama, Florida... and Illinois and Texas if you count the airports in Chitown (Chicago) and Houston.

32:  Provinces in Canada you have been to?:  Um, i think only British Columbia

33:  Countries you have been to?:  Other than the US and Canada... Honduras, Japan (just the Tokyo-Narita airport, i won't lie), and China (both all around Hong Kong, and then some of the mainland).  Sadly, that's all.  I hope to go to more places, like Europe and Africa and India and Japan and all over in my lifetime. 

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/swiped_but_some_qs_i_added.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/take_that.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-23T07:04:00-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/take_that.mws

You Are 31 Years Old

31 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/take_that.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_you_have_restored_me.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-24T01:04:53-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_you_have_restored_me.mws

So... tonight i talk to my mom on the phone.  She tells me that my aunt and uncle, Rose and Jeff, have a phone number to give me once i get to North Carolina.  The number is for an uncle of my uncle, Jeff.  Now, weird of all weird, my uncle Jeff is somewhere around 40, but his uncle is 30.  Who knows.  Anyway so my mom tells me that he is a Baptist minister and i assume she's just giving me the number of someone out there that's family. 

Then... i don't know... i am just a smart girl... and i ask my mom if the man is single... and wouldn't you know, of course he is.  Basically my mom and my aunt are trying to hook me up with the guy.  He's a Baptist minister, i'm a serious Christian, i'm single, he's related to my uncle Jeff... *before you get all grossed out, Rose is my mom's younger sister, Jeff is her husband... so the guy is like my uncle by marriage's uncle... i don't even know... but yeah, not really related to me* so yeah. 

Ok, how weird is that?  My mom and aunt trying to plan my love life?  I mean, seriously, i am NOT READY FOR MARRIAGE!  I am moving across the country, for goodness sake.  I am WAY too young to get married.  I am not ready to cook dinner every night and schedule my life around someone else.  Someday, yeah.  But today, no.  When the time comes, so be it, but for now i am very happily single.  So yeah. 

Also, the chances of me actually calling the guy once i get there... uh... HECK NO.  If my mom gives him my number and he calls me, so be it... but i ain't calling him.  Plus, he's gonna be like 3 hours away so yah.  Honestly... this is just too weird for me to even think about.  Aye yai aye. 

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_you_have_restored_me.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_and_theres_nothing_else_i_need_anymore.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-25T12:04:10-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_and_theres_nothing_else_i_need_anymore.mws

Ok, so my favorite commercial is that new one where the guy and girl are snuggling up on a bench at the mall and the sign for some McD's new sandwich catches his eye, and he's gawking at it, and the old lady drops something and is picking it up so the girlfriend thinks he's checking out the old lady's rear.  It makes me laugh out loud EVERY time.  actually, i have a question for everyone- do you think those are his real eyes?  Because they're gorgeous.  Does anyone really look like that?  They could be contacts. 

My eyes, in case you wondered, are still boring.  Boring, boring, boring. 

What else?  I always think i have something good to say and then i sit down here and *whoosh* it's gone.  Uh... yeah, i got nothing.  So i guess that's all i have to say for now.  Other than...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLINTON!!!  Welcome to the twenties!!!

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_and_theres_nothing_else_i_need_anymore.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_searching_for_the_things_ill_never_know.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-26T01:04:55-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/_searching_for_the_things_ill_never_know.mws

*some names have been changed to protect certain individual's privacy*

When I was in the second grade the teacher said the word "valedictorian", before unbeknownst to my fledgling vocabulary.  Mrs. Carlson (well, I can't lie... I think that was her name) explained that this was the person or people that had the best grades when they graduated from high school.  Mrs. Carlson caught my eye as she said this, as though she was saying it to me.  She always pressed me on to do my best irregardless of status quo for one in my situation; she saw the raw potential and pushed to get me in the gifted program even when the comfortably middle-class balked at having me in the same programs as their mediocre academically yet well-dressed children.  So, that fateful day, Mrs. Carlson made sure the word synonymous with "best" was fire-branded into my conscience.  I, never one to be timid, boldly declared that I would one day be valedictorian.  Most people in my class laughed at me.  It hurt my pride, but deep down I didn't really blame them.

I was white trash, and literally lived on the wrong side of the tracks.  In Quincy there is a set of railroad tracks that run through the back side of town, passing by all the major food processing plants, and the aluminum plant.  Once there was a huge derailment when some drunk guys decided to play chicken with the train.  The guys weren't chicken, but their remains hardly identified them as human either.  One shoe was found 20 yards from the crumpled remnant of what had once been a car.  Just past the site of the wreck was the trailer park where I lived some of my existence... yes, the same trailer park in which the El Salvadorians ate my dog, for those who are wondering.

Even when my family did manage to get to the "right" side of town we still never lived among the other white people.  I lived on J Street in a small chain of houses owned by one Fred Lischka.  He was known for renting cruddy houses dirt cheap to the Spanish speaking only population and upheld his stellar reputation by tending to do little upkeep.  So our house wasn't... awesome.  It wasn't bad, but it wasn't awesome either.  There were some other white families on our block, but most of my neighbors were Hispanic.  All of my best friends at school were Hispanic.  my best friend, Adam, was Hispanic... when I was a freshman in high school, no longer in Quincy, he was arrested for shooting an elderly couple in their sleep.  The song, "Freshman", by the Verve Pipe, will always hold an entirely different meaning for me...

When I was young I knew everything
[just] a punk who rarely ever took advice
Now I'm guilt stricken,
Sobbing with my head on the floor...

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen

That house on J Street, in the midst of Spanish-speaking only families, whom my dad was extremely prejudiced against, has most of my childhood memories that I can actually remember.  They say victims of abuse block out their childhood, and maybe such is the case with me.  In any event, my childhood memories are few and far between.  But I remember random bits and pieces... like when my best friend's brother threw a ball and broke my bedroom window, or me crawling up my favorite apricot tree in the summer where no one could see me and singing.  I remember dancing around the front yard with my best friend and telling her I should be on Star Search... and, sadly, my attempts at Whitney Houston's I Will Always Love You.  I can envision myself setting up my barbies so I could play with them... and then by the time they were all set up I was bored and ready to do something else, or it was dinner time, so I had to put them all away. 

 

There was the two year period where my best friend (a month, a week, and a day younger than I), her younger brother (two months older than my only sibling, a brother), and her dad came over every day around three thirty.  And I mean EVERY day.  Her dad would get off work at 3, and either come straight to our house and Melinda and Drake would just walk home with Scott and I, or they'd go home and their dad would pick them up and come to our house.  This was the third grade, aka the year when, one day, Rick came home to find that his wife had taken the kids, sold anything she could while he was at work, and left.  No note, nothing.  The hiring of a private investigator found them in Nebraska a few months later.  It's fuzzy what happened to her, but I know the kids came home and basically the family set up daily residence at our house.  Mostly the four of us kids were told to "go outside and play" while Rick and my parents (aka mom and step dad, my only real father since I was five) got high.  Yeah, they smoked pot.  Pretty much the least of my parents' drug problems at that point in my life.

 

It was sometime after Melinda and Drake came home that I had the nightmare.  One day I put ten cents into a 25 cent pay phone and called my mom.  I could hear her saying, "hello?" and I was screaming into the phone but she only said, "is anyone there?  Hello?" and hung up.  I rushed home to tell her what had happened, and we went about our... well, not really merry... little lives.  Then I had a dream in which Chuck, my abusive biological father, kidnapped my brother and me because I told my mom about the abuse.  In the dream I was at a payphone in Kansas screaming to my mother "we're in Kansas!  We're in Kansas!", while she just sobbed and said, "Tami, is that you?  Tami???".  Chuck then walked up... and I woke up.  I never had nightmares when I was a kid, even though I remember watching Freddie Krueger at 5 years old.  Real life was enough.

 

Eventually we got out of Quincy and moved to Republic.  And 7 years later, junior high and high school left aside for telling at another time, I stood on a stage representing my classmates.  I gave the valedictorian speech that no white trash, welfare raised, daughter of drug addicts, over comer of extensive sexual abuse from multiple men, and , for a time, extremely suicidal, girl is ever supposed to give.  I read a piece of writing that academically one with my background should never be able to compose.  I did what no public school student is ever supposed to do and spoke of my Jesus and His amazing grace to save a wretch like me, and publicly admitted that my prayer would be to see all of the faces both on that stage and scattered throughout that gymnasium one day in heaven. 

Four years later (ok, let's be honest... four and a half... no one's perfect ) I walked across a stage in an arena in front of thousands to receive a degree from a tough private college a hair's breadth away from a 3.9.  Nearly 70,000 dollars of that education was paid for with grants and scholarships (though I still have loans to prove nothing is free!)

Today I look at the future ahead of me, the privilege of teaching those who have no concept of the word "valedictorian", even as middle or high school students.  The ones no one else wants to teach, the ones that are snickered at when they declare their aspiration to rise above their caste (yes, even in America we operate this way) and do whatever is set before them to do.  They may not all be the ones that correct their dad's and teacher's spelling in the second grade, like I was, but they don't have to be.  Success is 20% ability, 80% hard work, and 150% belief.  My heart is to influence beyond the classroom, sharing the simple truth that true abundant life is found in Christ alone and that supersedes any grades or degrees or level of success.  But that doesn't mean it's acceptable to sit back and succumb to poverty and oppression.  Christ came to set the captives free, and my own testimony is that once the spiritual chains were broken upon receiving Him as my Lord and Savior the other chains snapped one by one in rapid succession. 

 

I desire to be a Mrs. Carlson.  My students may not remember my name, and I may only be the teacher with the odd accent (from Pac Northwest to North Carolina... ludicrous that my accent will be the odd one, eh?), but may they always recognize that their life was never the same after they set foot into my classroom.  Valedictorian is just the beginning.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/_searching_for_the_things_ill_never_know.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/ok_i_am_getting_dumber.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-28T01:04:07-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/ok_i_am_getting_dumber.mws

America, you are idiots.  That's just the truth.  How in the world was Scott Savol in the top 3?  I mean, come on.  He sounded terrible last night.  He's had a good night here and there... but honestly, can you really see him getting a record deal and becoming a pop icon?  And, of course, worse than that, Constantine was voted off.  I personally don't find the guy all that attractive physically, and that wasn't what made me like him.  What i liked was that he has the "it" factor- that illusive piece of charisma that pushes him towards stardom.  I have never even voted for him... but come on. 

With that, Vonzell has a MUCH more incredible voice than Scott or Anthony, and even better than Bo.  I just do not understand who votes for Scott Savol.  My only guess is that his fans heard Simon tell him to pack his bags, they knew his song was terrible, and so they gave up two hours of their lives to their phones.  But who are his fans anyway?  People obviously who are tune deaf because he sounded terrible last night, and even he knew it.  Plus, he has a terrible attitude and by no means should have even made it this far.  I am just dumber after this.  And disgusted.  Definitely that.

For real- who votes for him?  Reveal yourselves.

 

I am so much dumber that now i have to share this new favorite quote of mine. 

 

I'm crazy egg beater head, an' i have an egg beater on my head.  Now gimme some cand-ayyy!!

-Adam Sandler (from an old SNL skit, while trick or treating)

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/ok_i_am_getting_dumber.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/poll.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-28T08:04:44-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/poll.mws

Ok, truth be told time: 

If American Idol were on the radio and not TV (aka we couldn't see them and only could go by their voices) who do you think would win?

Reply with your answer, spread this quiz around, and i'll post the results when it seems fit to do so.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/poll.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/i_cant_lie_some_of_those_words_were_far_too_obscure_for_me.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-30T12:04:05-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/i_cant_lie_some_of_those_words_were_far_too_obscure_for_me.mws

Your English Skills:

Grammar: 100%

Punctuation: 100%

Spelling: 100%

Vocabulary: 60%

Does Your English Cut the Mustard?

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/hereinthelight/i_cant_lie_some_of_those_words_were_far_too_obscure_for_me.mws http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/and_you_know_when_the_boredom_hits.mws hereinthelight 2005-04-30T01:04:10-05:00 http://hereinthelight.mindsay.com/and_you_know_when_the_boredom_hits.mws

American Cities That Best Fit You:

70% Atlanta

70% Honolulu

65% Austin

60% Denver

60% Portland

http://www.blogthings.com/americancitiesbestfitquiz/">Which American Cities Best Fit You?

Your #1 Match: ENTJ

The Executive You are a natural leader - with confidence and strength that inspires others. Driven to succeed, you are always looking for ways to gain, power, knowledge, and expertise. Sometimes you aren't the most considerate person, especially to those who are a bit slow. You are not easily intimidated - and you have a commanding, awe-inspiring presence. You would make a great CEO, entrepreneur, or consultant.

Your #2 Match: ENTP

The Visionary You are charming, outgoing, friendly. You make a good first impression. You possess good negotiating skills and can convince anyone of anything. Happy to be the center of attention, you love to tell stories and show off. You're very clever, but not disciplined enough to do well in structured environments. You would make a great entrpreneur, marketing executive, or actor.

Your #3 Match: ENFJ

The Giver You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed. Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections. Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down. You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine. You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist.

Your #4 Match: ENFP

The Inspirer You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends. You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules. Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives. You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller! You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

Your #5 Match: ESTJ

The Guardian You're a natural leader and quick, logical decision maker. Goals are important in your life, and you take many steps to acheive them. You enjoy interacting with others, mostly through work related activities. Your high energy level means you are great at getting things done! You would make a great teacher, judge, or police detective.

http://www.blogthings.com/mbtiquiz/">What's Your Personality Type?

You Are Very Honest

You tell it like it is, no matter what. Even if the truth hurts, you'll dish it out. And while some may get hurt by your honesty... At least everyone knows where you stand!

http://www.blogthings.com/howhonestareyouquiz/">How Honest Are You?

Your Linguistic Profile:

70% General American English

20% Upper Midwestern

5% Midwestern

5% Yankee

0% Dixie

http://www.blogthings.com/amenglishdialecttest/">What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Your Japanese Name Is...